*thread redo* Have you ever made your child do something?

Parents Social Lounge
1

<p>I would like to apologize for not fully explaining what my purpose was for the previous topic I made, so I am going to redo it now, and explain myself and elaborate a little bit.</p>

<p>Hello parents of CC. I am Poseidenj, as you can clearly see. I'm a senior, and am currently myself going through the college application process. Recently I've been thinking alot about the parents' role in the college application process, because how those parents raise their child can affect their application process much later in their life. I got into a debate with some friends about the parents role throughout their childrens' life, and how it correlates into that child's application process. </p>

<p>There were alot of different opinions, including but not limited to "If the parent wants their kid to thank them later because they got into a top school, parents should activley stimulate their child by making them do activities", "Parents should not force their child to do anything, but let them find their own course", "Parents should make their kids try an instrument, sports, etc, at least once, and see if they like them", and many, many more. So, all the different opinions that came from some friends showed me just how different alot of parents could be, some like the way their parents handled things, others hated them. So, from this, I am taking up a personal research project which I plan to show later to a select audience. All submissions will be anonymous.</p>

<p>My question to all of you is ** Have you ever made your child do something early on in their life, which would later impact them in some way for college admissions? **. I am not talking about making them get immunization shots, or clean up their room, but for instance making them learn their culture's language from a young age, go to language school on the weekend, make them volunteer, play a sport consistantly, taking up an instrument early on, etc, etc, anything which your child could list as an EC later on. So yes, this includes religious youth groups.</p>

<p>In addition from that question.</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Did you make your child do an activity up to a certain time/age, then let them decide if they wanted to quit on their own.</p></li>
<li><p>Did you ever talk to your child about highschool/college, even if you thought they were too young to learn about it?</p></li>
<li><p>Do you think it's the parents role to help their child find activities which interest them, and follow through and stick with those, so they may later excel in them?</p></li>
<li><p>Did you physically and mentally stimulate your children from a young age?</p></li>
<li><p>When your child was of a certain age (15), did you make them to anything relating to school? Take part in an activity, SAT prep, college research, etc.</p></li>
<li><p>Did you ever travel with your kids? Was it for a stimulation purpose, or was stimulation accomplished? Was it to learn about anything? Do you think it was beneficial?</p></li>
</ol>

<p>And then ultimatley, what role do you think the parents plays in the life of a child up until the college process? Are you happy with the role you played? What do you think is the "good" parenting style?</p>

<p>Answer as many as you wish! Thank you again for all of your help!</p>

2

<ol>
<li><p>Sorry, I’m a student, but my parents mom forced me into dance when I was 3 and my dad forced me into sports when I was 4. They kept me busy and therefore kept me away from negative influences. I quit dance when I was 12, but I developed a life-long love of sports. When I was 14 I had an injury that prevented me from play sports competitively anymore. But, then I started a nonprofit basketball league for at-risk kids. So, it worked out. </p></li>
<li><p>Nope, they never talked to me about them. </p></li>
<li><p>My mom read to me all the time, even when I was in the crib. I started reading when I was two and a half years old, so I’m assuming that had something to do wit it. </p></li>
<li><p>My parents stopped making me do anything school related when I was in 7th grade. My dad got into a bad accident and both of my parents have focused on that ever since. You should be able to handle yourself by the time you hit high school. </p></li>
</ol>

<p>Finally, my parents didn’t force me towards one college or another. In fact, I am going to a college they never would have thought I would go to because it has been our rival school my whole life (in-state rivalry). But, they fully accept and support my decision. </p>

<p>The most important thing my parents ever did for me was that they never put me or my decisions down. They always supported me, even if they thought I was making the wrong decision. They knew it was better for me to learn from my mistakes rather than being told “no, no, no”.</p>

<p>Their influence on my education was immense in that they always taught me to question everything. This led me ultimately to the major I am pursuing (humanities). </p>

