Suspension- HELP!

Parents Forum
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<p>In addition to retaining the attorney, you might want to contact anyone who could provide temporary assistance to your son. Does the school have an Ombudsman’s office? A judicial affairs coordinator? Hearing officers? </p>

<p>The people who made the decision should be providing the explanations to the parents since the student was asked to leave. </p>

<p>On the surface, it seems that the college reached a quick swift decision, and it would be important to find out all the details as soon as possible.</p>

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<p>Glad you found a lawyer. Perhaps you should make sure you have proper documentation from your family doctor for his ADHD ready to go. I am sure the lawyer might need that for a hearing.</p>

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<p>I’m sorry this is happening. You are not alone. Hopefully, you and son weather this storm.</p>

<p>My close friend’s daughter got into trouble visiting a college friend, and signed a statement that caused her a lot of trouble. This happened nearly 15 years ago. She is now an attorney on the partner track in big law. When she was applying for the bar, the issue was one she had to have addressed. She was an excellent student, had never been in trouble before or thereafter, and yet, this happened. The police, authorities are not your friends in these cases, and it is something one has to pound into our kids heads when they go to school or otherwise away from home and find themselves dealing with such problems. They should not sign, should insist on talking to a parent or attorney before saying much of anything. </p>

<p>Right now you have your hands full, but when it’s under control, it’s also a wake up call as to how your son will be able to handle the intricacies of life given his issues. My oldest is 30, and many of his friends and peers with behavioral, learning disabilities that did not learn to deal with them have ended up in jail and other situations that are unsavory, as they could not grasp the subtleties and nuances of life. When they are adults,the effect of parental advocates ebb and diminish to nothing and some realities need to be confronted as to what situations should be avoided. Some do grow up and learn but may take 10-15 years to do so. Some of those 30 year olds are ready to start college now. My son was somewhat in that category. </p>

<p>Will be thinking about you.</p>

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<p>Thanks for the support. This is incredibly difficult for all of us. I did contact the Ombudsman who had some helpful ideas. </p>

<p>His ADHD is well documented. What most folks don’t get is that ADHD is associated with a significant delay in social emotional maturity.</p>

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<p>Don’t know the legalities of on campus questioning, but in the real world, whether ADHD or not, a legal adult has the right to either request a lawyer or waive his right to a lawyer and willfully answer questions. People do it all the time. Perhaps the OP’s son agreed to speak to them.</p>

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<p>It was school security not the police.</p>

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<p>If it was school security and not the police, I would add this: make sure your lawyer is well versed in ADA/education law at the college level.</p>

<p>I can’t give any legal advice whatsoever, but I might start thinking about these things to be talking over with a lawyer:</p>

<p>-- pulling together all medical and therapeutic documentation for your son’s disability – onset of ADHD, who made diagnosis, how and what way he has been impaired, any testing results you have, prior school records
– I would look over your school’s website for their reasonable accommodations policy and discuss with atty or consider filing prompt reasonable accommodation request
– that is, you may be able to ask for RA to regular procedure as a result of disability, or some other appropriate RA
– you may want to schedule current testing or evaluation, most schools require testing
within 3 years
–You probably need a psychologist and possibly an educational consultant on your side
– you may want to reach out to the school’s disability coordinator to see whether on student’s side (do not do until consulting attorney)</p>

<p>If you pm me I can tell you if I know any disability rights attorneys in your area. I do not always check cc so cannot promise. </p>

<p>Again, this is not legal advice, I have not formed any kind of attorney client relationship with you, this is just general thoughts related to your post that I have that you should talk over with your own attorney.</p>

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I am reacting to this statement as the mother of a college student with ADHD whose impulsivity symptoms are not improved by medication and who has social/emotional maturity delays. I certainly wish your son good luck in trying to stay in college, but to use his ADHD as an excuse for his behavior seems completely wrongheaded to me, and it’s certainly not a defense I would ever accept were I part of the college administration. It’s an insult to all those who struggle with ADHD to suggest that they are so incapacitated that they can’t even be expected obey school rules. This is not the kind of thing any school offers accommodations for. What college would ever accept any student diagnosed with ADHD if kids with that diagnosis were considered disabled from complying with school behavioral norms? If your son is THAT socially immature, he never belonged at college in the first place–but I strongly suspect that he simply screwed up, and his action had nothing to do with his ADHD. But even assuming he is so disabled that he wasn’t able to make good decisions and control his behavior, well, that sounds like an excellent reason to end his association with the college, since there is no reason to believe this behavior won’t recur.</p>

