<p>is this a rhetorical question?</p>
<p>lol, kity, of course - I referred child to the parent who owns the car. I don't make late night decisions.</p>
<p>I lived at home for about 9 mos after getting out of school. I had a hostess job for 2 mos....then hired by the company I still work for.....stayed home for 7 more mos....driving 1.5 hrs each way to work every day....until I got transferred to Maine..... I had saved enough to get my first apartment... my dad helped me with my second car, he co-signed the loan..... he helped me with a payment or two over the years if I asked, and I tried not to ask. I helped my younger brothers in turn after our dad died....so, it was all good. </p>
<p>My oldest is graduating this weekend..... nothing firm yet, but he has worked at "real" jobs all 4 summers.... he did not want iBanking.....and most of his peers with real jobs are iBanking kids. I have faith that he will get a job... will find a career. He has a passion for a sports related vocation, time will tell if that is doable and lucrative enough. </p>
<p>Not sure if you got enough inheritance to help out your child... but, I suspect a few breakfasts or lunches out where someone brings a calculator would be of use in scoping out what it will take to enable your child to pursue what they want..... are there peers to share a space with?.... can they cook meals vs buying them?.... will they need a car, or just a mass transit pass and a few plane trips or car rentals?.... will they be nearby if they need you or far away? Do they need a new wardrobe to start.... in our early days, once we had the basics, we got 2 winter suits a season....1 summer suit.... to keep it fresh.... business casual has altered that a bit... and once a kid is working a real job, they should have an idea of what it costs to take vacations and how much they should save beforehand for a vacation instead of charging and paying after the fact. </p>
<p>I wish I had matched the money I used all these years for gifts..... and put it into college funds or retirement funds.... I have been a bit too self-indulgent in my gift buying, not sure why.....so, as a result, when I talk to youngsters, I caution the young ladies to be careful in their allocations for gifts and clothes....as someone is always making more things we want/need! </p>
<p>I suspect my oldest will be here for a while, working, saving .... and I decided today that I intend to use him as my personal trainer. I will make him a meal or two (ha ha) if he helps me establish some workout routines that I can repeat regularly..... maybe even keep me company sometimes.... I think it will be a win win..... and I am looking forward to the challenge of the effort. I know I will want to cook and indulge him a bit....so I will have to be careful of not gaining weight or putting others first again if he is living at home as an "adult." Two boys and a husband puts me in jeopardy of being chief cook and laundress..... while ESPN is on 24/7.... one daughter would have been nice!! </p>
<p>Do we know where your youngest is going yet? I thought Brown and Princeton were in the final rounds.... I have a HS junior who liked Brown a lot and so it has remained in the keeper pile come this fall application cycle.</p>
<p>When I was finishing college, my mother offered me one piece of unsolicited advice. She said that in her life, it was always the things she didn't do that she regretted, never any of the things she did do. (This was especially meaningful coming from a single woman who had been married three times :-)).</p>
<p>She had an open door policy about coming home or borrowing money, but I didn't need it. My two brothers both moved in and out of her home several times, even up to about five years ago. Though she doesn't have deep financial resources, she's a generous person, and I think that has helped me to become more generous myself. I still have a long way to go before I can come up to her standard.</p>
<p>I am in the "next phase" now...</p>
<p>I returned home from college (this seems fairly common among my friends, including those going to grad school who are home for the summer). On Friday, I am going with one of my [former] roommates to Europe for a month. We are backpacking around. I'm going on money saved up from jobs and modest living allowance during college (that I hardly spent any of), and graduation gifts. I have applied for multiple Americorps positions that start in September/October/January and last a year. So at least until then, I will be at home. I plan to get certified to substitute teach, and then in the fall I can teach high school marching band (done this the past 2 years for pay), referee soccer, and substitute teach. Americorps pays like $11,000 a year, so yea... maybe enough to get by.</p>
<p>Assuming I get an Americorps spot... after that, I dunno. They are all education positions, but that's not what my degree is in. I will probably look into government jobs after that... though I've also tossed around some other ideas.</p>
<p>I really don't think I want my 2007 college graduated son home again, he's been gone almost 5 years. Besides, what would I do with the live-in girlfriend? Right now they are living hand-to-mouth about 110 miles away from me, which is quite close enough. His now college grad GF does not plan to work for a while as she is resting up from going non stop to school for 18 years and her parents are currently footing her half of the rent. He currently has run his credit cards up to about 15k, but has not student loans, we help in that department. He has a lower wage job, but is currently interviewing like crazy to get a better job, so I have faith in him. Occassionally I slip him a couple of hundred to get by. No health insurance, he pays his portion of our car insurance. Yes I pay his cell bill as it is a minimal part of our family plan. I am hoping he lands something soon that he enjoys and pays his bills off. His younger unemployed soon to be HS grad brother in the meantime is sucking the money out of my pocket like a vacuum cleaner, so I guess it's 4 more years of paying for him. Oh well they will be rich when I die I guess.</p>
<p>So did none of you ever discuss what we might call, "life strategy" with your kids? When I look back now on my life, it seems that I could have done a better job of organizing my path if I had known a couple of things.</p>
<p>It seems to me that life between 21 and 51 divides into certain phases. For example, the concept of an "entry level" job was wholly foreign to me. And yet, of course, that was what I for the first five years out of college. Once I started taking on more responsibility, I went to business school. But I didn't really mean to get my MBA. I meant to become a journalist. I got distracted.</p>
<p>I think perhaps this is an area of concern to me because my experience was pretty anomalous. And my kids can't take my route, because that inheritance did not turn out to be the kind that makes one independently wealthy for life. I can't afford to fund them in the kind of rambling through the world that I did before I got out of business school. Really, I didn't have what you might call a real job until I was 26. </p>
<p>Guess that explains a few things:).</p>
<p>We haven't had a "life strategy" talk BUT H and I both imparted economic strategy. I told first real jobber to max out on 401k, his response: "that's what Dad said". We emphasized carrying no debt, watching cash flow, and saving for the unexpected. So he's been able to finance lots of travel on entry level salaries. He found mint.com so he knows where his pennies go.
