<p>“She has travelled to Europe/Israel with a teen group (when she was almost 16) and spends the summers away.”
-She will be fine at college. And you will be fine too. Talking about anxiety, we did not allow our D. to go to Israel, it is a free trip for her. I am not talking about right or wrong decision, I am talking about us not willing to worry about it. She went to Europe though. She is college senior, she has been fine away at college. Kids are resilient, they adjust. Your D. will call you when she needs you, just like mine is doing. They still need our support and reassurance.</p>
<p>Great advice from previous posters. I would like to add one thing from our own experience on move-in day. Be absolutely positive she has her ID with her. I organized my D’s things for move-in with the exception of her clothes and whatever she keeps in her purse. She and her Dad loaded the SUV. We drive 2 1/2 hours and get to the check-in area at her school. My H and I hang back while she does the check-in and she turns to me and yells “where’s my ID?!” The look of panic is on her face as I calmly walk over and say “It’s in your wallet.” “Where’s my wallet?!” In a last minute moment of “brilliance”, I had made her take her passport. That I knew was in her purse. She finishes checking in and sure enough, she left her wallet on the floor of her father’s home-office. We had to FedEx it to her when we got home.</p>
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<p>Well, of course you did, LINYMOM; what wasn’t to love? :-)</p>
<p>It may be too late for this…but…could the grandparents visit be removed from the 3.5 days of activity? Or…could they be at the beginning and then be out of the picture? May be insensitive on my part…I know…but, they add another element to an already busy short time period. A child leaving for college is a major event…but…your child isn’t going that far away, and should be able to make it home for breaks and vacations. Maybe some special time for grandparents could be scheduled for winter break…</p>
<p>As you are making plans or - especially - once she has been been gone for a week or two, this thread might help you.
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/544135-help-oldest-daughter-going-off-college-we-need-support.html?highlight=daughter[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/544135-help-oldest-daughter-going-off-college-we-need-support.html?highlight=daughter</a>
Thinking of you. <3</p>
<p>Pizzagirl: Well, I was on the best campus! Right?!?!?</p>
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<p>It actually can’t (they don’t live here), but it’s not an issue. We’re going to schedule one big family dinner and include them. Anyway, D and I will be visiting them during her long Dec-Jan break; they’ll be fine with the one dinner. Thanks for the suggestion, though. I know that removing anything that seems like an “obligation” will ease up the time crunch.</p>
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<p>My first thought was OMG. But, as you pointed out, it just required a simple Fed Ex to remedy. It’s not the end of the world! Thanks for the heads-up!</p>
<p>LinyMOm…as I try to breathe, just breathe…as disorganized son and major procrastinator runs into my uber organized mindset and lifestyle…try to compromise and multitask. Two pieces of advice/reflections.</p>
<p>My Son has one week left before school (OMG it is wednesday already! we leave saturday)…I make a task list each day for him (lists are an obsession with me) with only a couple of stars for 2 “absolutely must get done” items (doctor appointments, ortho, bank, pick up sister from hockey tryouts, etc). However, he knows that as he rolls task from today to tomorrow it makes it difficult to get things done. He gets most items done or well started. I still see an all nighter on Friday with the packing. </p>
<p>He wants to see friends at night…last night friend shows up …I say…hey, stay for dinner, please help S go through art room to get supplies together…they didn’t finish but made a good start and chatted and then went out after dinner. I wont see his friend either for months so it was a little goodbye for me too. …another friend (girl but not love interest) on Monday took him shopping to get something for wearing to parties…big success. If D has only a couple of nights…try to get her to multitask with friends. Our D has promised to take S to the CVS after hockey practice today to make sure he has everything for the bathroom…she takes after me. Hey…perhaps grandparents can do this with your D!?</p>
<p>In our case, grandparents came for graduation in june and he is first grandchild and golden child for them…never loved me or my brother in that simple adoring way… So…they were sad that he couldn’t spend lots of time with them with the crazy time around graduation. I made sure that they had some alone time but it was brief…sent them out for lunch one day. That eased the stress, but wasn’t enough for grandparents. </p>
<p>Now I have arranged for grandparents to go to parents’ weekend at S’s college town in October. Made hotel reservations…picked nice restaurant…etc. Plan to buy and send two school t-shirts to them after I drop son at college. I don’t think I could have given them a better gift…they are so excited. If you can’t do it this year, try for the next and tell your parents this. They don’t want them to see him only during graduation/xmas/thanskgiving when there is so much else going on. He used to spend a month with them each summer until he got a real teenage life after sophomore year. I doubt he will have a month with them again to go camping but facilitating some one on one time for them with their adored grandson is good for everyone.</p>
<p>GOOD LUCK! I am working on how not to cry when we drop him off. Do I think about work? what do I do? that is advice I need.</p>
<p>Fineartsmom: I wish you were here. We would find time for a mini-support group in person!</p>
<p>The grandparents are not an issue. They are so busy with their own lives at this point - but they are making a point to be in our area when D is home for the few days. I’m going to email them this morning and tell them what night we are having the family dinner. D and I already have a trip planned to visit them (maybe a week) in January so they can spoil both of us (I am #1 child, she is #1 grandchild - shh, don’t tell the others). I don’t know about the t-shirts yet… Not sure they are over her turning down the uber-expensive private school that was her other top choice college. </p>
