How do I talk to my parents about paying for college?

Parents Forum
1

<p>I'm pretty sure my parents bought into the myth that if I worked really hard and got really good grades and SAT scores, I could go anywhere I wanted. I did all of those things--3.9 GPA, 2110 SAT score, good ECs. I'm not Ivy League material or anything like that, though, and I knew going into this process that I wouldn't get a full ride anywhere.</p>

<p>I didn't get into most of the schools I applied to. I did, however, apply to a couple of LACs in the area, as backups. I got into both with substantial scholarships but have decided that I don't want to go to one of them (I kind of applied on a whim). The other one, I love. It's $35,000/year, and they gave me $20,000/year in scholarships and grants. I was very happy about the amount they gave me, I got their highest scholarship (which indeed, I'm quite proud of!). The first time I approached my parents about it, their attitude was pretty much, "Cool, sounds good. Congrats." The next day, they came to me with, "There's no way we can afford that." </p>

<p>If I don't go to this school, I don't really have a lot of other options. The other school is nearly as expensive and I don't want to go there anyway. I could go to a community college. I could take a year off. I could apply for the winter quarter of the state school (which I originally decided not to apply to anyway; it's not like I just forgot about it). I don't want to do any of those things. I don't know what to do. I plan on contacting the school and seeing if there's anything else they can do for me, but I know that's unlikely. How do I approach this with my parents? We haven't really talked about it that much (they get upset when I bring it up. Pretty sure they think I'm being entirely selfish and unreasonable by wanting to go to an expensive school). I'm willing to take on some of the loans--but I don't know how much is reasonable (I'm probably going to be a theatre major, but I don't know what I really want to do yet). I know they can afford to pay SOME out of pocket; I don't know how much though (probably no more than five thousand). I thought about maybe having my parents come down with me to the school (though I think I should talk to the school alone initially when trying to get my offer to increase--have a strong feeling that if my parents get in the room they're not going to help) so that a professional could help us figure out how and if we can afford it. </p>

<p>Is anybody having this problem with their son/daughter? You're probably a lot more involved than my parents if you're reading this, though. ;) How should I go about this?</p>

2

<p>Is the $35k the COA for the school including allowances for miscellaneous and travel? If so you may find your actual costs could be less than that if you are very careful.</p>

<p>First you have to find out how much they can actually pay. Either in loans and/or out of pocket. Without that knowledge you can’t begin to figure out if this is doable. That way you can figure out if it is feasible for you to make up the difference yourself from earnings and loans in your own name. A freshman is eligible for $5500 in Stafford loans in his/her own name (no credit check or cosigner required). With that and you working summers and possibly part time during the school year you should be able to contribute a reasonable amount toward the balance. The only problem is you may not want to end up with even $20k in debt if you thinking theatre.</p>

<p>I would start out by sitting down and telling them you are very willing to contribute what you can towards and can they please discuss with you what they are able to contribute so that you can figure out if you can come up with the difference. Then look at loans you may be eligible for (mainly the Stafford) and realistically what you can earn annually to contribute. Perhaps the $5500 in Stafford loans and another $3000 coming from you may make it seem a possibility to your parents? Maybe between you and your parents you can make it happen. But you have to also be willing to make some sacrifices.</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

3

<p>swimcatsmom gives good advice here.</p>

<p>Regarding your working things out with the college:</p>

<p>Does the other school you’re not so fond of compare reasonably with the one you love, considering selectivity, academic rigor, location, and the like?</p>

<p>The one you don’t like so much offered you great scholarships also, right? Are they better than the scholarships offered by the one you love?</p>

<p>The fact that your favorite chose you for their highest scholarship indicates that they like what they see and want you in their freshman class next year. Great!</p>

<p>You can’t really negotiate, per se, or act ungrateful, or technically play one school against the other (I know you already know this) … BUT, if the other school has offered better scholarships, is somewhat comparable in terms of rigor, and is in the same general geographic vicinity (kind of like rival schools), you have some advantages.</p>

