I remember promising this time last year to not say one word about portals (or anything college-related at all, LOL) to my son so long as he assured me that he was checking each portal at least once every three days (he negotiated me down from morning and night every day, ha!). He was much cooler about all of this than I was…but he also had the distractions of school and sports and music and homework and AP test prep and all those good things. 
I, on the other hand, would finish a deadline and frantically check CC…wrap up a conference call and frantically check CC…put a kettle on the stove and frantically check CC…pour a glass of wine and frantically check CC…you get the idea. 
Last year Frost sent him a music scholarship agreement email (on the 21st) more than 24 hours before an actual admission notice (with academic merit award) landed on his portal…so I do think they must operate separately on some level.
@YertleTurtle what??? Really? What is your son’s instrument I can’t recall. I’d love to think that would happen here but I think that’s doubtful for us. And I can related to the frantic checking of CC in between conf calls, cups of coffee and glasses of wine!
Beware the Ides of March, indeed @NYCMusicDad !!
I’m not sure if this is a good day (or month, lol) to bring up a new topic on this thread, so feel free to ignore this if it’s too much to think about or not helpful right now… But, are any experienced parents here willing to talk a little about retention rates in these highly competitive, audition based programs? As a second semester Freshman parent, I was a little surprised (and concerned) to see that of the 13 female VP Freshman in my D’s program, only 9 are attending this term (2 officially left at Christmas, and 2 are on leave/sabbatical for personal reasons, I think). Is this normal? It’s a rigorous, highly competitive program (but with a collaborative, supportive atmosphere). I guess I thought these rates would be lower for our kids, who sort of “know what they are in for” to a certain degree. Thoughts, anyone?
I worry about that too @dramasopranomom which is why the stress of this decision is that much more for us since D just doesn’t know. The UBER talented freshman we met on a full ride at NEC/Tufts is transferring to OBerlin if you can believe it. He is amazing. He is leaving jazz voice and wants to do classical composition. The kid won every imaginable award and competition. I’m flabbergasted he’s leaving NEC but he did say he loves it there. I think the dual degree has been killing him. I hope he keeps performing or jazz will miss an incredible talent.
I was at a doctor’s appointment with my younger daughter and she inquired after my older daughter, who she had previously treated, and I mentioned that she was applying to colleges and among them was Northwestern. She then volunteered that her own daughter had been admitted and matriculated into Northwestern. The parents dropped her off, and she was home and withdrawn from the school within two weeks. Her Mom said that the kid felt Evanston wasn’t sufficiently urban for her.
For whatever reason, and I wouldn’t speculate on what else might have been at play in this case, some 17-18 year olds are not ready for the independence associated with leaving home for college. I’m not sure how much more prevalent it is now than a generation ago, if it even is. Curmudgeons might cite the increase in helicopter/snowplow parenting, but who knows. I think a positive development is that some families are recognizing this in their own kids and opting for a gap year to develop more independence and maturity, which seems wise to me- college is a big investment.
For us, we were happy that D did an academically fairly rigorous six week, live in dorms, take responsibility for your own comings and goings, do your own laundry, etc.- summer program that pretty well mirrored an undergrad BM curriculum before deciding to pursue a bunch of music schools for undergrad. She definitely has a flavor of what she’s getting into, even if it won’t be as idyllic as a summer in the Berkshires.
I wonder if the retention rates are significantly different than they are for college students in general? And I wonder how many of these kids are dropping out vs. changing paths/major?
The thought of dropping my kid off at somewhere like Northwestern and picking them up a couple weeks later after getting accepted and getting through the audition process and figuring out the finances (unlikely in our case!) is highly disturbing! Kudos to that mom for knowing her kid, cutting losses and moving on.
To clarify, this wasn’t a music kid. Still, yowsa.
I figured, but it could be right!? Yikes. Parental nightmare. Keep the yoga breathing going! :)>-
@Vistajay I love Mozart in the Jungle. I find myself looking for musicians I know (there are a few from my son’s ensemble who have cameos!) It’s so fun to see a show about my son’s world! And this current season they’re focusing on New Music by women composers which is so cool. Where else is Caroline Shaw going to be a tv star? 
We know of THREE kids who were planning transfers at Christmas of their freshman year of college. By the end of freshman year they were happy as clams where they were and didn’t transfer. These weren’t music students, but we are talking highly competitive academic schools (Georgetown etc).
