Supplement essays

College Essays
1

<p>So far, I've written two supplement essays for two separate schools. One is for Rice (200 words), and the other is for UVA (500 words). Any editing help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!</p>

<p>Rice:
"What colleges are you applying to?" The question is consistently greeted with either an unwarranted explanation of every step of the decision making process, or "I haven't decided yet". I was of the latter. When my friends asked the same question, I joked that being the only Chinese student at my school I would be applying to Rice. In all seriousness, they replied that Rice was a great choice and assured me that I would be accepted there. Surprised that Rice University actually existed, I began to research it. At first, Rice was just a possibility, but as the year flew by, Rice became so much more. It has become the possibility. I want a top-notch education that will not only stimulate my way of thinking, but will also expand my understanding of the world so that I may view the it with fresh eyes. I want a distinctive residential college system where I will not be segregated from my peers by my course of study. I want the chance to conduct undergraduate research with world-class professors and to contribute my significant life experiences and perspectives to the diverse atmosphere at Rice University.</p>

<p>UVA:
I never gave the word much thought. But looking back, it was everywhere; never said, but always implied. It showed itself in everything that we do, everything we believe in. We are alloys. I am an alloy.
It is remarkable how one short word can reflect an integral part of our lives. It describes us all and, like a person, has layers of meaning: an alloy of races, cultures and lifestyles, of beliefs, of our ancestors.
From the beginning I have been an alloy- of people and of cultures. My parents emigrated from Taiwan to the United States. As a result, I have roots in Asian culture as well as American culture. Rather than having bias to one culture or the other, I see myself as a neutral party- able to see and understand the viewpoints of each culture without being significantly influenced by either.
It would seem that, throughout history, man has preferred to think of himself as pure rather than accept that he is an alloy; in reality, the best part of human beings is our mixed natures. “Pure” objects such as gold or purebred animals, while aesthetically appealing and monetarily valuable, are often weak and problematic. By combining elements of two separate natures, however, the end product receives the advantages of both and is stronger than either of its parents.
J. Robert King once wrote that, “Strong things are rarely pure…the strongest metals are alloys, and the strongest men are too.” As I progress through life, my understanding of the word grows with me. I may never again think of this, my favorite word, but I know it will remain with me forever.</p>

2

<p>First one had an interesting/amusing idea (Rice confusion) but had a lot of cliche sentences that I’m sure they’ve heard a million times: I’m referring to the school’s academics being praised in the vaguest possible terms. It doesn’t tell the reader much about you. I think if you could somehow expand on the rice pun it could be much more insightful. Even something minor, like lower-casing the first “r” when you respond to your friends in order to more clearly communicate your confusion, and thus, set up the greater humorous effect.</p>

<p>Second one again had an interesting idea (the idea that two separate natures coalesce into one stronger nature) but the last sentence is a bit confusing: “I may never again think of this, my favorite word, but I know it will remain with me forever,” is a bit contradictory and unclear.</p>