I need feedback. PLEASE HELP ME!!! I accept comments, suggestions…
Who is the person you dream of becoming and how do you believe Syracuse University can help you achieve this? (Maximum: 250 words)
My dream is to be a leader and advocate for girls and women worldwide. I specifically desire to create an organization to empower all those women and girls whose rights have been violated; the mission of this organization will be to empower girls and women through education, training and professional development.
Through news, reports, and statistics I have noticed the discrimination and inequality that exists against women and girls. Syracuse University will be the first step towards my goal, is the indicated place to start developing my ideas. SU has everything I look for, is a xenophile, supportive, and broadminded institution that motivates its students to see beyond the limits and makes them able to cope with any obstacle. Through the different programs that the university offers, my mind will be expanded with knowledge and ideas that will help me succeed as a professional. The Maxwell program, with its rigor and challenging curriculum will give me a real life work experience that will help me forge objectives for my much desired organization.
My educational preparation at Syracuse will be of immense help. They will be prepare me for a multinational organization where I will be in contact with thousands of women and girls who have been through hazardous circumstances. Through the experience transmitted by the different programs and organization of the university I will be ready to face anything that gets in my way.
@marimari11 I like the idea of your essay/“dream” and you can easily work with that and give great examples of how Syracuse will help you accomplish your dream. I understand 250 words is a pain in the butt to work with for this essay topic (I struggled so much).
- What major are you applying to? I know you referenced the Maxwell School, but is it public affairs, sociology, etc..? I know your application has what major you intend to enroll in, but you should try mentioning that somewhere in your essay.
- "SU has everything I look for, is a xenophile, supportive, and broadminded..." This sentence is a little awkward. Maybe break it up into two sentences, such as "SU has everything I look for in a university. It's a xenophile...."
- Syracuse is flooded with thousands of applications generically praising the school's great programs, curriculum, experience, etc. I say generic because they aren't specific. With this essay, you need to do some research on SU and the program you want to be apart of. What resources are offered to students that will help you achieve your dream of being a leader and an advocate for women worldwide? Some examples you can use are clubs, previous internship opportunities students in your program were involved in, and any educational resources that the school offers the students (advisors, programs like pre-law, help centers, etc).
In 250 words you need to pick all of your words wisely and remember to be specific. Syracuse wants to see that you actually cared enough to do research in the school because it shows interest.
Good luck! Hope this helps.
@marimari11 Be careful anytime you post essays that are going to be used in the college admissions process. Unfortunately, it leaves your work open for others to use or copy. Just a helpful piece of advice I’ve heard many times here.