<p>I’ve noticed that on this particular thread we have been posting our worries, without really expecting an answer. And it has been so helpful just to post them! Sending them out into the ether…<br>
In a book I am currently reading there is a church with a madonna. People tuck in scraps of paper on the madonna’s body wherever they can. The scraps of paper contain their prayers and hopes. This thread reminds me of that.</p>
<p>I love this: “pain shared is halved.” I wish this thread had been around when I was a newbie, though given how paranoid I am, I’m not sure I would have taken advantage 
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<p>There is no rushing to see what unfolds, but it seems like most of us are concerned parents who will adjust and address issues as they arise (and they will). Trust yourselves. Most of the problems listed here can be addressed fairly easily. </p>
<p>I could write all day, but, oh yeah, I have to make a living. Did want to address the college visits piece for Ruralmama. I had plans to do this in spring break of Junior year but then I got sick and couldn’t travel. We did visit key colleges later- in late summer, and I would advocate for that over not visiting at all. We are rural also, so it was a hassle and expense we worried about. It was worth it. We even heard from adcomms that visiting counts in admissions considerations. I know some of my kids’ peers haven’t visited and I see how much more stressful the process is when you are “flying blind.”</p>
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<p>Thanks for that observation, RuralMama. I agree that this is a place to just put your worries out there without expecting a response because I think most of us know, deep down, that most of our fears are unfounded and time has a way of working them out or rending them moot. We just need to vent. It’s a lot like this thread I love in the college parent cafe:</p>
<p>[thread=319650]Say it here cause you cant say it directly-the get it off your chest thread[/thread]</p>
<p>However, if you DO have some sage advice or a BTDT story, like some have posted, please feel free to continue sharing; no one wants to stifle good advice or stories.</p>
<p>In another thread, a parent expressed a fear that his/her child won’t find a college that’s as good a fit as child’s BS. I can really relate to that.</p>
<p>About the college visits, It worked out for us to incorporate some college visits during vacation times. I WORRIED that DC would not be able to see most of her colleges before application time but we managed to see most since she had an idea about some schools in the summer of her Jr year. We plan on visiting the last few over spring break. Sophomore brother will tag along to get a taste of college visits. And oh, another worry- son is mentioning his interests in colleges that are near high crime cities. Folks the worrying never stops.</p>
<p>@Shirlie, “What effect elder sons leave for BS would have on his younger brother? Will they maintain a close relationship? Hardly.”</p>
<p>Our friends found that brothers who had tons of conflict before elder s entered BS, became much closer once they were not in each other’s hair all the time…</p>
<p>Mom use to say it’s her job to worry. Dad would say he doesn’t want to know. I pretend not to know, so not to worry.</p>
<p>@Shirlie: We have found that older D going to BS has been beneficial in many ways for younger D. Less living “in the shadow of” and more “blazing her own trail”. My wife and I also realized that not having to split our attention/time on a daily basis has been good for all. Are the girls still close? I could argue that they are even closer because they aren’t around each other enough to start getting on each other’s nerves…which siblings can do!</p>
<p>Sounds about right, ops. Dump it all on Mom. :)</p>
<p>That was my folks. Mrs. ops is quite good in not worrying or not showing it or knowing it, I don’t know which at times and that can be worrisome.</p>
<p>Wow, I can’t believe how incredibly good it is to hear that I’m not the only worry-wart parent out there. We don’t know any other families with kids applying to BS so we are all alone with this. We can’t even talk about the process with other people without getting “that look”. You know, the look that says: “Oh, you people with your high class problems, stop whining, most people could never even consider it …” and so on and so forth.</p>
<p>What do I worry about?</p>
<p>I’m petrified he won’t get in now that we’ve fallen in love with the school and gotten all excited about it. He has only applied to one school (Proctor). It’s all or nothing. I’m worried he won’t get in and will end up at our very large public high school and will get completely lost there, which is what happens to most middle-of-the-road kids. He’s not a star, and his best friend is going to the technical high school. Worryworryworry about public high school.</p>
