well said @YertleTurtle! I am letting D navigate this, within the parameter of our affordability, and she is still quite undecided. I never really imagined April would be like this!
Also, I think it helps at this point to relegate scholarship numbers to the realm of financeâthe ego boost is in getting in; the scholarship simply and genuinely aims to make a school more affordable. Your individual COA allows you to keep a school on the table or take it off.
Once you get there, the scholarship serves as nothing more or less than a means of lowering payment(s). The reality is that unless you tell someone (and who does that?!), no one will know whether you (or anyone else) are on scholarship or how much. Thereâs no sign and no badge, and scholarships have zero meaning regarding your rightful place in a program.
I had a chat with one of my sons the other night. The one who successfully graduated from Frost last year, and in the named 4 years. I asked his advice, and What he said made sense but something I hadnât put into the mix⊠he said she should go somewhere where she is going to be happy enough that she doesnât want to quit. Interesting perspective from a young man who did see and hear of peers who did quit or switch, both out of and into his program
Re: post 1601. I think you are spot-on, Yertle Tertle, about not attaching too much personal validation to scholarships. Many of them are need-informed - so how does that impact personal value? - and if one pins âThis college really wants me!!â to the award, well, what about how much you want them? To this I would add: I had my kids âtry onâ their final decision before putting money down. They decided, âwore itâ for a few days, told people, etc. to see if it felt true and right. Hopefully you all might get some time to do that. (I even held off paying one Dâs deposit on May 1 by 3 hours bc I was so afraid she would change her mind. She chose 1 at 8 AM, switched to another at noon, and I re-confirmed at 3. She shrieked: You didnât pay the deposit yet?!? and I knew we finally had a winner. Geeeez.)
Such great advice here about âgoing with your gutâ, that scholarships shouldnât validate them, and I love the comment by your son @NYSaxmom - go to a place where you will be inspired and not want to quit. This happened to our daughter. She absolutely adored her orchestra instructor in SC (he was a gem) - and despite being told that jazz was where her natural talent lie - she continued to play classical more than jazz. When we moved to LA this year, her orchestra instructor/conductor was less than inspiring. She now has just about quit orchestra and classical - which was her love. I attibute a lot of this to how uninspiring her instructor is.
Funny - as I wrote this she just texted me how she doesnât want to go to a jazz ensemble tomorrow - she said that the instructor has no passion and is just going through the motions. Note to self (and to dd) - practice lessons are going to be paramount in her college selection process. She is obviously very sensitive to the passion/lack of passion and inspiration that an instructor provides her. Good to know.
Please remember to PM me your studentâs final decisions so that I can note them in the master list!
Nothing would make me happier than sending that PM @âMezzoâsMamaâ I suspect it will be 3 weeks before I can do that
This isnât a college decision - but it could lead to one. Our jazz bassist daughter (a junior) nabbed one of the full scholarships at the Berklee 5 week summer program. (the jazz workshop one). She is over the moon!!! So - I guess her âjourneyâ is officially starting. Berklee is clearly top of her list right now - we will see what she thinks after the summer. She will play in an ensemble with other jazz workshop scholarship winners, cut a CD and go to the Newport Jazz Festival. Does anyone know any jazz workshop scholarship members from previous years? Did they end up going to Berklee for college?
My gut feeling is that DePauw is not going to be able to match the offers from Luther and UNT. We cancelled an admitted student visit at DePAuw next week. D considered visiting Luther again - she really liked the school, and they gave her a generous scholarship package. Ultimately, she doesnât want a BA in music, too many languages to make up in grad school.
Yesterday, I paid for orientation at UNT, and D accepted her admission. She can still change her mind, if DePauw can offer more money,
I should be happy that she is enrolling at a world class school of music, but it is far away and very very large.
True confessions: last week the interim head of the voice dept emailed my daughter to see if she had any questions about the program. D had taken a sample lesson with her- and this is someone who sings principal roles at the Met. I told d to reply right away, asking to be in her studio. She said she did. I was concerned that we had not heard back about studio placement Turns out- d never emailed the professor. She lied. So angry. Anyway I called her out this morning and she emailed the professor- instant reply guaranteed studio placement. D panicked about making a decision so she didnât respond initially. Iâm still annoyed about the lie, but thrilled about the studio spot. And the poor professor replying on a Sunday morning. Iâm feeling a little better about UNT
@cgmnt If lying to you is completely out of character for your D, I would be really intent on digging deep into her feelings on her college choices and college in general. If you are still holding out any tidbit of hope for DePauw, why cancel the admitted student visit? Is it far / expensive to travel?
My D is a college sophomore and I cannot tell you how much âmoving aroundâ some of her peers have done in 2 years time. It will happen more than youâd expect, but my feeling is the sooner the better. I feel lucky my D changed gears before freshman year even started (I did not necessarily feel lucky when it was happening). And though she is extremely happy where she is, she is being tempted by another department and is now considering a double major. So, we still may not be âsettledâ but I think it is all just part of growing as a person.
