<p>D has applied EA/ED to a HYPS school. And she's in love; the deposit will go in the next day if she's accepted. Actually, the school would be a very good fit for her. She's visited and researched at length and wants to go for all the right reasons BUT as we all know, chances of admission are low for almost everyone who applies. </p>
<p>Although there are several other schools she likes very much, and where I think she'd be very happy, D is so enamoured of her dream school, and so busy with the academic and extracurricular demands of senior year, that she has barely looked at other applications. Her state school application barely made it in before the deadline. And as for rolling admission schools that could be wonderful safeties -- doesn't even know the subjects of the essays.</p>
<p>I am very concerned that come Dec. 15th, if she isn't accepted, it's going to be emotional h*ll around here. And while I realize that there are important life lessons to be learned from bouncing back from defeat, the thought of her having to write eight applications in a state of what I anticipate will be passionate self-denigration and negative comparisons of herself to classmates who did get in, is rather daunting. She is a very independent kid who has never needed us to check on the progress of her homework or other commitments, but I am beginning to consider the possibility of sitting on her to be sure that several applications are complete by the end of this weekend.</p>
<p>I vowed I wouldn't turn into one of those parents who is over-involved in the college process, but here I am in a state! Is anyone else similarly frazzled and if so, how are you coping?</p>
<p>I predict that if the news isn't what you are hoping for your daughter will muster up the courage and energy to get the rest of the applications into the mail by the deadline. Don't buy worries. The bulk of the work will come over the holiday when homework isn't a problem and friends aren't together all day at school. Let the decision some and rest in your house as it will.........life isn't so hard really. Waiting is hard for you but it is not your task or decision. Be calm for your daughter and know in your heart that she is strong.</p>
<p>I am going through the same thing with my son. He applied ED to one of the Ivies and all he thinks about is that school. He has sent out a couple of other apps because they were easy to complete but he does not want to go to any of them. He has yet to complete his 2nd or 3rd choice application. Right now he is so busy with academics and EC's and I hate to nag him. Normally he is so good about getting things done. I don't know if his lack of motivation is just naivete on his part or he feels it is a bad omen if he applies elsewhere (like he may be jinxing his chances at his ED school). He told me tonite he wants to wait until he hears from his ED school (Dec10-20) and the other schools deadline is Jan 1 so it will be close to impossible to complete. Right now I am taking the laissez-fair approach.</p>
<p>I had just started another thread on this topic. Obviously, the possibility you will not be accepted ED is easier to anticipate if you like some of the other schools on your list quite a lot. That said, both of my sons were able to get all their applications done between the time they did not get in ED and when the others were due a few weeks later. They were out of school, they knew they had to do them, they got them done. And, they did a good job... I nagged on an intermittent schedule carefully contructed to be balanced with support, humor, ridiculously diverting movies, physical activity, etc. The day my son finished his last application was the day of the Tsunami and since we live in the region, it was a profound day for us. It also made for an interesting adjunct essay. Although it is not easy to get it done after hearing 'no or maybe', it is possibly easier than doing it now when finals loom, etc. How invested would they be in doing an ace job at this point? My sons weren't, and so we went with it...</p>
<p>I myself have been stressing and having all sorts of conflict with my d. over her state u. apps -- due this Wednesday -- but I told her today that once that is done, I am going to quit all nagging. I figure that if she misses a deadline for a reach college, that's her problem, not mine -- with the UC system being both her actual & financial safety. </p>
<p>You indicated that your daughter did manage to meet the state school app -- though "barely" -- and I am assuming that is a safety for her. If it is, I would suggest that there is nothing for you to worry about: the worst case scenario is that your d. goes off to the state school, where presumably she will be in good company as that probably is where many of her high school classmates will also end up. </p>
<p>If your daughter is like mine, then the local state university is probably also the last place in the world she thinks she wants to be next year -- and if so, the prospect of ending up there will probably be enough to motivate her to get to work if the news in December is disappointing. </p>
