<p>Oh, concerneddad, that reminds me. Just the other day my son was asking me about colleges with and without merit aid, and I repeated what my mother always said: "it's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor one." Of course I followed that up with "but you have to find one first." HA!</p>
<p>My best friend and I call it "decal fever". We live in an area full of v. high IQ types, v. high achieving, with Mercedes SUVs you gotta have your Ivy decal. Status is more important to many parents than to kids. And I am tarred with the same brush - I struggle with it in dealing with my D all the time, because she seems to have suffered from the Harvard EA deferral much less than I did. </p>
<p>My job is to do my best to prepare her in whatever way I can to have a good life, and I know full well an Ivy education only gets you what it gets you. So the desire for the decal is my burden to bear and I try very hard not to make her take it on - to only push for her to do her best, so the acknowledged value is the effort not the status. But let's face it, they are smart these kids, and I probably have not fooled her one whit. What can you do, right? Our best is all there is.</p>
<p>Alu, </p>
<p>If she was deferred at Harvard she will surely have many excellent choices. And if she did not take the deferral hard, you have probably done your job hiding your decal fever.</p>
<p>I am so glad I live where I live. The only people who's opinion I value are my friends and family. None of them care about this pretige thing. It's not where you go to college, it's what you do with your life. When you read someones obituary, there's going to be one line, if that, about where you went to college, the rest is going to be about what you accomplished. One can go to any State college and accomplish more then someone with an HYPS diploma. </p>
<p>I would rather have my kids known for their compassion then their degree.</p>
<p>There's a reason that certain schools have high prestige. After all, the definition of the word is something like 'ascendency owing to general esteem,' though it's interesting to note that the word is derived from a French word meaning 'conjurer's tricks' and is cognate with 'prestidigitation.' Seriously, though, one of benefits of cc is learning that there are so many such schools, not just HYPS or whatever.</p>
<p>KathieP...frankly, I like where I live too. It is away from this "culture" that is very competitive. The atmosphere is completely different and this is not the buzz around town or at school. While my child did end up at an Ivy league school, she was the only person from school who did so and it is not like everyone knew about it or certainly was not a topic of discussion. Nobody was competing against one another. There was no perception of comparison among friends either. And this is not even just about colleges. I know the atmosphere is different where we live compared to let's say, some suburban type communities. I grew up in suburbia so I know what that can be like. My children have many friends in other states who live in entirely different communities than they were brought up in and there are clear differences in this sort of thing...whether it is colleges, trips, cars, clothes. I don't miss that atmosphere. While I do love CC a lot, I have to say all this prestige stuff was all new to me when I started reading here. Just very different from the local atmosphere. </p>
<p>Susan</p>
<p>I live in an area of the country that is infused with its obsession with "prestige", but really do not read these thread in hopes of finding a prestigous college for my daughter to attend. I know pretty much which the prestigous ones are and don't care. I truly spend my time checking out various threads for little nuggets of information and insight while trying to enlarge my view of what different colleges are out there.</p>
<p>Sometimes I wonder if I don't care because I grew up in a family where my father's side was steeped in the P stuff ;).. I think I'm much more of a "Harvard Schmarvard" type myself. :cool::D</p>
<p>Perhaps I should move to where kathiep and soozievt live? I think I'd like it.</p>
<p>Just to be clear - I don't like decal fever. I wish I didn't care. But since I do, my goal is just not to make my kids carry my issues. And yes, since she was a viable candidate to be deferred from Harvard, and she is a viable candidate at Princeton - the alum of my screen name - I should have had all my pride needs fulfilled. I'm just biting my lip so as not to in any way intimate that Cal - another place she has applied - would be less desirable than Princeton. I know it's more important that she has a good life than that she gets in to any one of these universities. But I just can't give up my desire for that decal. I can only hide it.</p>
<p>Alumother:
Sounds like you have a decal addiction, and you have bravely 'fessed up. Time to join Alums Anonymous :) ?</p>
<p>(...no flames, please. It's intended as gentle ribbing only...)</p>
<p>What is this 'crave status' business? Maybe you crave status, I crave information about colleges for a good fit for my student. And that is not uncommon here. Good luck craving status. And let me know how high up is and when you reach it.</p>
<p>Oh boy, I meant not to offend.</p>
<p>Anyone would get shivers of excitement if their kid got into Princeton-- Alumother is not alone. </p>
<p>I for one will admit to feeling a version of "decal fever" too. But let's remember, it isn't for the <em>decal</em> alone, rather for what the decal respresents-- excellence, tradition, brilliance, achievement. The decal sums up a lot.</p>