<p>Sorry if you didn’t want a student perspective.</p>

3

<p>student inputs are totally fine!</p>

4

<p>Parent of two, one rising junior in a top LAC, one rising HS senior planning on pursuing a BFA at a top art school. Divorced since they were 7/4, they spent 5 years in the middle of childhood living with the other parent.</p>

<ol>
<li><p>No. For EC things, I have asked them what they wanted to pursue, and done what I could to give them opportunities to pursue it for as long as they wanted to. When they were no longer interested in an activity, I let them drop it. </p></li>
<li><p>Their whole lives, my children heard talk about what college was like for their father and I, and what it would be like for them. We talked about it as the inevitable future. For example, I might say “Some day, when you’re in college, you’ll be glad you learned to sort laundry,” when they were 7-8 years old and learning to sort colored/white clothes for me. I would tell them the story of their dad dyeing all his whites pink because he had never done his own laundry before he went to college. :slight_smile: When my son was in 8th grade, he told me wanted to move to (live with me in)California, go to high school there, and go to Stanford. He didn’t end up at Stanford, but he began being focused on the path to college then. My daughter first got excited about it in 8th grade too, because her brother was doing applications and summer pre-college programs. So, we talked about college at a very young age.</p></li>
<li><p>I think of it as my role to <em>listen</em> to my children, pay attention to what they’re passionate about, and help them explore those passions. Sometimes that means buying art supplies, sometimes finding scholarships for private art schools, making sure there’s time to watch anime, finding cool articles about neo-Freudians, but mostly it involves being interested and engaged in what they do. Paying attention. I’m <em>really</em> into paying attention, which is, as far as I’m concerned, NOT the same as being a helicopter parent. </p></li>
<li><p>I talked to them constantly, their father talked to them constantly, we engaged them in our world, and got involved in theirs as much as we could. I debated the theological implications of the Hebrew Bible with my son when he was 5, I took my daughter to the Met when she was 4. We took them to the library, we spent what little spending money we had on books for them. Oh, and they played indoor coed soccer for a couple of years.</p></li>
<li><p>No. In fact, I took my cues from them and helped them pursue what they were passionate about. When my son was 15, that was Latin – I moderated an email Latin course for him. For my daughter, I found her scholarships and funding to take community college Japanese and Life Drawing classes. I helped my son find a volunteer activity that fit his career goals, when his school was trying to force him just to “do something to go on your applications.” When he was a sophomore, we fundraised to send my son to Stanford for the summer, which <em>really</em> fired up his Freud passion. :slight_smile: </p></li>
<li><p>My children have lived in 4 states and have traveled across the country a fair amount, for custody reasons. They have never left the country, but I’ve tried to expose them to what I could. At this point, they are savvy solo travelers who can hit the ground running in a new city, use public transit and maps, etc. They’re stunning in airports. :slight_smile: They’ve also had the benefit in living in different parts of the country during “field trip season”, so they didn’t always go to the same places on school trips. </p></li>
<li><p>I have an agreement with my children, that we will work together as partners to get them a great match and a great financial aid package, so that they are “well launched” in a school and city they choose for themselves. Their role is to treat school as their full time job, and devote as much time as necessary to stay on the path they’ve chosen. I expect them to never “phone it in”, to treat their education as the first priority in their lives, and to be thoughtful and respectful of the work that I and other people put into helping them. (Sleeping in class is a serious offense in my home, because it’s disrespectful to the teacher.) For my part, I am their on call college counselor and research assistant, ready to help them gather information and strategize about college. Wanna know which art schools are FAFSA only and which take the Profile? Need to find out which schools waive non-custodial parent statements? That’s the sort of work I do in our project. </p></li>
</ol>

<p>I am also in charge of periodic “refocusing”, which is when I stand around and wave my arms and make irritated disappointed noises when stuff has gone off track. I am the observer of how well they’re succeeding at the skill we call “work/life balance”, which means successfully juggling school obligations, social involvements, and passions. When work/life balance starts going badly, I point it out, and when necessary, deploy the awesome and terrible power of grounding to ensure the imbalance isn’t damaging. The goal we’re all working towards is that they become more and more able to notice and correct that imbalance themselves without my input – like learning to ride a bike. </p>

