<p>"So here is my next question, for parents to ask themselves: when was the last time you simply spent a day relaxing, goofing off and having fun with your kid? If the answer is "can't remember" - "seems like years" - or "we can't stand being around each other".... then you or your kid might fit into the category of "overstressed."</p>
<p>Not to sidetrack too far from the point, but there have been times in the last four years when I would have answered "can't remember" - "seems like years" or "we can't stand each other" if only because our S was pushing away from us and was MUCH more interested in developing his peer relationships and/or slacking off on his responsbilities (which we couldn't tolerate too well). His sophomore year, in particular, is one that I don't care to remember... lots of arguing, some disrespect, some breaking of rules and that one glorious day when he informed us he simply wasn't going to go to college. Didn't have a plan, just didn't want to do school anymore after 12th grade. The idea of spending 10 minutes with the kid, much less a day, was incomprehensible at times. He was not fun or relaxing. And he didn't want to spend time with me, who I'm sure he viewed as an uptight Peruvian hag. I hated what felt like a complete disconnect between us. I remember pulling out his baby photo album one afternoon to try to recall the joy and love that I had once felt about him and to remember he was still the same person even if he was acting like a major a**.</p>
<p>Junior year, he pulled himself completely together and blew H and I away with his accomplishments and studies. We couldn't spend a whole lot of time with him because he was on fire every day of the week from dawn until midnight, and we just felt we needed to step out of the way and let him do his thing. </p>
<p>But... this year, he's got a bit more time, and he's a blast. Laid back, confident, able to switch between friends and parents easily, interested and interesting, and ... he takes advice! We hung out a lot over the winter break, gorging on popcorn, MnMs and the 3rd season DVD of West Wing, going to dinner, a play, etc... His dad can't get enough of going out to lunch or dinner with him. He wrote me a note Christmas morning thanking me for all the help I've given him with his college search and said "I wouldn't be where I am today without you."</p>
<p>I guess my point is that if there are parents out there who can't answer calmom's latest question in a very affirming way, it might not be because they are overstressed or overparenting (really, whatever that is), etc... The parent/child relationship is a complicated one and it has its highs and lows. You can't accurately evaluate it until the kid is grown.</p>
<p>By the way, my mom always told me that whatever the child's personality is at 10, that's what they come back to after they're done being dumb and mean. :) I didn't believe her when my son was 15, and I seriously and honestly thought that our S had become someone I would not want to spend time with once he was grown. But now at 17, he's very similar to that 10-year-old kid I couldn't get enough of (well, a lot taller), and the thought of him leaving for college in 8 months is very sad. He's a friend once again.</p>