<p>I have a scholarship interview this weekend at Mercer University in Macon, GA, and I'm considering not going. I think the only reason I ever applied to Mercer in the first place is because people in Georgia think it's impressive. I don't know if people out-of-state have even heard of it. If I were to attend, I was planning on majoring in English on their creative writing track, but I'm suddenly not very sure that I want to major in English. I'm afraid that Mercer, with its 60 or so majors and minors, won't give my ambivalence any wiggle room.</p>
<p>The other college I'm considering is Georgia Southern, where I have already been accepted into the honors program, will have free tuition with the Zell Miller scholarship, and free housing for freshman year. (Mercer, on the other hand, is not even a possibility unless I get an extremely generous scholarship this weekend.) If I go to GSU, I think I might major in writing and linguistics, but choose the more writing-geared classes within the major (I've already checked major requirements, and I could arrange my schedule so that my education would have more emphasis on writing). Since their liberal arts college requires a minor, I was seriously considering minoring in religious studies, but I am also interested in film studies, psychology, English, and theater. The W & L major includes an advanced screenwriting class, but only theater has a play writing class, and I really want to take one. Mercer, on the other hand, offers advanced play writing in their English/ creative writing major. The problem with Mercer, though, is that they do not offer film studies or religious studies, and like I said, I can't decide if I really want to major in English. I'm just not sure if I will enjoy all the classes on British literature up to 1640 and that sort of thing. I don't want to be bogged down in Beowulf and Sir Gawain and the Odyssey when I don't enjoy those sorts of things. I enjoy analyzing literature, but I much prefer titles from the 20th century. I like Shakespeare and Greek theater, but most older literature bores me. </p>
<p>I'm afraid that what this all boils down to is that I really just don't want to go to Mercer next weekend. That might be partially because I don't want to have to travel, get up early, go through the horribly sweaty process of interviewing (I get quite nervous), but it also may be that I don't think I would fit in that well at Mercer. I don't want to be stuck with a bunch of rich, conservative kids. I'm middle class and liberal. I just feel like I might fit in better at GSU. But if Mercer really is as academically challenging as people say, then I probably shouldn't give up my opportunity to go there. </p>
<p>I'm really freaking out about this. I want to be a writer, but I'm worried that even though my whole life has been centered around writing and even though I've won numerous English and writing awards, that I'm not good enough. Maybe that's what this is all about. I really don't know.</p>