Staying loyal to your HS gf/bf in college?

Student Lounge College Life
21

<p>Yes, long distance relationships are hard.
No, they're not impossible; they can work out.</p>

<p>However, whether or not it's possible or too hard really is not the question. What you should be asking yourself is "Is it wise to stay in this relationship?" I was in a relationship for three years.. and for two of those three we lived 1,000 miles apart. It was hard, but it was okay. We said we were gonna get married too. However, after the fact, I've realized how much I missed out on by sitting around missing him. When I was with him, I didn't mind not going out very much and just staying at home talking on the phone, but now, I really wished we wouldn't have stayed together, and that I would've gone out with friends more. (btw, the reason we broke up had nothing to do with the distance.)</p>

<p>You will meet tons of people in college, and it's really a time to be yourself, be indepedent, try new things. You could certainly still do all of that with a bf/gf, but most likely, you won't. Not as much, anyway.</p>

<p>I'm preaching to myself here, too, btw. My boyfriend of the past year broke up with me since I'm going away to college this year. I wanted more than anything to stay with him, and I had no plan of not going out with friends and such even though we'd be together... However, in my mind, even though I have a hard time convincing myself, I know being single, is the best and wisest thing for me to do right now.</p>

<p>And, if it's meant to be, you'll end up together one way or the other. (I know that's not something you wanna hear.. if you wanna end up with someone, you don't wanna be apart at all.) I've heard close to a dozen people lately tell me that they or someone they knew were apart for a couple years before they got back together and got married. And those seem to be some of the strongest relationships too.</p>

<p>In general, I would say if you want to stay together, it's perfectly possible as long as you truly love each other and are completely honest. Completely.</p>

<p>However, in your particular case, since you said you had looked forward to clubbing, partying, etc., I think you should probably end it. If you still want to do those things, you'll either grow to resent her for not doing them, do them anyway and feel guilty, or do them anyway and not feel guilty, which isn't fair to her, since you said she wouldn't want you to do them.</p>

<p>No one but you can make the decision, but it should ultimately boil to "What is the wise thing to do?" Not "What will hurt the least?" or "What is easiest thing to do?", but "What, in the long run, is the wise thing to do?" (It's tough, I know.. but it's definitely worth it.)</p>

<p>You can e-mail or IM me if ya wanna ask me anything else.</p>

22

<p>Long distance relationships can work out, but it does hurt. However you already seem to know this since the relationship's been long distance all along.</p>

<p>When I was going into my senior year of high school, my boyfriend at the time was going to college across the country. He said he'd wait for me and all that, and we made it until November, when he told me that he wanted to transfer to whatever school I ended up choosing. Not wanting to be responsible for the future of someone else (it's hard enough figuring out my own future, and I didn't want to screw up someone else's), and knowing that he hadn't been taking full advantage of the college life (staying inside to talk to me on the phone), I broke up with him. He was initially very upset, but I know his social life at school, where he spent most of the year, improved, and he's having a lot more fun because he's not spending his college years missing someone at home.</p>

<p>And then of course, when I went off to college last year, I was able to have fun myself. But it all depends on your own priorities. If you're the relationship kind of person, don't give it up, but if you want to party, go clubbing, etc., you might want to reconsider your situation. Remember, these are supposed to be 4 of the best years of your life! Good luck!</p>

23

<p>I think after a few months of you both so far apart, a mutual break out may occur. I have seen many relationships like this fail simply because college is a big growth period mentally, you have more independence than before, are making your decisions for the future,etc. While away at college you will grow apart simply because you won't see each other much and rely mostly on communicating via the phone or internet. Jealousy can also occur and create a bitter situation. Lastly, you said that you were looking forward to partying, clubbing, etc in college, but won't because you girlfriend is gone. If that is your only drive, I mean you have none internal yourself, than it will be hard to resist something you want to do, but you girlfriend doesn't want you to do.</p>

24

<p>If you were in a serious relationship, talking about getting married, etc. then you obviously wouldn't be thinking about hooking up and all of that. You gotta choose one or the other. Because one way or another she will find out what you're doing anyway. You want her or do you want to 'hook-up'? Be honest with yourself.</p>

25

<p>Imo, its especially hard if there is an age difference. If you are going to college but she is still in high school, it'll be very hard for her to understand your new lifestye. You will be on different schedules, and she might not understand that you can't talk to her for two hours every night. I think you also mature a lot when you start college and the physical distance will accentuate the age difference.</p>