<p>Our son, who laughed at the whole idea in the Fall, and didn't apply to colleges with a heavy Greek scene, suddenly is talking about joining a fraternity. He's being heavily recruited by friends.</p>
<p>Anybody who knows us -- or him -- knows our jaws dropped when we heard this news. He tells us not all fraternities are alike. Of course, that must be true, right? Someone tell us this will be ok.</p>
<p>Check out story re Chico State Frat (well they got kicked out) but hazing still goes on</p>
<p>It will be okay, sac. Yes, fraternities get a lot of bad press, but look at it this way - think how overwhelmingly negative the newspapers, T.V. newscasts, etc. are. Feel-good stories never seem to be covered to the degree that negative, critical things are. But just think of how many good, positive things that happen to you or you hear about during your day that never get covered. One can made a parallel to what we hear about Greek life - we hear a lot of bad things but rarely any good things, just like the evening news. Negative news catches attention, so we're all ears, but there is plenty of good in Greek life that we never hear about.</p>
<p>Just so you know - I have a friend who joined a fraternity who doesn't drink at all, and he's feeling no pressure to do so. He's with a bunch of academically-motivated athletes, and he tells me he feels like he's found the "brothers he never had." So rest assured, there are other fraternities besides the Animal House variety.</p>
<p>Wow, Sac, just from the way you've described your son in the past, I wouldn't have expected him to join a frat either. Just goes to show how you never know what kids will do. :)</p>
<p>I loved my fraternity. They're not all alike.</p>
<p>As citygirlsmom said, it's happened again, sadly.</p>
<p>SAC</p>
<p>why are you worried about son expressing interest in a fraternity? </p>
<hr>
<p>Marion Wormer: My name's Marion. People call me Mrs. Wormer.
Eric 'Otter' Stratton: Oh, we have a Dean Wormer at Faber.
Marion Wormer: How interesting. I have a husband named Dean Wormer at Faber. Still want to show me your cucumber? </p>
<p>(John Vernon -- Feb. 2005 -- all honor to his name)</p>
<p>When my son mentioned that he wanted to join a Frat, I thought I would go out of my mind. I had heard too many bad stories. I am not quite sure what they did in the rush process, but being part of the frat has been such a positive experience for my son.</p>
<p>I have had an opportunity to meet most of his frat brothers and they impress me as a group of sincere and motivated kids. They genuinely care about each other. We have had some of these kids stay overnight during break and all have mentioned how much they enjoy each others company. It seems they all have their little quirks, but it doesn't matter, they have just learned to accept each other for who they are.</p>
<p>There also seems to be a lot of contact with alumni, which, obviously has its benefits.</p>
<p>As a side note, these kids brag that their frat has the highest cum of all the frats on campus. Whether it is true or not, they consider themselves geeks and are proud of it!</p>
<p>Alwaysamom</p>
<p>Thanks for posting that article, I sent it to my son. I am such a worry wart, I am sure he is rolling his eyes.</p>
<p>Am I the only parent who feels seriously threatened/upset by aggressive rushing? My son just finished welcome week at his campus; he has had only one day of classes so far. My concern is that Greeks are preying on brand-new freshmen who haven't had even a few days to get acquainted with their classmates and other dorm residents. By showering the new kids with "manufactured" friendship (in son's case this included playing several games of touch football, inviting him to a barbecue, taking him out for a steak dinner, bringing him to the coast) they create an impression that frat membership is necessary to have fun and make friends. He ended up spending almost the whole welcome week with them. </p>
<p>I would be more comfortable with a delayed rush, so that students interested in rushing can freely choose to do so, without being in an inferior position of having just arrived in town a day or two before with no acquaintences and an empty calendar.</p>
<p>I always thought my son would be the frat type, esp. if he could find one that was very active in sports/exercise. However, after seeing what pledges have gone through at his school he has decided against it (had planned on rushing as a soph). His roommate this year was rushing and got fed up with all the inane requirements/demands of a pledge and dropped out.</p>
<p>I think the experience could be great (though my H. and I never joined the Greek life), if the hazing was ever truly controlled.</p>
<p>Personally, I would like to see schools defer rush for at least a semester. IMO, it's hard enough for kids to move away from home and do the academic thing without the distraction/temptation of so many other things. Last month, one of my DD's former high school classmates left the college she was planning to attend without going to her first class. The reason? She did not receive a bid from her first two choices of sororities ... only her third choice. My understanding is she was inconsolable and could not even be talked in to sticking around to see if she liked the classes.</p>
<p>DH and I know from personal experience that greek life can be enjoyable, but I have seen far too many students do poorly because of too much involvement in other activities, including fraternities/sororities. My husband was one of those people. He performed so poorly in classes that he was put on academic probation. He had the ability but not the maturity. He left school and got a job. When our DD was three years old, DH went back to school where he excelled and graduated at the top of his class. He would be the first one to tell you he doesn't recommend going that route. </p>
<p>I absolutely think some college students can balance college work while socializing, but I believe that some of them take the socialization to the extreme, sacrificing their education. Good luck to your son.</p>
<p>I have zero, absolutely dead zero direct experience with frats. And I have always had a prejudice against the whole Greek system. And my S caught that prejudice and has no interest. And I definitely think it's better when schools defer rush to second term.</p>
