<p>Every school with high academic standards needs to do what they can to create a supportive environment. I’m a Cornell parent too … one who sees this issue from a very different perspective than you. It is impossible to 100% screen, police, and hand-hold every one of 20,000 students at a great school like Cornell-- and you wouldn’t want to if you could. Independent resourceful behavior, freedom, and personal responsibility also need to be inculcated. The word that here-and-there tough breaks happen in every large community – and in life – also needs to get out. Even the realization that the press often propagates drama and sensationalism over rational discourse needs to be remembered.</p>
<p>Cornell is a fantastic community that needs to continue to hold their heads up, and keep their critical thinking caps on, and not be swayed by drama queens who may be more counter-productive than helpful, however well meaning their intentions.</p>
<p>What exactly is it that Cornell’s doing wrong? You are looking at the suicides and you are infering there must be something wrong with Cornell that’s causing them. But, do you actually have any specifics about what you would like to see improved? The only thing I have seen you harp about is how Cornell is too hard. That’s not something Cornell can or should change as it is not any harder than its peers.</p>
<p>Edit: oh, and the frat system. How can I forget about the frat system? Short of doing away with the Greek system, do you have any suggestions for realistic changes Cornell can make?</p>
<p>At Cornell Days my son was told he should definitely Rush. I was apprehensive at first and was discouraging him from thinking about it but then I went on the Cornell web site and it did seem like it was well monitored and they had awards for Frats with highest GPA etc. I am still not saying I am totally sold but if you have info regarding this I would be interested in it.
Thanks</p>
<p>^ if you have any questions about the greek system feel free to PM me. </p>
<p>But to preliminarily answer some things that you may be concerned about:</p>
<p>Does drinking occur at frats:</p>
<p>Yes. Frats have lots of beer that gets consumed on a regular basis. The downside to drinking at a frat is that alcohol is readily available to you anytime you want it so it requires you to be responsible. If your son is an alcoholic, then frat life would destroy him. On the otherhand, if your son is even somewhat responsible, he will be able to drink responsibly. The upside about drinking in frats is that it is often much safer than drinking in other places. Most drinking at frats is beer, not hard liquor, and it is much harder to get alcohol poisoning when drinking beer than hard alcohol. Secondly, there are always sober people around at frats, if your son gets a little too drunk and tries to do something stupid, more often than not someone will stop him. This would not be the case if he was drinking at someones apartment. The IFC heavily regulates the drinking activities of frats such that it is probably as safe as people under the age of 30 can be while drinking. </p>
<p>Will my son fit in at a frat:</p>
<p>Frat life at Cornell can be very different from frat life at other schools. When I arrived on campus, I firmly decided against joining a frat. A few months into my first semester, I found a frat that I love and I am currently a brother there. It is one of the least “fratty/broish” places I can think of and I love it. </p>
<p>Is the social scene screwed up, will my son only be allowed to be friends with certain people?</p>
<p>No, not at all. During pledging which lasts about 3 months, your son most probably wont have time to see his friends outside his frat depending on how intense his pledging process is. The down side of this is that he misses a few months with his friends. The upside of this is that he will become incredibly close with his pledge class. After pledging, there isn’t a “only hang out with us” mentality at all. In fact, one of the largest upsides of cornell is the networking and EVERYONE should and does take advantage of it. I would say that joining a house helped me meet a ton of people outside the house as well because I met everyone else’s friends and they all met mine.</p>
<p>Your son will have a whole semester to decide if he wants to join. There is no reason why he should join if it’s not right for him, but try to go in with an open mind. It has been a positive experience for my daughter as well. She feels the rush experience has helped her with job interviews, as silly as it sounds. She did a whole skit for us on sorority rush vs job search, down to the kumbaya they do on pref day (sell day at firms). It was very funny because the comparison was very close, and so shallow on both sides.</p>
<p>You gave me a lot of information and I felt you did it honestly. In the end it will be his decision although I always feel like I can offer him advice. To be candid I did hear that it was only beer at Frats and you do offer good insight into this. I would like to think that my son would handle himself maturely in his college years, but I also understand your point of the house bond that would allow others to look out for each other. He is a social person and this may be something that would really appeal to him. I agree he has a whole semester to see where he fits in at Cornell. I think I need that semester as well to adjust to him being away. He is ready. I am not. The first one is tough and I am probably over thinking everything. He will be the first to tell you I worry too much. Thanks again for all the honesty. It really did help.</p>
<p>buffalowwings24, My son is also in a fraternity at Cornell. As Tboonepickens described his fraternity, my son describes his much the same. It is not a very “broish” type and from what I have seen being there it does not resemble Animal House at all. The guys are low key and all or most have very high GPAs. I think my guys joined because they wanted the house/family type of experience while at Cornell. They both seem happy in the frat.</p>
<p>Cadmiumred…Did you view the Presidents video message yesterday? I can see you are still looking for answers where there are none. This just can’t be explained and that is why it is a tragedy. Do you really want to see the academic rigor of Cornell go down the tubes? Or the long standing Greek system disappear? The university is doing its best to be open to any problems that students may be experiencing, and other than being dilegent in encouraging students to use these facilities and making these facilities available for extended hours I just don’t know what they could do. What would you like to see them do? You seem to think that by blaming the Greek organizations and the work load at Cornell than the problem could be fixed by getting rid of both. Would you have wanted your son at a school that had a less rigorous reputation or standard? That is a question only you could answer.