<p>A while back someone mentioned that some schools are looking not for “well-rounded”, but more like polyhedrons, engaged in passions but not obsessed with being good at everything. I think that’s what I’ve done. In retrospect, I wish I had been a better and less erratic parent when they were very little, but I was very young myself. (At my son’s age, I had been married for two years!) Of the four parenting styles [Parenting</a> styles - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia](<a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parenting_styles]Parenting”>Parenting styles - Wikipedia) I aim for Authoritative, but sometimes have lapses into Permissive/Indulgent, largely because I feel guilty that my children experienced emotional neglect and abuse during part of the time I didn’t have custody of them. I think I probably <em>sound</em> like a big softy, but my children would tell you I am nothing of the sort in person, because of the level of personal integrity and commitment I expect of them. </p>

<p>Gosh, that was a lot to write!</p>

5

<p>Err, short answer: No, I have never <em>made</em> them do something early that impacted them for college. I have, however, encouraged and enabled them in doing things early that impacted them. I’ve also made <em>other</em> people do things on their behalf that impacted the future: demanded that elementary, middle, and high schools also encourage and enable them in their passions and skills.</p>

6

<p>

</p>

<p>This rephrasing does not change my answer from the previous one.</p>

7

<p>Interesting survey and more interesting to me that a high school senior would take the time. What is your intended major at college?</p>

<p>I think my husband and I have always exerted an infuence over our S’s activities, sometimes subtle many times not so subtle. The day that I told my husband that I was pregnant he went into his secret closet and handed me beautiful picture books that he had bought in anticipation. Reading, obviously was important to him.</p>

<ol>
<li> We made S do a number of activities when he was much younger. At that point we were not considering college admissions, just trying to give the kid some worthwhile experience. Some were probably not good ideas: H had always regretted not knowing how to ride a horse, so S took riding lessons for several years, reluctantly. We did allow him to quit before he entered middle school. Other activities we made him finish a season if he started.<br></li>
<li> Since H and I were both college teachers, we have always talked to S with the assumption that he would attend college, especially as he is a strong student. He chose his high school. Although we never discussed it with him, he chose the IB magnet that we preferred. When we toured his assigned neighborhood school which has a stronger rep., he decided after 5 minutes that we were wasting time.</li>
<li> I pretty much controlled his activities at a young age. I have tried to allow him more freedom as he has gotten older but I admit I still probably encourage some activities over others. One activity that I tried to encourage (academic games) he rejected and then came back the next year on his own and signed up (his team won first place).</li>
<li>Absolutely!</li>
<li> We probably started the college search process too soon for him, taking him to an LAC after his freshman year. Last summer we visited 5 more. Now that his friends are talking about college visits, he is more interested. We arranged for an SAT prep tutor this summer due to a big disparity between gpa and scores and the situation that he was unable to get a summer job due to a school travel exchange and some other family issues. We will again be doing some college visits in the next week.</li>
<li> We have traveled a fair amount with our S but not especially as a learning experience. He has been fortunate to take some fantastic trips with a friend whose father works in other countries (Poland, Austria, Brazil). This summer he went to Germany with his German teacher. This was possibly a life changing experience; from originally wanting to switch to a different language, he is now considering either a gap year or even a different career path.</li>
</ol>

<p>My role as a parent is to facilitate my S becoming a happy productive citizen. I have been fortunate that I have had the time and financial resources to support him in many ways. I have a few regrets (I could have done a better job with teaching him to do housework!) but overall, he is an outstanding kid and I am very proud of him. He is much more conscientious than I ever was and should do fine at whatever college he chooses.</p>

