Students who must attend their safeties

<p>when visiting, my first (positive) impression was that UCR–unlike many other UCs–had a lot of racial diversity.</p>

<p>Oh, I know, cpt. There’s nothing worse than seeing your kid hurting and not be able to do anything much to be able to help. That’s universal.</p>

<p>But I think when they know they have a parent who is truly in their corner it does make them feel at least a little better even when things aren’t going their way at all. Lots of kids don’t even have that, you know, which is so sad; at least yours does.</p>

<p>You are wise. The reason we support this, though we really don’t like it, is because he really wants to give it a try. I don’t want him to have the “path not taken” regrets. Once entrenched in a regular job, married, with family, older…you can’t as easily up and decide to take the auditioning route and become an actor. Now is really the time to do it. And oddly enough, the fact that the economy is so bad and so many kids are not in career type jobs takes some of the pressure off of him. Having gone to a prep school where most of the kids went to selective school and have extensive career plans, means that ordinarily many of these kids are working at impressive sounding jobs soon out of college. Not the case these years. Many of his friends who have graduated from top schools with degrees that would ordinarily net them something are waiting on tables side by side with him. Those that are in some impressive sounding jobs are being paid little or nothing. I just talked to a young Harvard grad who is working in a position that would be the envy or many. Then she said that she just wished that she were getting paid something! Yeah, she’s working for free. No wonder she is living at home. So my son is in very good company in his situation and he’s actually doing better than most in that he has maintained an apt in Manhattan for a year. Just renewed the lease for another year. It’s just that he is no better off today than he was last year which is discouraging to him as well as to us. Yes, all we can do is give them moral support, listen and offer them a safe haven if needed. He is fortunate that we live close by and can mooch off of us when he needs to do so. I swear, he was famished when he came home last week. I don’t think he has eaten a decent meal in a while. While waitering, he can at least get food, but he was in a show which meant a long time without a paycheck, and no freebies.</p>

<p>cpt, I too hope you will pop into the theater forum. Your vantage point as a parent of a kid out there doing it is very helpful to those of us with kids just starting on the path. Congrats to your son on pursuing his dreams.</p>

<p>On the issue of attending safeties, I wonder if its easier for a kid to accept attending a safety (and actually, our GC calls them likelies too) if its for financial reasons. I wonder which is tougher, getting rejected from your reach schools or getting in and then having to decline for financial reasons. They both must be tough but I wonder if its easier to take if you know they wanted you.</p>

<p>We may get to experience either or both scenarios next year.</p>

<p>leftofpisa, our scenario was for financial… tough no matter what, the toughest thing for him was having applied to research programs that required interviews, he had to send personal letters to the professor declining, not just to the admin office…hardest thing he ever did! but he is slowly getting over it.</p>

<p>It really depends on the kid, and how they viewed the colleges on their list. My kids just pitched the schools that did not give merit money. Not a thought or a care. A friend whose son was a classmate of my son went through all of the agonies along with her son and husband when he was accepted to the very same schools that my son just threw out of consideration, but that young man very much wanted to go to one of them He, like my son, was accepted, but did not get any merit money which made the costs right up there with the most expensive schools in the country. The young man did end up going to one of the school after the family scraped up the money taking loans, cashing out stuff and doing things they probably should not be doing. The following year, they just could not do it and he transferred to Geneseo, a state school, where they still had a hard time paying that amount because of what they spent the year before. </p>

<p>The biggest problem in our family was my MT major son. He was accepted to some great schools: NYU, MIchigan, Carnegie Mellon, Penn State, Northwestern. But not to the MT programs at those schools. He was absolutely stuck on that program. No, not theater, even a BFA in theatre. It had to be Musical Theater. He did not get accepted to very many of those at all, and they were all very much safety school in terms of general acceptance. When he had originally applied, I had asked him to indicate on the app that he was also interested in non MT programs at those schools as a second choice. He was accepted to UMich as a theatre major, liberal arts major, performance major but not to their MT program which he wanted. So it went with a number of schools. He chose to go to our state school because it did accept him in MT, and also has a very heavy concentration in dance, the discipline where he was lacking, and was a major factor in not getting into MT programs, where you need to be a triple (really quadruple, quintuple) threat. So he ended up there. It was not something my H and I wanted for him, but that was what he was adamant about. Well, now he can dance.</p>

