The Cost of Private K-12 v. The Cost of College

Parents Forum
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<p>I'm mostly picking lint out of my navel on this, but what the heck?</p>

<p>We're currently struggling with the question of whether paying for an expensive college is worth it (on the assumption that D will be admitted to some place that is expensive!). As many here note, kids can go to less expensive places and still do very well, and an expensive degree isn't a guarantee of anything. </p>

<p>For years, we have told ourselves that we'd be willing/able to pay any amount for college because we never had to pay a dime for K-12. </p>

<p>Around here (DC Metro), parents pay Big Coin for their kids to attend private K-12. Some of this is because the family resides in a part of town with less popular public schools. Sometimes it is because the child does better in smaller classes or has special needs. And sometimes it is simply because the family perceives the private school as better and is willing to pay for it. Currently, tuition at Sidwell Friends school (where the Obama girls attend) is $28,500 for the lower school, plus books and transport fees of another $1000. I've no idea what the expectation is for capital campaign and suchlike, but that too adds up, I hear.</p>

<p>Some quick and overly simplified math says that we saved $250,000 or so by sending our kid to public school. Does that by itself justify the cost of $200,000+ cost of college? If it makes sense to spend Big Coin on K-12, why do we gnash our teeth so much over spending to provide the best education money can buy if our child is fortunate enough to be accepted to a pricey college?</p>

<p>Does anyone ever look at it that way?</p>

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<p>Interesting question. My first reaction is that if one can afford the likes of Sidwell, then swing for the pricey college if that's the student's first choice/best fit. In our case, D went to an independent school through 8th grade and parochial school, not cheap but cheaper than elementary/middle, for high school. Fortunately she chose a great public for college, and given our investment in prepaid tuition several years ago, college is costing us less out-of-pocket than high school and she will have our other college savings for grad school, and I feel less compelled to make large donations to the college than earlier schools. If I had to do it over again, with today's perspective, I would have moved her out of private elementary in 2nd or 3rd grade into a public GT program, saved the tuition, and invested in a larger college fund so she'd have more college options. But at the time we thought the private was better for various legit reasons, so my regrets are only minimal. ps. If we had put the money in a decent stock fund at the time, it would now be barely worth the dollars invested.</p>

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<p>Another Marylander, here.</p>

<p>We chose to skip the private K-12. Instead we went with the large-ish house in an excellent public school district. Financially I think it's a wash. </p>

<p>For college, we've saved since their first birthdays. They can attend any state school that accepts them and still have (a little) money left over. It remains to be seen if that will be their paths. Many OOS and private colleges are on their radar. In that case, we'll experience the monthly education cash-flow responsibilities that we avoided during K-12.</p>

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<p>We paid for our D's K=12 although we live in one of the best public school district in our city. It was all worth it! We believe strongly that it enabled her to get into very selective program in college (that has only 10 spots for incoming freshmen). She developed very strong personal skills with people of all ages kids and adults, because of very close relationship between different grades within her very small HS and teachers that would not be possible at public school. Her private JH prepared her so well for HS, that she was on academic scholarship at her private HS. We paid $4,500 - $10,000 thru HS. Now we are paying about $4000 / year for college because of numerous academic scholarships. In D's case looking back it was very worth it to send her to private K-12.</p>

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<p>S was in private 4-12. Merit in college washed the private tuition plus S got the benefits of (IMO) a much better foundation education.</p>

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<p>I know one family that used that logic. Elder kid went to a public high school, younger one went private in the $20k+ range. Elder kid got into a top program in the kid's desired field, at a very pricey private U. Elder kid then argued that the differential between PPU and in-state U was the same as the private high school tuition for younger kid. Parents agreed. </p>

<p>Which brings up a side point: you need to look at the cost as the difference between what you'd pay for a cheaper option and the expensive option. In some cases, that might be the full $200k. It might also be less. </p>