8

<ol>
<li><p>We exposed our kids to a fairly wide variety of activities at an early age. Some because I believe it’s part of being an educated person (reading music), some for safety (swimming), some because they showed an interest (chess, horseback riding), some for health (recreational sports). Both my kids dropped most of these activities at various points, but picked up other interests on their own.</p></li>
<li><p>We talked about high school and college as times when they would have more choices. It was always an assumption they would go to college. Dh works in academia so they are somewhat more exposed than average.</p></li>
<li><p>We followed our kids’ interests. Oldest had electronics kits, use of the computer, programming classes, we asked his uncle to let him shadow him at his work in a computer company early on in high school. (They were so impressed they hired him the next summer.) I taught younger son to make origami earrings and he’s been turning it into a small business.</p></li>
<li><p>Yes. See above. Older son also went to CTY camp. They did after school classes the PTA ran. Nothing too onerous though.</p></li>
<li><p>By 15 my kids were pretty stubborn. I made my older son do SAT prep because I didn’t feel I could score the essays. It turned out prep company was even worse and his writing score remained exactly the same. I dragged both kids to look at some colleges during their breaks junior year, but it’s up to them to figure out which colleges should be on the list and which one to choose.</p></li>
<li><p>I love to travel, but our budget is limited. Some of the travel was because my parents arranged it (Virgin Islands, and a trip to France), some we tacked on the business trips that coincided with vacation (Scotland and Germany and a trip to Japan), some were related to family events (wedding in CA). I think those trips were educational, but we didn’t do them for the education.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>I think there are many successful parenting styles and some styles work better with some kids than others. I sometimes think I should have made more efforts to keep my oldest from being quite such a computer nerd, but I’m not sure I would have been successful. Younger son with same parenting (or at least similar) is a very different kid, and not just because he has no interest in computer programming. I feel my role is to nurture their gifts and try to help them be responsible ethical adults.</p>

9

<p>The only thing my husband and I did early in our children’s life that might have had an impact on college admissions later was to make sure to convey the attitude that in our family, school is taken seriously. </p>

<p>We didn’t take our kids out of school to go to Disney World or on any other family vacation. We insisted that homework must be completed and that they should seek help from the teacher or a parent if they were struggling with a subject. We didn’t let them pretend to be sick if they wanted to miss school for some other reason. We made every effort to schedule medical and dental appointments for outside of school hours. We went out of our way to avoid letting them make commitments for the afternoon and evening of the same weekday because this would not allow time for homework to be done properly on that day (although exceptions were necessary in some cases). And (although I realize that this is controversial), when a grandparent’s funeral was scheduled on a day when our fifth grader had to take a standardized test for which there is no make-up, I had the child skip the funeral because not taking the test could have excluded her from honors-level middle-school classes the following year.</p>

<p>I encouraged participation in at least a few extracurricular activities at an early age, but only to help them identify and develop some interests outside of school and to provide them with opportunities to make friends. The idea of extracurricular activities being important for college admissions didn’t even get discussed until about eighth grade.</p>

<p>As for your specific questions:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>No, we didn’t force our kids to do activities up to any particular age. Both participated in sports and music, but one dropped both of these activities early, while the other continued music into college and sports (at a casual level) into high school.</p></li>
<li><p>Of course, we talked about high school and college – but only in the way that we talked about other aspects of what they might be doing in future years.</p></li>
<li><p>I think parents should try to identify activities that their children might like and encourage them to try at least some of the activities, but I don’t think parents should force kids to stay with activities they do not like (except, perhaps, to fulfill a commitment to complete an athletic season, or something like that).</p></li>
<li><p>I didn’t make any particular effort to stimulate them, but we did read together a lot.</p></li>
<li><p>When my kids reached about 8th grade, the situation changed. At this point, college played a role in many conversations and decisions – including high school course selections and decisions about extracurricular activities. For one of my children, who was interested in applying for a selective academic magnet program for high school, the discussions were very extensive and serious because she had a difficult decision to make after she was accepted into the program – and it was definitely her decision, not my husband’s and mine. (She chose to attend the special program over her father’s objections.) </p></li>
<li><p>We traveled only to a limited extent, and I doubt that any of it was educational, except for familiarizing the kids with some aspects of travel – such as what it’s like to stay in a hotel room.</p></li>
</ol>

