<p>It won't be long now. There is a pile of college supplies in the dining room. It feels so normal around the house. But in a week or so, we are actually leaving her at the school. It is many miles away. Big Change. How are all you first-timers doing with anticipating the goodbye and the blues that you wish you won't have to have? This child's companionship and the rapport we have at this time of her life will be sorely missed! And I know I can't/shouldn't check-in too often while she's gone. I managed for two week camp leaves, but this is going to be ridiculous. While we all know this is what's best for them, how do we adust without feeling so lousy? This type of thread has been up before, but are there any first-timers or veterans who want to share thoughts on this one?</p>
<p>As the parent of a soph that we will be dropping off at school in 2 weeks after he has been home all summer--try to stay busy!!! Stay busy at work, stay busy at home. I had put off a lot of little projects last year around the house--cleaning closets, minor repairs, etc. I found that by plunging into these activities it took my mind away from worrying about student so much. I can tell you that after a super summer this year, it is still going to be hard to leave our student. And, to top it off, we have had to put our family pet to sleep due to cancer, so this year may be a little more difficult. But, I have already made a list of things to try to accomplish this fall. Also, try to think in small chunks of time--we will drop student off in late August, he will be home again in OCT for fall break! Good Luck!</p>
<p>It’s hard. Sometimes keeping the mind busy doesn’t work for long periods of time. My S started college last year and everything was new for the whole family. It took me a whole semester to adapt to my new life accepting my baby had already grown up. In two weeks my D is leaving the nest going a thousand miles away from home. I don’t know what I would do after that, I just try to make plans for trips to visit my children to shorten the time I won’t see them and would try to do something to enjoy myself with all the free time I will have ahead with no more trips to the high school and after school activities. I know for sure that I will check the e-mails more often, I will run to answer the phone even before rings, I will write them a thousand text messages wishing at least one in 100 would be answered, and I will having the mail carrier as my dear friend since every week I will greet him with a new care package ready to go.
You’re not alone, we’ll all keep company, and believe me, time really flies, goes faster that we think and they come home before we will be ready to do tons of laundry and big meals again.</p>
<p>Let the advantages be a balm- you won't have nearly the cleaning to do! And when you wake up in the morning the house will look just like it did when you went to bed! (Maybe- I have boys and when they leave it makes a big difference). </p>
<p>My relationship with my oldest has improved since he went to college, and it wasn't bad to begin with. He has really grown up, and it is exciting to see him take on the world on his own. I knew things were going to be OK when he called me 2 days after dropping him off, and excitedly said, "Hey Mom, I LOVE THIS PLACE!</p>
<p>It will be OK. You'll be able to chat with her anytime you want. Cell phones are a great thing.</p>
<p>Um, don't rush yourself to adjust. I've gotta tell you with my eldest it took me until Spring of his sophomore year when I noticed I was thinking more about how happy I was for whatever he was doing on campus than overwhelmed with thoughts about how much I missed him. I began to celebrate his accomplishments in my mind, rather than have to be part of their everyday development. THe steps towards that shift included the many times he came and went for various holidays and summers. I noticed, for example, how much easier it was to send him off as a sophomore than it had been as a freshman.
Going through the entire year cycle of school, how it feels with the fall breaks, the big Christmastime break, you get more and more used to him coming and going. You'll be surprised that, even though he's not intertwined daily when he's out on campus, when he comes home for vacations, there's a lot of emotional expectation on the kids' part to still be part of the family.
To that end, I took the advice of deans at freshman orientation to not call and inquire how his day was going, but email with upbeat, supportive news from home and family, no reply necessary, just to keep him feeling that he was part of the family. He remained very interested in the developments of his younger sister and brother while away, and could always be counted on to respond if I sought his advice on something like that...for high school pointers relevant to his younger sibs, in other words. He still wanted to be seens as the older brother, even while he was busy getting out from the same-old definition of "son." We have a very close bond now, two years after graduation in a far city, even though he hasn't lived at home now for 6 years.
