Hello, I come to this forum or blog all the time for advice as a regular high school student on the verge to transitioning to college. I’m now coming here as a student athlete who’s confused and needs advice.
I’ve been offered multiple division one scholarships to prestigious university, but I’ve committed to the University of Oregon. Now, I have a girlfriend we’ve been dating for over a year now and with me going to the University of Oregon on a full athlete scholarship, and her trying to figure out where she wants to go, she decided she wants to try to go to Oregon with me.
There is a major problem with this, one is I have a full athletic scholarship and don’t have to worry about anything and she does. She lives in New Jersey and I live in a nearby city from her, so it’s a long distance choice I’ve picked. The problem mainly is her mother won’t allow her to go to a college that is 6 hours away from her via driving.
Also, with her going into her senior year her mom is willing to buy her a car at the start of this September, but if she goes far away to college her mom refuses to buy the car. Also, now her mom said she can’t go to college 6 hours away via driving, what are some suggestions for her? She really wants to try to go to the University of Oregon but her mom isn’t willing to help her with anything, such as FASFA and etc if she attempts to go, and also won’t get her the car she wants at the start of September therefore she won’t have no way to get back and forth to work.
There’s not really not much you can do here. This is between her and her mom. You can listen to your girlfriend gripe about her situation, but it’s up to her to accept her family and financial situation and make a workable plan for her future.
Don’t let your girlfriend keep you from making the right college choice for you.
You need to worry about you. If you are still dating when she’s in school on the east coast and you are in Oregon, there are ways to make it work like Skype, texts, emails and good old fashioned letters with stamps. This is all a year from now. Don’t worry about things yet, just enjoy your last year of high school.
Make the choice that is right for you and your girlfriend should make the choice that is right for her. Most HS relationships don’t last (sorry to say) so it is best to make independent decisions.
Don’t worry about it now. Just do what you need to do for yourself and let the girlfriend and her mother work out their own issues. Only God knows what the next year will hold for everyone, and God ain’t telling!
I agree with the other folks who have already replied. The resolution to your girlfriend’s dilemma re: what college to attend will be determined by finances.
From an outsider’s point of view, I don’t really see this as a massive problem. For a few reasons, such as:
The #1 dumbest thing that somebody can do is pick a college based on where his/her boyfriend/girlfriend is/is going to attend.
Your girlfriend probably can't see the forest for the trees right now. So she doesn't yet understand that there's a big wide world out there and it's bigger than just where you are going to college.
Univ of Oregon might be the perfect place for you, but it might not be the right place for her.
It's a privilege to have a parent who even offers to buy you a car. Your girlfriend gets no sympathy here for the car situation.
Since her mom is buying the car, then her mom gets to set the terms & conditions of the car's use. And that includes limits on how far away your girlfriend attends college.
Attending a state flagship university as an out of state student can cost more than $40,000/year depending on which state & which university is it. Unless your girlfriend is a stellar student with incredible GPA & test scores and qualifies for some awesome OOS merit scholarships with Univ of Oregon, I would not recommend that she even consider that as a school to apply to.
The very first determining factor of where to attend is COA (cost of attendance). Your girlfriend needs to have a discussion with her mom re: their family's finances and determine what schools her family CAN afford. Your girlfriend should go on those universities' Net Price Calculators to figure out what her COA would be. She will need info from her mom in order to fill out the NPC. Just go on any school's website and do a search for "Net Price Calculator" and it will show up in the search results.
If you & your girlfriend are meant to stay together, then everything will have a way of working out....EVEN IF YOU BOTH ATTEND DIFFERENT UNIVERSITIES IN DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE COUNTRY! Many couples are able to make long distance relationships work.
On the flip side of that, a lot of high school couples do end up breaking up by the end of freshman year in college. You both will go through a lot of personal growth over the next 2 years (senior year of high school + freshman year in college). Sometimes, the relationship works out and sometimes it doesn't.
Steve Prefontain brought his girlfriend with him to Oregon, but it did not last. Being a varsity athlete and student plus trying to hold onto a high school girlfriend can be very difficult. Steve left us with excellent words of advice: “To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.” Concentrate on your sport, your school and put the rest on hold for four years.
I know of a few cases of kids who went to the same university as their girlfriend/boyfriend. I don’t know of any cases where the relationship lasted past the first year. Fortunately, in each of the few cases that I know of the university happened to be a good choice for both of the people in the relationship, and either the school was large enough that they didn’t have to see each other on a regular basis or the students were mature and/or friendly enough after the breakup that they were okay with for example seeing each other in one common class.
This might be a slow way to say what others have said: Go to the school that is right for you. Your girlfriend should go the school that is right for her.
Tell her you are going with your best educational opportunity and she needs to do the same and prepare for a long distance relationship. Maybe get the message across to her that her education is critically important to you and she needs to find the best opportunity within her mother’s restrictions.
I think her mother has become more restrictive because your GF is being starry-eyed and wanting to follow you across country. She can go to school in NJ or elsewhere on the east coast. You will be back on breaks and can Skype, etc. In order for you two to have a chance as a future couple, your GF should be looking for a low cost option that leads to a degree and financial independence.