<p>This is a little off topic, so I apologize. At son's school, the Medical Release has to be resigned with each visit or "problem". I wish it was like jmmom's son's school and could just be revoked. Son had two surgeries in 3 semesters, plus all the clinic visits leading to surgeries. Also had ADD medication issues, sleep med problems. Each time he had to remember to ask to resign or they wouldn't talk with us. I understand the privacy issue, but if student knows they can revoke--wouldn't that be easier?</p>
<p>"The talk" went pretty good. I REALLY feel ds was surprised at his grades. </p>
<p>It's so interesting to hear how grades can be backloaded and change overnight. </p>
<p>I know ds was totally caught off guard at how hard college math and science courses were and he tried to be the Lone Ranger and do it all himself. Obviously this didn't work out the best for him and we've told him we expect him to seek help next semster (talking to profs, TA's, getting tutors, involved in study groups, etc). I'm sure we'll mention it again before he goes off:p</p>
<p>I'm getting advice all over the board about attending all classes, but we also told him we expect him to attend all classes next semester since, again, it didn't work out the best for him this time. </p>
<p>Not knowing the final grades was not an option. I'm paying tuition at considerable sacrifice.</p>
<p>He volunteered more info last night than he had in a long time (I can sympathize with the poster who has the boy who is -6 on the communicative scale). I know he TRIED and I know he learned a LOT, both academically and about himself. He's going to have to put himself out there to seek help.</p>
<p>Thanks all, momoffive</p>
<p>While our son readily shares his final term grades with us there is no way he would give us his RPI SIS or WebCT name/password info and we do not wish to know them.</p>
<p>And for those with freshmen you will find out that as the semesters go by you will be less and less inquisitive about their grades.</p>
<p>
You know what they say about great minds!? ;)</p>
<p>I am really glad that the "mom talk" went well and that you felt as if you and your son have reached a good understanding. The college grading scenario is obviously VERY different from the h.s. one, and I'm sure your son will adjust accordingly after this first semester feedback. You have already done the most important thing, and that was to let him know that you are working WITH him, not against him, and that you both want the same things!</p>
<p>~berurah</p>
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While our son readily shares his final term grades with us there is no way he would give us his RPI SIS or WebCT name/password info and we do not wish to know them.
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</p>
<p>Understood. My HS-age son guards his privacy and we respect that. D, on the other hand, seems comfortable sharing -- she gave me ALL her passwords, for everything, with no concern for electronic privacy. (I've always been her "system administrator," and security chief, so she understands that email, chat, and message boards are unsecure.) She willingly signed over access to college medical records (but of course she could ask for confidentiality if that need arose). Her college electronically posts transcripts with credits, but no grades --she hasn't sought those and I don't plan to either.</p>
<p>I'm sitting here reading and thinking of all the wisdom son could benefit from, I subvocalized and got a "Don't talk to me" from son who was nearby eating breakfast (yes, it is almost 3 pm and he was up a bit after noon... less than two weeks to go...). I have learned that "don't ask and you will be told" works with our son, he spontaneously shares when least expected, and refuses to give information asked for. We know his grades, sooner than we expected; and we know better than to discuss (excellent, if not perfect, he says they'll never be lower- we'll see, I remember hearing the same thing senior year in HS...). </p>
<p>It is interesting how different family dynamics are; I'm the nosy/noisy extrovert, I would love to learn everything about everyone, whereas husband and son are reserved introverts. "Mom talk" - the quickest way to hear a door slam. Still dealing with a teenager, who's 17, still in the process of letting go... I do agree that his grades are his business, I don't think he understands that being interested is not the same thing as controlling, nor will he listen if I ever try to explain. He's also still at the age of knowing everything and parents knowing nothing. Parents-does this change soon?? I've been caught in the mismatch of ages and stages his whole life (he was premature) and coupled with strong personalities in everyone, no way was/is /should life be like some of the other mothers who post. BTW I expect as many answers as there are posters to any questions.</p>
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I don't think he understands that being interested is not the same thing as controlling
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A real kernel of truth here for many many boys. From my observation of friends with older kids, there is great variety in when this "stage" (along with the knowing everything aspect) passes - some few never have this phase, some pass out of it apparently after one college semester, some take into their 20's. For my own S, I see quite a bit of shedding of that along with some increased communicativeness... but it is a drip-drip-drip process, not a sudden turning on of the faucet. I also think they mature out of the know-everything phase differently in different realms.</p>
<p>The strong silent lone ranger type is more at risk for lower than expected grades and surprise at the grades, in my experience. My kid that talks to me about everything also does all she can to talk to professors about everything. Even if the final grade is less than hoped-for, it is clear to all that she has done everything she could to maximize all opportunties. Her first B was traumatic, yet a good experience to see that life goes on even with a lowly B in a weeder course.</p>
<p>My silent student, I just don't know if she takes full advantage of the professor time. I do think that it is easy for kids to be told attendence is not mandatory like high school and make the mistake of not attending. An A takes full commitment in most classes, you'd better be at most/all class sessions if you want top marks. This seems to be the case whether it is a CC or a UC. It is true a lower divsion GE class may not take the same intellectual acumen as a senior physics class, but it still takes the form commitment to class work and studying and doing the assignments.</p>
<p>wis75-- my third child is seventeen now. It's been a difficult age for the first three so far! It will get better -- maybe not that much better until after he leaves home (that's been my experience so far with my children, with their strong personalities, sorry to tell you that!). But still, even with my D being 17, chomping at the bit to be <em>independent</em>, we still have some lovely moments mixed in with the <em>other</em> moments . . . hang in there! I asked her what I could do differently with her younger two sisters to avoid some of the conflicts that we have had, and she said, "you don't want to have mindless machines for children do you?" Definitely do not have that, LOL! I said I wouldn't mind having Stepford children for awhile, could use a break . . .</p>
<p>With my sons, I found they are most likely to share during car rides or when watching late night TV. Both of my sons (now in college) are much easier to get along with than they used to be. And they get along better with each other too! They actually seemed to enjoy each other's company during this break. Wasn't always the case . . .</p>
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And they get along better with each other too! They actually seemed to enjoy each other's company during this break.
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Isn't this great to see? Mine went out together and just spent "hang out" time together over break. Maybe some of it is that there isn't such a difference between 20, 22 and 25 and there was when they were 10, 12 and 15?</p>
<p>Yes, it is great to see them "hanging out" because they enjoy each other's company. I think now that they are older, more grown up, some of the sibling rivalry stuff has disappeared.</p>
<p>mstee- thanks, BTW, I didn't mention that son is a college freshman, home on winter break, forgot it might be obvious since I've posted about him so often this year. It may have helped for him to have a sibling but he doesn't (not for parents lack of trying years ago).</p>
<p>wis75--oh, your son is a young freshman! I check in now and then, but don't keep up with all the threads and posts. Sometimes I take a break from CC for awhile, but something keeps me coming back, always! Let's see, my second son, who sounds like he might have some similar personality traits to yours, is much more relaxed now than he was as a college freshman, though is still fairly persnickity, I suppose, compared to people in general. Doesn't matter. I know how far he's come. :). I would say there was a definite change his second year in college -- he called home just to chat a couple of times -- this was unheard of previously!</p>