<p>You can very, very delicately and politely mention to the FA office of the one you love that you got x more dollars from the one that you don’t like as much (of course, you don’t tell them your not so fond of the other), and that you’re struggling with your predicament. “Is there anything you can recommend, or can you help me find any other options that will make your school more of a possibility for me?” Something like that.</p>

<p>I’ve seen it work, personally. And I’ve known others who’ve had it work. And sometimes it doesn’t work.</p>

<p>If the other school does not compare, then you may not have much luck and you may not want to try.</p>

<p>I may check back later to make other suggestions about how to talk to your parents about the money. But, all in all, since they’re paying the bills, it really will be their call.</p>

<p>My son has a few free-tuition offers, and yet another very expensive LAC is his favorite and he REALLY wants to go there. I can tell you, as I’ve told him, that I will be totally inconvincible on this point.</p>

<p>As the parent, it is my job to take care of my finances so that I can support myself through retirement, and support the rest of my kids until they leave the home. It is also my responsibility to protect my still young 17-year old son from himself (in a way) if he thinks it’s responsible or feasible to finish an undergraduate degree swamped in massive debt. It’s your parent’s job to do the same thing. It sounds like they know that. They’re looking out for you and their own reasonable financial security.</p>

<p>You see, you’re very smart and capable at your age. BUT … you really cannot possibly understand the gravity of massive debt. Not the enormous interest payments over the life of a huge loan. Not the potential inability to pay off such a loan. Not the way large debt makes you feel day after day. Not the way massive debt can ruin your life.</p>

<p>So, try to trust you parents’ judgment, while simultaneously trying to work this out between the two colleges and following swimcatsmom’s advice.</p>

<p>FA is used to calls like the one you’re going to make … you really have nothing to lose!</p>

<p>Best of luck!</p>

4

<p>It looks to me like your parents didn’t have a good estimate for much money college was going to cost, even with aid. It’s not really their fault. Lots of people don’t think to run a FAFSA or CSS Profile estimator early in the game. And even if they do, they still may feel hopeful about their child’s possibilities for merit money, and they may be uncertain about how to talk about money with their child. Not to mention that often one parent has one idea about the money and the other has a different one and they are still in disagreement when the financial aid offers begin to arrive.</p>

<p>Your parents want the best for you. They just may not be really good about talking about money. You need to be the grown up in this situation and sit them down with your financial aid offers and COA estimates and talk through everything. Find out how much money there is, where it will come from including how much you will be able to/expected to take out in loans and how much they expect you to contribute from a summer job and from part-time jobs during the school year. If they aren’t used to talking about money, let alone talking with you about money, this will be a challenging conversation to hold. You may need to take a break from the conversation and meet again later in the week to finish up your discussion.</p>

<p>Lots of public universities have rolling admission. You may be able to get into your home-state public in time for the fall term if you get in touch with them right now. </p>

<p>Wishing you all the best.</p>

5

<p>First, let me say it’s good you are seeking advice from other parents.
Here’s some of what I think, in sort of a random order:
It is unfortunate that neither you nor your parents discussed money before you started applying. Remember anything they contribute to your college costs is a gift. Once you reach 18, they no longer HAVE to do anything for you- now they WANT to. Do you have any idea how many colleges there are in the U.S.? There are many options between the few schools you have been accepted to so far, and cc’s. Plus, I’ll point out going to a cc isn’t a bad choice. A bad choice would be for a student with great potential not to go at all. “Your parents” bought into “go anywhere myth”? You mean you didn’t? What financial plans did You make for You to achieve Your goal?</p>

<p>You need to know a real figure of what they will commit to so you can accurately figure what loans you are willing and able to acquire. Simplelife is so right about massive debt. One may be able to make the payments on such a debt, but at what cost? If paying off a big debt for years forces one to downsize their lifestyle, then was it worth it? Isn’t one big factor of choosing college so that one can have a better lifestyle?</p>