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<p>I get comments about “why would you send your daughter all the way to Boston”? I just figure these are limited people who have no sense that there is a broader world outside their own backyard, and so really, they can think whatever they want to think; I don’t particularly care and it’s not worth engaging with them on the topic or trying to change their minds. They can stay within their limited horizons; not my problem.</p>
<p>Pizzagirl, Us, too!</p>
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<p>Texas, too! I just bite my tongue instead of saying, “He got into UT Austin and didn’t apply to Texas A&M!” Then I do my polite smile, say “The university he attends was just a great fit” and change the topic.</p>
<p>^NO. The worst comments are in store for a music major.
Most people can name only one music school (Juilliard) and have no idea that there are actually BETTER options for your student.</p>
<p>annie - So sorry for your D. She doesn’t need this unproductive aggravation. In our family D#1 suffered those comments a lot. With D#2 it was “Gotta go, don’t have time to discuss it right now, sorry!” I favor Rodney’s approach, but to each his/her own.</p>
<p>there are some in my family who are always commenting on where someone went to college, in a disparaging way…not even thinking we have kids in HS who are/will be applying soon…and that all the different colleges they name and comment on might very well be schools our kids will want to apply to either as targets, safety’s or reaches. When I have said, “you know…DD orDS may want to apply there…” the response is “no, they can do better…”. It is very aggravating, and the family just doesnt want to listen. I’ve been told “only Universities” are the way to go, and " you shouldnt bother with “fit”…kids will find a way to “fit” no matter what…and they say it in front of DD who wants small LAC’s!</p>
<p>Stradmom has it down-- especially: CHANGE THE SUBJECT. People are trying to sound interested but they are a thousand times more interested in their own lives. As soon as you ask them about themselves, off they will happily go. </p>
<p>If OP lives in a town the size of ours, everyone knows her child’s grades-- the honor roll is published in the newspaper, right next to the police log. Everyone gets their name in the paper one way or another.</p>
<p>Most people ask because they are curious. Is Suzie thinking of going far away or to local U?
I don’t mind telling people that are honestly wishing my ‘Suzie’ the best and are simply curious what path she’s taking. People like neighbors and more distant relatives, perhaps a former teacher.</p>
<p>However, there are those others I can now sense a mile away who are right there to tell you why school X is awful. They are the same people who told you why they HATE the potential baby names you (foolishly) shared with them, and they are the ones who told you labor horror stories when you were 9 months along! They told you why the elementary school your kid is attending will scar them for life: ‘the kids there are always WAY behind in high school’ and they are the ones who constantly brag about their own kids.</p>
<p>To them, I have finally learned to smile and give vague answers that will drive them crazy!</p>
<p>It really is amazing isn’t it? When S2 got his first acceptance, I told a good friend that he had gotten in to Tulane. She said, “Oh my god, you can’t send him there! New Orleans is terrible, and Bourbin St is too distracting and disgusting”. I kept quiet. And congratulations to you to dear friend. Now, a year later she tells me that her high school junior is considering it as they have a great architecture department!! I couldn’t control myself. Really? But it wasn’t okay for my son? Everyone is judgmental, and they should really learn to keep their non-supportive mouths shut, because they never know what will be when it’s their turn! So, just smile and nod, smile and nod.</p>
<p>Sometimes it’s hard for a 17 year old to evade direct questions, so some good general responses are helpful.</p>
<p>Seahorse, without going into detail, the comment today came from someone who would reasonably ask about scores and grades etc.</p>
<p>Hopefully, DD has a pretty good head on her shoulders for taking it all with a big grain of salt, but I always worry about the random comment that gets taken to heart.</p>
<p>Sent from my DROID2 GLOBAL using CC</p>
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<p>I’m going to 2nd that. People in FL don’t seem to get out very much. There’s a tendency to have a very narrow view of what’s available in higher education beyond UF, or FL schools in general. I guess that’s why we have 4 of the 10 largest universites in the country by student population. </p>
<p>On the other hand, I don’t recall my kids having too many conversations about what schools they were applying to with anyone besides Guidance – UF, USF, UCF, FSU, etc were always just assumed for everyone.</p>
<p>My mom always told me “If you don’t want people in your business, don’t tell them your business”. You guys here know way more about my son’s college preparations than my friends and family do. Some people thought he was already a senior based on the things I do talk about and when I mention he’s only a junior, they ask about stuff I talked about last year when he was only a sophomore. That gets enough raised eyebrows by itself.</p>
<p>We haven’t gotten any snarky comments; just blank stares and “oh, that’s nice.”</p>
<p>DD said the other day she’s going to start telling people she’s going to Ohthatsnice University.</p>
<p>anniezz, your D sounds very mature, as mine was at that age. That said, it stung her terribly when her favorite teacher reacted very unfavorably when she shared her three top choices, one of which was a small, top 50 LAC and one of which was an OOS flagship U.
