suspended from college..need some advice

Parents Forum
1

<ul>
<li>I've also posted this in the college life forum, any advice would be great.*</li>
</ul>

<p>Hey all, I'm posting this on behalf of my cousin:</p>

<p>Background: Just finished first semester at Goucher college. Fairly smart kid coming out of HS (GPA> 3,0 and an SAT score of around 2000). However, he is rather absent-minded and often forgot to turn in his assignments on time in HS itself, and had to be constantly reminded by his parents to study and finish homework.</p>

<p>At the end of his first semester at Goucher he has a GPA of 1.17, and received an e-mail from the univeristy saying that he is going to be suspended for poor grades and failing a FRO 100 ( I believe its a frshman orientation class). I think its one of those classes that you have to Pass if you want to move on to the next semester. ( I don;t know how he managed to fail that class!).</p>

<p>He has the chance to appeal the suspension, and he plans on doing that later this week. If it is successful, he can go back for the spring semester.</p>

<p>I suggested to his parents that he could perhaps go to CC for a couple of years and then transfer out to a better univeristy once he gets the hang of college classes and brings his GPA up.</p>

<p>Does anyone know what the requirements for admission to CC are? Is 1.17 too low a GPA to transfer in with ? Does anyone know of someone who went throgh a similar experience? We don't know where to go form here.</p>

<p>P.S. I'm very confident that he's not an alchoholic/ drug addict or anything like that. We jsut don;t know where it all went wrong!</p>

<p>Any inputs would be very useful</p>

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<p>He sounds like he lacks the maturity for college. Any kid who needs to be constantly reminded by parents to study and do homework is not ready for college, though the parental involvement may be part of the problem. (Too much parental hovering can be a bad thing).</p>

<p>Seems to me like cc and/or a job would be the best solution. </p>

<p>(Note: my son took a 3-year hiatus in the middle of college to do the growing up needed to function well – its the best choice he ever made. He worked full time and did a lot better when he returned to college as a young adult rather than as a spoiled teenager).</p>

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<p>Most community colleges have no entrance requirements - they may require some placement tests in English/math - but anyone can enroll.</p>

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<p>If this student needed parental propping to get homework done and to study in high school, that was a warning shot unfortunately that wasn’t heeded. CCs are all different, but the majority would allow this student to take classes. He might have to follow certain steps or prove success in some remedial classes to gain access to some specific classes but as far as admittance, I think most will admit everyone who wants to attend. If he is allowed to try one more semester at his current school and still lacks the maturity needed then yes, perhaps either a total hiatus and work or work and a few classes at the CC to test his ability to manage himself might be helpful. We’ve all known kids that needed to “grow up” and for a few years before heading off to college. Too bad they can’t “test” kids for college readiness like they test 4 year olds for kindergarten readiness. Maybe on the order of: can the kid get himself up in the morning by himself without a parent involved? (equivalent to can the child dress himself and tie shoes) Does he/she have a track record of making it to class on time? (equivalent to is the child potty trained) Does he have a track record of getting homework done without prompting? (equivalent to can the child sit still, follow direction and use scissors) and so on and so on. I’m being tongue in cheek but there are very basic maturity level skills that are required before a student enters kindergarten and also before he/she heads off to college and it doesn’t matter how “bright” the kiddo is, if they don’t have some basic skills they will not be successful and need more maturation.</p>

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<p>It is great that you are looking about for a next step for you cousin. (However, I don’t think you should ID the college when posting for advice. You may wish to help him negotiate a return so some privacy is wise.) Goucher is a very good place. Perhaps he could return if he performs well in CC for only one good semester if he also agrees to short term academic and personal counseling on campus to explore how he got so derailed.</p>

