<p>I'm going to be a sophomore this year, and I am really nervous to go back to school. I didn't really like my school last year. I made a few friends, but they aren't close friends and I never hang out with them outside of the classes/activities that we have in common. I spent most of the year alone in my dorm, studying. I tried to rush a sorority but decided it wasn't right for me. I definitely hit rock bottom when I dropped out of rush, that was the first time I ever told my mom how unhappy I was at college.
From then on, it got a little bit better because I kind of accepted my situation and just tried to focus on academics. Outside of my social life, I'm doing fine (4.0 GPA as a chem/spanish double major and pre-med, started exercising every day, did about 150 hours of volunteering, joined clubs that I like, started going to church again, etc.) and I'm actually excited for classes to start again because I love learning. But I'm still so unhappy socially. I'm living in a suite this year with 4 really nice girls, so I am hoping that we can become at least semi-good friends. It would just be nice to have some people to eat meals with (I always eat alone) or have movie nights with or something.
I've heard all the typical advice on how to make friends and not be lonely; some of it I've taken, some of it I haven't. I'm not going to give up and drop out or anything. I'll keep on trying this year, and try to make friends with my suite mates. I'm just so afraid that this year will end up being just as miserable as last year.
Basically the point of this thread was just to get my feelings out. And if anyone else is or was in a similar situation, I'd like to hear your story too.
And of course if anyone has any advice that they think I might not have heard 100 times before, please tell me. :)</p>
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<p>It seems hard at the time, but sit down with someone else to eat. Every time. Someone who is sitting alone, or if you see someone you know from your suite or a class, sit with them. Even if they look like they are having a conversation or whatever – don’t be put off. You can even coordinate with your suitemates – “when do you guys have lunch and where?” “Are you going to dinner, what time?” Just assume you are going along. 
And on Friday, say, “What are you guys up to tonight?” Propose a movie or cards or something if they say, “Nothing, what about you?”. If they are going to a movie or something, say, “Oh, would it be okay if I come along?”. If they have a reason for you not to, try not to take it too personally (maybe they are going to discuss some personal issue or something… it might not be about you!). So try again if the first time doesn’t come off. Do these things early (first week!) – if you get in the habit of NOT joining them, it is a lot harder later on.</p>
<p>If your suite mates don’t work out this year, consider some kind of special interest housing for junior year. If your college has language houses or co-op housing, give one of those a try; I lived in a school-run co-op house for my last year of college, and it was the best thing I did when I was there. I made more friends and had more fun that year than anyplace else I lived.</p>
<p>Also… sometimes you might be tempted when you get a social opportunity with your suitemates or someone else you have met to skip it for studying. DO NOT let the library kill your social life this year. I am not saying to completely sacrifice studying. But try to find a balance this year and take advantage of social opportunities as they are offered. Again… especially early in the semester. Because if you say no a couple of times, they will stop asking.</p>
<p>I’m nervous as well. This will be my first time living away from home and actually interacting with people besides my usual friends. The school I’m going to this year, I don’t know anyone there. I’m not as social as I was when I was in high school… and I was barely social then. I haven’t been around people my age for about 3+ years, it’s just been my mother and I. How would I go about trying to get social again?</p>
<p>So I’m back at school. My dorm room is so nice this year (everyone but freshmen get a single at my school) so it has been a bit easier adjusting with a room that feels like a bedroom rather than a matchbox. However, my mom and grandpa are still in town, so I don’t know how I will feel when they leave tomorrow, maybe I’m only comfortable because they are still here.
Only one of my suite mates has moved in so far. I tried to have a conversation with her, I kept asking her questions and stuff, but she would just reply with one word answers like she didn’t want to be talking to me. Any idea why that would be? We don’t know each other so she couldn’t possibly have decided she didn’t like me that quickly, right?
I’m hoping my other suite mates will be a little more friendly!
