<p>Once the results were in, making that final decision turned out to be a very difficult process. None of D's choices were a clear "YES, this is the one!" kind of option. Opinions flip-flopped regularly based on every new piece of information she or I received or discovered in our investigations. In the end, D didn't chose the school that had gradually become her favorite overall, but the school where she felt comfortable that her first two priorities would be met.</p>
<p>Did any of you others have similar challenges in making that final decision? Which particular general priorities were at the top of your list? Did you leave behind a major priority in order to meet the top priority? Did something else become a top priority that wasn't during the initial visits or application process?</p>
<p>In my Monday-morning quarterbacking, I'm struggling with some sense of failure in how I helped my D to come to that final decision. She was feeling overwhelmed by the decision that wasn't a clear choice and I got stressed by the fact that a choice had to be made and I wanted it to be the best, most logical choice based on all the information we could gather. I think I did not handle the last leg of this journey with D as well as I could have and wonder if there are other parents who struggle with any sense that they wish they had done some things differently in the music admissions process- especially in making the final decision.</p>
<p>What would you advise a future parent or student about how to make that final decision when the right choice is not obvious?</p>
<p>Just briefly... My son, a couple of years back, was having trouble deciding, as May 1 got very close. He made college visits in mid-April, compared offers, considered which professors seemed to fit him best, and which schools seemed to have most of what he wanted. But he was still having a tough time deciding. While I talked with him about the schools, I really did not try to influence his decision in any way.</p>
<p>Finally, about April 29, he told me he had tried thinking through all the differences and pros and cons of each college, and he couldn't decide. He had narrowed it down to 2-3 at this point, but was wavering. So he was going to stop thinking about it. (That nearly panicked me!) So he stopped going through all that in his mind and just let the decision lie for a day or so. (all the time he HAD to do so) After that he made the decision, saying that a certain college just felt right. And it has turned out to be a perfect fit for him, after 2 years.</p>
<p>I think he just needed to let things settle in his mind, and let his subconscious work on things awhile. (And, in our case, prayer) Sometimes the best way to decide may indeed be by not trying to decide, strange as it seems.</p>
<p>I think that it is important to keep in mind that for most kids, there is no one BEST school. There are probably several schools that will be just fine. Once the kids get to school and get settled, most are quite happy. Music school admissions have so many variables that it is virtually impossible to find a school that has everything that a student wants. Most music students end up comprimising on one or more things that initially seemed very important to them.</p>
<p>I guess what I am trying to say is, don't beat yourself up over this one. You daughter is going to be fine. Even if you don't quite believe it, make sure you tell her that once she gets to school, things will be great.</p>
<p>When DS applied to undergraduate school in for 2003, he was accepted everywhere he applied accept UMDCP. This included conservatories, and university programs. In the end, he struggled with the university vs conservatory decision. Throughout his application process he (and we) thought he would go to one of the conservatories to which he was accepted. In the end, he went with the applied teacher of choice, and it was the perfect choice for him. Reflecting on it as he approaches graduation, both DH and I, and DS feel that the last four years were the perfect fit. So...if there's some agony now, I wish for you the feeling of success with the decision that we felt here.</p>
<p>I was fortunate that my daughter had Rice as a first choice and when she was accepted that was the end of it. She had a number of choices and she says now that she would have been fine at Indiana or Oberlin. Graduation is next weekend- I can hardly believe it. It has been a wonderful 4 years for her and I'm really proud of what she has accomplished.</p>
<p>I had NO idea the final decision would be so difficult. My D had wonderful options, and quickly narrowed her list down to two programs. We did quick last minute visits, ostensibly to make the decision clear and easy, which actually made it more complicated. She ended up validating how much she loved one school, but totally connected with a teacher at the second school. More merit money being awarded and calls from potential teachers over the past week compounded things. It was really hard for her to decide whether the teacher or the school should trump. She agonized over missing the envisioned college experience at one school versus the mentoring opportunity at the other. She chose (at 8am on the deadline day) the program that seemed to offer the best overall fit of teacher and environment. It's a great choice, and I'm sure she will thrive there as she will work like a maniac and the program is excellent. She seems happy, and certainly relieved, about the decision...but will probably wonder a bit about the path not taken.</p>
<p>Congrats, MomofWildChild and thumper1, on upcoming graduations! You made it through. Now the challenges of grad school or looking for work or ?? But enjoy the moment, hug the kid, and be very, very proud!</p>
<p>Two more years for my son... then husband and I can discover what it is like to just work 40 hours a week. Ah, the thought! :) [That charming young son of ours had better not talk us into helping with grad school!]</p>