<p>Some families do make an explicit choice on what they're going to fund early on. Starting in kindergarten, they look at their budget and realize they can afford to either save towards the $200k full pay or private K-12. I've got one friend whose kids went to a wonderful private K-12 program, in a city with horrid public schools. The eldest kid is now attending in-state U, because the expectation was always that the parents were investing their money in their kids' educations up-front. Other people never had the budget choice to even think about spending Big Coin for K-12, or they spent their Big Coin in other ways like paying more for a house based on the school district. </p>

<p>I think it's a perfectly good rationalization to say you got by cheap before, and thus it's OK to spend the education dollars now. At the same time, if it's really not in the budget to spend the big coin now, I think there's no need to guilt yourself over it. </p>

<p>One more thought: you might want to ask your D if she would prefer the big dollars now, or if she'd like more help later on with, say, buying a house. She may not be the type to appreciate deferred gratification, but it might also make her really think about the tradeoffs when you choose the more expensive school.</p>

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<p>Both kids have attended private school since preschool. S is now in a Catholic all boys high school school which is costing us about 1/5 th what his private middle school was. (He got a 50% merit scholarship at hsi current school) We love his current school even though the facilities are lacking and even dumpy compared to his middle school. He could have continued HS at the school he went to middle school for, but we felt his current school was a better fit. </p>

<p>D is in an elementary montessori school. She will be applying to a very expensive all girls school for 5th grade. If she doesn't get accepted, we will be looking at other private middle schools for her for 6th grade. </p>

<p>Why do we spend all this money on schools? Because my kids are challenged, pushed to do the very best they can and for the most part the teachers love their jobs and enjoy the kids. We never expected to go the private school route, but both kids attended a montessori preschool and thrived. We just couldn't bring ourselves to move them at 1st grade. </p>

<p>I have heard many other parents tell me they would rather save the money for college than spend it on private schools, but I the few parents I know who made that decision did not take that tuition money and set it aside for college (to the best of my knowledge). I have probably scrimped and saved more than they have. And if my D gets into the expensive private school she will be applying to for 5th grade, I will have to scrimp even more. </p>

<p>I think every family needs to make the decision based on their individual financial situation and what works for their kid.</p>

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<p>
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I think every family needs to make the decision based on their individual financial situation and what works for their kid.

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</p>

<p>I agree. I could have whacked our financial advisor recently. He nearly gasped when he heard we haven't ruled out private colleges for our kid with an undecided major. </p>

<p>Instead, I looked him in the eye and said, "Some people spend $20K for kindergarten. And some people spend $40K for college. It's a personal choice."</p>

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<p>Agree with the last two posters...it is definitely a personal choice...and please do not judge. Circumstances are different in each familiy and are not evident to observers looking in. All our children attended private K-12 and, so far, two attend/attended private college/university. Yes, we applied for and have utilized a home equity line of credit for some of the expenses. People always wondered how we do it with 3 children...two working parents...nominal financial aid...and a lot of luck. Yes, we scrimped, vacations were local, and kept our family van going for 14 yrs. And, until a few yrs ago, we very rarely ate out. In the end, it was our decision and choice...and we accept that. We don't reflect back often...most of the leans yrs are behind us now (thank goodness)...just thankful...and, no regrets. :)</p>

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<p>However, around here anyway, most of the kids at private schools end up at the college they would have anyway. Does that make sense? Take away the top ten percent of any private high school graduating class and the list of colleges is generally not real impressive. </p>

<p>When we looked at private high schools a few years ago, I was totally underwhelmed by where the graduates went. For us, it was like you spent 70,000 plus for high school and your child ended up at __<strong><em>. And there were a lot of _</em></strong>_s on the list.</p>

<p>And I am not a college snob, but I am an economic realist and I knew that if I had spent that much on high school (not to mention many of these kids were in private the entire time) and the best they could do was those schools, I would be committed.</p>