<p>I will consider taking D’s BFF with us shopping one day. She may be a good influence on clothes choices. Then again, she will also be busy getting ready to leave. Plus, I want D to myself sometimes!!!</p>
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<p>Read through this thread for some rational viewpoints on this:</p>
<ul>
<li>you will be in touch (text, ichat, email, maybe even phone)</li>
<li>they will be home, a lot</li>
<li>you can visit</li>
<li>they still live at your house</li>
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<p>I just went through this with H at dinner last night… and a lot of the other info here re: expections and schedules for when she is home (and it went really well! - thank you all!).</p>
<p>Still, drop-offs are always hard for me. HS graduation was hard (heck, I cried at 5th grade graduation). Don’t forget your dark sunglasses. And wait till you’re in the car away from him. Just because it is best for him, doesn’t mean it is easy for you. You did a great job - celebrate. This is an exciting time. Stressful, anxiety-ridden and emotional, but also exciting!</p>
<p>I am not actually counting on much contact via email, phone or texting. Lives in the now and with people who are actually physically with him…not his style to use electronics to communicate even with girlfriend…and it drives her nuts.</p>
<p>One summer he managed to go 4 weeks with just one phone call (after a pretty forceful text message from me saying he would regret it if he didn’t try to call his parents). This summer he was traveling in Europe with friends for two weeks…we even gave him a european phone…did he call? too expensive…did he text? nope…BUT traveling companion kept her facebook page up to date and sent some PMs to us so we knew he was alive. He did friend me…but neither of us are that keen on facebook although he checks it more than his email. H is similar…I treasure the 4-5 long letters from the time we lived continents apart and there was no phone line where I was working. </p>
<p>Luckily I have D at home still and she is more communicative although we are going through some ups and downs with me not agreeing that at 15 she should be allowed to go with whomever to wherever, whenever. I think she is going to be the most crushed at her brother going away…the full force of parental focus is about to beam down on her.</p>
<p>I will remember the dark glasses.</p>
<p>Slightly off topic, but when my husband went in to the Army more than thirty years ago he hadn’t called home for some time and his mother called the Red Cross. His commanding officer was not amused when he called DH in to tell him to CALL HIS MOTHER.</p>
<p>I just hope I can get through the move without killing H or him killing me! I just know there’s going to be drama and I’m not looking forward to it …</p>
<p>Generally my boys have been good about giving me a quick shout out–I encourage them to give me a quick call between classes to keep things short and sweet so they don’t feel llike they are being interrogated. They like this.</p>
<p>Which then results in the great occasional call when they have a nice break between classes and we can really talk.</p>
<p>I’ve encouraged them to treat our conversations as going both ways…to ask us questions, too, a good skill to have.</p>
<p>We often talk about things in the news, sports teams, tidbits about friends etc to keep them comfortable talking to us…and the stuff we REALLY want to hear about ends up coming out a lot more easily as part of a general conversation.</p>
<p>Actually, a funny anecdote…When our first son went to college we felt that we wanted that phone call every Sunday at 5 etc…and he always conveniently “forgot” to call or was “too busy” to call. So eventually after a few more days, we would call him…sometimes he didn’t answer, he never called back, and if he did answer or call, it would be with “attitude.”</p>
<p>So we gave him some of his own medicine. For a few weeks we refrained from calling him, as hard as it was not to hear his voice. And we also refrained from making the monthly deposit to his accounts ( $$$ and points). So, of course, he eventually called…quite irritated, of course…very short conversation because he was " busy."
So H decided he too was “busy” and “forgot” to make the deposits. As was son’s annoying habit, the next few times he called H just didn’t answer.</p>
<p>H and S1 eventually had a conversation about having conversations…S1 made to understand that a conversation wasn’t necessary ALL the time but sometimes it would be nice? And that it didn’t have to be on Sunday at 5 if we had heard he was alive on well on Tuesday between classes.</p>
<p>I think younger brothers learned vicariously. Never had this problem again!</p>
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Isn’t it sweet the first time that happens? Although a little bittersweet.</p>
<p>For the OP, my thought was also that the grandparents being there might be too much. But if they aren’t staying with you and won’t be around constantly, it’s probably OK.</p>
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<p>Having this talk is the kind of thing that can get out of hand here during those three days… I need to explain to H now, before D gets home, that making up a particular time may seem - TO HER - like we are trying to be controlling, just at the time she is trying to establish independence. I think this is one of those things we can put in her court – “We know you have no idea of what your life is going to be life. Try to be in touch. Then, once you’re settled in, maybe you can figure out when would be a good time to chat/skype/etc.” Something like that.</p>
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<p>No! They are not those kind of grandparents! They like their own space and stay at a hotel. I emailed them this morning about the date for the dinner (they got back to me while hikiing through a park in Maine to say that they would be here). I’m sure they are happy it’s going to be Tuesday, not Wednesday, so they can catch a Broadway matinee and spend time in the city! LOL! (But they will dote on D and me when we go visit them in January - you can be sure of that!)</p>