<p>Although you are sure the explanation is not substance abuse in any component, I will caution you. Not only should you consider that some students become video game aholics in college, never go to sleep, and ruin their sleep cycles once on their own…you should not dismiss misuse of alcohol or binging as an issue. He is not likely to bring it up if he has an issue. My relations wish they had spoken to their son’s roommates so they could have realized what the real problem was…but they didn’t do this. A relative of ours attended a college within an hour of Goucher in the honors track with a 1430 SAT score and a very spotty B average in HS due to ADD for which he was medicated. Turns out he was not going to class at all. He earned zero credits first semester! And was put in the ER for a stomach pumpout by a quick thinking (pity the poor) roommate who found him drunk in a bad way and was smart enough not to “risk” his sleeping it off. Before college he had zero alcohol issues due to careful parenting, but without parental presence he had a full blown problem quickly and probably was a nuisance on his hall although the parents had ZERO idea of these issues and were completely unaware of the fact he was not so much as going to class or doing any assignments. YOu know, once he failed a test in one class, or failed to meet a deadline, he failed to negotiate with the teacher or “fix” his problem and then simply quit trying altogether…the parents of course were told all was well. This boy has a family genetic issue with substance abuse and just had no ability at all to moderate. Even so, his parents persuaded the college to let him return for a semester. (mistake) Guess how many credits he earned. That’s right. Zero.<br>
I am sure your cousin and our relation are made of 100% different stuff, but I caution you re whether you know what the guys on his hall observed as the issue. Goucher is a small place and he probably had many many warnings before he got that email. he should be seeing a counselor to explore this, and then having a sit down with his parents present with said counselor. He does not have problem solving skills, and your family needs to know why before sending him back into dorms where most kids are doing the work, passing and on track.<br>
I hope you find his needs are not complex and that he is back learning soon. Our relation is bright but has unspecified biological limits and focus issues that get in his way. He is serving in the USArmed Forces with some setbacks now and then and yes, he has been arrested for DUI in this chapter of life, too.</p>

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<p>First…thank you all for your inputs. When his dad forwarded me the suspension e-mail, it came as a real shock. His parents don’t live in the statesm and complain that whenever they called him, he rarely would pick the phone up and talk to them.</p>

<p>His parents were too busy to check his grades online (despite the fact that they had the username and password…so perhaps they played a part in this?). While I don;t advocate them spoon-feeding him and constantly looking over his shoulder, if they had checked his grades they might have realized the severity of the problem a lot earlier. </p>

<p>I learnt today from him that he did not attend 3 chemistry lectures and two biology lectures (he as a C or D grade) in these subjects. He tells me that he could not wake up early enough for the 930 AM biology lectures and that he skipped the 1130 AM chemistry lectures because he was working on other things. I don’t think missing a few lectures can be the primary reason for achieving such dismal grades. He is a really honest kid (I know this sounds naive, but for now this is all we have going), and we believe the not drinking/doing drugs bit.</p>

<p>His parents recommended he switch majors, He;s currently premed (now med-school seems impossible), I suggested switching to something like kinesiology- since he likes sports. I also fear that it might have nothing to do with the subject but just his general attitude towards structured education. I suspect that irrespective of the subject his grades are not likely to improve.</p>

<p>His parents (as well as him) are all american citizens are considering moving back to the states for a little bit to help him settle down. They’re also thinking about pulling him out of college and putting the money into a welfare fund for him to use later in life.</p>

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<p>Wow, this sounds familiar! At least S’s school doesn’t kick you out after the first semester–you get one semester of academic probation to bring up the GPA. He failed two classes and got a whopping 1.54 GPA. But he’s very good at ping pong… </p>

<p>I asked him to estimate how many classes he missed in each course. In some courses he missed 10 or more classes. Some of them were because he was sick for an entire week, but many were due to falling asleep in the lobby when he was sexiled and sleeping through his morning classes. [Which is NOT going to happen again! :mad: ]</p>

<p>I also asked him to write out his normal daily schedule–it contained only classes, meals, and TV/tennis/ping pong/computer games. No homework, no studying. I think (I hope!) seeing it in black and white made an impression on him.</p>

<p>I think it’s a maturity issue. I thought he should go to CC for a year, but crossed my fingers and hoped he would rise to the occasion when he was on his own. Oops.</p>

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<p>A friend of our’s son went through this same exact thing. Getting a warning first semester, then flunking out the spring semester. His parents, who didn’t check his grades either, refused to pay for him to continue, so he lived at home for 2 years and tried out a CC near us. He kept switching majors, (from engineering, to economics, to art) and never really got into the college thing. </p>

<p>This year, he’s been living up north, rooming with a buddy who goes to college. When i saw him over the Christmas break, he described his situation as “taking a hiatus”. His job: he delivers pizza. I suppose he’s growing up, because he pays for his own rent in a really grungy walk-up over a cleaners, but can’t afford a car and his parents pay for the phone. Not sure how long that’ll last, since his roomate will be graduating in May.</p>

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<p>“His parents (as well as him) are all american citizens are considering moving back to the states for a little bit to help him settle down. They’re also thinking about pulling him out of college and putting the money into a welfare fund for him to use later in life.”</p>

