I’ve thought long and hard about this, and was wondering if some strangers could help me.
I’m a Freshman at Duke currently, and got in last year as a high school senior along with multiple schools: Notre Dame, Ohio State, Vanderbilt, Georgia Tech, and Purdue. I’m currently studying Engineering (Electrical and Computer) and have been doing pretty well in classes so far. However, I absolutely hate it here. I just don’t fit in with the culture, which I didn’t expect since I liked it a lot when I visited after being accepted. After a few weeks, I just feel like it’s super cliquey, as many people already have friends from Pre-Orientation programs and aren’t as accepting of new people.
The culture here is basically study out of your mind on weekdays and party hard on weekends. I feel very lonely as I’m not the party type of person and would prefer to play board games or video games with others - that type of socialization. In some people’s minds I might be a nerd but I enjoy that kind of social atmosphere. I’ve been to a frat party once here and it boggles my mind how people find it enjoyable to stand around and get drunk. I don’t have many close friends here and see people come and go and don’t really establish relationships as everyone is either constantly busy or out partying.
Another reason is also because I’m extremely homesick. I love my parents and miss my family, and at OSU I would be able to go home about once a week but honestly the proximity just makes me feel better. I also have a lot of friends who chose OSU (literally 90% of my friends from High School), as well as a cousin I’m super close with who went there. My parents, however, only really care about the prestige. They never went to college so they don’t really understand why I am struggling adapting. They want me to stop thinking of home and meet new friends, but my homesickness has honestly made me super depressed.
Has there been anyone in a similar boat who could help me with me decision? I’m thinking about transferring in the spring semester so that it’s better for my mental health and that I can be happy.
It is a bit early to judge, but what you describe is accurate to the best of my second hand knowledge.
You can apply to transfer to Ohio State for psychological comfort as well as to create an exit option if your feelings remain the same.
According to the Wall Street Journal/Times Higher Education Ranking of US Colleges, Duke, Yale & Harvard are tied at #1 for “Outcomes” which includes starting salaries & student debt. Duke is an ultra prestigious school.
If you start to get better integrated with student life at Duke, consider enrolling in a summer session as it tends to be easier to make friends when the Greek scene is not active.
Also, consider taking summer courses at Ohio State as it may not be what you expect.
There is no easy answer in your situation as much of what you are experiencing is due to growing pains. If you like the academics, then Duke is worth the effort.
@chercheur thank you so much, I read through it and it does help a lot. I wish I could wait and see, but OSU’s spring transfer deadline is Oct 1
@Publisher Thank you. I know the prestige that Duke has and that’s why I’m hesitant to transfer. I know that if I make it through these 4 years I will be better off, but I just don’t know if I can live through these 4 years if I don’t like the place and will most likely continue feeling this emptiness in myself. I’ve also heard about the Summer Sessions, but right now in my current state I just want to go back home. I’m going to talk with my parents some more and make a decision before the Oct 1 to submit a transfer application. Thank you for your help though, I appreciate it so much
I’m a Duke alum and know how you are feeling. The segmentation gets worse in upper years. I would give it some more time, you may grow to like it. Duke is known for being a party hard school, so I’m not surprised at that either.
Everyone is having some kind of struggle right now. You honestly haven’t been there long enough to give it a fair shake. It takes time. I am sure there are people at Duke who you can become friends with. It’s much too soon to make a drastic decision.
Someone just posted this on my daughter’s school’s FB page:
We have officially hit the point in the school year where every college kid is at least half sick, probably in the midst of an emotional breakdown, and very behind in several classes. Please be nice to us. We’re trying our best. We just need a hug.
I can’t tell you the number of posts about students struggling with not finding “their people” and being homesick.
You are NOT alone. It’s a very hard transition.
Are their any gaming clubs you could join? (My daughter is in a club that gets together on Friday nights to play rock band and guitar hero). Could you organize a movie or board game night on your floor? (My daughter’s floor just did a Disney movie marathon on Saturday and they routinely play cards).
My daughter has been at school since Aug 13th and is just now starting to feel more socially settled. And some days are worse than other.
My advice is to not make any big decisions now. My daughter has a lot of friends at OSU and they are reporting similar issues. I honestly think this isn’t a “Duke” issue but transitioning to schools in general.
I am a teenager who lives in Columbus, Ohio. I would highly recommend not transferring out of Duke. At OSU, you will be a NO ONE. There are so many students. If you think social isolation is bad at Duke, imagine being at OSU as an out-of-state or international student. Duke has fantastic opportunities that are almost unbeatable. You just got there, also. To be completely honest, I highly doubt you know everything about the Duke student life. You are going to have to put yourself out there. I would join clubs at Duke. It is a great way to make friends. It is genuinely impossible for you to be the only one thinking about this right now. Please, do not make the mistake of wasting a Duke education (people would kill for it).