<p>All of that said, it has occurred to me that frats can offer something of real value in terms of creating a community and friendships. I know, I know, I know all the downsides and the stereotypes.</p>
<p>So, I'm just posting to say, that it is possible for it to be a good thing for your S, sac. And people posting the horrors of what happened on another campus really don't have anything to offer the OP in terms of her real question. Which is "can it possibly be ok?" Yes, it can.</p>
<p>Luckily, your S is talking with you about it (contrast my S who communicates with me mainly by means of my being able to see his Away messages on AIM). So you can trust your gut about what he's saying. Trust his instincts, I say.</p>
<p>P. S. I <em>so</em> expected this thread to be about some parent obsessing that her dear darling might not get into the family frat, or whatever. LOL. Total surprise. Keep the faith, sac.</p>
<p>I am a member of a national GLO and my daughter is planning to go through membership recruitment at her college in January (unfortunately they have deferred rush). I prefer fall rush as the new freshmen are less apt to know or to believe the stereotypes about the different groups.</p>
<p>Please check out the websites for the fraternities that are on your son's campus as well as the FAQ Parent Page that all colleges put on their sites referencing Greek Life. Make sure your son is joining a national fraternity (NIC/IFC), not a local. There is a lot more oversight and liability awareness by the headquarters when it is a national fraternity or sorority. You can also contact the Greek Advisor who is an employee of the school to find out answers.</p>
<p>Every school is different. If your kid is at an academically elite school, chances are that the members are representative of the overall student body even if they cluster socially. My school was absolutely dead on Sunday afternoon through Friday after classes. We were working hard; Greeks were not allowed to schedule parties on weeknights. </p>
<p>I respectfully disagree that fraternity men inviting the freshmen guys over to the house to watch football or for a barbeque is predatory. This is a great way to meet upperclassmen in a relaxed setting. Would you call it "manufactured friendship" if a nonGreek group did the same?</p>
<p>Motherdear, no offense, but I'm guessing you didn't much like the book I just finished - "Pledged"!</p>
<p>I've read the book. It is inaccurate drivel. Alexandra Robbins tends to write sensationalistic "exposes" (sorry, I don't know how to do the accent) of things she thinks will sell to outsiders wanting a glimpse inside. Hence her Skull and Bones book and others.</p>
<p>** Make sure your son is joining a national fraternity (NIC/IFC), not a local. There is a lot more oversight and liability awareness by the headquarters when it is a national fraternity or sorority. ** </p>
<p><a href="http://www.chipsi.org/national/%5B/url%5D">http://www.chipsi.org/national/</a></p>
<p>Police are investigating whether alcohol contributed to the death of an 18-year-old pledge from Dallas who was found dead inside the Chi Psi fraternity house on Boulder's University Hill early Friday. </p>
<p>Lynn Gordon Bailey Jr., a University of Colorado freshman business major, was found in Chi Psi's first-floor library with smudged ink markings on his face, police said.</p>
<p>Three more former Chi Psi fraternity members pleaded guilty Thursday in Boulder County Court to providing booze to a minor.</p>
<p>The Chi Psi fraternity's national leaders acknowledged Friday that freshman pledge Lynn Gordon "Gordie" Bailey Jr. was "hazed" in the mountains west of Boulder, causing his death. Pledges reportedly were taken into the surrounding mountains, told they couldn't Leave until they drank four 1.75-liter bottles of whiskey and six 1.5 Liter bottles of wine.</p>
<p>"It seems to me this was a hazing incident," said Chi Psi executive director Sam Bessey. "It appears they crossed the line."</p>
<p>One year later ...</p>
<p>9/27/2005 </p>
<p>BOULDER - CU Boulder will be taking action against those found responsible for a night of heavy drinking at two fraternities.</p>
<p>After attending fraternity parties, NINE women ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning in the same night. All were underage. In response, CU declared there would be no more fraternity parties at any chapters for the remainder of the semester.</p>
<p>Early 2006 </p>
<p>The national office of the Sigma Nu fraternity has suspended 27 of 29 active members at its chapter in Boulder. </p>
<p>The suspensions came after an internal investigation found that fraternity members hazed their pledges. </p>
<p>Sigma Nu Fraternity executive director Brad Beacham wouldn't give details of what led to the suspensions or who reported the alleged hazing, but he said it happened this past fall semester. The suspended members could face expulsion.</p>
<p>I was in a sorority, but I don't want my sons to join a frat. Sororities are more controlled, GPA's must be kept up, and real hazing does not happen. (I don't consider having to wash the kitchen sink with an old toothbrush as hazing). </p>
<p>However, the frats just push the limits. Last week at the football game (which began at 6 pm), the pledges had to sit in the stadium, dressed in jackets and ties, in the 90+ degree heat for a few hours before kickoff. Ridiculous! Everyone else, stayed in the shade by the concession stands until kickoff!</p>
<p>And... the drinking is just ridiculous. I remember several frat guys who were great students in high school just become drunks at their frats.</p>
<p>Xiggi,</p>
<p>I'm glad you posted about Gordie and if I recall correctly you've been diligent in telling his story, keeping his memory alive, and helping students learn the risks of hazing and drinking. </p>
<p>My spouse and I were both Greeks and our son is not. We were happy with our experiences but we did not want our son to rush. Why the difference? Because our son attends a college where the fraternities are prone to hazing and alcohol-related incidents. That is not true of all colleges or fraternities, and my impression is that it is less true of sororities in general. In my view, the answer to the OP's concern is to look long and hard at the fraternities at the college their son attends. It's not a question of thumbs up or thumbs down on Greeks, it's college-specific.</p>