<p>My S, an only child is a senior in BS, he has loved it. We had dinner with friends the other night who have D in Bs and one in the local public. The D from the public was describing some cyber bullying, my S who is not naive was shocked. He really didn’t believe it could go on at such a large scale at his BS. He feels and I agree, that his BS is a real community where the majority isn’t afraid to stick up for and look out for each other. There is a wide range of socio-economic groups at his school. It is much more racially diverse then his local school. He has been a dorm prefect and captain of his sport for 2 years and has been able to be a mentor and “big brother” to some of the younger kids. We miss him, but it was the best decision we have made as a family.</p>
<p>Not to offend anyone - but the author of the books Periwinkle mentions is referring to 5/6/7 tier schools. Schools that do not have competitive admissions, but rather school you “send” your children away to. It’s a different type of school. Yes, the author worked in the student productions dept at Andover for ONE year in the 1980’s, but the majority of his experience (google him if you like) is with catholic boarding schools - and those schools do not even have a single post on CC. Please remember that this is akin to comparing St. Paul’s to a military boarding school.
The author spent his career at Prout School which has a 75% acceptance rate (which is down from a 88% rate when he worked there). If this is the type of school you are considering for your child then you should definitely read his book. It is not, however, a book about Groton, SPS, etc. In fact, the book has multiple chapters talking about all trouble kids get into because they are bored. Huh? Do you actually think kids are bored at Exeter? I don’t think so.</p>
<p>RebelAngel and Grotonalum - exactly!</p>
<p>grotonalum, according to linkedin, the author spent 4 years at Phillips Academy in the '80s, 7 years at the Buckley School in LA (independent day school), 10 years at St. Andrews-Sewanee (Episcopal), and then almost 5 years at the Prout School. [Tim</a> Hillman - LinkedIn](<a href=“http://■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■/in/tdhillman]Tim”>http://■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■/in/tdhillman)</p>
<p>Of course, the students at Groton, SPS, Andover, Milton, and Deerfield are too busy to get into trouble. Of course. The online archive of the New York Times gives a different impression, however.</p>
<p>Most of the students who apply to boarding school want to be there. But there are some for whom the choice was made by the parents. I try to screen for those when interviewing for my college (the bossy parents who demand i meet them on their schedule not mine, the hovering parents who won’t let go, etc.)</p>
<p>My alma mater now tells alum not to push their children to apply if they are not wanting to be there, or emotionally ready. Which is why I think the “in-person” interviews really helped my daughter this year. It was clear who was driving that ship and it was clear she wasn’t coached.</p>
<p>Having said that - drugs, sex, bad behavior, stealing, depression, risky behavior etc. are present at every campus. Even my own had to act quickly to notify parents and alum after a teacher was caught with inappropriate material on their computer. So the key is to be diligent, don’t assume campuses represent an “escape” from normal problems, and be prepared to separate yourself from it.</p>
<p>Some of the worst “gangs” I’ve met are spoiled kids from wealthy families where there were no boundaries set for them and where money flowed like water from a tap.</p>
<p>But those instances are becoming rarer and schools. And kids will be kids. Adolescence is about exploring, testing boundaries, growing up and doing “stupid stuff.”</p>
<p>So if you are looking for “perfection” you won’t find it. But if you’re looking for a larger group of motivated kids and teachers - you’ll find it in abundance.</p>
<p>Boarding school is what you make it (or don’t make it.) Choose wisely, then take advantage of all it has to offer when you arrive. My daughter, having navigated public school, knows how to extricate herself from situations so she isn’t swept up (or away) by the drama or illicit activity. That’s why we said yes, when she asked to apply to boarding schools. She was ready (even if we weren’t - lol!)</p>
<p>Periwinkle, I would still counter that Buckley, Prout and St. Andrews-Sewanee are not in the same category as the HADES schools. However, it seems I stand corrected re: his years(s) at Andover.
