<p>My son, who is backpacking in the Olympic rainforest, just texted me and asked me to change his dorm preference. He had chosen sub-free but now is worried that he will be seen as a dork if he is on a sub-free floor. His current friends are pretty straight arrow, although I know there has been occasional light drinking at big events like prom and graduation, but no regular drunk high school bashes. He is definitely not a stereotypical geek, he was in a rock band, owns a 69 mustang, has a girlfriend, is very social and balances study and fun. He is no longer in the rock band, which coincided with the time the other members started smoking pot. So I'm wondering if I should try to talk him out of changing his mind. He can always change after his first year. Any thoughts?</p>
<p>It seems like the phrase “your milage may vary” really applies to sub free housing at colleges. I have heard various stories from various people:</p>
<ul>
<li><p>Sometimes there are people in sub-free housing because their parents made them sign up. They usually AREN’T sub free.</p></li>
<li><p>Sometimes the sub-free floors/dorms bond really well and are close. At one college I am aware of, sub free housing is a dorm that includes all ages. I have heard that the freshman are really welcomed and that the older students make a lot of effort to absorb them into the life of the dorm. It is reputed to be one of the more welcoming dorms on campus, and the kids there have a built in group of friends to have fun with outside the drinking culture.</p></li>
<li><p>If your son just signed up for a sub-free floor, he likely can make friends and hang out with people on the other floors in his dorm if he wants to. Just in case everyone IS a geek on his hall and he would prefer to make other friends.</p></li>
</ul>
<p>As an aside, my D1 just graduated from an LAC and made Phi Beta Kappa. Several of her close friends made it as well. She told me she met most of them when she signed up for housing that was focused on a specific academic freshman seminar; for a few of the seminars, the kids had the opportunity to live with the other kids interested in the same topic. But they made it clear that as a living group, they would have some more activities related to their seminar than everyone else (in other words, it sounded like more work than normal housing). She said that looking back, it was clear that a lot of the more academically inclined kids picked the seminar related housing. AND that as a group they were pretty light drinkers, more focused on school than partying. So not sub free, but for her that turned out to be a crowd less focused on drinking.</p>
<p>
That’s a dangerous attitude on his part. If he’s so worried about ‘being seen as a dork’, which he’s equating to substance free, then what’ll he do when he’s at a party and is offered drugs? Will he take them so he doesn’t appear to be a dork in their eyes? </p>
<p>He has nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed by due to his living in a sub-free dorm. Presumably he did it to be with more like-minded people. Does he view all of them as dorks?</p>
<p>Don’t forget that a lot of people who didn’t drink or do drugs in HS will start to do so in college so care still needs to be taken by him that he doesn’t get caught up in it and his ‘dork’ characterization is troubling.</p>
<p>At the end of the day - he should be the one deciding what dorm to live in and filling out the ‘lifestyle’ questions since he’s the one who’ll be living it and it wouldn’t be fair to his dorm-mates to not be honest about this area.</p>
<p>I think the word choice was more as shorthand than a perjorative. As I said, his best friends are pretty straitlaced. I sense that his concern is amplified by knowing that there is more freedom in college, he’ll be making new friends who may not be as supportive of his choices, and he won’t have us there to provide an easy excuse for opting out of whatever. This must be a fairlly common struggle for freshmen. I do think he has some pre-conceptions that he needs to challenge. I asked him to consider his lifestyle and evaluate what he likes in his current friendships before making the change. The final decision(his) was to stay with sub-free, knowing that he will be making friendships with many people with many different lifestyle choices and that he has flexibility and responsibility in his personal choices. He can always chnge his living arrangements later.</p>
<p>“he won’t have us there to provide an easy excuse for opting out of whatever”</p>
<p>Come now. You mean he can’t just simply state that if his parents were ever to find out about X he’d be out of WashU so fast that the Earth would spin right out of its orbit? You don’t suddenly lose your controlling-ogre-parent status when the kid goes off to college. If anything, the amount of money you are shelling out for his education (that is assuming that you are shelling it out) should automatically qualify you for an even higher level of controlling-ogreishness.</p>
<p>I suggest you write this in the WashU thread. There are a couple of posters, current WashU students, who regularly answer questions and they’re really helpful.</p>
<p>When my son got into WashU a few years ago, I was checking the WashU thread a lot. There was one poster, who was getting free dorm, and wrote that she was psyched about going. Then a few weeks later, she learned she got into the sub-free floor and was flipping out. I’m sure it turned out just fine, but I chuckled to think how sub-free wasn’t “geek” as we know it.</p>
<p>I’m sure it will turn out just fine. It’s WashU! My son asked for a double in the new dorms and he ended up in a triple in a traditional one. His roommate then is still his roommate for next year and he loves the school. Your son can’t go wrong.</p>
<p>Thanks for the input. I know these things usually work themselves out. Just parental worry on my part I suppose.</p>
<p>This is not highschool where the table you sit at defines who you are.</p>
<p>My D is a recent WashU grad. She requested a sub-free floor her freshman year and did not regret her decision. She found her sub-free floor to be quiet and more conducive to studying. She always said that if a student wanted to drink, all they had to do was take the stairs up one floor. Even though my D chose to wait until she was 21 to consume alcohol, she never felt like she was labeled a geek for being a non-drinker.</p>
<p>Relatives there. Don’t worry about geeky reputation- possible to study hard and get good grades with a social life there it seems. College is so different than HS- no “in” or “out” groups et al. You do your own thing and can have many facets to your personality.</p>
<p>East Coaster here – sorry – are we talking about what I know of as UDub (Seattle), The College Alternatively Known as WUSTL, or something else?</p>
<p>WashU is WUSTL. University of Washington is never referred as WashU, but U-Dub.</p>