<p>So I would suggest the following -- back off and leave your daughter alone. Use the time - and your stress-induced energy -- to do the organizational stuff that will make it easy to get the other apps in. For example, this week I printed off a list of mailing labels to the admissions offices of all the colleges on my daughter's list, with about half a dozen labels for each of the colleges. This will make the task of pre-addressing the envelopes given to teachers & the guidance counselor much easier. I've also made up checklists of what needs to be done for each college -- again, ready to use when ready. My daughter also asked me to print out the common app teacher recommendation forms - I filled in her name & address at the top before printing, and even the name of the one teacher I know for sure she will ask for recs on one set -- so again, when it is time, everything is ready to go. Let your daughter know what you've done - but don't nag, and simply tell her to let you know when she's ready for your help. In my case, since my daughter asked, I've already given her a file with all the forms, labels & stamps. </p>
<p>So basically I am recommending that you act like a good secretary -- but let your daughter be the boss. You anticipate and prepare all of this tedious, detail-oriented stuff, so that if she is in a rush a the end of December to meet deadlines, at least all the paperwork is already ready to go.</p>
<p>it happened to us a few years back. Older son deferredfrom ED choice on December 15. What a shock --we were so naive. The next two weeks were hellish and I had to take a week off of work to help facilitate the applications --kid too overwhelmed with tests to even think about coordinating. But we got the other applications done and he was admitted to an even MORE selective school in RD. With son #2 we have rejected the idea of ED, entirely, and have worked hard on ALL the apps, instead. If I am betting the odds, I like them better this way. I do not think my unhooked suburban kid with high SATs had a better chance at an Ivy ED, and experience validated that, for us.</p>
<p>Only one of my Ds applied E.D. and she had all of her apps ready to go before she heard from her E.D. school. I pretty much insisted on that because I truly did not want the holidays consumed with not only a very disappointed D but one who was then under pressure to complete 7 other apps and do a good job at it. The other issue was that her school required all requests for letters of recommendation and counselor letters to be in by Dec. 1, so it all worked out very well. The one difference with this D than with most kids who apply E.D. is that she had auditions to schedule as well, and that may have inspired her to get the apps done in a timely manner. As it turned out, she got into her first choice E.D. so, except for one school which had an early regular decision deadline, none of the others ended up being mailed. I still think it's a good idea to get them done before the decisions come out.</p>
<p>My son goes to boarding school, and they get out for Christmas break on December 15. Therefore, all the apps due January 1 are supposed to be done by TOMORROW. S applied ED to an Ivy, and is not particularly interested in "wasting time" (his words) doing more apps until he gets his decision. He has a state u acceptance in hand, another one to come, and an EA application in. It is a real dilemma. He has 5 applications he wants to do if he doesn't get into the ED school. Ugh. Please let this be over.</p>
<p>I think it is a great idea(particularly when you have a kid who is game to do so) to get them all done at once. Obviously, however, that has not happened for many people. So, now the question is- given the tension of the moment, the other priorities, etc...the potential for disappointment, etc, etc...is it better to try to push the kid to do them NOW, or is it better to wait and try to do them in the face of disappointment, and with tighter time limits.</p>
<p>Every kid is different. My kids were not accustomed to having things always go right and this was not their first disappointment by any means, and they had other schools they liked. In the aftermath of the ED rejection for one/deferral for the other-- they both felt they wanted to 'show the ED school they were wrong.' The RD application essays and supplements were edgier maybe- more acutely written- more timely- at least I thought so. Every application was well attended to, and the results were good. </p>
<p>Look, the truth is you will know in 2 weeks, as Hazmat noted in a gem of a post- it is out of your hands/out of your child's hands. First semester exams loom for some...Take an honest look at the calendar, what it will look like if applications are done now, or if they are postponed...and talk with your smart, sensible, invested, kid about how to make it work for them. I am not sure there is a best answer all around.</p>