10

<p>Not about an activity, but when my daughter was a hs senior at an arts boarding school, she was overwhelmed with the application/audition process and her academic load. Part of the deal of us letting her attend the arts academy was that she stick to top academic classes/load. Well, she wanted to drop calculus because “she was going to flunk”. (this meant she might get a B) We didn’t let her, she was mad, but she got an A and a 5 in the AP exam and thanked us when she got to college and didn’t have to take it and everyone else was struggling with it! (every now and then I get to say “I told you so.”)</p>

11

<p>We have 3 boys ages 26, 23, 21. All attended schools that they are/were quite happy with.</p>

<ol>
<li><p>We never made them do an specific activity but we did tell them they had to be involved with something. Options were music, sports, scouts, etc. We made them attend religious education through middle school but we did not require them to be confirmed. None chose to do so. Once they started something, we made them stick with if for a specific amount of time, but let them drop it when it appeared they didn’t like it. </p></li>
<li><p>We always talked about education, but then both of us are IN education. It was a given that they would do further education after high school. We were both open to other kinds of training other than college, but the boys were always interested in attending college. </p></li>
<li><p>I think most kids are naturally interested in trying different things, sometimes based on what their friends are doing or sometimes just because they are. It is our role to help support them in those interests and provide opportunities for them to develop those interests. We never made any of the boys stick with an activity they clearly were not interested in.</p></li>
<li><p>Yes. They were read to, sung to, played with, traveled with exposed to many different things from the time they were born. We did not do this so that they could get into college. We did this because we wanted them to grow up to be intelligent, informed and thoughtful human beings who knew how to delight in the world around them.</p></li>
<li><p>We insisted that they take foreign language but they seemed interested in pursuing that anyway. None of them took prep courses as we felt they would do just find without them. They were all interested in learning and often had more classes they wanted to take than they had room in their schedules. </p></li>
<li><p>We have traveled extensively with our kids throughout the US. We did it because we love doing it. The kids were exposed to all kinds of things that they wouldn’t have otherwise. They have a good sense about how big and diverse the country is. We thought of it as just another part of their education. We also took them to museums and concerts and plays and art shows. We spent many vacations camping and visiting state and national parks. Again, the purpose of all these activities was to help them become informed and thoughtful human beings. And we always enjoyed those times together. They brought us together as a family. </p></li>
</ol>

<p>My goal as a parent is to have my kids be able to do the following: I want them to be thoughtful and caring human beings. I want them to make thoughtful decisions and take responsibility for their actions. I want them to be able to advocate for themselves. I want them to be able to form long term, meaningful relationships with others. I want them to contribute positively to the communities in which they live and work. I want them to be responsible for supporting themselves. I want them to have the skills to live physically and mentally healthy lives. I want them to be able to use their gifts and talents in positive and healthy ways. I want them to be able to set and work towards meaningful goals. So my role as a parent is to help them learn the skills they need to do the above. If college fits into that, great, but I would have been fine if one had chosen a different path. </p>

<p>I am quite proud of my sons right now. They are still struggling with things. They still have work to do, but I feel that we have given them the skills they need to be successful.</p>

12

<p>Same answer as last time. Of course I did.</p>

<p>Specifically, with regard to college expectations:</p>

<p>In high school, four years of math, four years of language, bio/chem/physics–all that was non-negotiable. </p>

<p>PSAT tenth grade, SAT prep course</p>

<p>ASSUMED they were going to a good four year school (by which I mean USNWR top 100) from the age of 4.</p>

<p>Did the “SAT word of the day” starting at about age 10.</p>

<p>I’m sure there was more. That’s just the easy stuff. (Travel? All the time. My D was reading Paris Metro maps at age 4.)</p>

13

<p>Marian: Heh, my kids known that it takes an act of God to get out of school. Before they lived with me, my ex kept them home to do <em>chores</em> or if they overslept. (This is as elementary/middle schoolers). They missed 30+ days in one semester. I finally gave my son cab money so he could get to school when his father wouldn’t take him. At my house, they miss 1-2 days a year for illness, tops. I am still sort of shocked by families we know that take their kids out for Disneyland trips and just create their own long weekends. Ridiculous!</p>

