Thinking about BS across the country - thoughts?

Prep School Admissions
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My daughter is expressing interest in attending boarding school on the east coast, and we live on the west coast. It is tempting for me to start looking down this path, but I think I should figure out how feasible it is before I start raising hopes and expectations. She’s a rising 7th grader, so we have time to figure it out.

How common is it for kids to go to school a plane ride (or two) away? Does it have an effect on admissions- geographic diversity? Will my kid feel out of place if most of the kids are from the east coast? Would it make sense to wait until 10th or 11th grade- is that even possible? We would need FA- I know this will be a limiting factor in admissions, does being far away complicate FA in any way?

In addition to all those questions, I think I would really miss my kid, so I am not sure if I would really pursue it. But there are some reasons why I am thinking about it.

I am from NY, and my parents and sister live in upstate NY where there are many boarding schools. Plus cousins and other people I know well.

My daughter is really very interested in Millbrook because of the zoo, and it happens to be within an easy drive of my family - my mother is thrilled that we are even considering it. Then she started talking about Hotchkiss, where she occasionally plays golf with a friend who retired from teaching there, and my daughter’s ears really perked up.

My daughter currently attends a local private school where we live. She is super smart and an especially gifted writer, artist, a lover of animals, but basically good at everything. She is social and outgoing, energetic, athletic, musical, mature for her age, insightful, etc. I think she would thrive, and I guess I would enjoy visiting her whenever I get to the east coast - it happens a few times per year to visit family, but also sometimes for work.

Anyway next time we visit my parents, we may try to visit a couple of schools, but I guess I am wondering if this is common and if it works well for some families.

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There are definitely kids from the West coast at eastern boarding schools. And kids who are international as well.

I applaud checking out Millbrook. One of my sons attended and it was transformational for him. (My other sons attended Hotchkiss, and also had good experiences).

Berkshire is also in the area (30 min away), you might consider visiting there as well.

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There are many students who live a plane ride away from BS, not just from the opposite coast but from all over the world. We live in AZ and our son went to Choate (CT). Flying is quite common and feasible, but I would recommend you consider schools near airports where your student can take a direct flight. In our case, no airline went direct from our closest airport to the airport closest to Choate, so our son had a connection every time. It was never a problem, but it meant long travel days and several tight connections.

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Though a majority of BS kids hail from the East Coast, plenty live a plane ride or two (or three) away. Hailing from California will likely have no impact on admissions chances. While she might have to try a little harder to make friends than people from the East Coast, being social and outgoing should make doing so pretty easy. I think applying in 8th grade for 9th grade works well, but she can apply during 9th grade for 10th grade (or apply during 10th grade as a repeat 10th grader), but applying for 11th grade is much more rare (mainly, though not solely, athletes). My understanding is that while FA is limited for international applicants, for U.S. citizens state of origin has no bearing on it.

We are a Midwest family with a son who flies to and from an East Coast boarding school on his own. Not sure if we would have let him go if he were instead a she, but we are quite protective. Anyway, Southern California is not an uncommon state of origin for BS kids, so if that’s where you are from, she could probably travel with classmates; if a boarding school in CT, for example, perhaps she could take a bus with other kids to a New York airport and fly direct to L.A., for example, and back. I do think, however, that she’s more likely to find travel companions at Hotchkiss than at Millbrook, simply because the former has a larger student body and more geographic reach among its students.

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She sounds like she would thrive at boarding school. Kids come from the West Coast all the time. I was about to come on to warn you of long weekends and times when the school shuts down but there really isn’t time to travel home, but since you have family in the area that problem will be minimized. Just make sure of their availability as we were a bit surprised my son’s first year of how many “pick them up Friday/ bring them back Tuesday” break there were. It was pretty difficult with our work schedules and as a teacher, I used up all of my personal days transporting him back and forth.

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We were in your position a year ago. Our daughter brought up boarding school in January of 7th grade. I posted here about being unsure about boarding school and wanting to get some feedback. We basically told our daughter it was not our first choice option for her (we would prefer she stay with us), but we were willing to support her in her search. She researched schools all winter, then we hired a US-based counselor to help make sure we were doing things correctly as we had no idea what the process was like or any names beyond the big ones you always hear about (and honestly, I hadn’t even heard of many schools like Lawrenceville, Middlesex, etc).

Long story short, she researched about 30 schools, narrowed to 11 that we visited over the summer last year, and then she applied to 6 this past fall as an 8th grader. She was accepted to all 6 and made the choice of where to go this April.

Millbrook was on her list and it made it into the top three schools she eventually decided between, but did not make her final cut. We also have family in the area (I grew up spending summers in Pleasant Valley and Wappingers Falls) so that was definitely a nice perk. I will say, we were very impressed with the feeling of community and each student truly being seen and cared for at Millbrook.

For reference, we live overseas, so our daughter will be going to high school over 8000 miles away from home! She will likely have 2-3 flights to get to school each time. Please feel free to send me a private message or to ask any questions. This forum, along with our research and visits, really made us feel much more comfortable with the idea of sending our daughter so far away for school.

