<p>Well I completely retract my comment a couple of days ago that CC wasn’t a place to share your worries or get real support!</p>
<p>ChoatieMom, thanks for the links to your earlier posts - you capture so much of what we’ve been thinking and talking about amongst the JAHPhotoFamily.</p>
<p>By the way from your name and earlier posts I’m assuming your child is happy at Choate? That’s one of my daughter’s top choices. </p>
<p>I relate to what friendlymom says about the second child - one sacrifice I worry about having to make is DC #2’s extra-curriculars. She’s not a big ‘participator’ - quit dance, piano,etc - but sleepaway camp is important to her and a gigantic expense. I hope the FA evaluators don’t see that as money we have available for BS.</p>
<p>I’m sure I’ll have more worries as we go along. But then, in honor of the 200th anniversary of Pride and Prejudice, I will try to follow the example of Elizabeth Bennett: “She was confident of having performed her duty, and to fret over unavoidable evils, or augment them by anxiety, was no part of her disposition.”</p>
<p>@friendlymom, I love your description of the worry about worrying. I sometimes go through that (is everything <em>really</em> okay? what did she mean by that… etc.). But mostly it’s been a real growth experience for us both.</p>
<p>@jahphotogal, regarding sleepaway camp (especially re Choate), I spent some time last admissions cycle on their live FA chats, and it seems they really don’t expect middle class families to move into a refrigerator box. I think it varies from school to school. I am not sure how the SSS calculates that box about music lessons, camps, etc. but I’d guess those are taken into greater consideration than, say, the “how much does your family spend on vacation?” box. From the offers we received, it was pretty clear that schools took into account GG’s music enrichment, including summer progs. There are limits, of course (and I’ve no idea what those might be; just that we haven’t yet hit them). I think if you make a case for the value of her summer experience a boarding school, of all places, will understand. What can actually be done about it financially will likely vary from school to school.</p>
<p>Oh I hope that’s true about summer enrichment - my daughter is almost resigned to the fact that if she went to BS she’d have to give up music camp at Interlochen - but how delightful it woudl be if she could do both! (Of course then I’d REALLY never see her!)</p>
<p>jahphotogal, I can’t imagine that a school that might want a musical kid would then expect same kid to play by herself all summer — even if said kid is not the next Midori.</p>
<p>As for not seeing her at all… you will. And if she’s like many kids I’ve seen, though she’ll be happy to be home for a few weeks at a time, a whole, unstructured summer? Not so much ;-)</p>
<p>The green boxes are the CC equivalent of “Like” on FB. Except that on CC you can’t click on the same person’s green box more than once without spreading some of the appreciation around! If you hover over the green boxes, you’ll see little comments, which relate to the amount of “reputation” they have received. You, for example, are on a distinguished road ;-)</p>
<p>jahphotogal: Yes, DS is using his reptilian brain (love that) at Choate where he is morphing into someone we barely know. He entered Choate as a STEM student, but will be applying to college as an artist and possibly an athlete. Who knew? I didn’t read about this in the brochure. What have they done to my kid? Just more to worry about. See what fun this is? You drop off DC at BS and pick up a complete stranger a year or two later. Soon I’ll probably need to wave a placard with his name at the airport to ensure I collect the right person.</p>
<p>But it’s fine. Really. No worries. Martini time.</p>
<p>ChoatieMom- it has been a long time since I logged on to this site, but I laughed so hard at your post that I had to reply. You’re in the middle of senior year, right? Waiting to hear from colleges…that was a fun time! (not!) Your DS will be fine! If he’s interested in the art that I think he is, that Choate alumni connection will really help. There’s a certain very expensive NESCAC college that a LOT of Choate kids go to with a direct pipeline to that field LOL. I’ll join you in having a martini- just got the tax forms from the colleges! What are we all going to spend our money on when all of these education bills are finished with?</p>
<p>Ah ha ha, cat food! And Granny2, marriages and grandchildren? Shudder! It’s going to be fun filling out the CSS profile this year. Bank accounts? None. Investments? Really none!</p>
<p>My worries about the kids at their boarding schools are different than the worries I would have if they were home, but I don’t think worse or better. </p>
<p>Worries at home: who are they hanging around with? Will there be room in the honors/AP class they want to take? Will they be in cars with other kids after school? Will they be on their computers too much? Will they be able to maintain their focus on their aspirations when local kids are happy with community college? Will they be viable at a good national college when our state is falling behind? Do I have time to drive them all over the place for their activities? Are teachers “getting” them or reading their work? </p>
<p>Worries while their away: Are they okay 35K’ in the air? Will they lose things/be targeted in airports? Will they take advantage of all the school has to offer? Will they still like me when they get home? If I don’t hear from them in three days is it because they are busy, miserable or too happily engaged to call? Who will I have to answer to at work, in the store, at the health club about what we’re doing? Are locals seething with judgment/rage/disgust/jealousy? Are they getting too used to being around rich kids and expecting too much materially? Is this high point of their life? Do all the adults care about them/like them?</p>
<p>And these recent ones: will they be able to get into a college where they will be challenged at the level they have been? Will they get hurt in the application process?</p>