I also found that the Summer preceding the departure was worse than the Fall following it. Now there's much tension and expectation in the air, so many unknowns. I found that depleted my energy somewhat but it rebounded once I knew he was all set up on campus.</p>
<p>Zoosergirl is leaving in two weeks. I'm really having a hard time. She is the most pleasant person I know and this house is going to be so empty without her. I lost my father the week that she received the acceptance that she chose, so the two things are linked in my mind. I've also come to realize that everyone else is starting to get anxious, too. My short-term goal is to get her set up in the dorm room and be able to walk away without crying until I get into the car. I realy like the idea of giving myself time to adjust. I seem to get a lot of people telling me how wonderful it will be and that I'll be glad when she goes because she's going to make us nuts this summer. Hasn't happened yet and we're in the home stretch. Which brings me to another thing: the people who are so fond of snickering about the drinking, drugs, sex and general screwing up that EVERY kid does in college. The knowing looks and sarcastic smirks are getting on my nerves. We got the same when she went to high school and, you know what? She did well in high school, conducted herself appropriately, didn't get arrested, and held down a job. So I'm guessing that not EVERY kid does this stuff. Mine does not walk on water, but the know-it-alls don't know her as well as I do, either.(I apologize for hi-jacking the thread.)</p>
<p>It's hard!!! In 2 weeks we are sending him off again as a sophmore. It might be slightly easier than last year...but not much. I really miss that day to day interaction, knowing he gets SOME good nights of sleep and eats fairly well, takes vitamins and wears sunscreen. It is a big letting go to not be involved at all once they are off. </p>
<p>On the up side...you really appreciate each other a lot more. There are holidays and trips to look forward to. You know in your heart that they are where they are supposed to be and learning and growing every day.</p>
<p>It's very hard.</p>
<p>S will be starting his senior year at a college an hour from home in a few weeks. He didn't spend the summer at home for the first time this year, and I have missed him greatly. Moreover, he is considering graduate schools on the other side of the country, so he is going to disappear even more completely very soon. It hurts to see him go. He and I have gotten along much better during his college years than we did when he was in high school. I kind of wish the college stage could last longer (despite the tuition).</p>
<p>D will be starting her freshman year in about ten days at a college seven hours from home. This is MUCH farther than her brother went, and it means that there will be no spontaneous visiting in either direction or little trips home for practical stuff (like dental visits or clothes shopping), the way there were with her brother. It's going to be much harder to keep in touch with her than it was with S because she will come home less often. And I suspect that she will start finding other places to spend her summers a lot sooner than her brother did (because she and her father do not get along well, and for that reason she would really prefer to never come home for an extended period of time again). </p>
<p>D is the last one. It will be so quiet around here with just my husband and me.</p>
<p>Of course, there is a long list of things that I have been wanting to do and haven't gotten around to, and I will be hitting that list starting the day I return from dropping off D. Also, I plan to change jobs in a few months, which will certainly keep me busy. But still, I am dreading the empty nest. End of an era.</p>
<p>We drove away and left D2 at her sister's house in CO and flew home to Germany last weekend. That was hard! We always miss D1, but we're used to that because she's never lived with us here, and she has a family of her own, so it's different. D2 has been our only child at home for the last 7 years, and for the last four years, she attended the school where I work, so I saw her frequently there too (especially when she needed money or a signature!). She'll be at her sister's for another couple of weeks, then she's going alone to her school in PA. I just wish I could be there to see her room, meet the roomie and family, and all that.</p>
<p>A friend at church advised me this morning to get a dog, but I'm really not much of an animal person, and besides, I don't want to be tied down now that I will have a little more time to do the kind of weekend travel I like rather than shopping and sports trips. </p>
<p>We've always been a home away from home for the young "orphan" airmen assigned to the base where I work, so at least we'll stilll have some young people around to ease the absence of D and all her high school friends. I'm really looking forward to Christmas this year!</p>
<p>Kudos to you, zoosermom! You didn't hijack the thread!!! I, too, get tired of the same thing. I have to trust that our kids have had the morals and values instilled in them that will hopefully sustain them through the years. I think that the most difficult part about dropping off our students is the not-knowing. For 18plus years, we have known from year to year where they would be, what they were doing for the most part. That is why I have tried to condition myself not to think too far ahead--it just becomes overwhelming! The small chunks of time scenario has worked very well for me. I will also confess that it is much easier to drive away after dropping them off, rather than putting them on an airplane! The whole airport good-bye thing is tough, but something we all have to go thru. Different things work for different people; you do adjust!</p>
