The College Confidential UC Transfer Essay Review Thread

Transfer Students UC Transfers
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<p>So I'm looking for help with my UC personal statements. I've got a draft for both done, but I need third-party opinions. I made a thread asking for readers in the College Essays forum, but I got no responses. Maybe (probably) I was a bit too picky in my criteria, haha.</p>

<p>Anyway, I suggest we make this thread the central place for we UC transfers to seek essay advice. Our essays are a bit different from those of Freshman applicants to private schools.</p>

<p>For me, I'd prefer to stick to readers who have already been admitted (and who have a decent number of posts). I'd be willing to read for anyone who is interested.</p>

<p>Anyway, post here if you're a reader, or if you'd like your essays read. You can also PM me directly if you like.</p>

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<p>How should we approach the essay? Is it more like a story (a narrative)? or should we just focus on the details?</p>

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<p>I’m not sure it necessarily has to be a narrative, but that’s generally an effective way of approaching it. The biggest bit of advice I’ve heard is to show, not tell. Obviously a story is a good way to telegraph what you’d really like the adcom to know about you without saying it directly.</p>

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<p>Yeah I think I need to see some essays of those who got accepted >_<</p>

<p>Most of the essays I saw (from those who were accepted) were in story form.</p>

5

<p>When is it necessary to even start writing them? </p>

<p>The first prompt about experience in one’s selected major has me completely stumped. I have no experience whatsoever…in anything.</p>

<p>In the second prompt I’m just going to write a sob story.</p>

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<p>I found this site particularly helpful:</p>

<p>[Essays</a>, Admission Information, Undergraduate Admission, U.Va.](<a href=“http://www.virginia.edu/undergradadmission/writingtheessay.html]Essays”>http://www.virginia.edu/undergradadmission/writingtheessay.html)</p>

7

<p>What’s your major, Christian?</p>

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<p>poli sci 10 char</p>

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<p>You guys are already on track by writing your statements way ahead of time. Revise, revise, revise. Then don’t touch it for a week and then read it again. Sometimes you get too caught up on hearing your own voice when you write it, but other people might not read your essay in the same tone or might not go through the same “experience” you’re going through when you read your own essay (because you yourself went through it) so you need to have a fresh perspective once in a while. Also, other people don’t know as in really know who you are. Taking your essay to the writing lab is fine, but professors might concentrate on technicalities at times and if you keep trying to please them in order to perfect your essay, you might risk losing character on paper. Play it by ear but don’t forget the importance of impeccable grammar, too. Your/you’re, accept/except… you guys know the drill. You can have all the billion dollar words in there all you want but it all amounts to nothing if your careless. (My careless what? Hahaha.)</p>

<p>And lastlyyyy… cheesy, but please just make it sound like you. I know people who scavenged phrases and even paragraphs from essays of accepted students thinking they could make a super essay with all the magical and lucky parts added in. Not good. Especially if one part has excellent grammar but the others, not so stellar. Sad thing is people like these get accepted all the time… so make sure you beat these people!! Hahaha. Good luck guys. :)</p>

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<p>My post count is not what you’d consider “decent”, but I am a faithful lurker and would love to read some essays (English major, starting at Cal this fall).</p>

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<p>How do you guys know the question(s) to the personal statement already? Does it change annually? If not, please hook me up!</p>

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<p>^ Nope, the prompts always stay the same.</p>

<p>[University</a> of California - Admissions](<a href=“http://www.universityofcalifornia.edu/admissions/undergrad_adm/apply/how_apply/personal_statement.html]University”>http://www.universityofcalifornia.edu/admissions/undergrad_adm/apply/how_apply/personal_statement.html)</p>

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<p>^ Thank you very much, my fellow CC’er!</p>

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<p>^ You’re welcome. :slight_smile: Good luck!</p>

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<p>I basically talked about my transition from immaturity to maturity after high school. developing time management skills in order to work full time, volunteer, study, go to school, and maintain a social life - while passing my classes. i did all this without sounding needy. i basically demonstrated i had my priorities in order. </p>

<p>my other personal statement about my major i did in like, 10 minutes, and tbh i’m surprised they admitted me with it haha, it was pretty mediocre. </p>

<p>some don’ts for your personal essay:

  • don’t explicitly state you DESERVE to be admitted “because blah blah…”
  • try not to talk about money issues
  • and MOST IMPORTANTLY do NOT try to make the reader pity you. </p>

<p>^ if you want to include any of these points, don’t be so direct or just brush up on them briefly.</p>