<p>My child did not apply to any schools where she would not fit, be happy, & belong. Princeton & Harvard were not on her list, because they would not be "fits" and she would not have been able to continue her sport at the D1 level. But we had our own version of decal fever, as her choices did have schools of relatively higher & lower prestige. Most applicants have a rank order of their top choices/reaches down to their safeties. Very few kids genuinely want & prefer a less prestigious school above a more prestigious one, unless there is a very specific reason that the less prestigious school is a better fit. So aren't we all feeling decal fever/prestige lure to some extent? Look at all the threads on this issue: should we accept the free ride at flagship Honors program/ State U or stretch financially for the private "name" school?</p>
<p>Its is really only a negative thing when (1) decal trumps fit-- which it should not-- or (2) when parents push kids to decal schools that are not realistic reaches but impossible dreams. </p>
<p>If the kid picks the schools, and would fit at any of them, I think it is only natural that the parent is pulling for the very best & most prestigious schools to come through.</p>
<p>I also don't live in a status conscious area. The only decal I have on my car is from my own school. I think it keeps people from tailgating, since it says "'State' Law School". haha </p>
<p>And I think I understand more now why top universities strive for diversity.</p>
<p>Its is really only a negative thing when (1) decal trumps fit-- which it should not-- or (2) when parents push kids to decal schools that are not realistic reaches but impossible dreams.</p>
<p>Thanks SBMom, that is my hope. BTW, I know there is some cool tool to quote but I don't know how it works yet.</p>
<p>I like the idea of creating fake decals, myself - perhaps I can have one made up that will imitate yours ctnjpamom? ;)</p>
<p><<i like="" the="" idea="" of="" creating="" fake="" decals,="" myself="" -="" perhaps="" i="" can="" have="" one="" made="" up="" that="" will="" imitate="" yours="" ctnjpamom?="">></i></p><i like="" the="" idea="" of="" creating="" fake="" decals,="" myself="" -="" perhaps="" i="" can="" have="" one="" made="" up="" that="" will="" imitate="" yours="" ctnjpamom?="">
<p>Go for it. Just be aware that I also get my fair share of reaaallly nasty "i hate lawyers" looks and sometimes people try to run me off the road. Hey, how's this for status conscious? Being a big Willie Nelson fan and having put 46,000 miles on my car in two years, I bought vinyl adhesive letters at wal-mart and put them on my exterior spare tire cover right under </p>
<pre><code> HONDA.
ROAD AGAIN
</code></pre>
<p>That draws the attention of all the real status conscious people. The good thing is my kids never want to borrow my car. haha</p>
</i>
<p>you type {quote} then, leaving no space, you put the quoted bit; then leaving no space you end with {/quote.} Only you must use [ ] instead of { }.</p>
<p>BTW I think I had at least 300 posts before figuring out any of the bells & whistles!</p>
<p>A further thought on decal fever. I attended a decal school (Brown) and I know that the name opened many doors for me. It is irrefutable that the prestige is a bonus in ones working life. No, it will not ensure a successful career-- but it will mean that everyone you encounter will make an assumption that you are very smart and capable. You begin ahead of the game. Other people who are equally smart and capable have to earn this favored view. Of course, a dork from an Ivy will soon be found out, and a genius from Podunk U will surely rise. But in terms of getting one's foot in the door, decals help.</p>
<p>Finally, I believe that UCB <em>is</em> officially a decal school. Times have changed since the 1970's. When I graduated HS, any B average could go to a UC and if it wasn't UCB freshman year, you could always transfer. Not any more. UCB connotes a very smart kid with excellent credentials.</p>
<p>I remember when one of my first bosses attended Brown or Smith or one of those schools that seemed to have names that came from Hop on Pop, and paused for me to make suitably impressed noises, however I had never heard of it, so I just looked at her blankly! She was not amused! ;)</p>
<p><<i attended="" a="" decal="" school="" (brown)="" and="" i="" know="" that="" the="" name="" opened="" many="" doors="" for="" me.="" it="" is="" irrefutable="" prestige="" bonus="" in="" ones="" working="" life.="" no,="" will="" not="" ensure="" successful="" career--="" but="" mean="" everyone="" you="" encounter="" make="" an="" assumption="" are="" very="" smart="" capable.="" begin="" ahead="" of="" game.="">></i></p><i attended="" a="" decal="" school="" (brown)="" and="" i="" know="" that="" the="" name="" opened="" many="" doors="" for="" me.="" it="" is="" irrefutable="" prestige="" bonus="" in="" ones="" working="" life.="" no,="" will="" not="" ensure="" successful="" career--="" but="" mean="" everyone="" you="" encounter="" make="" an="" assumption="" are="" very="" smart="" capable.="" begin="" ahead="" of="" game.="">
<p>I would be sort of careful about walking through doors that were opened based on the name of the college I went to. Anyway, it's sort of prestigiously cocky to state that "everyone you encounter" will assume what you assume they assume. I never assume anyone is very smart and capable. I wait until they open their mouths. That usually tells the story.</p>
</i>
<p>UCB? University of California, Berkley? Does prestigous mean that 80% of the population recognize a certain college as being hard to get into and expensive?</p>