It's all info I wish someone had shared with me when I was young.</p>
<p>Glasses, that's it. I'm looking for info we wish someone had shared with us when we were young, specific to careers and finances....</p>
<p>Yup, we lay the concepts out for the kids and they use what they can, when they can, but at least their eyes are open. The life strategy/career stuff is harder 'cause my boys' world is so different from mine at their age. They are not following traditional paths and they take bold risks.....who knew they'd turn out like that?</p>
<p>Alum- in my opinion risk management is the most important part of the plan- the where and who and why's tend to be very serendipitous at this age.</p>
<p>1- Health insurance- no ifs ands or buts. Find a high deductible major medical plan or get a job which offers it. If you have to go without cable TV to pay the premiums- oh well, learn to love NBC and PBS.</p>
<p>2- Do not own a car if you can't afford to operate it. This includes insurance, gas, parking etc. If you think you can afford to own a car on an entry level salary living in NYC or Washington DC you are delusional or independently wealthy. Learn to love public transportation.</p>
<p>3-If you don't want to be corporate sell-outs like your parents, learn to love a frugal life-style- roommates, not so great locations or neighborhoods, free poetry readings at the public library, learn to cook and bake and invite your friends for lasagna night</p>
<p>4- PUt your credit cards in the freezer. They are for emergencies and for purchasing airline tickets and not for buying lattes at Starbucks or concert tickets.</p>
<p>5- If you have to decide between 3 low level jobs in your first year or sticking with one low level job-- stick. Grass is usually not greener on the other side.</p>
<p>IMO if a kid can avoid running up credit card debt, going into bankruptcy to pay for an appendectomy, or having their car repossessed in the first few years out of college they'll be ok even without a master plan.</p>
<p>^Blossom's plan worked for my D. She works in the nonprofit world, not much money there. She does not own a car, so no car payments or insurance. She did go without health insurance for a few months, but has made sure it has been in place in the years since. She lives extremely frugally, in a fairly hip town in NJ rather than in NYC, raises veggies behind her apartment, belongs to a CSA, brews beer (in fact, she's turning into her dad :)), wears discount clothes, does not have a credit card, and has more savings than most folks twice her age. Despite all this, she has traveled extensively and as far as I can tell, had a ton of fun since she graduated four years ago. She did live at home the first year to find a job and get a nest egg together, but since then, she's been on her own financially, and doing great.</p>
<p>Her bro? Well, we'll see--he's a work in progress, though working very hard and definitely living cheap. (No car, credit card, etc for him, either.)</p>
<p>Alumother, I asked in post #17 whether your daughter already has work experience from summer jobs, internships, etc. I'm sorry that when you were young your inheritance became a barrier for you in picking up life/work experiences that most kids get in the early 20s (though I'm sure you had a lot of opportunities with the money that the rest of us don't get) .... but generally a 22 year old coming out of college is building on the foundation already laid. My son just graduated this past Saturday, but he has been sending out resumes and interviewing for the past several months, and I think he has a good idea of the kind of work he is looking for. My d. is overseas on her first week with a UN agency internship --- she wants a career involving international relations, and I'm sure that by the time she graduates she will have a good idea of what her options are.</p>
<p>There's not much advice I could give my kids because they are following different paths than my own. I could give great advice if either decides to go to law school or wants a legal career, or if they want to become web designers.... but in their own universes they already know more than I do. </p>
<p>Is your d. expressing these doubts? Or is this all just mommy-angst? I mean.... I know that my son is coming home (to my house) physically this weekend and that most of his stuff will probably come home to take up permanent residence, as my house continues its slow transition to permanent long-term free storage facility. (Advice: buy lots & lots of those cheap cardboard stackable storage boxes! -- don't let the kid leave again without boxing & stacking! ) </p>
<p>Anyway... it seems to me that my kids both have very clear ideas of what they want to do, and when I think back, I was pretty much focused at the same age. The mistakes I made along the way were not planned for -- all that advice about retirement funds, etc, is something I knew about but just didn't manage to put into practice because of other things that came up. The changes were things that came when they came - you can't really plan for your love life, unexpected job transfers or offers, the impact of starting a family, etc -- those things just happen when they do. I think most kids coming out of college after 4 years are ready to make the next step... and if they aren't, then it is probably a good indication that they need less, not more, parental involvement.</p>