<p>We live in GA and I have a good friend whose child has been in private the last 4 years, in part because the mother felt that the child would slip between the cracks in public school. Turns out he just isn't much of a scholar and not only won't be earning the HOPE but also won't get admitted to any of the decent choices in state.</p>

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<p>I kind of wish I had gone to a good private school or at least one of the state math and science academies. Most of my friends at Caltech (where I go to school) were much better prepared than I was in math/physics.</p>

<p>At the end of the day, high school is just like college--fit is more important than any "rules" you can impose on the process. For some kids, a private education may be worth it. For others, it may not be. My parents placed me in a private school for K-6 that was a Christian school with slightly subpar academics. It turned out not to be a good fit for me; however, it was a much better fit for my sister. My mom still claims though that I would have become amoral without it... hahaha.</p>

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<p>lizzardfire hits it on the nose. A really good academic private school education is a lifetime gift for a kid who can and does take full advantage of it.</p>

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<p>My oldest S went to public school. It was a constant battle with the schools he attended.
So we sent our other kids, to independent schools, starting with the fifth grade.
It's expensive, but academically well worth the money.IMO
What I always told them is, we are paying for preparatory school now, and intend for them to pay for college.
So far we have two in private colleges. We don't pay for any tuition.
After merit aid and scholarships, D paid $1,200. and S paid $4,000.
I am hoping D could get the same job this summer.
S has a summer internship.</p>

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<p>and sometimes it's not about the money.</p>

<p>We never regretted paying for the religious HS the kids attended. It was a place where education and learning and books and studying were highly valued; where teachers were held in high regard by kids, administrators and parents; where the dress code and the endless rules and regulations were in place to make sure that school was an orderly, dignified place.</p>

<p>I went to a large, urban public HS back in the late 60's and early '70's. Drug dealers commandeered the bathrooms at lunch; the teachers were afraid of the kids and the kids ignored the teachers. I spent four years avoiding any grown up contact. </p>

<p>I turned out fine, as did all my siblings, so I can't say that on balance it had a tremendous negative impact- but we all hated HS and it was a scary and noisy and dirty place on a good day.</p>

<p>So I don't regret having opted out of our local public HS-- which has a slice of achievers at the top, and a full range of urban ills everywhere else. The GC's don't have time for college counseling when they're busy attending court hearings for a kid who shot his mom's BF over a drug deal gone bad/</p>

<p>I like living in this city-- but it was a luxury to send my kids to a HS where they didn't have to navigate a metal detector in order to get into the school library. We could have stretched financially to live in a fancy suburb with a fancy public HS.... but this worked out fine for us. YMMV.</p>

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<p>Sending my son to a private school for K-12 was not a remote possibility because I could never have afforded it (and most people here send their kids to Catholic school and we're Jewish).</p>

<p>He was lucky to get into a good charter school for 5-8 and then he got into a great magnet HS. I don't think I could have paid for a better education. </p>

<p>Being in Philadelphia, where the vast majority of the schools are just not that great (and something like 40% of 9th graders don't graduate), it was a blessing to get a great FREE education. (well I do pay 4% city wage tax)</p>

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<p>@mamom:</p>

<p>if you are talking about a particular fenway area boston school (private, all-girls) that opens in the fifth grade, let me tell you that it is 100% worth it to attend that school. it may be expensive but i've been at that school (if it is the one you are talking about) for all 8 years and I have had a wonderful education. I was also accepted ED to Brown this year!</p>

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<p>Boy, would you look at the size of the lint wad I've pulled out of my navel while you guys have been talking? :)</p>

<p>Yeah, I think the notion that paying for the pricey K-12 education is the fast track to Ivy League has been thoroughly debunked. Maybe it gives a boost for the smartest kids in private school who would be admitted no matter where they did K-12. My impression talking to parents is that their bright kids in private schools lose out to even brighter kids in the struggle to get a limited number of Ivy acceptance.</p>