I might try sitting down with a random person at dinner, but the dining hall doesn’t open until Saturday so I’ll have to wait till then.</p>
<p>She could be introverted! My D2 is like that. One word answers. In her case, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you. It really means she can’t think quite fast enough when you ask a question to formulate a longer answer! Or she is really worried about how whatever she says will sound, so ends up not saying anything. Ask your suitemate to go eat with you after your family leaves tomorrow, just sort of assume she likes you but is the very quiet type… just keep being friendly. If she is quiet, she will probably start to open up after a few days if you just keep asking her to do things and talking to her.</p>
<p>You said you study alone in your room, but have you tried studying with other people? My first semester I felt like I didn’t really have any close friends, but the ones I have now all came from studying with other people. Not only did I get to know the people I was studying with, but I met people they knew as well and met a lot of friends that way. I am going into my junior year and moving into an apartment with people who are all connected with the first study group I had.</p>
<p>Intparent, I am definitely the kind of introverted person you described. However, I feel like she responds differently than I or other shy/introverted people would…she just kind of has an “I’d rather be doing anything else than talking to you” kind of tone. </p>
<p>I do think studying with others would help actually, but I know that studying with others would negatively impact my grades, because I used to do that in high school. I’m not wiling to risk my grades to make friends haha.</p>
<p>Yeah… but some people come off that way when they are nervous and meeting new people. Don’t assume everyone reacts the same you you do. She probably isn’t as standoffish as she seems right now when everything is new. You really can’t lose anything by continuing to try to connect with her, but you can lose out if you assume the worst and stop talking to her.</p>
<p>I hope you’re right 
She just came back from having dinner with her friend, and she came right in, went to her room, and closed the door. She could have said hi to me, my door was open…
Oh well, I will keep trying to talk to her throughout the week.</p>
<p>I haven’t moved in yet, but luckily my roommate emailed me on Friday. We were emailing each other back and forth, but when I emailed her yesterday she never replied back. I know for a fact that she got them because she was emailing me from her iPhone. I figured I annoyed her with all the questions I have? I also think it’s weird that she added me on facebook but didn’t say anything yet. Maybe I’m just thinking too much. The other two girls in our apartments haven’t even tried to email me yet, and I haven’t tried to email them either.</p>
<p>Torchwood: The secret is in open ended questions. “Where did you move from? Oh cool, what is your major? Really? I considered that once. What do you typically do on Friday nights for fun?” etc.</p>
<p>Smurray :maybe your roommate just didn’t have time to reply and will get back to you soon? </p>
<p>I have another unrelated question but maybe someone here can help me: the people in the suite next to me had a party, and they left like a hundred beer cans outside their door (idiots), but they put them really close to my suite’s door so they could be mistaken for ours. What should I do? I want to tell my RA so he doesn’t think they belong to us but I don’t want to get them in trouble. I’m too afraid to knock on their door and ask them to move them… I have never had alcohol in my life, it would really be unfair if I got in trouble for their stupidity!</p>
<p>I didn’t like school much first semester, but I had a huge turn around second semester. Socially, lots of people care about greek life most freshman year. All of that matters less when you get older and get involved in other things, so hopefully that will be different!</p>
<p>@torchwood nah… She was on Facebook earlier today and yesterday.</p>
<p>Honestly, the best way to make friends is to put yourself out there. I’m going back as a 2nd year as well, but I made all new friends from the dorm I stayed in last year. Try stopping by one of the open doors in the hall and just introducing yourself, ask the usual questions: where are you from, what’s your major, what did you do this summer, etc… and hopefully you will be able to find some things in common with someone! I find that in college compared to in high school, many students are always open for making new friends, and won’t ignore you just because they have their circle of friends already. </p>
<p>When it’s lunch/dinner time, stop by one of your suitemate’s doors and ask if they want to grab food with you. If you see someone that lives in your hall in one of your classes, catch up to them and ask if they want to study with you sometime. It can only get better from here, keep your head up! </p>
<p>and smurray09, sometimes I don’t like responding to messages right away, because I don’t have anything to say at the time, and especially since you guys are just getting to know each other, I would assume that your roommate is just taking her time with her answers so she comes up with a good reply. I mean since you are living together next year, I’m sure she would try as hard as she can to at least be nice to you, so I doubt she’s ignoring you.</p>
<p>You guys are WAY overreading every word and FB moment in your new roommates. If my D were on FB this week, she (1) would be too shy to open a conversation with a new roommate she had not met in person, and (2) would be chatting away with the friends she is about to leave behind at the end of this week. Stop worrying so much about this – notice it is only girls posting about this? Guys would not even NOTICE any of this, let along freak out/let it affect their relationships with their roommates. I am a woman, but I think women/girls just get way too hung up on every tiny thing, like it is a “sign” of how the relationship is going to go. Don’t sweat any of it. Give your roommates until Thanksgiving before you could even think you knew them well enough to make a judgement – by then you will have seen them in a lot of different situations. Just be nice and considerate, and stop stressing. You are just adding drama that is not needed!</p>
<p>Regarding the beer cans, you can (1) quietly move them over by the other door, or (2) ignore it. The RA will know in very short order who parties vs. who doesn’t, no need to tell them unless they bring it up to you.</p>
<p>Yay, I actually got my roommate to talk to me for like an hour and a half last night 
And I actually made her laugh. Hopefully that means she is opening up.</p>
<p>Intparent, if the beers are still there today, I will move them. But you’re right, I’m 99% sure there will never be a party in my suite, and I am sure just by looking at the girls in my suite my RA could tell that we aren’t partiers hahaha. Thanks!</p>
<p>The RA saw the beer cans this morning, and when he asked if they were ours I said no and I’m pretty sure he believed me. He also talked to the people they belonged to, but I didn’t hear that conversation. If I find any more beer cans outside our door though, I’m going to contact the housing coordinator because if it happens again it seems like they are intentionally trying to get us in trouble. Why not just throw away the beer cans so no one gets in trouble??</p>