<p>I know from all your other posts that your daughter is a very capable young woman, so I'm kind of suspecting that there really isn't any problem, but maybe you as a parent are suddenly finding yourself at a loss because you aren't really needed any more. Since my son started supporting himself early on (at age 20), I do remember the feeling that I wasn't his "mommy" any more. It did seem strange, but I really liked the transition and there certainly were no major problems along the way. It's not that we moms are discarded... its just that our role kind of turns into friend, confidante, and occasional on-call emergency helper, whether the emergency is the crisis of a failed relationship or the decision of whether it is safe to eat chicken that has been in frig for 5 days. You still need to be there -- its just that you really aren't part of the life-planning process any more. (Yes, you can give advice .... but it really is better if doled out in tiny bits & pieces along the way).</p>
<p>Well said Calmom.</p>
<p>Thanks Calmom. It's actually from my daughter, at least unless I am really misleading myself. She called me, and said she is beginning to worry about what to do next. She really likes everything, that's the issue. She said maybe she should spend two more years in school and take Orgo and then go to be a doctor. I asked her if she really wanted to be a doctor. Well, she said, at least it is a clear path.</p>
<p>She has worked for the last three summers, but never during school. Two summers at the camp for underprivileged kids hosted by her high school, the second year as the manager for the other high school assistants. Last year she interned at my company in Shanghai in the marketing/sales department. This year she is staying at Princeton to work on her senior thesis, doing the research with a graduate student and her professor/advisor.</p>
<p>So at least by the end of this summer she should know if she wants to go for graduate school at all.</p>
<p>But beyond that? She really likes everything. And most of all, she likes to manage people. Always has. But doesn't have the typical "I want to be a success in Corporate America" mindset. No real lifestyle goals she has articulated yet - she hasn't had to. So it's an amorphous set of stuff that will influence what steps she takes first.</p>
<p>I have no desire to tell her what to do. I just keep thinking, what is the framework to understand how to proceed here? When you don't know what your interests are, except that it's everything, then what do you do? My brain just starts gearing up when there is a large landscape and minimal data - what organizing principle might be useful?</p>
<p>So I am thinking that perhaps the best thing I can do here is what the engineers call constrain the problem. Tell her she has to support herself, health insurance, credit cards, and all. Then she will figure it out. What income level will make her happy. And what field she finds most interesting.</p>
<p>Some angst is normal at this stage -- a lot of it is just thinking out loud. As I noted before, I had a similar call from my son a couple of months ago... there are a lot of ups & downs, one day he's excited about a job interview, the next he's debating over what he really wants to do.</p>
<p>Life happens. We find our passions because we fall into something and then it takes hold... and if that hasn't happened, we make other plans. Your d. may or may not go to grad school -- she really doesn't have to know now, and you don't need to lay down ultimatums -- rather, I think you can simply say that you are sure that she will be able to support herself on a starting salary whatever career she chooses, rather than make it sound scary like she "has" to support herself. Obviously those who earn less also adopt less expensive lifestyles. I'm sure she is already acting on the assumption that she will be on her own... very few college grads want to move back in with their parents if they can avoid it. I think the one discussion you need to have is what, if any, financial support you might provide if she does opt for grad school. (I've told my kids that I can't help with grad school, but obviously many parents who are financially well off do continue to provide funding as long as their kids are continuing their education -- that's a different issue entirely)</p>
<p>alum- there's a whole team at Princeton in their career services department who get paid to help undergrads figure this stuff out. They will be helpful on the counseling piece (what do I want to do with the rest of my life); the logistics piece (here's a list of alums doing what you'd like to do.... go email them and ask for 1/2 hour for an informational interview) as well as the operations piece (resume writing, the recruiting calendar for who comes to campus and the best resources for finding jobs in places that don't come to campus.)</p>
<p>This is absolutely something that the paid pros can handle. They provide the organizing principle- Princeton takes great pride in their alumni network and there is most likely someone out there working in a job that your daughter would think sounds interesting who can give her the skinny on what the field is like.</p>
<p>Forgot my rule for my kids- anything that's free while you're on campus that must be paid for once you leave has to be accessed while free. So- all of those career tests, counseling, Meyer Briggs, trial runs of the GRE-- do it while you're there. To pay a career counselor $100/hour to tell a 22 year old what they like to do when there are folks who will tell a 21 year old for nothing-- do it senior year.</p>
<p>You guys are great. That is it, of course. Career services. Information interviews with alumni. Mom available for support as required. Much better than Mom trying to gear up the old brain to process the meaning of life and the path to happiness;).</p>
<p>is the career services service available once they have graduated or do you have to strike while the ID's hot?</p>