<p>All these worries started when we first applied to boarding school, and at each point they have sometimes been bigger than life. I ache for what you all are going through. It hasn’t gotten easier for me, just different. But so far, at each turning point, I haven’t had regrets. And perhaps the biggest payoffs: there’s no fighting/nagging because we cherish our time together too much </p>
<p>Parenting = worrying. I love the honesty and humor here though!!!</p>
<p>PS…a sophomore…hmmm…you just came back from college weekend! Now wasn’t that fun? We actually skipped it one year when we were in between application years. But, serving martinis at that would probably be a good idea!</p>
<p>College weekend starts 2/15 and, yes, I am going so I have a solid foundation for my fears, to perhaps pick up a few fears I haven’t thought of yet, and to clink glasses with other fearful parents as we exchange worries like a bad virus. Cheers!</p>
<p>Ah ha ha! You will have some great stories and posts to write after THAT weekend! What struck me the most, both times, is that the parents were so so worried, especially after the session on “managing expectations” LOL and their kids got into great schools! Williams, Stanford etc and these were the parents who left the weekend that their kids were going to State U if they were lucky. After going through it twice, I decided that they put a damper on expectations so that you will be deliriously happy and eternally grateful when they get in. (Both of my kids and most of their friends got into their top choice “reach” schools.) In any case, we want a full report!</p>
<p>Okay, I wasn’t so worried BEFORE, but now, NOW… after reading through this thread, you’ve all given me so many more things to worry about! I am going to crawl under my blankie and hide under the desk. </p>
<p>@baystateresident: We were deliriously happy about D’s college acceptance to first choice school after being led by CC to believe it was a reach - and after reading your post feel seriously duped. Screw the euphoria - how dare the CCs play with our heads ( I AM kidding :)) I would rather be pleasantly surprised than surprisingly disappointed. And there still are plenty of kids who don’t get into their first choice - prep or college.</p>
<p>As I hope you can tell, I like to exaggerate. We actually have no concerns that DS will end up at a good school (heck, he’s already at a good school), but ivies and their ilk were never his targets, so there can be no disappointment where there was no expectation. Our only real concern is that his own expectations for success in the very tough field he has chosen are realistic–and that’s a concern for AFTER college. See how I worry and borrow trouble way in advance?</p>
<p>Our worries regarding college are mostly financial: How much are we willing to pay for a non-necessary degree at a high-end school (OK, the networking opps might matter) that could be had at home for almost nothing</p>
<p>Followed by: How wise is forcing him to get a broad, liberal arts education first and then follow his passion in grad school (which we can’t pay for) when he has clearly stated, “Mom/Dad, you guys hold the purse and I’ll do whatever you want, but you and I both know I’ll only be biding my time until I can do X”. We ARE the parents; we have the control, but what is the right course for this kid?</p>
<p>I’m not trying to hijack my own thread by moving the conversation to advice on our particular situation, so let’s not go there. I’m just pointing out that it’s never easy or completely straightforward, and you can worry about almost anything at any and every stage of the game as wcmom and jahphotogal have so nicely laid out.</p>
<p>My surprise is that I’d never thought I’d have THESE worries. (I was professionally armed for other worries.) So, that’s why you’ll find me in the charming town pub in a couple of weeks stirring the olive around in my martini laughing with other worried parents and discussing where we go from here.</p>
<p>This after reading the ‘Supplement BS College Placement Office’ thread:</p>
<p>How can we possibly do all of the college visits? OMG! I agree that visits are really important, just like they were for Boarding School. But Rural Son is a plane ride/2-day drive away. A long weekend just isn’t going to work out for us. If we end up seeing just a couple of schools over upcoming summer breaks, is that even an accurate picture of them, since school is not in session? Is it even that going to be feasible with our family’s limited funds and vacation time? There may actually be no college visits in our future. Is YouTube, as one parent suggested, going to end up being our main alternative? Is this okay?</p>
<p>What an interesting thread! Just to find out that CC parents worry about their kids is so comforting. I do not feel like a hysterical mommy any more. At least, I am not the only one with the same set of worries.
My biggest fears are: What if DS gets accepted into BS? Will he able to make the right choices? Will he find good friends? Or will he be surrounded by rich, spoiled and arrogant kids? He knows, that money do not buy happiness, but may get very annoyed by popular kids style of life. What if the teachers are not as well qualified, as the schools make it sound? What if going so far away in search of stellar education would leave him disappointed academically? What effect elder sons leave for BS would have on his younger brother? Will they maintain a close relationship? Hardly. And without the example of the elder brother the younger one will become a very different person. There are many more questions and worries. But at least, Ill have to really start worrying about all of these things after March 10th.
On the other hand, what if he does not get accepted? What if after all these months of enthusiastic work on his applications he will find out that he is not welcome at any of the schools he applied to? How hurtful will that be? Will it make him stronger or will the blow be too hard? Girls can recover easier, they (we :)) are more resilient. 13-year old boys are more fragile psychologically. May be itll help him to grow up faster, may be itll bring fears of rejection for any future endeavors. Well see. I wish March 10th could come faster .
Good luck everyone!</p>
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