@Publisher yes, I’m an alum and not a current student. However the divide between rich and poor at Duke is still pretty prominent. Duke strives for diversity, but the class still has lots of wealthy kids. This definitely drives a wedge between the social cliques on campus.
I went to homecoming last year and it was quite noticeable. At a school like OSU, I imagine this divide would be less prominent. But again, I’ve been out of school for so many years, so its better to get input from a current student.
Your experience fits the Duke stereotype to a T- but here’s the thing: even though a school’s stereotype may have a lot of truth in it, it is never the whole truth. There are people for you there - esp in your major! but also in the quieter corners of the campus (have you checked out DAGGER?).
But, your argument for transferring will be greatly strengthened by looking beyond Ohio State- which is basically running home. Some of the schools that you turned down probably sent you a note saying ‘we will keep your materials on file in case you change your mind’. Why aren’t you considering any of them? ND or Vandy would be closer to home; Ga Tech is blessed with lots of your people and is better for Engineering than Duke. Try and separate the idea of choosing a different school with wanting to go back to the comfort of home.
Don’t transfer. It is far too early to many a decision like that. You haven’t found your tribe and you don’t feel at home yet…it takes time. I am certain there are plenty of others at Duke who don’t party hard. You have to make an effort to find them.
Your future will be very bright with an Engineering degree from Duke. Stick it out. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime. Don’t go to OSU to continue your high school life with old friends. Move on. It’s not always easy to start the next chapter but it is so important in life to keep moving forward.
@CaptainSwirl My daughter is a freshman at Duke as well this year, and she is like you, not a party person. Yes, there are tons of parties to be had on Duke’s campus, but I assure you there are tons of people just like you are well. My daughter spent the break from the hurricane binge watching Disney movies and playing board games with her friends, not having hurricane parties and getting wasted. Please hang in there and try to get involved. She has been going to every event that Pratt has been offering (she just did the phonecalls that Pratt did just to get the free rain coat and other swag) and said it was a nice way to meet other engineering students that she had not met yet. You are at a world class institution and the education that you will obtain will be phenomenal.
@CaptainSwirl I also think you should give Duke a little more time. Many (if not most!) first year college students feel this way at this point in the year. A month at a school - even a whole semester - is usually not enough time to give that school a fair chance.
It’s fantastic that your classes are going well. Engineering is a collaborative major at most schools. Have you talked to people in your classes to ask if they are interested in getting together to study or work on p-sets? Once you’ve got phone numbers you can also text and see if they want to grab lunch or dinner. Not every conversation or get-together is going to lead to lasting friendship, but you need to keep meeting people to find those you click with.
There are lots of other great threads here on how to make friends in college but I agree with @hopewhite25 that meeting more Pratt students could be a great way to meet like-minded people. You could also try student groups that might appeal more to non-partiers, like an outdoors club or volunteering.
@chercheur@sgopal2@Publisher@ab2002@collegemom3717@Empireapple@CouchtoCollege
Thank you all so much. I’ve decided to stick through with it. I think I was so caught up in trying to hate the school that I never really appreciated the good parts of it. I’ve made a couple friends already who I eat dinner and hang out with and they’re all great people who have similar classes as me and similar interests. I’m very grateful to have gotten in such a good college with the resources and opportunities that Duke has, and some of my teachers know me by name - something that wouldn’t happen at OSU. I called my parents last night and they told me to stick with it until the end of the semester, and that they would support whatever my decision was to either stay or leave at the end of the semester. These past 2 days I’ve been doing much better, and can’t wait to go back home for fall break but also keep working hard so that one day I can go back home to make a lot of money for myself and my family. Thank you guys for all the kind words and support, it’s really allowed me to rethink me decision.
@hopewhite25 Thank you so much! I’ve been doing as many Pratt events as possible and also did the Phonathon for my jacket After talking with a bunch of Alumni they all told me that it goes by quick and that the experience is worth it (they were also dropping hundreds to thousands on donations… haha). I agree with that, I think it’s too quick to pass up such a great school so I’m going to stick through it and be happy. I think I was taking a lot of things for granted at the school but now I can see why I chose it in the first place and I’m slowly starting to find my group of friends also. Good luck to your daughter as well, we might have met at the Phonathon and not even have known!
Yay @CaptainSwirl I’m sure you have met her! She is quite outgoing and goofy. She loves everything about Duke and has told me numerous times that she has found her place. Even though we are only two hours away, she has yet to come home. She is coming home over fall break though since her sister’s Family Weekend at another school happens to be that weekend as well. Good luck and try to make the best out of these next four years because before you know it, you will be the Alumni.
After talking with a bunch of Alumni they all told me that it goes by quick and that the experience is worth it (they were also dropping hundreds to thousands on donations… haha). I agree with that, I think it’s too quick to pass up such a great school so I’m going to stick through it and be happy. I think I was taking a lot of things for granted at the school but now I can see why I chose it in the first place and I’m slowly starting to find my group of friends also. Good luck to your daughter as well, we might have met at the Phonathon and not even have known!