Your use of Linkedin reminds me that it hasn’t been mentioned as of yet in this threas. It is a fabulous resource that you can use to find other BS graduates that you may know indirectly. I searched linkedin for my d’s schools and found that the exective director of a board I sit on is connected to a grad of my D’s top choice. I emailed her and she put my in contact with the grad who was very open and answered all my tough questions. It is always a treat to get to speak to a recent grad who was not hand-picked by admissions as a contact. </p>
<p>I posted on this thread b/c the original topic was about whether or not kids at BS are stimulated, interested, engaged & having fun at school. I certainly was. Yes, I believe these kids are having a fabulous time. All the kids I know currently in BS are loving it. One did not, switched schools and now loves it. </p>
<p>About negative elements -
There were (very very few) kids who did smoke pot at Groton when I was there. But not until 5th form, and certainly not on a daily, or even weekly, basis. And those kids ALL went to Ivy league or top tier colleges. Mind you, had they been caught, it would have meant immediate expulsion. In all, our class was filled with kids having fun. In fact, I really didn’t feel Groton was that hard at the time. It was challenging. It was intense. There was a lot of work. But also tons of fun. It wasn’t until Blueraven asked me about what it was like taking two languages at the same time that it even clicked that this is an “above average” expectation (Groton requires one ancient & one modern language). I really just wanted to write and let parents reading this thread not to panic that there is drug fuelled orgy hazing going on at all tier 1/2/3 schools. Remember - you know your child best. Is he/she trying to hard to be “cool”? Are they on the edge of inappropriate behaviour? If so, you may need to assess that situation in your own home before sending them away. Some kids create peer pressure in their heads when it doesn’t exist. I know my daughter has a friend who is convinced that this rich girl at their public school doesn’t like her b/c her mom drives a minivan. I seriously doubt that “rich” girl is even thinking about her or her mom’s minivan. It is all in her head. What if the issue was drugs? sex? does your child get sucked in or does your kid walk away? These life choices are important whether your child is in public school, private school or BS. </p>
<p>We all know the dreadful incident of hazing that took place at Groton some years ago and how incredibly poorly Groton handled the situation. We all know that in the 80’s kids at Choate (almost 70 percent of the entire school !) pooled their money and sent a kid down to Latin America to purchase cocaine – apparently they were thinking that this would be a great money making opportunity. Craziness! However, I still think that contributing to the Choate Coke Fund is a far cry from the type of drug, sex and hazing abuse that regularly occurs in day school environments. The operative word is “regularly”. These events are not regular occurances at top tier BS. And note that different schools have different amounts of oversight. There is not much opportunity to do anything naughty (or even say anything naughty) when the walls of your room only go up 3/4 of the way to the ceiling and your room has a curtain instead of a door. Parents needs to ask these schools the tough questions and find out what the policies are. Another suggestion is to bait current parents. If you say “you know I heard about some incidents involving drugs, what do you think they are doing to prevent further occurances?” the current parent could say “ohh they are doing XYZ” (which lets you know you were right on about the drugs) or the parent could say “huh? I have never heard of any drugs on campus, let me ask my S/D and find out - what incident are you referring to?” which tells you the pendulum may be swinging the other way. </p>
<p>In all, I find that kids are genuinely enjoying their BS experiences, which was the original poster’s question.</p>
<p>Thanks for that grotonalum, even if I wasn’t the target audience it was an informative post! I promise that once I go to BS I won’t complete abandon CC and I’ll come back and tell all the new applings about my experience.</p>
<p>anyone else???</p>
<p>I have heard about “Coke Rosemary Hall” i have a friend who currently attends and talked to one of his teachers that was at the school when this happened he (the teacher) said it was the scariest time for his time cops running around everywhere and so forth but as gortonalum said these are all isolated incidents that occur once every “century”</p>
<p>great post grotonalum</p>
<p>You asked about “the truth”…</p>
<p>Everyone’s “truth” will be different. Many people love the BS experience and find it a positive life changing experience. Sure it can be…</p>
<p>Truth is: there are negatives that no one will tell you about boarding school. I have another post about a bullying problem, so it’s no secret that that may impact my opinion. In addition to that- lack of communication from the school can be a big issue. Also, VERY LIMITED opportunity to leave campus can be a problem. Lack of privacy can be a problem. Where can you make a private phone call home? Almost never in our situation</p>
<p>Distance may be an issue…LOGISTICS!! A lot more
Also, the school that you choose may be a long way from home or train/ bus/ airport home.</p>
<p>Your passion:
No matter what your passion was before, academics, dance, sports, ECs, etc…it will NOT be the same at BS. guaranteed.