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My kid had a number of friends from CA, Europe, Asia, Mexico, etc. at George School ¶, so I don’t think distance should be an issue. There were very few times everyone had to leave campus, and they were the longer breaks.

Most schools will work with you on transportation to and from the airport, but it does help if there are non-stops to the closest airport. I think that having family in the area can be helpful – especially for your peace of mind - but know that your D will likely be more than welcome to tag along with her BS friends when they head home. Many families welcome the opportunity to meet their kids’ friends and to have a “house full of kids” after BS empty-nesting. You may get a chance to reciprocate by hosting a west coast event over a holiday!

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Paging @Calliemomofgirls for their thoughts on this.

For my part and as others have mentioned - kids come from all over the world to BS, so in that regard it’s very much a thing.

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Our boarding school requires us to name a proxy that can pick the child up within 24 hours if necessary. We luckily have a family member about 2 hours away, but I think that there are agencies that allow you to pay them to use as a proxy if needed. Kind of like an insurance policy of sorts.

I would say - have backup plans for cancelled flights, missed connections, etc. And check the unaccompanied minor policies for all of the different airlines. It can be done but it is an added layer of stress and planning. Our school is kind of hands off as far as travel arrangements and backup plans, they give recommendations for car services and provide shuttles to the nearest airports, but for unaccompanied minor travel we had to arrange a car service employee to check our child in for their flight etc. Again, it’s doable, lots of people are in the same situation, but be aware of the extra hassles and stress.

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Agree with the suggestion of checking out unaccompanied minor policies - it adds $300 to every ticket price until they are 15 on UA AA DL…but not needed for Alaska or Southwest
We applied as overseas/international students but we moved to CA during their 1st year - plan for long holidays over thanksgiving, winter, spring plus if you plan of having them for the long weekends (kids in East coast boarding schools)

We were lucky that no flights were cancelled or delayed during our gamble of Alaska/SW bc they dont have many flights - i did have friends on standby in case they were stuck

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Thanks for paging me @DroidsLookingFor!
@jean99 - happy to share our experiences, as a family who is two flights and 3000 miles away from the boarding school my daughter chose. The logistics and cost definitely figure into the equation!
That said, seeing the opportunities she has at her school has blown us away. As her parents, we decided that us missing her deeply was less important than watching her lean into opportunities that we could never have curated ourselves for her piecemeal at home. That sounds easier than it is, of course. (As I think @ChoatieMom has said: we miss out on things as parents, but the students miss out on nothing.). Truly, I could go on and on about the amazing opportunities and growth at my daughter’s BS.
And then, the next year, another daughter saw the light, and she followed.
And then, the year after that, another daughter saw the light and she followed.
(and one daughter was in a ballet company out of state during high school, so she could not go to BS, but she lamented it a tiny bit, saying “if I hadn’t done ballet, I for sure would have applied here too!”).

But, the travel IS tricky sometimes. And expensive.

Know that FA cane be very generous for some schools, so I wouldn’t let the tuition element scare you from applying.

Waiting for 10th grade or 11th – not really sure that “matters” all that much TBH. Boarding schools are created for 9th graders, so it’s not like you need to “hold off” as a general rule, unless for some reason you (or your student) wants to. If you do decide to wait until 10th or 11th, I would probably pay close attention to whether those are planned entry points at the school, or are they primarily backfilling attrition. If they are planned entry points, it would mean the school is likely to have a deliberate integration process, so new students are mindfully brought into the community. (versus just being a smaller sprinkling of “new kids” trying to break into a community that already has a shared experience.). One of my daughters joined BS as a sophomore and I was incredibly grateful to see the robust orientation process for sophomores.

Anyway – feel free to ask me any questions if I can be helpful!!

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Thank you to everyone who responded! Really helpful logistics to consider. And we will look at Berkshire, I think I have seen their rowing team around. If my daughter gets into rowing that could be good - she’s doing a camp this summer, and it’s the family sport.

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Also many boarding schools have transportation to the bigger nearby airports for a nominal fee, but I have found when flying on multiple flights to or from the west coast (we are not near a major airport) that the school transportation doesn’t get us to the airport as early or late as needed. We need to arrange private transportation which adds to the travel expense.

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Ok, so my two cents.

I live in an area where a lot of people send their kids to boarding school. It sounds similar to your social circle.

You mentioned that you would need FA for your child to attend.

How do you plan to pay for college, should your child choose to attend?

How would you feel about being separated from your child for 9 months out of the year at 8th or 9th grade? Would you be able to get to her quickly if you needed to? How often would you be able to visit? Would you be able to afford to fly her home for holidays?

Boarding schools are just another way to attend school. They aren’t magic places like they are sold to be. Look at the school profile of any boarding school that you are considering and compare it to the local school that you are considering. Then consider cost. If you need FA, how will this expensive school impact your larger financial picture? For many full pay families, it’s not worth the financial risk. Your child can still be her best self attending a school that your family can afford.

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