<p>Interesting thread.</p>

<p>We started the visiting process this past weekend. I was unable to go with them due to pressing family matters. My husband wanted to start with schools the farthest away first and then work closer to home.</p>

<p>They ended up touring SUNY Binghamton, which he liked a lot-until of course he saw Cornell-well I wish I had read this thread first because he has fallen madly in love with the place-as my husband says who wouldn’t it is beautiful. Now of course SUNY doesn’t look so hot! They finished at U. of Rochester which he liked a lot but again he has met his dream school and now we are going to have issues. </p>

<p>His safety is our state university URI-which is an good school but will be viewed by him as some type of catastrophe I am sure if he “has” to attend. In the mail for him was a nice package from URI thanking him for his interest with a hand-written card from the Dean of Admissions-they must do this for kids who send them in as one of their 2 choices NMS gives them for the top 50K finishers. Whatever the reason he got it it was still nice to get something so personal and I hope he comes to a place where he realizes he can succeed anywhere he goes and it isn’t always a bad thing to be the biggest fish in the pond-his close friend went to URI and graduated at 18 (home-schooled) and had her choice of where to go to pursue her doctorate all expenses paid.</p>

<p>Pepper - it sounds like your S is doing all he can to have a balanced and reasonable list. It’s OK to have a favorite, which is a reach. My D1 had top stats, and her list of 5 was 4 reaches and our state flagship. She said many times that she might not even apply there, that she really, really didn’t want to go there. She even thought about using some other public as a safety, even though its quality was much lower, just because going to the flagship was “so typical”. </p>

<p>What helped her - and many others we know - was applying early to her favorite school. For her, it had to be ED, which I know can be an issue financially, but she was fortunate that we could handle that as an option. Otherwise I would have had her apply EA to whichever other of the 4 reaches she could. It makes a huge difference to have an early acceptance to a reach school.</p>

<p>I’m sorry to see that Cornell seems only to have ED - it’s a personal decision for you if you would let him do that. Maybe there is another Cornell-like school where he can apply EA instead, as a quick guarantee URI won’t be his only option?</p>

<p>Good luck with this, and keep talking to us if it helps. And I’ve mentioned before that with some maturity and hindsight my D1 says she was completely stupid to have been resistant to go to our flagship. And she’s got a very high chance of ending up there for grad school after all.</p>

<p>Best wishes to you!</p>

<p>Pepper, I’d love to hear more about URI, which will likely be a backup for my D-- we made a drive-by visit and thought it was beautiful (in fact, it seemed as pretty as Cornell to me and a lot less isolated). But do you know what departments are known to be good there, whether the ‘party’ reputation is justified, etc., etc.?</p>

<p>EmmyBet I am not sure I understand the ramifications of ED but I’ll check that out.</p>

<p>Gwen URI has some excellent schools-their Pharmacy program is top notch, their accounting program is excellent, and so is their engineering program, especially a program in international engineering. I am sure it is not on the level of the higher ranked schools but I know of so many people who have gone there and done very well-just like every other school. I don’t think it is as strong liberal arts but I haven’t really checked it out that much.</p>

<p>I do know they have cracked down on the party scene in a big way. I have a friend whose son after his second infraction for on-campus drinking was asked to leave the school-you only get one warning. I am pleased about that since it was a very big problem for a long time.</p>

<p>I also can tell you that much like other state schools they are now getting kids who never would have gone there. Like us they have had to scale back what they can do financially for their kids due to losses in 401(k) investments among other things. </p>

<p>I haven’t stepped foot on the campus in years so it is good to hear it is pretty-that seems to be a big thing for him and from what my husband told me from the other tours a lot of kids reaction to a school is the look of it.</p>

<p>Other people can explain better than I, but ED can be very restricting. You must drop all other applications; sometimes you cannot even apply anywhere else. Also you must accept the school that accepts you ED, at the time you are accepted (usually in December), including accepting their financial offer. Sometimes you can undo this commitment because of financial reasons, but that can get very complicated (including emotionally). If you are depending on comparing FA packages, ED is usually not a good option. But depending on the student, it can be a very important opportunity, and people who are not full-pay candidates do apply ED.</p>

<p>I was hoping Cornell had EA, which is not restrictive, for your sake. But perhaps you can find one of the others which can give him an early answer. Many state schools have rolling admissions, and I suspect URI does, too. Many people try to get their “safety” admits at rolling admissions schools as early as possible - both for peace of mind and also to make sure the safety is the safety (rolling admissions schools do fill up, as a natural consequence). </p>

