<p>I'm the one who's stressed and my son's the one who needs decision help! It seems that so many kids know exactly where they want to go and what they want to be. We are still waiting for some college letters, but I don't think my son knows where he wants to go yet! I think he will get in everywhere he applied. What can I do to help him?</p>
<p>More details please. Is this my 500th post?</p>
<p>lkf725
I assume that you are not asking for specific help with choosing a school, since you have not mentioned any names.
As far as helping him analyze his choices, maybe a spreadsheet would help. Just to get started. If he is choosing between 6 schools, give them his personal rankings from 1 to 6 in different areas of importance to him. E.g. size of undergrad. classes; urban vs. rural; strength of specific departments; costs; scholarships; distance from home; E/C offerings and clubs; sports; etc.etc. And then add the scores.</p>
<p>Obviously this will not give you the "correct" answer, but it could be a starting point and will get both of you thinking about what really matters in a school to you and him, and what factors are meh.</p>
<p>Sometimes these discussions lead to more stress when the kid does not know the answers, and gets snappy or short with the parent, {why do I know that ;) }, but it opens up the potential for more conversation.</p>
<p>We went through the same thing last year as daughter got accepted into everyschool she applied to. (She went into the process that if she only got accepted into one school, she would be happy there) She really liked all of her school and the decision was very hard.</p>
<p>If money is an issue, it is a conversation that definitely needs to be had before the decisions comes in as you do not want him hyped about a school to say that it is financially not an option.</p>
<p>Break down cost and do a comparison of all schools, based on </p>
<p>[ul]
[<em>]Did they meet 100% of your demonstrated need?
[</em>]Is it heavy on loans or grants?
[<em>]Barring any financial windfalls tumbles, will aid be pretty consistent over next few years (barring the standard increase in subsidized stafford loans o work study)
[</em>]Is there merit money involved?
[<em>]Is merit based on maintaining a certain GPA threshold
[</em>]Is it a realistic GPA according to his prospective major
[<em>]What would your opions be if merit money was lost?
[</em>]What would be the "value" of going to school A vs. school B.
[/ul]</p>
<p>Is your child social butterfly and will easily take to being in a new environment and meeting new friends?</p>
<p>How many of the schools can or will you go back to give a second look to?</p>
<p>If your child changes his mind and decides that he no longer wants to be a rocket scientist, will the school still appeal to him? (Personally, I don't think that he should go to school with only one thing in mind because they do change their minds, and that's ok)</p>
<p>Sometimes it may end up going with your gut. For my daughter, it was the people. They immeadiately clicked at admitted students days, all committed to coming to school together, are are still good friends as their first year is closing. She told me last night she is participating in the admitted student days events with one of those same friends she met last year at the admitted student days. He told her "isn't this funny, we have come full circle, we met here and now we're here again working together for the next class of admitted students."</p>
<p>The only people who know where they want to go are people on this board who spend countless amounts of time trying to find some kind of fit between potential schools and their kids.</p>
<p>When I was in the application process, I applied to about 10 schools. After getting back acceptances, I visited the schools. I took into account the rep of the school, the strength of the programs I was interestd in, and my gut feeling about the place when I visited. It was then a pretty easy decision and I'm happy where I am at now. I had no 'first choice' school and I had no idea where I wanted to go until near the end of the whole process.</p>
<p>Relax and take a shot of whisky.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Is your child social butterfly and will easily take to being in a new environment and meeting new friends?
[/quote]
</p>
<p>With all due respect, that's a horrible thing to consider when choosing a school. Most kids are socially apt and can adjust to new situations and make friends. If they have never had experience dealing with new experiences or environments, then college is the best place to learn. My mother wanted to keep me close to home because I was a shy kid and was never on my own. I insisted on cutting the leash. It was a little difficult at first, but I turned out more than Ok.</p>
<p>Shizz,</p>
<p>Did ya happen to by pass the thread </p>
<p>Sad about my daughter's social struggles </p>
<p>because it certainly isn't the first time that this topic has come up on this forum. While it is great that your situation turned out well, doesn't mean that everyone else's situation can be painted using such broad strokes as some people need different things in order to flourish.</p>
<p>Shizz:</p>
<p>I agree with Sybbie...school environment is a key. Think about schools with large greek scenes and those w/o, for example.</p>
<p>Thanks chocoholic...I will try the spreadsheet idea for a way to consolidate thoughts and to be a springboard for (hopefully) positive discussion. Good idea!</p>
<p>thank you, too, sybbie...we agreed early on with selecting a school that would offer a broad range of opportunities. We are hanging on for financial aid awards, as it will have some bearing on the decision. He may get anything from zero to a full ride, depending on the school. We absolutely have given/will give second or third visits. I sure hope that he comes to a comfortable decision as your daughter did.</p>
<p>duskstamper...I realize I did not give very specific info, partly because my stress is about helping with the process, not the actual deciding. But I would certainly appreciate any input on specific schools. I'll try to be concise:</p>
<p>While my son is an excellent writer, his interests lie more in the math/science/engineering areas (has done eng apprenticeship). He is also an accomplished musician and wants a high level music program. Additionally, he would like to maintain his German studies and fluency.