<p>I, too and tackling a home projects when DD leaves in 3 weeks; one is actually 20 years in the making (our bedroom). It's perfect timing, since we will be able to move our bed into her room and camp out there while we renovate ours. We're building a new walk-in closet, demolishing the old one, taking down 70s-era accoustical ceiling tiles, putting in new electrical, replastering and painting. We hope to have it done by the time she comes home for Thanksgiving.</p>
<p>Like Marian, I am also changing jobs in the midst of this. I'm getting laid off in October :)! The smiley is there for a a very good reason--after 27 years straight of working full time, I hope to take it relativey easy finishing up the bedroom project and doing the job search thing. I'm really looking forward to a new career. While I'm not looking forward to DD leaving, I'm very happy for her and for myself and I'm looking foward to what our new lives bring!</p>
<p>Notre Dale AL, you hit right on the head what I'm concerned about. The not knowing. But I do know that she is naturally considerate. Here's an example: one of my co-workers gave me a hard time when we got the new car for ZG (and me) to drive. All sorts of doomsday scenarios and I said that I believed that even as a HS graduate with a car and money in her pocket, ZG would still call home and be on time for curfew. She has never missed curfew and calls every night after work to tell me which diner/dive she will be eating dinner in. We didn't have to fight or punish her, she just thinks it's considerate. I do too. I make no predictions for college, because I don't konw, but I do hope. She also knows how hard her leaving is going to be and has made a list of all the things that only I can do for her on moving day. Of course she can do all of them, but she wants me to feel needed and busy so I won't wallow.</p>
<p>SpringfieldMom, the new room sounds amazing. Do you have decorating plans (colors, style) that you might care to share? (Boy am I nosy!)</p>
<p>Good luck to everyone, though. Here's hoping for excellent outcomes for all of us.</p>
<p>No decorating ideas yet...I'm just a bit afraid of what's underneath those ceiling tiles. I figure once we get all of the demo, carpentry and plastering done, I can start focusing in on the decorating. I only know I'm getting new carpeting (yay!) since after 20 years the old stuff isn't salvageable (and the old owners picked it out anyway). I'm looking forward to the whole process, as well as the job search process. I feel like this is a whole new life for me, too! Couldn't have come at a better time, if I might say so! :)</p>
<p>D #1 went off to college last September, 1100 miles away. Our family is extremely close, and we were ready for angst. Actually, the technology was very helpful and it was a lot easier than we'd anticipated. She did a lot of cell phone calling, e-mailing and iChatting (we both have Macs). And our family gave AirTran lots of business - I took her up to school, we all flew up for Parents Weekend, I flew up again for a show she was in, and we all drove up to pick her up. In the process, we got to know her friends, took them all out to eat, got to know our way around town, the siblings all got a mental image of her new surroundings, etc. (BTW, this is all at D #1's request - I wouldn't try to force all this communication and visiting). It was expensive to be sure, but it was a great investment.</p>
<p>My one and only son leaves in 3 weeks. We have been very close, and while I am very happy that he is happy and excited, I know I will be very sad to miss the daily interaction that we have. The first goal that I have is to make it to the car before I start crying!</p>
<p>ZM, on a side note - I've been wondering this for some time . . . what's a Zooser?</p>
<p>"ZM, on a side note - I've been wondering this for some time . . . what's a Zooser?"</p>
<p>It's baby talk/gibberish from when ZG was a pre-teen and too cool for herself. Dad used to tease her "where's mommy's little boo-boo-zoo-zoo" which morphed into "Hey Zoo how was your day," which morphed into "Zooser."</p>
<p>I'm just trying to avoid thinking about what it's going to be like in our house in 6 weeks. Starting next Sunday they start to leave, it's like slowly pulling off a bandaid! We begin next Sunday when S1 leaves to begin his grown-up life..3,000 miles away. Then, 12 days later S2 returns for his junior year a mere 1,500 miles from home, and then 3 weeks after that we will take D to begin her first year in college only 1,200 or so miles away. As you can see our kids have never stayed close to home, so I'm sort of used to communicating by cell phone and IMs, with visits home limited to major vacations. S1 went to the same school 1,200 miles away, so we've been dealing with this for 4 years already, but at least we always had someone left at home. No more..its just the 2 of us come September 16th. I think its going to be very busy around here for the next few weeks, so I may be able to avoid thinking about it until it actually happens, but who knows. There are those hours in the middle of the night when I wake up wondering how they all grew up so fast and what it was I did to make them want to go so far away (only kidding!). I guess I need to take the advice I give them and look at the next few years as a great adventure when I may be able to experience new things that I haven't had time for during the last 22 years. We'll see. The one thing I'm pretty sure of is that I'm going to miss them all like crazy.</p>
<p>Oh . . . I'd assumed a Zooser was something regional, like a Hoosier or a Yooper :-) !</p>
<p>tia3, thanks for starting this thread. We're delivering only D to her 2nd year on the 24th. I keep saying I feel like Cinderella dreading the stroke of midnight. This could be the only summer she comes home as her plan is to look for research/internship/etc for school year/next summer. I'm going to miss her just as much as I did last year even though she keeps in pretty close contact. I just miss seeing her face, in person, on a daily basis.</p>