<p>DD won't be home from Turkey (place, not the bird) until mid-June... so no Thanksgiving for her. DS is wonderful and texts or emails and shows up in good spirits for all holidays. :)</p>
<p>Our freshman son is home, happy in college but happy to be here, too. It's a delight to hear his cheerful voice around the house. I know he'll get busy when his HS friends are home this weekend, but for now, he's here. It was worth the wait to hear all his college stories, and it's wonderful to see his plans for the rest of college and his dreams for the future taking shape.</p>
<p>VeryHappy-lol.</p>
<p>All 3 of mine will be home for Thanksgiving--hooray! But D1, a junior, is going to Costa Rica w/ bf between semesters and was not home last summer because of an internship in NYC. D2, my first year student, is also going away between semesters to help build houses in Louisiana for Katrina relief.</p>
<p>My S is another story. He has decided, w/ just a few weeks left before GRADUATING, not to attend class or do any work. We know because his school has contacted us about this and said he will fail his classes. During the week we call him and he does not answer or call back. My H and I have drivien to his school, only a little more than an hour away, to see him 4 or 5 times and try to reason. It is heartbreaking.</p>
<p>Hopefully Thanksgiving will be relaxing and a few days of peace and reprieve.</p>
<p>mine are flying in on Monday Night....their classes canceled on tuesday so....we get to enjoy the cheap flights and an extra day.....Tues/wed fairly calm but thursday we have TWO thanksgiving dinners, one at a restaurant at 1130 and the other we are hosting eating around 5 or 5:30.....finishing it off with BOWLING. Friday we may go to a museum that has Jazz on Friday nights, Sat low key and Sunday back to school.</p>
<p>Morrismm, HUG to both of you.</p>
<p>I feel very blessed. DD is in her second year at a university 1,500 miles from our home in Connecticut and is doing just beautifully. She'll be spending TG with my ex/her mother in Michigan (also nearly 1,000 miles from school), but she'll be home for all of her winter break. She has become remarkably independent, but she calls me nearly daily to say "hi" and share news. Last call I got started with "Hi, Daddy, just called to say I love you." It doesn't get much better.</p>
<p>I think bessie is right about 24 being the magic age that you hear from your D (at least) more easily. But I am going to use the idea next year--will warn S ahead of time--that if he does not respond to text or voicemail within 48 hours it will be turned off. He is the kind of kid that once told will take care of business. Great idea! I have read that males text while females call...seems true at my house.
Hey-H and I had not gone away since 07-06-06 alone--had a great two days away while S was on a retreat this weekend. Yep. There will be life after kids leave I am happy to report/ although soon to be 25 yr old D is talking about moving home to study for the LSAT....hmmm</p>
<p>Thanks Altmom--hugs are needed!</p>
<p>morrismm--is he afraid to leave school and move on? Will he visit the college counseling services? And, can someone (sometimes a family friend can help more than the parent) help him make a future "plan"? He may be afraid or depressed.</p>
<p>My sophomore D came home Wednesday night - she is on quarters and just finished exams for the first quarter and will be home till Sunday after Thanksgiving. She is thrilled to be home. Comes down every morning with a big smile on her face and has hugs galore. But that's who she has always been. </p>
<p>She says she feels kind of lazy not accomplishing much, but says it also feels great for a bit.</p>
<p>I understand urges to --- a son. Mine wouldn't tell me when he wants a ride from his dad on Wed, same old games after he was being more polite this third year of school. Found out from H. It matters for my timing of supper- we have H's sister/her H driving here with HS kids for a few days. Son is forgiven (there is hope he will be pleasant here) since I let him know we're also inviting a local family for dinner Thurs and he was happy about it, even offering to sit at the kids' table those younger two children will be at (no way, I fully intend to get answers to some of my questions he won't tell me but will tell others- it's already that time of year to think about renewing a lease or changing apt mates, etc). Such a mix of maturity and not. I was surprised when I checked my email today that he had sent his proposed spring schedule, by now I have learned not to ask about it, I had even forgotten that time had come. Having relatives here and ignoring son will be the path of least stress for me. Some year he will be the adult he is still becoming, with two steps forward and a step back every so often.</p>
<p>Morrismm, if you need them, I have some <strong><em>hugs</em></strong> for you, too! If you don't mind, keep us posted.</p>
<p>Mafool, I think that sometimes not only is LOUD whining warranted, it just feels better!</p>
<p>Its somehow comforting to read that others are struggling with their sons. Hugs to those who need them. I know I do. DS has not been returning phone calls. When I finally get a hold of him, all he has to say is "ya" to every question. Right before I hang up the phone he finally says "when am I coming home for Thanksgiving?" I suggest he read the emails I've sent him. He does only after whining "I have get many emails" and then he sees the reservation for the return to school and thinks he's coming home on Nov. 30th. Where is his brain? On top of that I've been trying for weeks to find out when he wants to come home for winter break. He still has no answer. I give up. I sent him an email and told him I'm not asking him again and if he doesn't tell me I'm not making reservations. If he wants to come, make his own arrangements. </p>