College is a difficult adjustment, particularly for students who are far from home and don’t know anyone yet. Then add in the workload for the arts or one of these academically rigorous schools and it can be overwhelming. But knowing waht happened with these kids, I would have a very hard time letting my child drop out so soon, unless there were a health issue or something similar.
My son’s dear friend realized, soon after he started freshman year in the fall, that he made the wrong choice. So he dropped his major and went undeclared so he could just get basics done and take his major classes wherever he ends up. He then continued at the school while working on transfer options for fall of 2018. I would much prefer that approach if my own child felt the need to change.
I obviously can’t speak to the specifics of @NYCMusicDad 's family friend here and defer to every parent doing their best with their own particular circumstances. Like he said - you can’t speculate on what may be going on in someone else’s life. But for most kids who are just adjusting to college life and don’t have bigger issues at play, I think there is some value in asking them to stick with it for a reasonable trial. (And also so a semester of tuition, room and board isn’t down the drain!)
For the record, checking U Miami acceptance folder from D last year, there was a Frost letter on March 15, 2017 informing faculty recommendation to acceptance to U Miami based on her audition. Then there is the acceptance letter from the U Miami dated March 21, 2017. Following last years timetable, Frost might have already informed their decisions to the university for this year.
Welp…I don’t know what’s normal…but yes changing majors/schools does happen. Honestly I don’t think it’s a reflection of the program…more just a reflection of the 18 year old brain…still “under construction”. Here are some random thoughts.
Kids are told to find their passion. Music, at 16, seems like a pretty cool passion…and yea they got a bit of talent. Parents and teachers are supporting and applauding them. Junior and senior year there is common goal. Their whole community is pulling for them. They go through this amazing journey and…are set for college!
Some love it. And some experience thoughts like these (based on discussion with D and parents kids who left):
One scenario: Wait a minute…I thought music was my passion. I loved doing musicals! My music/theater friends were my family in high school. But now I do it 24/7. And honestly I HATE music theory. And OMG, aural skills…I’m failing! I want to perform music NOT study it! My roommate has cool classes with interesting people. I spend all my time in the music building with the same 10 people. She is doing a ton of interesting things. She’s going to join a sorority and I can’t bc of a stupid choir ensemble. This is not what I expected.
Another scenario: I used to be the BEST (or usually the best). Everyone is sooo talented. I’m used to attention, being chosen, getting highlighted at least. I’ve never been on the very bottom. My confidence is shot. And all my classes are so hard…and everyone so good. I’m flailing here. I just don’t know if I want to do this. It’s so hard. With hard classes, hard competition, tons of work, I’m out of control and feel like I’m failing.
Another scenario more around Jr year: I just can’t grow. I’m not keeping pace…no matter what I do. I’m not getting cast. I can tell I’m behind. I may not be recommended to continue beyond UG. Maybe I should focus elsewhere.
So…make sure it’s a school that your kid can enjoy no matter what. I did tell my D that she was free to change her major…really they are so young…and it’s fine to change.
D got the official word for CSU Long Beach today. Music and academic admit.
Congrats BearHouse - you and your dd/ds? are on a roll!!!
@coloraturadad your D wasn’t informed of that Frost recommendation on the 15th though was she?
@SpartanDrew , no. We were informed via canelink portal on the 21st.
I’m figuring we will be know by next Friday. My stress meter will crank up if it goes past then.
same @JerseyParents. Same. I hope we hear before then…Wednesday at the latest!
@bridgenail As a continuation to your scenarios…
As senior year of college approaches…My friends are being offered real jobs making XX amount of money. They know where they’ll be. If I stick with MT and audition, I will have no stability in my life. Even when I get a role, it may only last a short amount of time and then I’m out there again, auditioning and facing rejection. My friends have set paths they can take and promotions they can shoot for. I’m going to be someone’s nanny and maybe perform a few times per year if I’m lucky. I realize that when I played Belle senior year of HS, the production was epic in comparison to the shows I’m auditioning for now. Now all my theatre and music friends have no money, while everyone else is traveling and going out. Is this the lifestyle I want?
Some kids adapt well to the realities of this lifestyle. Others realize it’s not for them. Until they graduate, their lives are still fairly parallel to their peers. When they are out in the real world, the differences become more real.
@uskoolfish - The most depressing post a music parent will ever read.