<p>I really think that they should pull the financial plug on him and let him find out what it’s like to either support himself by working fulltime or send himself to community college while working parttime.</p>

<p>I told about our older S in your original thread on College Life Forum. Our younger S got senioritis in high school, and based on our experience with older S, we told younger S that if his grades severely dipped, we would not pay for his college until he had funded himself through college for a year with decent grades.</p>

<p>This S managed to miss all of the deadlines for colleges that interested him (Only reason older S had made deadlines was that I stood over him and forced him. After seeing how older S bombed college, I didn’t make that mistake with younger S). Knowing that H and I don’t allow high school graduate offspring to live at home and do nothing, S applied on his own to Americorps, was accepted, and did it for a year, living at home and paying rent.</p>

<p>H and I expected of him the same we expected of other adults: basic courtesy and straightening up after himself. S --who really did want to go to college – on his own applied to colleges, funding the applications himself, and chose his first choice college, which meant that he had to use his savings from his job plus take out large loans (H and I cosigned).</p>

<p>He went off to college with excitement and deep appreciation for what college means, and he has been an honors student through his college experience even though he works 10-14 hours a week and does productive ECs.</p>

<p>Community college doesn’t magically cause immature students to straighten up, so I don’t suggest that your cousins’ parents invest more money in your cousin’s education until he proves that he has the maturity to handle college. To me, that proof would be your cousin’s going to college on his own dime, and not relying on his parents’ organizational skills and pushing to do his assignments.</p>

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<p>Has been tested recently for learning disabilities or mental health issues? That’s where I would start.</p>

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<p>Not all community colleges are open admissions, but the cut-offs are low (his high school SAT scores would get him into 100-level classes (no remedial) where I work. He would not have to worry about getting his GPA up because nothing would transfer and he would start over. He will have to submit the first college transcript when he does transfer, but the beauty of the good ole’ U S of A is that we get many chances to succeed (and fail).</p>

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<p>Does he snore? Sounds crazy, but a little weight gain or a little alcohol use can trigger sleep apnea. People with sleep apnea sleep all the time (including in class) and never feel rested. DS struggled two terms until he was diagnosed. The proper sleep makes a huge difference. </p>

<p>Meanwhile, encourage cousin to do things with his hands: classes in ceramics, welding, auto mechanics. This engages a different part of the brain and might generate some liveliness that’s been missing. </p>

<p>This kid is sinking fast. Parents sound like they dropped him off at college and went “Whee, free at last!”. They (at least one) needs to be somehow in the kid’s orbit for a while longer. Brains are not fully mature until age 25 (the same age one can rent a car – smart people, car rental folks). A few counseling sessions might help student and parents figure out what was good and what wasn’t during the past few months (better than parent just shouting a lot). Good luck to cousin!</p>

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<p>Akshay, please have him tested for learning disabilities. Once the diagnostic test reveals the extent of the disability, colleges provide the accommodations recommended by the diagnostic test. If there are processing issues, they can provide him with class notes, tutoring, extended time on the tests etc. Learning resources center will keep an eye on him once the accommodations are in place. And also, there are some colleges with exceptional support for students with learning differences. Landmark college is one of them. There are college guides for students with learning differences.</p>

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<p>He may have ADD. Many kids who have ADD forget to turn in their homework - either because they forgot to bring it, or they don’t want to turn in something that they don’t think is “perfect.”</p>

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<p>Remember that while it’s true that he may have ADD or have a LD, according to the OP, his cousin’s parents made sure he got his high school homework in. Regardless of whether he has an LD or ADD, his parents having to exert that much supervision on him while in high school also can reflect a lack of motivation. </p>

<p>I am ADD, and my parents didn’t have to push me to do homework. I did at at the last minute, but I did it. One of my sons is ADHD, the other is ADD. The ADHD son always hated school although he is quite bright. We pushed him to get homework in, and then in college, he didn’t bother to do homework or go to class. We paid to have him tutored in organizing skills, but he didn’t bother enough to implement what he was taught.</p>

<p>However, he always has enjoyed working, even in high school, and as a h.s. student worked two out of state paid internships that normally went to grad school students and college juniors and seniors. Now, he’s thoroughly enjoying working his office job and has gotten promotions. As is the case with people who are ADD/ADHD, if they enjoy doing something, they can use their enormous energy and hyperfocus on their tasks and excel.</p>