<p>I sent him an email last night saying I was angry and hurt he didn't know when he was coming home (I've been counting the days). I thought he'd reply - but I guess he just has too many emails in his inbox.</p>
<p>oaklandmom--sorry for your pain</p>
<p>I started out the day my (now soph) S graduated from HS mentioning to him that he should decide if he was returning for Thanksgiving and should book his flights as early as possible for Thanksgiving and Winter Break. I included the estimated cost of the air travel in his semester budget that I fund. It then was up to him to handle it. </p>
<p>I also told him that for the Holidays we were planning on doing X, Y and Z. He was invited, but I made it clear that we weren't going to change plans to fit around his schedule unless we heard from him well in advance.</p>
<p>I think it took him waiting to the last minute on the Thanksgiving tickets and having to pay bigger bucks out of his money before he "got it." </p>
<p>Some males have to learn the hard way. BTY there is no excuse for how he has left you hanging, but 18 year old males are oblivious until the consequences smack them in the face (or wallet).</p>
<p>I don't have much whining to do (well maybe just a little). Picked DS up from the airport Friday evening--first trip home since he left for his freshman year in August. This boy who was such a homebody, who was <em>so</em> anxious to get home and see his family, walked in the door, stayed about half an hour, and then left again to go see friends. Haven't seen him a whole lot since--either he's out or I'm out or he's asleep. Last night he said he misses all his friends at school and is looking forward to going back. <sigh>, I guess, but I think all in all that's a good thing.</sigh></p>
<p>Keep in mind that 18-year-old boys (and 51-year-old boys as far as I can tell) are still all about themselves. I was a little chagrined when DS called me on my birthday--happy to hear from him but he didn't know I'd seen the e-mail from my mother reminding him it was coming up + the one back from him to her saying he'd completely forgotten. Behaving selfishly is a far cry from intentionally hurting someone. Unless you have real evidence that your DS is trying to hurt you, I'd try to let it roll off my back.</p>
<p>thanks 07Dad for the reminder that some men need to feel it in their wallet - DS (he's 20 year old junior) is definitely one of those. I've been suggestion he get a credit card so he can book his own flights, etc and he hasn't done it - he's no dummy, if he doesn't have his own credit card he knows mom will pay for the flight. I think he's going to be greeted with a new reality when he comes home on Wednesday night. Make your own reservations from here on out. He's got a great financial aid package - I don't pay anything(and he has no loans) and I just got in the habit of paying airfare to and from school. After all that finaid package includes a budget for airfares. </p>
<p>I also know DS is probably overwhelmed. 44 units, he's on the fencing team, president of a club(not sure if that really takes any time but I know he never misses a meeting), a work study job and he's applying for an internship(resume, essays, interviews, etc). But it still hurts even though its probably not intentional that he's not been communicating. </p>
<p>I think I'm just feeling so sensitive for lots of reasons(I've just found out I have a deadline of Nov 28 that I had thought was Dec 5 and I'm in a bit of a panic). And one of my friends who is coming for Thanksgiving has a 24 year old who is in graduate school. Her son is staying at school for the holiday - but they skype every day and over every little detail of their lives. He'll skype her so he can show her what he made for dinner. I just talked with her before talking to DS and she was going on about why doesn't my son skype me like her DS does. I don't want my son to be in touch on that level, but returning a phone call or an email once a week would be nice. </p>
<p>Enough of my rant. I feel better now.</p>
<p>Sapling plans to "hang out with friend until late Weds night and leave kinda early on Saturday". I am looking forward to seeing him for a couple of days anyway.</p>
<p>So after being told by both S2 and my son's friend's mom that son's friend's mom was picking up son and bringing him home --</p>
<p>S2 got home last night around 7:30 PM, with a friend and having borrowed someone else's car to make the trip.</p>
<p>I don't mind my boys bringing home friends; I love having a full house. But wha? -- no warning? No previous mention? Who is this kid? What about his family? </p>
<p>The word "sketchy" barely covers it.</p>
<p>And Oh yeah, he was accepted in his study abroad program and has to be halfway around the world by January 2. (I love this BTW way of dropping things.) </p>
<p>As I sat there with S2, the sketchy friend, and S1, I wanted to whisper to S1, "You're the good one!" But I didn't.</p>
<p>Sophmore S seems much more relaxed this holiday versus Freshman year. We had a wonderful day with family and he had plenty of stories of college life to share. Oh to be almost 20 again, when the fun didn't start until you went out at 11 p.m.....</p>