I don't think he would like a fraternity, but nor is he a geeky, isolated person. I think that part of the problem is that he is interested in alot of diverse areas and he is pretty good at whatever he does. No single area stands out as the obvious path.</p>
<p>He has applied to CMU, Case, Schreyer (PSU), Cornell, UVa, Pitt and W&J. </p>
<p>I'd appreciate any opinions or advice, either general or specific. Thanks!</p>
<p>Keep in mind that there is no perfect college. If your son applied only to colleges where he'd be happy going to, then he has a variety of good choices. Even if he chooses the wrong one, he can still transfer.</p>
<p>Reminding your son of that might be helpful as too many students and parents seem to think that choosing the "wrong" college will wreck students' lives. That's simply not true.</p>
<p>sybbie:
I posted in that thread. I am willing to bet that by the end of this semester, the OP's daughter (in that other thread) will be fine. If she had a big group of 14 friends at the start of the year, she'll have no problems making more friends later on. In fact, the OP seemed to blow the situation out of proportion. I don't mean it as an insult to him or her. It's natural for a parent to be worried about a child's welfare. At the start of my freshman year, I complained to my mom I was alone. She was super worried and didn't get a good night's sleep until a few weeks later when I told her I was doing alright.</p>
<p>The point is you can't shelter your kid forever. They'll have to learn at some point.</p>
<p>bluebayou:
I was referring to whether or not someone should send his or her kid to a "new environment" in general, with new environment basically meaning anything away from home requiring a kid to live on his own. I agree with you in that a Greek presence is something to considerwhen thinking about schools.</p>
<p>I'd leave the poor kid alone until all the letters have arrived.</p>
<p>He's actually being very smart about the situation (perhaps unwittingly). The decision, at this time, is entirely out of his hands and won't shift back until he has one stack of acceptances and one stack of rejections.</p>
<p>Why expend the mental capital to make a decision now and invest in a school that might reject him in two weeks?</p>
<p>There will be time for decision-making, conversations, and spreadsheets after April 1st.</p>
<p>True, intersteddad. I haven't pushed the issue because I have the kind of kid that might prefer thinking about this on his own. I sure hope so, because if we don't have all of the info until April 15, he will have only two weeks to sort things out. As I said, I am the anxious one, but I try to keep it to myself!</p>
<p>I agree with ID.^^ He may already vaguely know what school he wants but not be willing to declare until the letter is in...</p>
<p>If he is genuinely not sure once decisions arrive, you could ask him to make a list of his top 10 most desired qualities in a college, trying for a rank order. It will help to have this abstract wish list to weigh which schools come closest.</p>
<p>Emphasizing: If there are financial considerations, make sure your child fully understands these limitations now so he doesn't set his heart on a college that the financial aid will not allow him to attend.</p>
<p>Nothing would make me happier than to say "money is no object...choose what is best for you". But as for most people, that is not the case for us. We have had this discussion several times. I just hope that it sunk in.</p>
<p>If $ is important, than your son is very wise not to make a decision about a college until he gets all of his admissions and scholarship offers. It would be a waste of time and he would risk breaking his heart if he were to make his decisions now when he doesn't know where he'll be accepted and where he can afford to go.</p>
<p>I agree with all of the ideas for analyzing the choice (spreadsheet, etc.).</p>
<p>But... the most valuable advice I ever received for making any decision (once you have all the information) is this: Suppose that the choice was taken away from you and a Dictator from on High told you that you HAVE to go to "School A." How do you feel? Relieved? Thrilled? Sick feeling in the pit of your stomach? Use this question to id the "right" school. If it doesn't work to identify only one, it will surely eliminate some and/or elevate a couple to the top.</p>
<p>Jmmom, I do play a similar game with my D.
"Okay, if you only got into A and B, which would you choose. Now, how about if you only got into B and C" and "What if you only got into D" etc.
Just gets them pondering a little.</p>
<p>jmmom,
I really like your idea. I think it will consolidate alot of feelings, both conscious and unconscious. Thanks, we'll try it!</p>