<p>I’m glad to hear you all discussing how nice URI is. I too wonder how state schools will evolve as more and more people choose the lower cost. Hopefully for the better!</p>

<p>My daughter was waitlisted and did not get into her dream school. Went off to a safety that was offering great scholarship. She never adjusted and applied to transfer to her wish school. She got accepted and will be entering her sophomore year at the dream school. They don’t always give up the dream!</p>

<p>That is a wonderful story - an outcome that deserves telling, and one that takes strength and knowing what you want. I know another girl who did that, and although it’s a bit of a hiccup getting adjusted as a transfer, they did save a bunch of money on that first year.</p>

<p>I also know a young lady who transferred into her first choice school after freshman year at her safety. She did very well as a freshman, well enough to transfer into a highly selective school. </p>

<p>There are schools that do not accept many transfers at all, and students should be aware of those stats when doing transfer apps.</p>

<p>I’m a rising senior and I couldn’t help but notice everyone’s stories which had kids going to safeties and not first choices because of financial situation. It’s true that I share these views of financial instability and possible ruin especially since i have a twin brother going into college at the same time, but I’m actually quite calm about it because no matter how I talked with my parents about it, they also pressured me to go the best school possible and let them worry about expenses.<br>
I feel extremely confident and blessed that my parents would risk everything for me and I hope to not disappoint them.</p>

<p>Well good for you Nervus, I’m sure you will make your parents very proud.
I would love to be able to say the same thing as your parents, but having been out of work for the first time in my life for most of 2009, I can’t do it. Worse than attending your likely I think, would be to have to leave your reach or dream school because your parents couldn’t continue to pay. And I think that would kill me almost as much as it would the student. So, we are embracing the likelies and financial matches. There are great opportunities everywhere.</p>

<p>Seems like some people pick safeties that are merely easier-to-get-into versions of their reach and match schools. Like if a student’s reach schools are Williams and Haverford, and the match schools are Bates and Connecticut College, the safeties are often something like Dickinson and Skidmore…schools that don’t offer anything significantly different from the reach and match schools, but are just easier to get into. </p>

<p>Let me propose that such a student might want to opt for something completely outside the mold of the reach/match schools, because of the things they offer that differ sharply from the reach/match schools. Like for safeties this student might try Fordham (in big city, diverse neighborhood, bigger-time sports, interesting Jesuit atmosphere); Clemson (warmer weather, bigtime sports, exposes one to different part of country, wider variety of subjects offered); or University of Toronto (sample life in a fascinating city in a different country at a reasonable cost, students from all over the world, unlimited array of courses).</p>

<p>That is great advice, Schmaltz-- might not work for some because what they’re looking for is the comfort of a small school. But for others, that excitement and a new place might make make the other places pale. I know a girl who went to U of Denver when she didn’t get in to Smith, and is very happy there.</p>

<p>And thank you, Pepper for info on URI, especially that the partying is more under control!</p>

<p>

[quote]
Other people can explain better than I, but ED can be very restricting. You must drop all other applications; sometimes you cannot even apply anywhere else. Also you must accept the school that accepts you ED, at the time you are accepted (usually in December), including accepting their financial offer. Sometimes you can undo this commitment because of financial reasons, but that can get very complicated (including emotionally). If you are depending on comparing FA packages, ED is usually not a good option. But depending on the student, it can be a very important opportunity, and people who are not full-pay candidates do apply ED.
[/qoute]</p>

<p>Just adding some precision to this comment … in general at the start of the process an applicant that submits an ED application can also submit other non-ED applications including EA applications (unless their are some school specific restrictions to this). When the applicant is accepted at their ED school they are then supposed to withdraw their other applications.</p>

<p>Nervus that is wonderful your parents can do that for you.</p>

<p>This is a very difficult decision and one each family needs to make taking into account all the circumstances involved.</p>

<p>I too would love to send my son to his dream school and will do anything within reason to help him achieve that if he is fortunate enough to be accepted to his dream school(s).</p>

<p>However, after years of working in the financial field I have seen far too many cases of people doing things they simply cannot afford to do. In the end I feel my son will learn much about himself, including learning there are many types of responsibility in life, including financial responsibility.</p>

<p>This thread is to talk about when students must attend their safety school. It is important to remember that at the point the decision is made to attend that school it means to me that all financial matters have been taken into consideration and it just is not possible for us to afford his top choice.</p>