<p>Hello all. I am a college student preparing to be a sophomore this fall. I am posting this in the parents thread with hope of receiving a well rounded perspective on my problem. </p>
<p>I am currently attending an expensive private school with a large scholarship, but my parents have still taken out a large loan that I am to pay back after college. Unfortunately my family is in a position where there is lots of yelling and fighting and emotionally hurtful behavior. My mom and dad both threaten to kick me out whenever I upset them, whether my behavior was minor (like picking the cat up the wrong way) or for our more major fights. It has escalated to a point where throwing my belongings outside or denying their love towards me is at least a weekly occurrence. </p>
<p>I have a solid 3.7 gpa and I am strongly motivated to stay in school and continue to get my doctorate. I simultaneously work a full time job and a part time job during each break, and can almost start thinking about buying a car. But I feel like staying with my parents at this point is unwise without a plan to follow if I am kicked out. I could really use help finding some resources to help me figure out to do next. I don't even know how to find a safe place to sleep during my winter and summer breaks, not to mention handle college life financially on my own. I need to have a stable environment where I can safely grow up, work on my self esteem away from all the fighting, and complete my college education. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks </p>
<p>Are you allowed to go to off campus housing as a sophomore? Jr? That is one great way to get year round housing with roommates to share expenses. Renting a room in an established household can be very cheap, lots of people rent to students near colleges. If you are lucky you might find one with employment that comes with.</p>
<p>You could look for a job at your college for next summer and maybe get a summer sublet, they are often cheap and plentiful during summer.</p>
<p>Does your college have a winter session? Try to get aid for class then. Often one dorm will be left open for international students who can’t go home. </p>
<p>Unfortunately you seem to have picked a school that was not really affordable. I can’t imagine you could afford a car. Better to have some emergency money onhand.</p>
<p>All schools will have students who can’t return home for breaks and have something available for them, at a cost. You really need to figure out if this school is worth going into the amount of debt you are acquiring despite the scholarship. Look into transferring for your last two years to a school good in your major, such as your flagship ( they will have top students as well). Renting a room, shared or solo apartment with a 12 month lease can be cheaper than dorms, no matter where you decide to finish your degree. You most likely will apply to other U’s for grad school and your current school is not the only school that can give you the education needed to get into them. Live close to campus or bus lines and a car isn’t needed.</p>
<p>1) I would talk to your college counselors and perhaps they can help you find a way to deal with your home situation in a more positive manner. Despite the many problems, at some level they do care for you and want you to succeed if they are taking out loans on your behalf. But you are correct that you do have to take care of yourself and your needs. 2) Talk to Residential Life at college and see if there is a way you can stay on campus over school breaks (many schools can make accommodations). 3)See if you can get a job on campus next summer – often a free room for the summer comes with that 4) Think about if there is another relative/friend you can stay with. Maybe try to make a short visit home rather than an extended stay. Good luck to you.</p>
<p>Good advice offered above. How often do you go home and how long do you stay? Can you just stay at school and work? Make super short trips home and then return to campus to work? As mentioned, plenty of international students can’t go home for breaks, and there are living arrangements for them on campus. There may well be some cheap, safe college-y places to stay during the summer, in the dorms or sharing a room in a house, maybe even housesitting or baby sitting for locals. College counselors may have some ideas. You can look at the job/housing boards to get an idea of what is out there, too. </p>
<p>Okay, I always offer this: what about the army or ROTC? Plenty of kids use the military as a lifeline out of a bad situation. </p>
<p>Talk to the school about breaks. Many will allow students to stay on shorter breaks if you fill out the right paperwork. Summers… well, being a live-in opare or nanny comes to mind and families are sometimes desperate for affordable summer child-care.</p>
<p>Certainly living off campus would be a good way to go and often it’s cheaper than campus housing. </p>
<p>Two of my daughter’s friends were in a similar situation (sisters who had mentally ill parents). One just graduated this past spring; the other is a rising junior. They both cut off all legal ties from their parents, which meant they had to come up with all the money for college on their own. They did so with generous financial aid from the school and loans, as well as part-time jobs waiting tables off campus. During school, they lived together as roommates, and were permitted to stay on campus during the breaks. (Many schools allow this for international students or in special cases like theirs.) In the summer, they sublet apartments and house sat for faculty members.</p>
<p>If you decide to divorce your parents (and it sounds like the best option), you’ll need legal help, but there are lawyers who will take your case pro-bono. It will be very hard–you’ll have to work your butt off not only in school, but at some kind of job.</p>
<p>I don’t think this is true for winter break at most colleges… and many college only allow summer stays in the dorm for students with campus jobs. You are getting to the point in your college career where at least for the summer you should be able to make arrangements to not go home. Look for a research position on campus for the summer – my kid had one this summer. The stipend covered her room & board, and she cleared about $2,500 after expenses. I know the admissions offices at many colleges pay students to work in the summer, too.</p>
<p>Sublets are usually cheap around campuses in the summer. Students rent apartments for the full year, then go home. You could probably work a job (or two) near or on your campus and cover your expenses plus still make some money.</p>
<p>Or you can look for paying summer internships. Depends on your major… easier to find if you are STEM or business major. </p>
<p>You might be able to get a student going home over winter break in an apartment to rent you their room inexpensively for the 3-4 week window of break.</p>
<p>Some college have “host family” programs for students who are far from home, typically international students, but check with student services to see if they have this and if you can be matched up.
I’m sorry you are going through this. Good luck.</p>
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