<p>So many of us had kids who suffered through this situation. My D had her heart set on one school, and fell in the EA massacre there. She cried, was disappointed, and really felt as though she really wasn't HYP material because of it. But she got over it, and then was accepted at her second "love" but the FA wasn't good enough. Another disappointment. Now she is at another elite school that wanted her enough to give her the FA we needed, and she is thrilled with her "choice." It was a terrible time for her and for me, and now, we are both so happy with where she is, that this doesn't bother us at all. Interestingly, where she attends is a school she read about in the Princeton Review and thought she might like it, mentioned it twice, and then decided she wasn't going to do another essay. She has already requested the transcripts, etc., but just didn't feel like finishing it up. I told her since she was home for the holidays, what was one more? So, she did it and sent in her app right at the deadline. The early write was a pleasant surprise, and the calls to get her to come were a tremendous relief. One visit was all it took. She was hooked. After that terrible time, I can't really see her attending anywhere else. And this is the message from most CC parents who went through it. Somehow, no matter how much your child is in love with a school, they seem to wind up where they should be. Good luck, and who knows? She may be just what her dream school needs.</p>
<p>Oh, Anonymom, I am indeed frazzled in the same way. Although I know deep in my D's heart she wants to go to this school and forsake all others (in some ways it IS like a marriage, I just hope it's not unrequited love), she is doing her best to stay level-headed. And I'm doing my best to follow her lead. She received her on-line acceptance to her safety school last Wednesday, and I was afraid that she would be pretty laissez-faire when it came. But she wasn't. She shrieked with glee "I'm going to college! I'm going to college!" Now, I know it is not even in the top 5 on her list, but I was so relieved at her excitement.</p>
<p>At least she filled in the blanks on the Common App schools she wishes to apply to RD over Thanksgiving break and polished a few sentences in her essays again. But there are 4 other schools on her list which require very different essays from her Common App essays, and, considering the angst, gnashing of teeth, and screams that came when she wrote those two puppies, I am not looking forward to what our house will be like in mid December. And, in reality, she has only 8 days from Decision Day (also the last day of exams) to complete ALL the rest of the applications, because we already have tickets to a destination that is very warm and very far away for the last week of December. And we are NOT taking applications with us.</p>
<p>
[quote]
**because we already have tickets to a destination that is very warm and very far away for the last week of December. And we are NOT taking applications with us.
[/quote]
**</p>
<p>Sounds as if you aren't flexible on this one. Does your daughter agree with you on this? I personally cannot imagine this but you seem to have a plan and are sticking to it. Have fun.</p>
<p>A suggestion: have the test scores, teacher recommendation, and GC recommendation and transcripts sent out NOW to any schools with January application deadlines that your child might apply to if an ED/EA school falls through. Every year there have been cases here of kids having trouble with schools and teachers getting things sent over the holidays. </p>
<p>Hopefully, your child won't have to send any other applications because they get in ED/EA, but if not, it will be much less stressful to only have to worry about the applications, not everything else, after the ED/EA decisions come out.</p>
<p>Just my personal mention here: many folks are
[quote]
*** ill over the holiday break w/ viruses picked up during cold/flu season
[/quote]
***. Mail can be difficult due to weather and add this all together........stress. I agree to send in by traking mail any supplemental forms required, NOW.</p>
<p>For parents of kids who are applying next year:
Try to avoid this situation. Drop the ED application in the mail and forget about it until December 15. Pretend that it doesnt even exist. Keep working on the other applications so that they will be complete in the event of bad news. If this is psychologically impossible (without a bullwhip :)) then choose 2 or 3 priority colleges. For us, that meant completing 100% my sons second and third choice plus one safety. We actually sent them off, but if you want to save the application fee, okay, just complete them, seal them and set them aside. </p>