It seemed your question was…“Is there a down side?” I think yes. Wish I had known more about that.</p>
<p>Zerankis,</p>
<p>Your post made me sad and I so feel for the horror your child is facing right now. No doubt that will color your opinion of the overall experience. Are there some bullies in some schools? Probably - more often than not they come from homes where they weren’t supervised, they were “coached” to look good in interviews and on paper, but the decision to be at boarding school was not their own.</p>
<p>One need only look at some of the parent posts here to see how many people pin hopes and dreams on the experience and push their children before they are ready (or if they don’t want to go.)</p>
<p>When I was in school I saw a lot of unhappy children (both “haves” and “have nots”) who would have been happier staying at home. Some even “act out” in the hopes of getting “kicked” out. And yes - once in a blue moon a big check to a school with an anemic endowment keeps the child in place. But it’s the well placed complaint by a parent that can unstick that constipation (or at least result in the child being moved.)</p>
<p>However, I saw an overwhelming body of students who loved the experience and the challenge.</p>
<p>What makes me confident about my own child’s journey is her access to social media networks where she can contact friends at other schools to get the “real deal.” That may be facilitated by the fact that she did a boarding school summer program and now has friends around the world who still communicate with each other in closed settings and IM’s. </p>
<p>Combining that with my current experience with my own alma mater and with Adcom’s at several other schools, I can say your experience is not the norm, and you should lean on the school to fix it and/or move to a more nurturing environment. I was reading the school paper of a specific boarding school last month as we were narrowing down choices. The school ran several student and faculty editorials about a situation that occurred in which some students were defacing school property, drinking, and/or being disrespectful to teachers and in their manner of dress. What impressed me was that the school was posting the school papers so close to the incident (i.e. making it public) and that the school was addressing the problem head on - and so were students to show they didn’t tolerate the actions as well.</p>
<p>So perhaps the school, for better or worse, is a bad fit. If your child is still a BS candidate (i.e. still wants the experience) I would talk to other schools about transferring. We only have one shot to get this right for our kids. You sound like a caring mom and he’s lucky you’re in his corner.</p>
<p>doing indoors, heat wave reading today; so, am bumping this Blast from the Past . . . featuring some of CC’s finest posters, addressing complicated issues</p>
<p>Truth is, at top boarding schools, you get WAY more than a measly 3 or 2 hours of homework.</p>
<p>^THIS^. If you think you can escape with 2-3 hours a night you’ve got another thing coming. Unless you like taking dinner back to your room, do it throughout the day. My English teacher decided he wanted a new short story, 3+ single space pages, EVERY NIGHT FOR TWO WEEKS STRAIGHT. So, yeah, 2-3? pffffff I wish.</p>
<p>That’s what I said. You get a lot more than 3 hours of homework.</p>
<p>@Charger78 I hope I can eventually become one of CC’s finest posters! :)</p>
<p>Honestly, Stargirl, when high school starts for real (some say that’s only in tenth grade) you probably should be too busy and concerned about other matters to be on here all that much . . . but the well placed (even if infrequent) comment or suggestion or answer can really help somebody out, so keeping your hand in it can be worthwhile and rewarding!
happy trails . . .</p>
<p>@Charger Hehehe you’re right! :D</p>
<p>Prep school is not perfect. NO school is perfect. But, from my experience, it is pretty darn good. First, every student there WANTS to be a student there. Because of this, there is a sense of school pride and a united community. Second, everyone at the school enrolled knowing that the work would be hard. </p>
<p>So, to answer your question, the catalogues do portray an unrealistically utopian version of prep school life. But, really, I think the student body at my school is happier overall than any other school I have attended.</p>
<p>I went to Exeter for the summer. And, in my opinion, it really is true, in a sense. Behind the scenes, the homework is challenging, and the discussions make you think way out of your comfort zone. But thats what makes it fun, unlike the regular school grind. So I wouldn’t say I was smiling doing my homework. But boarding school, at least Exeter, isn’t just about the work. Its like one giant sleepover with all your best friends. I think that is what kept us sane the people! The only time I ever saw somebody not smiling at exeter, was if they missed their parents.</p>