14

<p>Interesting topic! Here are my answers (in bold):</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Did you make your child do an activity up to a certain time/age, then let them decide if they wanted to quit on their own. There have been many activities I’ve forced my kids to do once, just to see if they would like it. My rationale is that a lot of kids reflexively say they won’t like something new, but when they try it, they love it. However, once they try it and decide they don’t like it, I don’t continue to force them.</p></li>
<li><p>Did you ever talk to your child about highschool/college, even if you thought they were too young to learn about it? Yes. When my kids were very young, I made a point of mentioning college, just to make sure they got used to the idea of going one day. I wouldn’t “talk to” them so much as just mention things about it.</p></li>
<li><p>Do you think it’s the parents role to help their child find activities which interest them, and follow through and stick with those, so they may later excel in them? Help them find activities which interest them? Yes. Make them follow through and stick with them? No. I believe that trying something can be forced, but sticking with it must be voluntary, or else it will just breed resentment.</p></li>
<li><p>Did you physically and mentally stimulate your children from a young age? Yes. I have talked with, played with, and taught my kids from birth. Compared with kids whose parents don’t interact with them much, I think my kids are happier and smarter.</p></li>
<li><p>When your child was of a certain age (15), did you make them to anything relating to school? Take part in an activity, SAT prep, college research, etc. If there is something I think they’re missing without realizing it, I bring it to their attention and encourage them to do it. But I don’t “make” them do it. If they say no and have a reason, then I let it go.</p></li>
<li><p>Did you ever travel with your kids? Was it for a stimulation purpose, or was stimulation accomplished? Was it to learn about anything? Do you think it was beneficial? Yes, we travel with them. Mostly it’s to visit family, but we try to make a one- or two-day vacation out of it whenever possible, stopping into a water park or museum or zoo on the way. These things are often stimulating, but I think of it more as a chance to have fun. To me, if it’s not fun, then it’s not stimulating. In fact, I’m not sure there’s a difference between the two.</p></li>
</ol>

15

<p>

</p>

<p>I’m the opposite. My daughter (age 9) misses three or four days a year because she just doesn’t feel like getting out of bed. But when she’s there, she’s engaged, so I don’t worry about it becoming a trend.</p>

<p>I was the same way with my son (age 17) when he was younger. But now he won’t miss a day of school even if he has the plague, so apparently there was no lasting damage.</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>Oh my God. That is disgusting and a whole different matter.</p>

16

<p>I’m a student but:</p>

<p>1. Did you make your child do an activity up to a certain time/age, then let them decide if they wanted to quit on their own.
My parents never made me do anything. I wish they would have, actually. I was too lazy as a child.</p>

<p>2. Did you ever talk to your child about highschool/college, even if you thought they were too young to learn about it?
My parents never talked to me about school.</p>

<p>3. Do you think it’s the parents role to help their child find activities which interest them, and follow through and stick with those, so they may later excel in them?
I think parents should encourage children to do things, perhaps even make them. Theres no harm in making a child play soccer/baseball/the flute one or two times to see if they enjoy it. I think it only becomes wrong if the child expresses that they don’t enjoy doing the activity but are still forced to.</p>

<p>4. Did you physically and mentally stimulate your children from a young age?
I was certainly not physically stimulated. By the time I was a teen I had to lose 65 pounds and completely re-educate myself on nutrition. I don’t know about mental stimulation. My parents seldom read to me, so I never developed an interest for it. I’m sure they did some things with me, I just don’t remember any. My grandpa did teach me multiplication early and I was the best in class with that. (: My dad also helped m with counting.</p>

<p>5. When your child was of a certain age (15), did you make them to anything relating to school? Take part in an activity, SAT prep, college research, etc.
Nope. And I’m glad. By this age I felt I was old enough to deal with this stuff myself.</p>

