Stepparents Responsibility

So I know this is an old post. I’m sure this subject has been tossed ten ways from Tuesday. The real disconnect is the “system” shouldn’t really consider the non-adoptive step-parent. If the step parent has not adopted the child and taken a financial obligation in the child’s life, they shouldn’t be tied to their college financial obligation either. Just because I’ve married a movie star that makes 10 million a year, doesn’t mean that me living at home making zero dollars should mean my child shouldn’t be fully eligible for zero interest student loans until they finish college. ULTIMATELY the financial burden still falls on the recipient of the education (the student) at the end of college. GRANTS that do not require repayment I’m not horribly against them “factoring” household income from where the student “resides”, or from whom pays for where they reside.

Here is my qualm, I have 3 children that are from my wife’s previous non-marriage relationship, and 1 that is from our marriage. My income just slightly breaks 100k, my wife has suffered cancer, lung disease, among other health issues, and cannot work. We have more medical bills and debt that anyone would ever want on their plate to swim with. The bio father is over 100K in arears and doesn’t pay. I am the sole provider of food, clothes, electric, shelter, etc. while the eldest, cusses me out, treats me like a door mat, and is 19 years old. Constantly teetering being put out the front door on her own due to blatant disrespect, refusal to do anything she’s asked as an “adult”, while her siblings clean up after themselves, help out do dishes, cook meals, do school work, etc. Its difficult enough to get her to stay going to a job [that I drive her to and from], let alone not spend ALL of her money the moment she gets paid so she can save for a car or anything to help her be more “self-sufficient”. When you try and tell her how to do anything, you get told basically to F-off, your not my parent. If you think for 1 moment I have any interest in taking our strapped income and providing assistance she’s off her rocker. I gladly assisted in filling out forms to aid her and encouraged her in doing so which she has put off for over a year so I now have filled them out for her, as its the only way she’s going to advance in life - with an education. The system however forcing step-parents with no real financial obligation to pay for education of a child they have not agreed to in court to financially provide for, that court ordered the biological parent to provide for, should not be forced to. They are effectively hurting the “child’s” ability at a higher education, because they are never hurting the step parent I can promise you that.

I do not lose any sleep at night denying to pay someone that walks on me like that. Now, I know my story is likely the “dark” of stories in the step-parent college funds stories, but the system is broken. It needs to be fixed. I don’t hold any ill-will and want her to turn over a new leaf and have a chance at success, but at some point when you bite the hand that feeds you, the only hand, it gets tired of stressing, and eating ramen noodles, and skipping buying clothes for themselves, so you can be part of the “haves” while they are the “have nots”. All the while biological father chills out building up a note that nobody enforces ::shrug:: Maybe be more aggressive about that problem, solve that one ?

Chrisjh, welcome. I don’t recall this former thread although I’ve been on CC since 2005. I’m not sure how you even found it. Now I’m curious what ever happened to the OP and the children.

Your situation is certainly difficult. I wonder if the oldest has mental health issues. I hope your wife is able to be the disciplinarian and that her health improves

The system considers household income. If both parents are working more of the stepparent’s income could be used for household expenses which would free up some of the parent’s income for school. If stepparents don’t want to contribute for a member of their own family, why should taxpayers?

You have bigger issues than college funding. Have you tried family counseling? It might help. I don’t know why you thought it was necessary to point out that your wife wasn’t married to her children’s dad. Why does it matter? Do you think there’s negativity regarding her mother that your daughter has picked up on or has she always had an attitude towards you?

My child hates their stepparent and isnt kind to them for good reason. Bioparent married to stepparent refuses to give that child any money for school.

Im sorry your wife has been so ill and I know that is stressful. However, the child needs to either be working or in school (or a bit of both). This might not mean a 4 year school. I think you and your wife need to sit down with the oldest and really explain the rules and expectations of the house. Perhaps if they are working, that you would be willing to pay half of tuition for a semester at a local college and if they pass all their classes you re-evaluate?

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What “old thread”. It’s not linked here that I see. It looks like a new thread has been started.

Was split off from this 9 year old thread that the OP of this thread initially posted to:
http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/t/step-parent-responsibilities/1252405/189

The link to the original thread is below the original post.

Ah…I see it now. @CC_Jon this link appears on my iPad in the very palest grey font. Very easy to miss!