<p>My D was also accepted almost everywhere she applied so when we thought she would have limited choices she had too many. . Eliminated a couple early on. Some then were eliminated on financials when insufficient merit came through. Unfortunately this included her first choice. When she finally got down to 3, visited each again with lessons, got down to 2 excellent teachers but very different environments each with its own strong sets of plusses and minuses. It was a hard decision but she ended up choosing the university. It came down to the last visit that just "felt right". And the final choice had not been at the top of her list early on. Either of the final 2 would have been fine and I would have supported either, but I am sure the university is a better fit for her. In the end I believe that illusive "fit" is a gut reaction. Sometimes you have to let the mind go to find it.</p>
<p>Back in 2002, my son applied to three, to a great extent the list narrowed by the strongest 5 year performance/music ed double degree programs offered at that time. He was comfortable with all three studio teachers. It boiled down to (a) merit money (b) overall feel and (c) location/proximity to home. </p>
<p>His grad school choice will be based on (a) and (b).</p>
<p>My son (a high school junior) has a list of four schools, from which he has not deviated in two years (we have visited them all). I am very worried about such a small number, given how competitive conservatories are, but he shrugs off those worries, and refuses to add any "safer" choices. I guess he would do a gap year if something didn't work out, but I'm hopeful we won't have to go that route.</p>
<p>Fiddlemom, I could have written the opening sentences of your OP. I still have a bit of buyer's remorse. We have held to the thought that Shennie expressed here - that none of D's choices were "perfect", but all were very good. She really couldn't go wrong. She liked one school just a bit better than the others, but it was the most expensive on her list. None of us could justify the price difference for the difference in the schools. Ultimately, we opted to go to the cheapest school. If it's a mistake, at least it's not an expensive one!</p>
<p>I ordered her a t-shirt the other day. I think D is definitely moving forward on this.</p>
<p>The part we parents beat ourselves up over is that S1 and S2 both got to choose their schools without much regard to money. But they both had clear and well-defined and long-lasting preferences. D changed her list weekly (or so it seemed). I wonder if her biggest problem with Miami Ohio is that they wanted her badly, and she suffers from the syndrome "How can any place that wants me possibly be any good?"</p>
<p>guitargirl said: "It was really hard for her to decide whether the teacher or the school should trump." </p>
<p>This was part of our challenge. In the end, the teacher trumped. I think it will be an excellent choice, and actually the school will be quite fine, too. There are some things that she likes in particular about the school & program, and a couple of things that I, as a parent, see that I think will be very positive in the long run. </p>
<p>I think all of D's choices, even the one that remained on the table but behind the other two, would have been good, each for very different reasons. </p>
<p>binx: D isn't real big on logo wear, but I think I will get something that is a visible emblem (maybe a bear with a t-shirt?) in support of the school she has chosen. Our Ds will actually be only a couple or three hours apart from one another come fall!</p>
<p>I think a part of my angst is letting go of the choice not made. For quite a number of legitimate reasons, I was, indeed, more involved throughout the admissions process than many parents. But as D's anxiety over having to make such a difficult choice grew in the last month, I found myself getting in deeper. And that involvement led to an encounter that I did not handle with as much finesse as I could have/should have. That's bothering me. I know I need to let it go and given time and change of focus to helping D finish out this school year well and getting ready to move onto campus, I will.</p>
<p>But leaving one road untaken also means leaving behind connections to a couple of people who were especially helpful and encouraging to my D. Because they were so wonderful in helping my daughter with the unusual circumstances (and me) navigate the process, I feel especially bad about choosing the other school. Again, only one school could be chosen, but in the end it turned out to not be the one where these so incredibly helpful people work! </p>
<p>I think, looking back, I would have given my D more space after the initial disappointment of not getting into her first choice school to get her bearings and gather her thoughts about the other schools. Maybe she would have been better prepared to approach the decision without feeling overwhelmed & with less involvement on my part? I don't know.</p>
<p>FiddleMom: I have heard some of the same angst when offspring have broken relationships with significant others who have become part of the family, for everyone. You have your own grief, because you have had your own visualizations of what the family reality might have been. You are so thoughtful, of course you will be able to do this, move on. But cut yourself some slack, grieve, and you can continue to be a good ambassador those things you valued in the places and people she did not choose. Hugs to the Mom of the budding star.</p>
<p>lorelei2702: You've drawn a helpful parallel with the broken significant other/dating relationships. And reminded me that yes, grieving, for a time, is ok. </p>
<p>We've had such an intense focus on this college selection process, especially given D's special interests that are a subset of a field that is already a subset in college admissions. With the choice and all the proper notifications made, I think we will all finally be able to move out of that intense "crisis" mode we've been operating in for the last 7-8 months. And just in time to enjoy our newly arrived sunny spring weather!</p>