<p>6. Did you ever travel with your kids? Was it for a stimulation purpose, or was stimulation accomplished? Was it to learn about anything? Do you think it was beneficial?
We never really had the money to travel. Our biggest trip was to Disney but I was too young to remember. We also went to an amusement park once a year. But thats it, really.</p>

<p>And then ultimatley, what role do you think the parents plays in the life of a child up until the college process? Are you happy with the role you played? What do you think is the “good” parenting style?
I wish my parents were more involved when I was younger. I would get straight As with little assistance from them and always tried my best but they never seem super excited. They were happy, but thats about it. They also stopped going to parent/teacher conferences very early on, and again I always wanted them to hear about how I was doing in class. I wish they could have helped me with some confusing parts of the college process (like FAFSA) but I’m glad they stayed out of it, really.</p>

<p>If I ever have kids I plan on being very involved when they are young, but as they grow older (around junior in HS) I will give help when asked and just check to make sure they are “doing the right thing” ie not skipping class, smoking, drinking, etc.</p>

17

<p>I want to elaborate on my response. We NEVER even encouraged our kids to pursue activities with the idea they would help in college admissions. If we wanted them to do something (like our insistence that they participate in ONE school sport of their choice per YEAR) it was because we felt it was a good thing for them to do as a person…not to pad a college application resume.</p>

18

<ol>
<li><p>Did you make your child do an activity up to a certain time/age, then let them decide if they wanted to quit on their own. - We never forced them to start any activity. I wanted them to each take up an instrument, but they were both eager to do so. If they had an interest we encouraged them to pursue it. The only rule was you can’t quit in the middle (mid-season, etc). You can quit at the end of the year or between seasons, etc. They decided what they wanted to do, and when they wanted to stop doing it. </p></li>
<li><p>Did you ever talk to your child about highschool/college, even if you thought they were too young to learn about it? We discussed it occasionally in a general way. We made sure they understood that we expected them to graduate from college, but that was about it.</p></li>
<li><p>Do you think it’s the parents role to help their child find activities which interest them, and follow through and stick with those, so they may later excel in them? For the most part parents should let their children take the lead. I don’t object to parents requiring their child to at least TRY a little of everything - at least one sport, play an instrument, volunteer, etc, but deciding how much energy to put into an activity and whether to stick with it has to be up to the kid. </p></li>
</ol>

<p>I think a lot of parents have lost the concept of “balance.” So many kids take up one thing - a particular sport or instrument - then do that thing practically full-time. Parents encourage this, thinking their kid is going to get a scholarship out of it or something similar. As a result, the kids miss out on so many other things. It’s unfortunate, but a kid who doesn’t continue to play their sport in the off-season has a much harder time making our hs varsity teams. I know a lot of kids who loved a sport, but quit when they got to hs because they were burned out (hockey in particular). Sadly, kids who don’t play a sport year-round are perceived by coaches and other parents as less-than dedicated. I think it’s a shame. My daughter spent 3 years playing hs volleyball AND dancing year-round on a competition team. We told her, “You can be a good volleyball player and a good dancer, OR you can be a great volleyball player OR you can be a great dancer. But you can’t be great at both, because they each would take up too much time.” She decided she wanted to be good at both, and we supported that decision. This summer she decided to quit dance (after 13 years!) and focus on volleyball for her senior year. We support that decision as well. </p>

<ol>
<li><p>Did you physically and mentally stimulate your children from a young age? Not sure what this means. We read to our kids. We played in the yard with them. (No Baby Mozart tapes!)</p></li>
<li><p>When your child was of a certain age (15), did you make them to anything relating to school? Take part in an activity, SAT prep, college research, etc. I made my second child take an SAT prep class. Other than that, no. </p></li>
<li><p>Did you ever travel with your kids? Was it for a stimulation purpose, or was stimulation accomplished? Was it to learn about anything? Do you think it was beneficial? We travelled, but mostly it was to spend time with family because we live far from our relatives. I think it was very beneficial. My kids know a lot about two different areas of the country besides the one they live it. </p></li>
</ol>

