<p>“We have several friends who are always inquiring when they hear our kids list of schools about what will we do if they don’t get enough financial aid and ask about what are “financial safety’s” are.”</p>
<p>I agree that this type of question is a bit intrusive.</p>
<p>You could, of course, just tell the truth in an understated way. Something like “Well, we’re fortunate not to have to worry about this.” Or “We’re more concerned with academic fit than financial issues at this point”.</p>
<p>But why be embarrassed for telling the truth - the schools you’ve picked are affordable to you. It sounds like the conversation is coming up with people talking about their seniors, where they are going to college, why they made those choices. We used to do this in the stands while watching sports events. Someone might mention a school that was fine for his child but would be a financial or academic or sport reach for someone else’s child. Why is that wrong? Why should you have to pretend that you need more wine or don’t want to talk about schools when that’s the conversation that is happening, just because you’ve planned well and have the money to pay for it?</p>
<p>If someone asks me how I can afford to pay to one college or another, I tell them. One school is by awards and the hard work of my daughter, the other school is by saving and scrimping and choosing the correct school. I’m a big ‘no loan’ person, so I have to support my position. I want people to know college can be done by saving and planning, and that your child might get to go to the school of her choice by saving. I admire people who did save since birth or bought a prepaid college plan.</p>
<p>Most people actually have no interest in you (sorry to say); they are just hoping to glean something useful for their own situation. So in my experience, just saying, “our D is applying to a wide range of schools and she will make a decision in April once she knows what her options are and what the trade-off’s might be” tends to shut down the conversation.</p>
<p>You don’t need to tell every Tom Dick and Harry each and every school she’s applying to. You don’t need to delve into your family’s finances. And you don’t even owe anyone an explanation next April once she’s decided where she’s going.</p>
<p>Often something like, “She hasn’t decided if she wants to be within a 2 hour drive or further away and so she’s cast a wide net” will get someone to back off.</p>
<p>^^^^^Exactly!</p>
<p>I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just say, “We won’t qualify for financial aid and we’ve decided to spend what it takes.” That’s not bragging and believe it or not, nobody cares. I doubt most people are being nosy. They probably think they’re being helpful. Or, like @twoinanddone says, all aspects of college selection, but particularly paying for that selection, is senior parent talk, sort of like the weather.</p>
<p>Congrats on saving about $600k for each kid!! It is an awesome accomplishement!!
I would not share with anybody if I had that much saved. We even asked our D. not to share with anybody around her that we are paying for her Med. School. But we are not paying out of saved money, that would not be possible. We are paying out of paychecks and retirement funds. We are doing it because we did not have to pay tuition for her UG. And she happen to be the only dependant now, her bog Bro has been on his own for a very long time.</p>
<p>“Between our savings and scholarships I think we will be okay.”</p>
<p>“Our college fund investments really took off. We’ve been very lucky.”</p>
<p>Just tell them you’ll borrow it or figure it out somehow. Don’t ever tell anyone that you have regular contact with that your income is high enough that coupled with responsible budgeting and spending you can take care of yourself. </p>
<p>Counterintuitively, this is more true with your closer friends than with others. Sometimes there are exceptions if your friends earn as much as you do, but in your case it sounds like you’ve simply been more frugal than others. A remarkable portion of people will resent that, and imagine that you have some type of unfair advantage. </p>
<p>Edit: Unless the people asking have children that are very young, telling them that you saved it up over the years isn’t helpful to them. </p>
<p>You can say in a general way that you’ve been frugal and saved for a long time for your kids’ education. You don’t have to volunteer the fact that you also saved for graduate school and that the education fund is only a part of your total savings.
This way, you are sincere and being helpful to the askers and yet not bragging.</p>
<p>OP, we were in the same situation. When people asked us how we were funding D’s college, we used an amalgamation of the responses you’ve gotten here: we saved for a long time; we were lucky in our investments; D earned some scholarships; we were lucky; and so on. Not all of those answers were necessarily true (not ALL of our investments were so great), but I found that most people weren’t really listening - they just wanted to commiserate with someone who was in the same it’s-time-to-fund-college boat.</p>
<p>If people were REALLY nosy or persistent, I usually ignored the question entirely (but then, I’m not usually one to talk about my money except on an anonymous message board). It’s really no one else’s business.</p>
<p>Don’t admit you have a lot of money, or they will try to borrow some of it from you.</p>
<p>I’ve never minded being honest. I tell them we came into a well timed inheritence. I’d love to have been able to boast that we’d saved what was needed because we started when they were babies. More people need to hear that, but even having saved, I still underestimated how much the price would go up.</p>
<p>I would just say we can afford the schools on kiddo’s list. </p>
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<p>I remember how shocked I was when the cost hit the 40K range. Now I just go around in a general haze of disbelief.</p>
<p>In the end, how will they know whether or not you get financial aid if they get in? Too much information. Just don’t discuss it. Of my child’s friends at school, I don’t which ones get financial aid and which ones don’t. Even those who I assume are pretty well off may be getting some aid - some of these schools are topping $60,000 per year.</p>
<p>^^^I think secrecy is unhealthy. I think all the hush hush about the finances has led kids and parents to do really stupid things like take out a bunch of loans to pay for school. If you’re willing and able to pay for a school, I think it’s best to say so. Don’t give out the details if you don’t want to. Whether a school is affordable because of inheritance or blood, sweat and tears are details and are not things that matter to most people. However, it would be nice to share merit or FA. Most people are looking to afford school for their own kids so if they know a school offers a good possibility of a price reduction for a particular reason, that’s worth sharing. But if you’re paying for the whole magilla, how you’re coming up with 60k, that doesn’t need to be anybody else’s business. </p>
<p>“I think secrecy is unhealthy.” - I have never heard about people going around and advertising their income and savings as unhealthy as secrecy is, letting know others about your income and savings is much much unhealthier.</p>
<p>^^^Saying you’re going to pay for a school tells a person nothing about your finances. Could be grandpa is paying, either outright or via inheritance. Could be you hit the lottery. Could be you’ve been squirreling away money for years. Or it could be a combination of all three. </p>
<p>There are emotions tied up with colleges and its prestige that just aren’t there with other things. “Our property taxes are higher, but our school district’s top notch, so it’s worth it to us.” Nothing wrong with saying that, is there? Why would there be something wrong with saying, “I’m sending my kid to Penn. We’re just going to suck it up and pay.” How is that different? </p>
<p>Wow. Lots of intersting and helpful responses! Thanks to everyone who has weighed in so far.</p>
<p>We’re in the same position as the OP through slow and steady saving since DS was born. I simply give @emilybee’s response. I don’t see any need to play games.</p>