I have stayed up every night until 3 am scrolling through college confidential and watching college decision reaction videos on YouTube as I wait for college decisions to come out over the next few months. The more I do these things the more obsessed with college I become. I feel like I will be a complete and total failure if I don’t get into where I want to go. Honestly the more Youtube videos I watch and the more I scroll through this site, the more depressed I become. Looking at people’s stats and decisions makes me feel like I have no chance of getting in anywhere and that I’m delusional for even applying. Stupidly I only really applied to highly selective schools and only a couple safeties. Long story short I’m feeling depressed and unworthy and I want to go back in time and fix things in my past so I can be a better candidate for college but obviously I can’t do that. How will I get over it if I only get into my safety schools? How can I get over this feeling of being unworthy? How can I just stop thinking about college for a little bit so I can attempt to enjoy my senior year?
sincerely a stressed senior searching for solace from strangers
Stop reading College Confidential acceptance and chance me threads and stop watching You Tube videos of acceptances. You’ve identified these sources of stress, now remove them. It is not helpful to you to compare yourself to others. This process is stressful enough without undermining your self confidence with something that can be avoided. It won’t end your world if you end up at your safety. If that’s unacceptable to you, then there’s always the option of a gap year. Ending up at your safety may even turn out to be a blessing in disguise. Also remember, admission is only one part of the college experience/process. Once you get in, then you actually have the hard work of college to get through.
If all of your applications are submitted, try to forget about them until decision days. You can’t change them now anyway. Focus on other things. Have fun.
I agree with @NorthernMom61. I would also suggest that every time you feel yourself tempted to watch some preposterous YouTube acceptance reaction video, you instead read 10 pages from Frank Bruni’s book Where You Go Is Not Who You’ll Be. It points out that MANY highly successful people did not go to an Ivy League school or the equivalent. You really do NOT have to graduate from Harvard or Yale to do something cool with your life.
Furthermore, you need to get rid of the mentality that you will be “a complete and total failure” if you don’t get in to your first or second choice. This would be like thinking “The person on whom I have a crush doesn’t have a crush on me back…therefore I am UNWORTHY of love and NO ONE will ever love me back!” No. Not true. This one person you have a crush on obviously has horrible taste and doesn’t love you back, but there are literally thousands of other great potential people out there to date (or more!) No one likes rejection, but the opinion of that one crush should not determine a person’s sense of self-worth!
The same thing is true with colleges. Don’t let the opinion of a few harried people in a college admissions office determine your sense of self-worth! You are a great person and a great student with or without their seal of approval and you will go on to do great things with your life whether you go to your first choice or your twelfth choice!
Best wishes to you in the process. Try not to let anxiety destroy your senior year!
I agree that watching the videos sounds like it’s making things worse. Keep in mind those acceptance videos are simply a moment, it the rest of those students’ lives. They aren’t showing kids who might then spend weeks stressing about whether they can afford the college they were so happy to get into, for example. They aren’t showing the kids who are now nervous about leaving home, family and friends or the ones who want to change majors and don’t know if they can or the ones who got assigned a bad form situation. Those videos aren’t showing what happens to the kids when they get to their college and whether they like their room mates or make new friends or fail a test.
Don’t watch a few seconds of a happy video and think it defines that person’s entire life.
If you can’t stop yourself from watching the videos (which would be the ideal next step) then instead make sure to look for the ones of rejections. The kids who got rejected and got hugs from their parents. The ones where the kid was sad not to get into their dream but then posted a later happy update about where they ended up. Those videos exist too.
Here on CC, do the same kind of thing. If can’t stop reading threads, look beyond the acceptances and read the ones about students and parents debating between schools and the factors they need to consider. Read about the students who didn’t get into first choices and are now happy at other schools.
But if you are looking at YouTube and CC at that stuff, try to limit the amount of time you spend on it. There are many better uses of your time!
My son and his friends didn’t look at their email daily or do what your doing. All in the same boat. They decided they couldn’t really change anything so they would just have a great, fun senior year. This was a very competitive high school.
They all got into great colleges and not always their first choice. Two years later they are all happy where they landed and all doing well.
Thanks you guys! I was definitely being way over dramatic! I understand now that it’s only 4 years of my life and not the rest of it. I can still make the most of wherever I go and be just as successful. People put so much weight on where you go to college that it’s hard not to care but after reading everything you guys said I understand and feel so much better. Thank you so much for the help!
Your post feels likes a step in the right direction, but “it is only 4 years” is still not the attitude you want. You can very likely thrive (not just survive) at any school on your list. You carry what you need to do that inside yourself. What everyone else is doing or saying as 17-18 year old seems like a big deal now, but I guarantee you that it does not matter one bit in the long run. Tune out the noise. Be self contained and focused on your own success, wherever you land.