<p>Hi Everyone, I'm 20 years old and I'm college student that works part time @ Kohl's.
I'm the good kid in my family. Follow the rules and respect my parents. But ever since I turned 17 we never gotten long. One minute everything's okay then the next minute everything is horrible. Recently my parent's and I had a bad fight. It was about how I accidently broke my moms phone, which I'm gonna pay for to replace. But then it was about my best friend who has ALWAYS been there for me. My parent's are SUPER OVERPROTECTIVE People. They control my life basically. They don't know how to let go of me. They both threatened to kick me out if I screw up again. ( which Idk how) </p>
<p>My parent's don't listen to what I have to say or anything. I don't even think they care about me ever since I became an adult. All three kids they had don't speak to them because of growing up.</p>
<p>I'm trying to have a good relationship with them but they start an argument over stupid stuff. I don't know how much longer I can deal with this BS. I mean I'm civil, respectful and do what they want. But yet I can't please them.</p>
<p>Since being respectful and doing what they want can’t please them, stop trying to please them, stop trying to do what they want.
Do you live at home? If so, it’s time to move out into dorms or find a rommate. Don’t ask them - tell them, in a respectful manner, that in the Fall you’ll be moving in with Mackenzie and Hannah (*making up female roommate names if you’re a young woman, relace with Tyler and Aidan if you’re a young man - avoid springing “I’m moving out AND moving in with someone not my gender” :p) and you’ll pay your rend with your job at Kohl’s. If they start a scene indicate that you understand they’re surprised, but that you want to discuss this rationally and that you’ll come back when they’ve calmed down. Then leave. When controlling parents make a scene and start yelling/guilttripping etc, it’s best not to stay as this achieves nothing.
Anyway it’s high time, you’re 20. Your parents are trying to treat you as if you were 15, artificially maintaining a pretense you’re still a child and they’re as young as they used to be. You’re still their child, but no longer a child. (For parents the difference may be hard to grasp.)They have a say in your life but if that say is too controlling, preventing you from growing up, you have to break free and find your own voice, your own way. Don’t forget you’re a young adult. THEN you can come back. But if you stay, you’ll spoil the relationship beyong repair and you won’t allow yourself to mature at a normal rate. it’ll be lose-lose.</p>
<p>Hi there, I’m female and I still live at home for the time being.
I just got the job @ Kohl’s for four weeks now. A month Technically.
I make $8 dollars an hour. and Thank you for replying.</p>
<p>At the moment there not speaking to me cuz I guess I hurt them. Don’t remember if I did, but said sorry anyways. But there not speaking to me cuz of the stupid fight they started. I’m not even sure if I want a relationship with them. I’m being civil, still respectful.</p>
<p>Sometimes it’s best to detach emotionally, keep a cool head, be the more mature one in the relationship (even if they are your parents), finish your degree, and move out when you’re educated and gainfully employed in a way that permits you to support yourself decently. You could be consigning yourself to a life that’s much harder than it needs to be, if you try to fully support yourself on minimum wage-type employment while trying to finish your degree. There will be problems with other roommates, too.</p>
<p>Counseling might help you to stay on an even keel, emotionally, in this situation. Counseling can be expensive, but I have heard of fees being set on the basis of ability to pay, through charitable organizations such as Catholic Charities.</p>
<p>Maybe an older sibling can offer a drama-free, affordable living arrangement. But that might not stay stable over the period of time that you need to finish your degree, especially if the sibling is at the phase of his or her own life where a marriage, a live-in significant other, a baby, or a relocation could change your circumstances for you.</p>
<p>I’m the one paying for college. Usually I use students loans but financial aid is a pain. I have the wait to get a document in October, so I’m paying for this semester. My parents don’t help me at school at all. I depend on myself for anything. I’m the 1st one in my family that graduated high school and that’s going to college.</p>
<p>I have family that can take me in but its my moms sister. She lives in Texas and I would feel like I’m a burden. But if it comes to it I may move to Texas. But I have school and work down here. My sister has two kids and in a bad divorce, I don’t want to burden her with that.
Also me and family aren’t talking at all. They only speak to me when they need too.</p>
<p>However, keep in mind that until you turn 24, get married, join the military, have a child for whom you provide more than 50% support, you are still a dependent of your parents for financial aid purposes. This means even for those subsidized loans, you will still need your parents to complete the FAFSA in order to receive them. </p>
<p>Do not put your self in a position that you are cutting off your nose to spite your face (not getting along with your parents are not grounds for a dependency override or “becoming independent”).</p>
<p>Yes, my best friend and I are thinking about it. I get an $8 dollars an hour and I have no credit. x.x</p>
<p>My parent’s don’t even want me going to college. they don’t believe in it.
I’m honoring them and etc but I also plan to have a career and a life. Every two months they always start a fight with me and cause the strain on the relationship. They don’t know how to let go. my father even told me he might make me pay rent. I’m doing my very best to get a long with them. But I’m to a point where I’m going detach myself emotionally from them.</p>
<p>Parents who won’t talk to their children <em>for several days</em> to punish them for an object-breaking incident for which the adult child has already promised to pay and to replace the broken object, indicates that the parents have created an unhealthy relationship with their adult child.
I write “adult child”, meaning young, not yet independent child, but not a minor or teen.
Your choices are the following:
see if you can increase your hours, save your money, and rent a cheap apt. near your college with your best friend(s).
see if your sister could take you in, but ONLY after you’ve ascertained the possibility of earning money (and being able to pay your sister rent) AND continuing your education, ie., if you could transfer to a college near where your sister lives, in all likelihood Spring 2014 or if they’re on 3-term-a year, in Winter Term.</p>
<p>I’m sorry for your situation, OP. Sounds like the only way you can “please” your parents is to give up going to college, which is a very bad idea. In other words, you will not be able to please them, so it will be very difficult to have a good relationship with them.</p>
<p>Don’t try to change them. Just be respectful and mature, and do what you can to prepare to move out of the house. If they try to start an argument, tell them respectfully that you love them and don’t want to argue with them. If they stop speaking, continue to speak nicely to them without waiting for answers, and go about your business. If they charge rent, pay it while maybe asking for extra shifts at work so you can get out of there.</p>