<p>My Son think I over rate the importance of manners. I said I would put the question out the parents of CC. How important do consider thank you notes to those who write your children's recommendations and those who interview?</p>
<p>Essential for both interviewers and recommenders- also a little gift of appreciation, like homemade bread or other treats for recommenders.</p>
<p>Extremely important!!!!! Can good manners ever be overrated?</p>
<p>Our compromise is to not over think it, and simplify it as much as possible. They should not think of it as something with a tangible payoff; maybe a "pay it forward" thing, and a good habit ( 0k, since this is CC, that might set them apart in the future?) I let them skip it with their friends (since it seems the friends do), but at Christmas, checks don't get cashed until I leave a think you card in my hand.</p>
<p>There does seem to be a generational gap in views on thank-you notes. My child tells me the same thing you hear from your son. (I have her trained to write them, and as 2VU0609 suggested, she also gave small gifts to the people who wrote her letters. But she doesn't think I should expect them from others.) </p>
<p>I've interviewed dozens of college applicants, and I can tell you that the thank-you note is pretty rare these days, even from the most polite of applicants.</p>
<p>I've said this before here, but I'll say it again - when my daughter notified colleges of her decision not to attend, she wrote nice letters to the ones where she had developed a relationship with the admissions rep. In response, they notified her they would keep her acceptance open for x number of years, and one even said they would keep her merit scholarship offer open for 2 years!</p>
<p>Good manners reap good rewards.</p>
<p>^cool! My D got a few "keep us in mind in the future" notes back... may come in handy!</p>
<p>Another vote for thank you notes--and these can be by email--to interviewers, regional admissions reps, even the student tour guides on campus. It's easier for our kids to write notes this way, AND it also promotes easy correspondence from these people, with whom it's a smart idea to keep in ongoing contact if the school is high on your child's list.</p>
<p>It is never wrong to be gracious and appreciative.</p>
<p>A short note of appreciation is always appropriate.</p>
<p>I agree with the crowd here. My kiddo had to write thank you notes. In the family a phone call suffices - or an e-mail.</p>
<p>In fairness.. he wanted to wait until he received acceptance somewhere before saying thank you for their help. He had HOPED that might be during the ED period. I really think it's much like any gift that you write a personal note when someone take the time to do something on your behalf. We will get a small gift when he decides where to go as a way to tell them that news, especially so with his counselor.</p>
<p>The Christmas rule is note need to be written at some point during the day, as we have a pretty laid back schedule that day. Birthday's are by the following weekend. Their friends I say if you've thanked them in person you need not write another note, but when one of his friends wrote a peer rec, I gave him a gift certificate to starbucks, </p>
<p>Anyway.. I say never underestimate the value of good manners. People may not expect it or demand it, but they surely remember those who have them.</p>
<p>Another yes for thank you notes.</p>
<p>Whether he gets accepted or not, the teachers still took the time to write recommendations, the interviewers still took the time to meet with them, etc. and so should receive a thank-you note.</p>
<p>Boy, I feel very old-fashioned on the board this weekend. Yes to thank-you notes, no to overnights with college boys, no to texting girls to come out for a date. :)</p>
<p>If it's only a matter of timing, I think you can give him some leeway for his teachers who are writing recommendations. </p>
<p>For people who interview him, I'd suggest an email almost immediately after the interview. Some people (like me) write our interview reports right away, and it's possible that something he says in a note will find its way into the report.</p>
<p>Absolutely yes, thank you notes to recommenders and interviewers. My d did the thank you's to the recommenders at the time she gave them the forms, along with a small gift- ie. coupon for ice cream for one teacher she knew loved it, and yellow markers for another who was really into them. After acceptances, she wrote another note again expressing thanks and officially letting them know where she would be attending. For interviewers, the thank you's were by email, since that was the only form of communication available. The interviewers didn't give out home or business addressses. </p>
<p>As for dating or friend pick up- first time friends/dates must come in and meet. Long time friends can call or text since the driver is usually picking up a number of kids. Still the same way now when she is home on breaks.</p>
<p>Remembering to say thank you is never overrated. My mom taught me to drop relatives notes of thanks for gifts, especially when they live far away. Now, I'm doing the same with my sons. I wish that other kids did write, or at least, called when we sent a gift. I never know if they received it.</p>
<p>I'm not sure it's a generational thing. I have never written, never received, and never even considered that one should write a thank you for a letter of recommendation. We write thank yous for gifts or favors, but I have always considered letters of rec to be a part of the job of being a teacher and not a favor for a student that would require anything more than a sincere verbal thank you. And perhaps another if the student was accepted. </p>
<p>Of course, it's never wrong to thank too much, but I would never consider it a requirement. </p>
<p>Interviewers are another issue, whether for a job, a scholarship, or admission.</p>
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I have always considered letters of rec to be a part of the job of being a teacher and not a favor for a student that would require anything more than a sincere verbal thank you. And perhaps another if the student was accepted.
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<p>This is where there is a misconception. Teachers are not "required" and it is not their "job" to write a recommendation for any students who asks. There are teachers who write a limited number of recommendations each year on a first come, first served basis and there are teachers who refuse to write recommendations for anyone. They are not paid to write recommendations, and most recommendations are written on their own time without compensation from the Board of Education. In many contracts teachers are not required to write recommendations period (this is often why when there is a contract dispute, the first thing that teachers will do is refuse to write recommendations because it not part of their job description). </p>
<p>Even when something is "your job", if you are providing a service for someone, it is not robbery for the person receiving the service to say thank you. It is the bus drivers "job" to drive the bus. However, that does not stop me from saying good morning / good evening when I get on and thank you, have a good day/evening when I get off. I give holdiay cards to the the mail carrier, the maintence people where I live even though they are doing "their job."</p>
<p>I agree with the others, sending thank you notes and being gracious toward others is never overrated or out of style.</p>
<p>This got me thinking: What about an e-mail to an admission rep who you spoke with at a reception? </p>
<p>My son talked to a guy last week at a reception who he'd met before at a recruiting visit at his school. My son answered a trivia question and when he went up to collect his prize (college T-shirt) at the end of the presentation, apparently, they chatted about a sport that the guy helps coach at his college and that my son plays in HS (though he doesn't plan to play in college). I can't believe my son is finally learning the art of the schmooze! Anyway, my son liked the presentation very much and will likely apply. Would a note be appropriate? Kind of a "nice to see you again, thanks for the shirt, can't wait to visit" kind of thing?</p>
<p>Hi again YDS :)</p>
<p>I would encourage your ds to drop him an email telling him how much he enjoyed the presentation and their chat afterwards, and he's enjoying wearing his shirt :)</p>
<p>As to the general discussion, it's been awhile but in Randy Pausch's book "The Last Lecture" he talks about being on an admissions committee, he was the final pass on a candidate's file who was in the "thumbs down" category.... he flipped through her file one last time, and found a thank you note to the administrator who had arranged for flights? something for this young lady... in the hierarchy of adcoms pretty much the lowest person on the totem pole.</p>
<p>Anyway....Randy got to thinking how thoughtful he found this gesture, and gave her file a look with new eyes. He changed his mind and decided to give her a thumbs up. So there you go - you just never know. Good manners are never out of style :)</p>