Personally, I think changing directions is pretty normal and not to be feared or automatically discouraged. However, it tends to cost $$$. Itâs possible a more expensive school that is the ârightâ choice will cost less than the cheaper school that turns into a 5 year program and/or a possible transfer along the way. That being said, even what you feel are the right or best choices now may not really be in the end. Itâs all a bit of a gamble.
@cgmndt No buyers remorse until May!!! You are a tad ahead of schedule.
My D did some odd behavior in this time period too. I agree it may be worth a discussion once you are calm about it. My D was nervous. It seemed like a huge decision. So in the end the lie is probably less important than why. Is she overwhelmed, scared, procrastinating? Does she feel pushed to decide? Maybe she just needs a little space and then a calm conversation about whyâŠget those issues outâŠand maybe itâs nothing but overload right now.
I agree with @bridgenail. D and I have had a lot of long conversations. I have also had some amazing advice from friends. I am trying to help her talk through all of the things she is looking for in a music school etc and sort out the things she doesnât like, all while trying to stay within a realm of what we can realistically spend. She knows what she is looking for, the problem is I donât know if she will find 100% of everything she wants at one school. She is trying to find the best overall fit with the majority of what she wants and needs within our budget. That all sounds easier than it seems.
I think itâs good to keep the conversation going. I know D is feeling the pressure to decide and knows she has exactly 3 weeks in which to do so. But there is still missing information that needs to be known. She is visiting school A again for a better feel on classes, life there, etc and also we await results of the appeal (which may render school A mute). I never expected that we would still be in the dark this much halfway through April⊠:-((
The lying is out of character - I think many kids are stressed about making a decision. This is the biggest decision she has had to make in her life.
We cancelled the DePauw visit because we really canât afford the school without more scholarship money, and D thought it would make her sad to visit again. Although I have paid for orientation at UNT, I let her know she can still change her mind (at least until May 1, later if schools make later offers.).
There is no âperfectâ school on the list. Everything is a compromise in some way. I think that is the issue. Does she compromise by taking big loans, by getting a BA instead of a BMus or by competing with grad students at the best program on her list? Tough choice. She really did not like any of the other schools she sang for though.
Thanks for the support. I thought waiting for results was hard - making a decision is almost as hard as recording those horrible prescreens
Two big lies we tell our kids. Theyâll find the perfect fit; and college will be the best years of their lives. For item one, we have May as buyerâs remorse month. ShootâŠwe had to compromiseâŠand weâre unsure. Of course you are. You visit a few times, get all excited and then when you have to commit you start seeing all the warts (kind of like when I got marriedâŠI was so sure at first). And for item 2 we have freshmen and sophomore yearâŠwhen something will definitely go wrong. Be sure to pull Scooter aside in the next few months and assure him or her that at some point in freshman year, s/he will most likely ⊠not be living the dream ⊠and that despite the fb posts of their friends ⊠they may be struggling too. My D only told me a few years later that she spent a good portion of freshman year pretending she was having the time of her life. There were many ups and downsâŠbut IN THE END it was great.
When we were helping our academic daughter choose between two great final options, I finally asked her to imagine herself at each school. And, at that school, how would feel not choosing the other. This helped her as she instantly was able to label the school sheâd regret not going to more easily.
For my musician D, this was easy. She clicked right away with the VP professor, the campus, the weather and the location. She was hoping to pursue a BM rather than the BA but all the other criteria held more sway over the degree type. She can apply for the BM after her second year, if she chooses.
More reasons to tilt the cart towards an FSU decision. S18 was awarded the Presidential Scholarship at FSU, for which he interviewed over the weekend! He already has a full ride there for OOS Benacquisto NMF, but this also gives him $12,000 for summer abroad study. 25 students are selected, and spend the four years in a âcohortâ performing a joint service project, attending leadership classes etc⊠They also have access to a host of research opportunities, mentoring and advisors. But Miami-Frost is still in play. He heads there again soon for a voice lesson.
@vistajay congrats to your son (and you!!). We went back to Frost this past weekend, attended a junior recital and had another lesson. it provided much clarity
And @mezzomom I second what @SpartanDrew saidâŠI canât wait to tell you our final decision but fear it will be very close to May 1st :))
Such exciting news @vistajay ! Congrats!
As my stomach ulcer grows, I have a question for you all. We emailed her favorite over a week ago asking for options as the award is need based and that will vary considerable over the 4 years. They emailed back asking us to be patient but they would get back to us by the end of the week, which was last Friday. Do I continue to be patient believing that no news is good news, or do I send a short email as a nudge? I think I know, but I am having a hard time being patient!! 