Hello! I have started to begin thinking about my college essay and I would like to know if this is a good idea? Well first of all i was going to choose either prompt 1 or 2, depending on how I write my essay and which one it best falls under. My high school (relatively small) made it to the state finals for boys soccer and it was with a team of players that I grew up with for 10+ years. We lost in the final and it made me become more motivated than I ever have before and that motivation carried with me academically and athletically. My junior year ended up being my best year academically and i got Coaches Award and MVP for winter and spring track respectively. Also got all-league for spring track. And now I’m determined to take my team back to states but as a senior now and also top off senior year with my highest average yet. I’d like to know your guy’s opinions?
It’s an essay topic that has been done countless times, but that doesn’t necessarily make it an inherently bad topic. It won’t be particularly unique.
Sure it is better if you can make it really personal. And be sure not to brag about things you haven’t done yet or dwell to much on that.
It’s workable, but if you actually triumph at State, it’ll be really good.
@BrownParent I agree. Writing about what I plan to do in a future didn’t seem like a good idea to me at first but it was just an additional idea
I don’t think that the topic is too cliche. So many applicants write about sports, but that doesn’t mean that your essay will be terrible. Unfortunately, it may not make you stand out from the thousands of other applicants who are applying too. I would definitely make sure that you don’t come off as sounding conceited, and I would try to put some type of twist on it. Make sure that your personality really shows through in your essay. I suggest focusing more on the past experience and how it has influenced you instead of talking about what you plan on doing in the future (winning state championship). This way, your essay will seem more personal.
As a professional essay consultant I’l say this: the odds of you taking this in an original direction are extremely slim. If you’re applying to highly selective colleges, find a new direction. At top schools, an essay like this will completely undermine your chances. At less selective colleges, this topic will neither harm nor help you.
Additionally, if applying to top schools, you’ll risk appearing one-dimensional (the perennial athlete with zero intellect). If you are a pragmatic person who cares about where you’re admitted, and you plan on applying to decently selective schools, pick something else.
@TheEssayGuy How selective are you talking? Im not as bright as the rest of the students on this website so your standards and my standards may be different. Im talking schools like Stony Brook, UBuffalo or Penn State.
Don’t write about your team. Write about you and your team.
My post from above was a bit strongly worded - my apologies. For those schools, your essay topic is fine. Those schools largely rely on SATs, GPA, and strength of high school curriculum. They don’t place as much emphasis on the essay. Still, don’t let the essay become your achilles heel. Keep these best practices in mind: avoid over-dramatizing the state final game. In your into, focus not on the state finals game, but on your camaraderie with your friends, who you’ve been training with for over ten years. Discuss concrete (this is the most important aspect of all) ways you set and achieved goals that would enable you to make it back to states (ex: weightlifting 4x per week, goal to squat, deadlight, and max bench press combined 1000 pounds to increase your strength as a defender). The big thing here is specificity. Falling back on cliched phrases like “I learned to set goals and achieve them” or “I turned adversity into a motivating factor” will cause admissions officers to roll their eyes.
Stay specific, and given the schools you’re applying to, you’ll be fine. Good luck!
I want to know what difference it will make after states?
Ten years from now, how different a person will you be as a result of that loss?
Tell the story, but tell it quickly-- don’t waste too many of those precious words on a story we’ve all heard before. Use the bulk of your essay to tell YOUR story-- how you’ve grown and where that growth will take you.