<p>Younger S is ADD, and loved school, but was too lazy to organize himself. We paid for counseling and other help for him, but he didn’t bother to come up to his potential until he went to college on his own dime. Then, he managed to successfully juggle work, a full academic schedule and interesting ECs.</p>

<p>Anyway, I think that instead of swooping in and trying to solve his academic problems, the parents should give him a choice of paying his own way through community college (where there probably is support with study skills, LD assessment, etc. if he chooses to take advantage of that help) or getting a fulltime job.</p>

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<p>*Regardless of whether he has an LD or ADD, his parents having to exert that much supervision on him while in high school also can reflect a lack of motivation.
*</p>

<p>True, but it can also mean that he never had to learn the compensation skills and habits that ADD people learn to prevent themselves from forgetting homework, losing items, etc.</p>

<p>If his mom always ran around the house gathering his things, putting his homework in his backpack, checking the computer printer to see if he neglected to grab a printout, then he never learned the habits an ADD person learns to compensate. </p>

<p>My H has ADD. He has developed habits that prevent him from these mistakes…he’ll lay out his clothes the night before, he keeps keys, wallet, phone in a basket in his armoire, he gathers everything he needs to bring to work the next day in one area. </p>

<p>IF this kid has ADD (and I’m not saying that he does), his mom may have enabled him to the point that he never learned these tricks.</p>

<p>“Lack of Motivation” can also be the result of perfectionism that many ADD people struggle with. Unless they can do something perfectly, they don’t want to do it.</p>

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<p>I am with mom2
Not saying the OP’s cousin in in this boat, but it is a possibility. I know My son was/is very much like this and he has been recently diagnosed with some major learning issues that we just thought were because of a lack of maturity. He is now struggling in college, despite very high intelligence, for exactly the perfectionism reasons mom2 relates. First term grades were high, but when he fell behind second term, he lost motivation because he knew it would not be done perfectly. Yes there is something wrong with that thinking, but that is the point.
I know my husband and I would have liked to have been WAY less involved in son’s motivation in HS. But it would not have solved anything. The truth is people do mature and grow out of some of this. I think it is important not to immediately assign the term lazy or whatever to kids like this. Testing just may be appropriate
Like calmom’s son, it also could be he needs to do something else for a while. Until he does mature enough to figure out how to cope with his disabilities (if he has them) or to come to the realization that he really does want to be in college and to succeed there.</p>

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<p>Can’t say enough positive about CCs. There are some which are more selective but I believe many are like those in our state which take everyone with a HS diploma or GED. The smaller class size can help with the adjustment to more independence because it DOES sound like he needs some help in getting organized with his life. Some CCs have dorms, if he needs place to live, since his parents live out-of-country.</p>

<p>Our D went to CC for 3 semesters because her poor HS grades would have prevented her from attending the Us she was interested in. She gained better time management & helped get a lot of basic requirements ouf of the way while she was at CC. The major drawbacks for her at CC was there was no peer group there she IDd with and also virtually no campus life or activities.</p>

<p>It would be useful to have him evaluated to find out if any learning disabilities are playing a role as well.</p>

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<p>If this first-year student likes the college and wants to remain, he will most likely have to appeal to the Academic Standards board in the next week or so. Most colleges allow students under academic (as opposed to disciplinary) dismissal for the first time to appeal once. He will probably have to write a statement explaining why he did so poorly (accepting responsibility and not blaming loud roommates or mean professors) and outlining what will be different about his actions in subsequent semesters if the college decides to readmit him. He will have to discuss study habits, course selection, possible reduction in number of credits or change in major to a more suitable field of study for his abilities, work/life/study balance etc. Analyzing the number of hours per week he actually spent studying can be helpful; agreeing to utilize campus support services (tutoring, disability services, etc.) as appropriate is also helpful.</p>

<p>It’s not unusual for first-semester college students, especially some boys who are immature, to crash and burn without structure imposed from without. This could be a learning experience and the Board may allow him a second chance. I’m not sure such a student would really benefit from CC, which doesn’t offer the guidance and pressure that a school like Goucher would. A drifter will drift at CC just as easily as anywhere else, if not more so.</p>

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<p>sounds like ‘executive functioning’ problem. Maybe there is some help available at his current school or at a community college. With help, it is dealable. Definitely take the advice of those who suggest getting testing done!</p>