She didn’t think either choice was ‘good enough’ for my daughter. It really was kind of painful and totally unexpected. </p>
<p>She did get past it, an enrolled at the OOS flagship, where she’s been blissfully happy. Teacher did apologize. </p>
<p>I think it was a good but painful lesson in making your own choice and sticking by what you decide is right for you. In the end, it’s her life, her (and our) money–this is a very personal choice!</p>
<p>“Ohthatsnice University” </p>
<p>You can always go with smileandnod U in New South Wales, Australia. Its not like anyone is going to look that up!</p>
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<p>So true!</p>
<p>I agree wholeheartedly with the “smile and nod” theory of responding to unwanted advice. But do leave a little opening for advice that might be good, even if unwelcomed. For example, if your child wants to major in vocal performance and snooty aunt maintains that Julliard is the only school, yes, smile and nod. But if someone has direct, recent info to share as in “x’s D went to the school you are considering and found that it was geared more to musical theatre than to classical”, then do check out the accuracy of the info.</p>
<p>I can think of 4 students just off the top of my head who transferred after freshman year where my original (unspoken) reaction to their initial school choice was “huh???” My opinion was not requested, so I did not share it, but all had made a choice that made absolutely no sense and all realized it after they were there.</p>
<p>So if some nosy, rude old mom says, “I’ve heard it is a commuter school” or “Boy, that is a really really religious enviroment” or “Their students have a really hard time being admitted to grad school”, you don’t have to give them the satisfaction of letting them know you care, but do tuck the info away in your brain and check out the info yourself. They might actually be right.</p>
<p>Edited to add: After a student has already committed to a school, nothing less than “oh that’s nice” should be uttered.</p>
<p>I think the issue that I have, and that DS has is that the people who are making comments to him are people that know him and like him. He coached youth football for four years in high school and many of the people that are asking him where he is going to school are the parents and board members from the football league. They like him and most of them ask out of genuine curiosity, not with malice. So he doesn’t want to be rude. </p>
<p>The other coaches hold DS up as a model for the younger boys to emulate. They tell the younger boys what a good student he is, as well as a good football player. They point out that he volunteers his time to coach them even though he has his own practices and a heavy duty academic schedule.</p>
<p>I don’t think they mean any ill will with their comments. They all hear the horror stories about how hard it is to get into UF and those stories are true. Many very fine students get rejected from UF. But my son made his decision based on:</p>
<ol>
<li>Size-He did not want to go to an enormous school.</li>
<li>Football-He is a small kid and not big enough (5’8") to play at UF or Miami.</li>
<li>Academics-The school he is going to is a great school.</li>
</ol>
<p>I think the way he is going to try to handle it is to tell people that the school he is going to is ranked higher than UF even though he didn’t really care much about rankings when he chose the school. I think most of the people that are making comments to him have younger kids that have not gone through the admissions process yet. However, most of them are aware of the USNWR rankings and my son’s statement is true, even though it had nothing to do with his decision.</p>
<p>Stradmom wrote:</p>
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<p>December through April: “I promised her I wouldn’t talk about it until all the results are in.” Quickly divert topic of conversation.</p>
<h2>After May 1: “She’s delighted to have chosen X.”<<<<</h2>
<p>This is absolutely brilliant. I need to memorize this and have my D do the same!!!</p>
<p>I think people should just keep their opinions to themselves unless they have some helpful, positive information. How rude to tell a kid where they should and shouldn’t apply or enroll!</p>
<p>We have already been running into this problem with family members and my D is just finishing up her Jr year. All of the preceding generation (Dh and I included) went to “big name” schools, but it was a different time then. Even though D has very good grades and a lot of things going for her, we are steering her toward smaller LACs or schools where the fit would be good. Lots and lots of comments are being made- basically implying that we should be willing and able to pay for her to go to a “better school” and implications that she won’t have a decent education or future otherwise.</p>
<p>These comments make me really nuts. She seems to be handling it better than I. I keep telling myself that we are blazing a trail of acceptance for all of the sibs, nieces and nephews that will follow.</p>
<p>In fairness, some people may be asking with good intentions, knowing that this is a big question during senior year and wanting to express their support and be part of your life.</p>
<p>Other people, however…</p>