When my kids applied to Cornell they fully understood that this was a school in the upper tier of academics. They have benefited tremendously from their Cornell education and although they have been shocked by the deaths of these students they also understand that this is a strange occurance on campus. Everyone associated with Cornell wants to know how and why this has occured, just as we all want to know how and why any senseless tragedy occurs. Sometimes in life there are no answers to the questions we ask. Suicide and the reasons are unique to each individual and unless Cornell ran a pcych evaluation on every prospective student they will never be able to assure that this won’t happen again. I hope you can hold your head up when you run into people that know your son is a Cornell student. You should be proud that he will be entering his second year and is on his way to becoming a man. It is a tough time that the university is experiencing, but as a parent I certainly do not want to provide an opening for Cornell bashing. I am too proud of my sons and the people they have become. I hope you will recognise the growth within your own son to understand how proud other Cornell parents and the alumni are. I am getting so frustrated with posts on this board that puts Cornell in anything less then the light it deserves to be in. </p>
<p>Other schools have a history of suicide on their campuses but you just don’t see the kind of bad press that Cornell has always received.</p>
<p>thank you for your opinion as well. As a side note I work in our Middle schools system. We just had an assembly two weeks ago that featured a father who had lost his son to suicide in 8th grade. It was such an emotional assembly and was hopefully impactful to the students with regards to bullying. Unfortunately I just heard today that in a surrounding town, a HS student took their life. Suicide, whether it is more prevalent now or just more publicized is sad. I don’t think there are any easy answers. It was quite emotional for me being up at Cornell days and seeing the flowers at the bridge. I know when I went to RPI way back in the day someone committed suicide. As a mother it scares me. I hope I raised my son to be confident in himself. Things are not always going to be easy. Life is not easy. I hope that he is compassionate and if he saw someone having a rough time he would help. I think we would love to have answers so we could say oh that is not my child. But I think momma three is right that there probably isn’t even just one answer. I think our jobs as parents are to be there and encourage our kids to be good people. Help someone out. Be a friend. And of course hope it never happens again.
Thanks again for all the information.</p>
<p>Yes Momma-three: I could do without the pressure of kids trying to beat a mean grade average, prelims at night, and I could do without the Greek system.</p>
<p>This is a strawman. The curve only serves to help students. If everybody was getting 90s on tests there would be no curve and everybody would be getting As. As long as students focus on their own studies and make an honest effort to learn the material, they will be fine.</p>
<p>Prelims at night may create a more stressful atmosphere, but most people would probably prefer to have the extra class time, and for a lot of people it is less stressful to have a leisurely dinner before a prelim than to have a test packed into the middle of a busy school day. To suggest that nighttime prelims have any correlation with mental health issues on campus is unfounded at best.</p>
<p>with all these things you are so unhappy about. Why did you send your kid to Cornell in the first place? I mean, these things were all there when you researched schools. They are not new.</p>
<p>I am still trying to figure out how the greek system even bothers you when only about 1/3 of the cornell students participate in the greek system. That leaves 2/3 that don’t. So your child is in the majority. What’s the problem?</p>
<p>I second Cayuga’s sentiments regarding night prelims. I enjoyed having a nice dinner with friends before taking the exam. Additionally…I reallllly liked having 2.5 hours to take an exam for what is normally a 50 minute class. Plus, it was great to be able to 1.) Not have to rush to class to take the exam because I had a class right before (which is quite stressful) or 2.) go back to my room and unwind after the rest…rather than trudge on to my next class.</p>
<p>I am very much in agreement with Cayuga, usafa, Tbone, and Dew. Why you would advocate the diminution of Cornell’s parity with its peer schools in terms of academic rigor eludes me. As usafa suggested above, your son would have had lots of alternatives for colleges that are a bit more laissez-faire regarding academic standards, and/or schools with a smaller percentage of excelling students (and he could opt to transfer now).</p>
<p>One of the big factors for many in choosing Cornell is that they will be put in an environment of outstanding students, as well as exemplary teachers-- this is one of the prime advantages of a “top tier” university. There are of course others, like incredible research opportunities, depth, diversity, and breadth of academic options, beautiful campus, et cetera. My guess is that most in the administration and faculty – as well as most students – would balk at having their school’s hard-earned academic prowess diluted.</p>
<p>cadmium…What does your son want? That is the important question that should be addressed. If he is happy with Cornell than you should be supporting with pride the school that he is attending. If he is unhappy than he should be thinking about a transfer. The academic rigor of Cornell is not going to change, nor should it. I would hate to think that my kids and thousands of others have worked hard only to learn that standards have been lowered. That is why there are so many different types of schools. I would not expect MIT to change their standards, and my son has heard of classmates committing suicide. In fact the MIT board does not even address these tragedies as the way it does here. My daughter also had a couple of suicides on her campus as well, and that was a far less selective college. There are just no simple answers, and I hope you can come to terms with this. .</p>
<p>Your level of alertness is actually highest b/w 7-10pm, not when you first wake up. It’s actually not a bad idea to have exams in that time period.</p>
<p>sure every institution is flawed…but i do agree that many individuals have been concerned with the high record of suicides THIS YEAR…</p>
<p>there is no 1 answer for all students…i think the best remedy though would be to encourage students with thoughts of harming themselves to talk to a professional and figure out what could be done to help that individual on a case by case basis. </p>
<p>for some individuals they are emotionally depressed by their social environment while others struggle to perform academically (despite pulling several all nighters). </p>
<p>for some its a mixture of both that can be very alienating. </p>
<p>i do think that cornell should be encouraging and informing students about medical leaves of absences…it’s not a cop out if the student really needs to get away for awhile…</p>
<p>campuscsi…Do you feel that they are not doing this or not doing this enough? Have you thought about suggesting this to President Skortons office?</p>
<p>Camusisci----You can’t suggest anything because you are not even a student at Cornell? What is your problem with Cornell? You sound like you are holding a grudge…read some of your post, and think about doing something about that.</p>