<p>I am in a bit of shock at the moment. DS was just offered a summer internship at a MAJOR scientific research think tank. Whoohaa good news .....except.....</p>
<p>He is a HS Junior so this will be the summer before his Senior year. He is at a demanding prep school which when added to the daily commute makes his school year days run from 6:00 a.m. to 9:00 p.m. on most days when the homework load is reasonable. He goes full throttle all year and is doing very well. Christmas, winter and spring break are much needed respites.</p>
<p>When he began pursuing the internship all of us made the assumption that it would several weeks of the summer. As it turns out, the internship would run from 3 days after school lets out until 1 day before school starts. 40 hours a week (or more). He would need to live with a relative during the week to make the commute feasible. </p>
<p>For the past 6 years he has been attending a language immersion program for 4 weeks each summer. Not only has this been an excellent learning opportunity, he has also forged friendships with other attendees from all over the country. This is the last year he can attend that particular program. Accepting the internship would obviously make this other activity impossible. He would basically have no time to relax, recharge, have a social life with his friends....basically enjoy one of the last summers of childhood.</p>
<p>I'm not a tiger mom....balance has always been important. Conflicted here....thoughts?</p>
<p>Does he know he can’t serve as the President of the US until he’s 35, right? What is your son doing with all those crazy hours? I know what he’s NOT doing. Having fun. “Full throttle” is absolutely crazy when he is ONLY in hs.</p>
<p>I suspect whatever his role at this Think Tank, it will also include making coffee and/or making photocopies. The “good stuff” is more often saved for college kids.</p>
<p>Actually the internship is such that they are presented with a technological/scientific problem and are asked to come up with solutions. This would involve learning a programing language, problem modeling, access to all the lab equipment and face to face time with a gaggle of Phd’s. It would be a no brainer if there was any indication of coffee serving or filing being a major component .</p>
<p>He gets up at 6:00 a.m. to ride a carpool to school. After school activities involve theatre and then the commute home. He’s organized and driven so takes a good academic load. I realized that the way I phrased it may be misleading. His days are actually shorter and more manageable than anyone on the football team .</p>
<p>what does HE want to do? He sounds like an outstanding student with a thirst for knowledge and a student who has learned to manage his time well . Is HE super excited about this opportunity? If so, I’d say he should go for it. Opportunities like this do not come along every day and WILL set him apart from most other students when he applies to college! It will also give him an obvious essay topic to write about . Doing only ONE very interesting thing for an entire summer, rather than having to juggle multiple classes, tests, homework and fitting in EC’s , like he has to do the rest of the year, might actually be be a lot easier for him to handle than you might think…</p>
<p>Menlo; He is conflicted and a bit stunned at the moment too, we just found out a few hours ago. He had not entertained the idea of giving up the last summer of the language program. He’s also self aware enough to know he wants a rest during the summer, he wants a social life, he wants to sleep until noon sometimes and go to the movies. He’s drafting a letter which will approach/address the idea of shortening the time involvement to maybe 7 weeks. He is also meeting with his college and guidance counselors, both of whom value balance and sanity.</p>
<p>I’m voting for the internship. It sounds like an incredible learning opportunity.
I think a 40 hour per week commitment will probably feel easier to most high school students than their typical school year load of classes, homework, ECs, sports and volunteering.</p>
<p>They know he is in HS. On the original application was the question…‘what is your availability’…he put in the dates based on the end of school and then the senior year start date. We’d do this differently …had we known. As far as I know this place offers internships to HS students not just those in college.</p>
<p>Well, he and you can sleep on it , make inquiries about possible modificatons to when he can actually participate, and he probably has a few weeks of time to think about this before he has to accept or decline. .</p>
It seems like next summer would be worse - the last summer before college.</p>
<p>Maybe he can arrange with them to have a delayed start, earlier ending, or a break in the middle for a family vacation, or maybe he can ask if he can do a reduced workweek - maybe 25 hours or something. </p>
<p>Is this a paid internship position? If not then definitely pursue a decreased time at it.</p>
<p>Menlo: thanks for your thoughtful input. I really debated whether to come to CC with this issue because it seems like a bit of a ‘snotty’ dilemma. And, as a relatively low level poster, still struggle with what to discuss and what to hold close.</p>
<p>As I mentioned above…never been a tiger mom. Both kids went to a K-8 which never assigned homework on weekends because it was considered family time. This same school strictly controlled the amount of work given based on grades. The end result being…two kiddles who were accepted into competitive HS’s. I’ve encourage both to maintain a balance in life, have free time to ‘cloud watch’ on a very regular basis, sleep at least 8 hours, make use of the opportunities presented within a framework of sanity…nope - you do not get to take 4 AP’s in one year …and…if I ever sense they are losing their smile or sense of joy…stop, figure out why and make the needed changes. </p>
<p>DS spends his current free time welding yard art (with subsequent heart stopping activation of fire alarms), designing LED lighted clothing, working on a train table set with parts from his Grandfather’s set and reading a variety of odd texts. Never pushed him, not been one of those who has groomed offspring for Ivy’s or agonized over college being the make or break point in life (as so many threads here often stress about). I so want my kids to enjoy and experience each and every phase of their childhood and youth in an age appropriate manner. That is where my personal conflict lies…maybe a college essay may take the tack of …why I chose not to take and opportunity and what the positive effects were…And so, will sleep on this. Parenting never gets easier.</p>
<p>Dietz, it may seem odd but my D has a similar situation–jr. at prep school, very driven/exhausting school schedule, and working this summer at a top research university without so much as any break after school ends (starting right after the June 2 SATIIs)!! Others tell us we/she is crazy. The way we resolved it was that she’ll work a 4 day week. After commiting to the full summer, she asked for a day off to work 4 days each week. They totally understood, and it helps a lot to know she has a day to sleep in or go to the movies.</p>
<p>I think the best possible scenario might be if he could limit his summer participation in this program to 4-6 weeks. He could state that he now knows he will not be available from X to X dates, due to family obligations that he was not aware of when he originally filled out the application. But I would be hesitant to “throw the baby out with the bath water”, if the program duration cannot be shortened.