<p>I’m also surprisingly worried that he WILL get in. I didn’t expect this! I’m worried about paying for it. I’m worried that my nice, non-star-but-otherwise-really-super boy will find himself overwhelmed, surrounded by kids who are over-achievers. Like others, I’m worried that his going to BS will impact his older sister and the funds available for HER activities.</p>
<p>The list is pretty endless. And now that the applications and FA stuff is all complete and filed, I’m worried about what the heck I’m going to do with all this time and energy! It’s been so all-consuming and now … NOTHING. Nothing but the wringing of hands.</p>
<p>Hang in there, Alice! And for entertainment between now and M10, you can do some CC searches for phrases that include your quote… I recall many parents discussing “that look.” or something similar. You are not alone ;)</p>
<p>Not only “that look” but somehow I can’t help running on at the mouth too much to anyone who will listen about scores (not specifically of course, god forbid you should ever ask your friend how their kid did on the ssats, though when a friend of mine told me her lovely brilliant talented extremely athletic daughter was wait-listed at Choate last year I ALMOST asked!) I can just feel their eyes glazing over as I blather on about ‘what if she gets in but we don’t get the financial aidzzzzzz’</p>
<p>Jah, I don’t know what schools your d has, but many schools won’t accept a kid without the needed aid, so you may not have to worry about acceptance sans aid. Generally, schools will waitlist the kids they like but can’t fund. But maybe you are worried that you won’t be awarded enough aid? If your EFC wasn’t a shock, you should be OK.</p>
<p>I am worried that I no longer worry about my child at BS!</p>
<p>Neatoburrito, our EFC (that refers to the report we get from the Financial Aid service?) was a HUGE shock. Another worry!!
worryworryworryworryworryworryworryworry…</p>
<p>Jah, depending on the school, there can be a fairly big difference between the SSS’s EFC and the school’s. Our FA offers last year ranged from “just about exactly the EFC” to “slightly more than half the EFC” – so hang in there… and remember, the SSS doesn’t really read your notes for each section, or consider extenuating financial circumstances, merit, etc.</p>
<p>Breathe.</p>
<p>I realized today that the new social media, which I had resisted very easily until this year, helps with my greatest worry. Saw a pic with DS in it and thought, he looks happy. And that, I gather, is what bothers me all these days that I don’t have a glimpse of him. Is he happy today? When the child is at home, you just pass each other and click off, yes, he’s fine. Truthfully, I don’t know how fine he is at home probably any more than I know from the expression in a BS photo. Still . . . am more satisfied with this view than without, and I’ll check for these photos pretty religiously. I can’t imagine the experience for those parents before this age whose sole “sighting” was limited to that pay phone on the corridor. Yet, that’s pretty much what my mother and I did when I was in ninth and tenth grade “boarding” with neighbors after she had moved out of state. The separation then led to ever more separation since, of both the good and less good variety. It’s been said that we live more through our children than our parents did, and all parents before – and that parents need to get a life (we’re “more interested in being parents than in being adults”, paraphrasing Katie Roiphe’s “In Praise of Messy Lives”).<br>
Hmmm.</p>
<p>For charger78
[I</a> stalk my kids on Facebook - Salon.com](<a href=“http://www.salon.com/2012/09/23/i_stalk_my_kids_on_facebook/?mobile.html]I”>http://www.salon.com/2012/09/23/i_stalk_my_kids_on_facebook/?mobile.html)</p>
<p>Charger78 - Completely! Nothing makes my day like seeing a photo of D on facebook, looking incredibly happy.</p>
<p>About the younger sibling, I’ve definitely had the same experience that others have recounted. My son is out of his shell more at home and at school without his sister around. I was really worried about this too and my DH was suggesting that maybe it was a reason for DD to stay home. I really didn’t think that would be fair to her. The whole situation has been a good thing for DS in the end.</p>
<p>I also thought the points raised about home worries vs. BS worries is a good one. I would worry much more about DD if she were home than I do with her at school. It’s not just an out of sight out of mind thing - I have great confidence that her school is an environment that’s a good one for her, where she’ll grow in ways that I think are positive. This state of things is one of the big surprises of having a child at boarding school for me.</p>