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<p>In making the transition to college, students )and their families) often underestimate the amount of assistance that could support their success in the new setting. Accommodations do not substitute for responsibility and self control, they enable equal opportunity to exercise one’s true abilities and have equal opportunity on campus.</p>

<p>For instance, if I as a person with ADHD have support with transitioning to college that includes (as an example):
reduced course load first semester, priority registration so I get a schedule that works for my sleep/wake cycle and need for breaks and pre-class preparation (as best as possible) and teachers who are good matches (as best as possible), get preferential seating where I learn best, get note takers or copies of standard notes in certain classes (if needed), maybe a peer coach to help sort through dorm issues (roommate can’t handle my sloppiness and forgetfulness) and weekly informal meetings over coffee to make sure I am on top of assignments.<br>
THEN my stress level is down and I (personally, as an example) am far less likely to make stupid choices. And I have talked to my peer coach about a few personal issues. And my roommate is not so ****ed at me that I can’t talk to him/her. And the RA is not fed up with me for the last 6 problems I caused. And my professer is not mad at me for calling out in class 6 times because I wasn’t paying attention, so right before the party I was scared to attend and I saw him he didn’t cross to the other side of the street and we wound up talking…</p>

<p>It is all connected. A supported, accommodated student does better. A student with a disability who broke rules may very well have done that after a long chain of small things that broke down and limited the student’s ability to make good judgments and use best executive functioning, decision making, impulse control etc. Student may still have to face consequences… but the goal should be to build a better future, make sure the adults handing out consequences understand the totality of circumstances… </p>

<p>As a very successful adult with very severe ADHD I can tell you that if we could only TELL ourselves to “comply with the rules” no matter how much we know we should or “not eat that pie” or “start working on it now” we would be masters of the universe. (And that is one of the burning brain science questions of the day not even applying to ADHD - what part of our us tells the other part of us to “do” something, and why do we sometimes do it, and sometimes not?)</p>

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<p>So if you do something bad and wrong, like steal, is your ADHD an excuse and you should be given less punishment then someone who stole jut because they wanted it?</p>

<p>When does personal responsibility come in? Totality of the circumstances? Does that mean a person should be able to explain away their misdeeds or be given less punishment?</p>

<p>What about the ADHD or other person who doesn’t have all these resources and does the same thing, should they be allowed to make excuses? Sorry officer I have ADHD and didn’t mean to spray paint the wall.</p>

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<p>Momma J, I had some of the same thoughts. However, having little to no experience with ADHD, I hesitated to verbalize any of them. Also, we have no idea what the OP’s son has been accused of, so it’s even harder to form any kind of sensible opinion about this. On the one hand, you want to see students with disabilities receive the appropriate consideration and support. On the other hand, higher education is not an entitlement. It’s not for everyone, not appropriate for everyone. It does seem reasonable to expect all students to be able to abide by policy/rules/general standards of behavior no matter their learning disabilities.</p>

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<p>Sometimes, you let them try to do it in hopes that it works. And sometimes it does. I’ve told this story before about my friend who hurt like crazy in forbidding her daughter who had had anorexia problem to go away to college. It took the entire process for her to come to the conclusion that it was not yet time for the DD to be allowed to go away and take care of herself, and it was a very close decision. The right one as she did relapse a few more times, and because she was home, it was nipped in the bud. Some years later the girl did go to an Ivy league school for her masters, and lived there but made sure she kept contact with family and psychiatrist because she knew by then that she had to because of the seriousness of her disorder. She has to always remember it and it did take those extra years of being at home to get that.</p>

<p>So it is with a lot of issues with our kids. Maybe two bachelors or close to it is the way to go. A lot of “normal” kids are taking 6-8 years to get through college; it isn’t much of a stretch to understand that some of our kids with true issues are not going to need that and get a lot of behavioral patterning and slow gradual release. </p>

<p>I agree that if someone’s disability is behavioral, it’s not something that life is going to take into consideration, not at college, not at work, not in social situations.</p>

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<p>Again, we don’t know what OPs son did or was accused of doing, but some situations with disabled students are SO tricky because things cease to be all about the rights of the student with a disability. Behavioral issues sometimes involve other students, and while everyone does not have to be treated equally, everyone must be treated fairly. </p>

<p>In a classroom setting, we can prove that accommodations do not give unfair advantages but simply level a playing field or allow everyone the same access. Once into residence halls or other “student life” areas, things get a lot more complicated.</p>

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<p>Isn’t there an assumption of innocence until proven guilty? My child has not yet received any “charges” - it is apparently a slow process. It is not clear to me that he broke any rule. It seems that something he did was misconstrued.</p>