<p>Still, that's not really my question. I am just wondering why my wallet is suddenly slamming shut when we in fact always implicitly contemplated paying for an expensive college. </p>

<p>Maybe it's just a reflex, you know? If you are in the habit of paying Big Coin for education over the past decade plus, continuing to do it for four more years of college might not be a huge shock to the system. Me, I'm just not used to it. I almost feel like I'm changing the deal mid-stream just because of the Sudden Onset Of Cheapness.</p>

<p>Also complicating matters is that we have three kids, not one. We could tell our oldest that if she chooses a cheap school instead of an expensive school, we can just give her the difference. </p>

<p>But our college savings is not three pots of money, it is one pot of money. We wanted to do it this way because different kids have different college needs, so it is unfair to tell them that you will divide limited college funds equally. If one goes to Harvard and one goes to CC, they do not get the same amount of college money. Kids get what they need, and no more. So if our oldest goes to the state school, she will need less and will therefore get less. Which of course provides no incentive from her perspective to choose something cheaper. Which of course means we should pay for whatever she wants because we didn't give her a pricey K-12 education (which she didn't need).</p>

<p>Consequently, I'm not sure how hard I should press the argument that the expensive college isn't worth it, you know? Because in some cases, depending on circumstances, the expensive college may well not be worth it. Often, when people say the expensive college isn't worth it, they are in part motivated by the fact that they are unwilling/unable to pay for it anyway. What do you do when you could pay for it but are getting cold feet?</p>

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<p>at my private school, at least, this is very true, with 2/3 of the class applying to the same 5 or 6 top schools. also, with schools like harvard that are close in proximity to my school, faculty or admin children can get priority even if they aren't the strongest students. i think that if i had wanted to go to harvard, i would have been better off even at my local public hs bc as it is all of the "harvard spots" are taken by high up alum / donor kids in my class</p>

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<p>It's more the current/potential financial situation and outlook that has determined the price range of children's colleges. With the first one, we were much younger, H had just gotten a job with a potential to make a lot of money, and things were going well enough, that we had the confidence to put the bulk of money into education for all of our kids. We told our first son that we would pay for where ever he wanted to go that he could get accepted for college. We let our younger ones apply to those independent schools with sticker prices at the $28K range for high school, and they got in, to our surprise, as we were told the competition for those schools is stiff. </p>

<p>However, at this time we are running into potential scenarios that may require more money than we can afford if we spend on tuition. That more than anything else has revised our outlook on college costs. It just is not wise for us to put us in that situation. When S3 looked at colleges, cost was very much in the equation. We really did not want to pay more than $30K and would have to borrow in order to pay that. That we had spent that amount per year on his high school and amounts on his private schools in earlier years did not play into the decision except for the fact that maybe we would have had that money sitting (to lose if in the markets or mutual funds, ha, ha) in accounts had we not paid those tuitions. We considered a number of state schools along with private schools with merit money. He only applied to one school that did not offer merit money, and had some avenues in mind if he had been accepted there (was not accepted). The one school that did not offer him any money, he immediately took off of his consideration list. He negotiated with his first choice to double his merit money and even got more out of his outside scholarship in order to make things work. </p>

<p>The second one who graduated from an expensive independent school is at a state school. He had a choice of any number of schools. We were in a quandary about his school choices as he did not get much in merit offers and many of his choices did range towards the $50K range. It really has made a big difference that he picked a state school and got some merit money as well, and that decision really freed up some funds for S3, and made it possible to pay for his high school and as much of his college choice as we are. At that time we might have taken enormous loans to pay for S2's college if he had picked a private college and now be in even worse financial shape. </p>

<p>If I could have done it over, I would have moved the kids to our excellent public school system sooner. I hesitated to do so because they had been moved around quite a bit and had had some rough years immediately before this move and finally seemed to be settled and doing well. Also we had the money and thought we would be able to do this.</p>

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<p>I just look at the bottom line--pay for the best education you can afford for your kids at every level.</p>