<p>For Anonymom and any one else in the same predicament this year: I would still try to get your kids to finiah two or three applications to secondary choices prior to December 15. At this point your kids emotional involvement in their early choice has already gone over the falls, so youre unlikely to get full cooperation on a full complement of applications but dont give up. If you believe that bad news will spark a negative reaction that will color the energy that is put into the RD applications, you are probably right. Early rejection or deferral can result in a grieving period not the best environment for selling yourself.</p>
<p>Think about what complete actually entails: most likely it means writing individual essays. These require thought and concentration and in the case of Why College X some heartfelt sentiment. Difficult to conjure up under pressure. </p>
<p>As Ive often said, the application process requires equal parts optimism and pessimism and early applications are even more schizophrenic than RD. Kids have to love their early choice (especially ED) with all their heart and soul and at the same time steel themselves for rejection. Emotionally kids react differently some rebound instantly, some stew a few days, some despair. Im in favor of aggressive parental involvement at this stage. Get those other applications (at least a few) done before the ED/EA news comes in. Just think of it as an insurance policy. </p>
<p>If theyre never sent or if you have to send out withdrawals, well, so much the better. Throw those other applications in the fire and open the champagne (or sparkling cider.) But dont take the chance of waiting.</p>
<p>PS I felt just the opposite of AudiB4s son: if my son hadnt completed the RD applications I would have felt he was jinxing his ED chance.</p>
<p>I echo Momrath's advice for next year's parents. The time to actually avoid this sort of situation starts a year or more before the application deadlines. </p>
<p>I think a parent's biggest responsibility in the process is to guide the whole issue around to the point that there are hundreds of very good schools and, while the student may have a favorite, there are many more that would be just as rewarding in their own way. It's really important that the student be able to picture himself or herself happy at colleges other than the dream school.</p>
<p>Go back and retype the paragraphs above in bold letters if the "favorite" school has a single-digit acceptance rate.</p>
<p>I also echo Momrath's suggestion to keep pluggin' away on applications after the ED app goes in the mail. My daughter had already mailed two more and had a third ready to drop in the mail on December 16th. I think the process of working on those apps and focusing on the strong points of those schools was a healthy way to keep her mind off the ED school once that application was done.</p>
<p>Another vote, based on experience, for working on the other apps after the EA/ED app goes in the mail. Pretend it doesn't exist. In the vast majority of cases, it doesn't...it's a phantom. And therefore may all your surprises be happy.</p>
<p>Also, I can honestly say that as the Great Wheel turned, an ED rejection was ultimately a good thing though none of us could see it at the time.</p>
<p>"Does the Seeker choose the Path or does the Path choose the Seeker?" --Garth Nix</p>
<p>Heh... I am actually one of those kids that has decided to not send in my other applications until I have heard from my ED school. I am aware about the other schools.... being there, and I am aware about the slim slim chance of me even being accepted into my ED school.... but it really does feel like it is jynxing the ED school by going on with the application process. Maybe it is fool hearty... but its so hard to get motivated enough to apply to other colleges when you are waiting to here from your top choice.</p>
<p>edit:
But! I still carry the motto..... Hope for the best, expect for the worst.</p>
<p>Son attends a small private school that is very new --just had its first graduating class last year. For a small private school to survive, they know they need to get the kids into "good" colleges so they try to be fairly well organized. </p>
<p>The school is adament that anyone applying ED or EA go ahead with their other applications before December 15. All required forms ** must ** be turned in to the counselors by December 1 along with requests for transcripts, references etc. The counselors coordinate the teacher references and periodically bug the kids to make sure their online apps are being prepared at a reasonable clip. They also require them to do safeties first to make sure they have something to fall back on. </p>
<p>Son turned in Chicago EA, and, since then, has pressed the submit button on six other applications.....one more to go out tomorrow. Then, he'll slack off till after December 15 when he can decide whether or not he should do his final two (wildly impossible) reaches. </p>
<p>This system is a blessing. It has taken pressure off our family. I do run to the post office with the supplementals he's submitting, double check that credentials have arrived, and fill out fin aid forms. Other than that, I stay out of the way.</p>