Given the magnitude of this opportunity, and the fact that he WILL soon be in college and in charge of what he chooses to do and when to do it, when he sleeps and eats and how he takes care of himself, I would not be so adamant that his “down time” this next summer is more important than this opportunity. I think this should be up to him. You will soon have no say as to how he spends his time. If , after talking to his HS counselors, you and the program liaison, he really wants to do this internship this summer, in part because of the huge “leg up” it WILL give him in his college applications, then I would encourage him to do it.</p>
<p>You sound like a wise enough parent,and your son sounds like a wise enough kid, for that matter, that the right thing will happen here. It sounds like you have done a wonderful job raising him and that he is internally driven in a really healthy way.</p>
<p>I think that you would agree this decision should be made without regard for college admissions. If the internship puts him “in the zone,” the way backyard welding or model trains do, then it may be a wonderful thing. Especially if the time frame and hours can be adjusted down. The hard part is that the foreign language program was also a wonderful thing.</p>
<p>How much of a loss is it for him to not go to the program he has attended in the past? Is there an emotional need to finish that program with friends and teachers he has come to know? Is he wishing that he had never applied to the internship so as not to have this dilemma?</p>
<p>Is the internship related to a scientific interest that he loves? It sounds cool and very tempting in the way it is set up. Would it be fun in the way things that totally absorb us can be? Is it tied to a long-term “passion,” as they say?</p>
<p>Is it hard for him to live away from home in this final summer, for most of the week? You sound like a close, mutually inspiring family. That can make it easier to leave, or harder.</p>
<p>I don’t think anyone here can help you with more wisdom that you already have, and just want to send the support of that opinion your way! The bottom line is that either way, he will have a great summer, and most likely, a bright future.</p>
<p>Compmom: I couldn’t agree more wholeheartedly that this decision should not be driven by the potential ‘college packaging’ value it may carry. That would go against the philosophy which has guided all of us this far. </p>
<p>The language program has been a very important part of his life for several reasons. I basically forced DS and DD (she’s in her sophomore year at college) to attend their first session several years ago. DD had no desire to return and that was the end of it for her. DS on the other hand could not wait to go back each summer. And with the exception of the summers where we visited the country of the language he’s pursuing, he’s been back regularly. He’s made friends with students from all over the US and also a few from other countries. We live in a bit of a bubble area where kids at our local ‘lanyard making’ style summer camps arrive with matching designer luggage. It’s been such a blessing for him to experience a different attitude and culture at the language village since it’s in a very different part of the country. The program has also offered some very unique experiences - one summer they hosted a model UN with all the different language villages participating (of which there are now 14 I think) and it was presided over by the undersecretary to the UN general counsel. The kids got to meet and speak with this person. It was life changing. For this and even more reasons giving up his last year at this program not a decision he’s taking lightly.</p>
<p>He has the option of staying with one of two relatives during the week…both of whom he loves and enjoys being with and I’m sure would have no problem doing so.</p>
<p>After sleeping on this I think we will pursue the possibility of shortening the internship to 6 -8 weeks. Hopefully this will be an option. He knows he doesn’t have to worry about disappointing us, that there is really no wrong or right and that whatever the final choice is we will support him.</p>
<p>Will there be other people his age there? If so, he could end up having a blast hanging out after work with new friends with similar interests to his. That said, my D had a summer research job where she was the only high schooler. It was flattering that they hired her and it was a fantastic and well-paying opportunity. The downside was that she spent the whole day in her little cubicle, only occasionally interacting with adults. Meanwhile her peers were hanging out at the pool or beach for their “last summer of childhood,” or working in typical teen jobs like the town day camp with other kids their age. The seriousness of the job and social isolation sometimes bothered D.</p>
<p>A year later, though, that experience helped her land a great research job on campus after freshman year. Ironically, she was the only underclassman hired for that particular project and thus it was kind of a repeat experience socially. However, she is interviewing for summer internships now and is getting looked at for positions for which they usually only take rising seniors. So career-wise, it is definitely paying off. Face it, this sort of dilemma will arise for a smart, mature kid. It’s a trade-off that only he can evaluate.</p>
<p>Sounds like a situation in which one kid might be nostalgic, and wanting to pull back before going forward to college, and another kid might be looking forward, feeling done with the past and even impatient to move ahead. We have both personalities in our house, and more besides!</p>