<p>"As a very successful adult with very severe ADHD I can tell you that if we could only TELL ourselves to “comply with the rules” no matter how much we know we should or “not eat that pie” or “start working on it now” we would be masters of the universe. " Silversas wrote.<br>
So true!</p>

<p>“If your son is THAT socially immature, he never belonged at college in the first place–but I strongly suspect that he simply screwed up, and his action had nothing to do with his ADHD…If your son is THAT socially immature, he never belonged at college in the first place-” someone wrote – well your suspicion is not correct and to suggest that he shouldn’t be in college is really absurd…</p>

<p>It would be nice if there was a little more empathy here on CC. I know many people really don’t get ADHD… or at least severe ADHD.</p>

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<p>Just wanted to express sympathy and support. Hope this is resolved quickly for you and your son.</p>

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<p>Perturbed Dad, you quoted me–and as I wrote, I am the parent of a child with ADHD that is not well controlled with meds, so I do get it. One poster suggested playing the ADHD card as a defense, and my post was in reaction to that tactic. I think it’s ridiculous to use ADHD as a defense to a conduct violation. I also believe that if a kid is THAT incapacitated by ADHD, the traditional college experience makes no sense, because no ADHD accommodation can address an inability to control behavior. But I accept your view that your kid does belong at college–and that means that if he is indeed “guilty”, he just screwed up, period, and his ADHD is not relevant to his defense.</p>

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<p>Posters might have indeed suggested to use the ADHD as a line of defense, and that was precisely because the OP introduced that element and that the student would have a judicial hearing where an “advisor” could not speak. </p>

<p>Fwiw, you are entirely entitled to the opinion that such as defense is ridiculous, but others might disagree. What is, however, beyond all disagreement is that all cases are UNIQUE and that your experience might be entirely different from the OP’s. Not to mention that none of us here have the slightest idea what actually happened to the OP’s son, or his medical condition. </p>

<p>It seems that it is best to offer suggestions (fully realizing that they might not be helpful) and refrain to offer gratuitous and judgmental opinions. </p>

<p>But that is just me!</p>

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<p>I do not know the laws about what provisions have to be made for those with handicaps, but the ADA has been flexing its muscles about such laws. If this is a defence available to the OP at this crisis at hand, so he should use it. When someone is drowning, you don’t tell him he was a fool for going in the water or try to teach him to swim. There’s plenty of time later for the Dad and son to sit down and decide what the next steps might be the best for them once this crisis is resolved, as yes, when you are trouble like this, you use whatever you have and can to get out, legally. </p>

<p>I wrote a post pretty much saying that maybe the kid doesn’t belong away at school, but I think Dad has an inkling of that right now, and doesn’t need that push so much. His son is in trouble, is an adult so is being treated as one, but has a disability so that he doesn’t act like one at times, not just because of immaturity but because of a medical issue that is documented. If he has some rights attributable to said condition, he should take full advantage of them. He has to take all of the crap that goes with the condition, so any little benefit, sure, take it. Don’t even know if it will help; hopefully an atttorney or advocate there who has the full story and knows the ropes can advise. But if the issue of ADHD is one that can help mitigate some of the damage, then absolutely he should take advantage of it.</p>

<p>Perturbed Dad, I hope this is resolved quickly and without trauma in the best way possible. In any closed setting, whether it is a work place, a school, etc that has it s own rules of conduct and consequences, judicial rules do not apply many times, unless they override internal rules. You don’t have to booked and found guilty of disorderly conduct in order to be banned or thrown out of a place, for example. They don’t want you, you are not welcome there and the law will back that up. The good news is that these things do not go on public record as a criminal offense because they are not judged in a court of law.</p>

<p>As a mom of a number of boys, I can tell you that I’ve had my share of days of having to deal with all kinds of trouble, and no, it’s often not fair the way the case is handled and yes, your kid can get served up on a platter. This goes for world at large as well, and it ‘s a tough thing to get through the head of immature young people, even those without a disability. As your son gets older, there will less quarter given to any of his issues. It is sad fact that our prisons are filled with those who have mental and behavioral disabilities that cannot be addressed. Many of my friends with children who have Aspergers, ADHD, LDs and any number of what are considered slight, invisible disabilities are finding out that the road to their kids’ independence is fraught with potholes and any one of them can lead to them going to jail, psych unit, halfway house or even the morgue. What little protection is out there due to ADA rules, certainly one should use, but understand that they diminish and disappear as the child becomes an adult which your son now is. Hugs, and hope that this is resolved.</p>