<p>And then ultimatley, what role do you think the parents plays in the life of a child up until the college process? Are you happy with the role you played? What do you think is the “good” parenting style? I think the “good” parenting style is to support your kids in pursuing their interests (assuming they have interests beyond video games and sleeping). I think it’s a good idea to encourage your child to at least TRY a variety of things, and to tell them they can’t quit half-way through something without a very compelling reason. But ultimately it’s up to the kid to determine what activities they enjoy and want to pursue. Doing something just because you think college admissions officers will like it is a mistake. It’s a waste of a child’s precious childhood or teen years, and admissions people can usually see through it anyway.</p>

19

<ol>
<li><p>No, I let my kids pick the sports/activities they are interested in and let them decide how committed they want to be. My oldest ds(college soph. this year) had a lot of natural athletic ability, but he liked to do lots of different things. I could’ve pushed him and he likely would be a college tennis player, but that was not what he wanted and I’m not wired that way. </p></li>
<li><p>Yes, we’ve always talked about college. </p></li>
<li><p>I think parents should help their children to find activities they’ll enjoy. For me, I don’t care if they excel. To truly excel at say, tennis, you have to live your life around it from a pretty young age. You need to play year round, and you need to spend thousands of dollars on it. To what end? </p></li>
<li><p>Yes, we have book shelves in every room of our house and they cover literally every flat surface. I spend a lot on books. I read to them from the time they were babies and they are all readers. Physically, my first did a lot of organized sports and frankly the whole thing made me a little bananas. We now do a lot of hiking, biking, and swimming–which doesn’t involve crazy parents screaming at anybody.</p></li>
<li><p>I let my ds opt out of senior ap English because he’d heard it was unpleasant and didn’t like the teacher. I felt like it was an appropriate time to start stepping back and let him make some of his own academic decisions. This year I’ll talk with my 8th grader about the requirements for different diplomas and we’ll decide together what will work best for him. </p></li>
<li><p>We travel generally to visit people and we stop at interesting places along the way. We stopped at the Frank Lloyed Wright house–Falling Water in PA-- on the way to visit my brother. I think travel is wonderfully beneficial for kids, and I don’t think you have to structure it to specifically be educational. </p></li>
</ol>

<p>To be honest, I know my eldest could’ve achieved more if I’d been willing to push harder, but that’s not me, and it’s not him either. He got a very nice scholarship to a good school and he’s in the honor’s program and he’s happy–so I’m happy. </p>

<p>By contrast my nieces and nephews are pushed to excel at everything, and they do, but the way that family lives holds little appeal for me. It’s not bad, but I don’t enjoy life at that pace and neither do my kids. I mean, if one of my kids wanted to be an Eagle Scout I’d do what I could to facilitate him achieving that goal. But, if I want him to be an Eagle Scout and I have to push him through the whole thing with my foot in his back, well, where’s the value in that? </p>

<p>I think parenting is a very individualistic thing, which is good because it takes all sorts of people to make the world function. My friend would never in a million years let her kids pursue a creative or liberal arts degree. Med school. Law. Business, if you must, but certainly no art. Well, that’s fine for her kids, but what would the world be like if everybody followed that path? Somebody has to create! So I don’t think there’s one parenting style that universally works, it depends on the parents and on the kids. My brother-in-law would go crazy if he had to live with my laid back approach. He could no more do that, than I could schlep my kids to swim practice year round at 5 a.m. </p>

<p>I saw this poster once that said,</p>

<p>“Winners never quit. Quitters never win, but if you never win, and you never quit, then you’re an idiot.” </p>

<p>I feel my role regarding college is to make sure they have what they need to get there.</p>

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<ol>
<li>Did you make your child do an activity up to a certain time/age, then let them decide if they wanted to quit on their own.</li>
</ol>

<p>Yeah. My parents made me play soccer as a kid…I hated it! Haha. Eventually I decided I wanted to play basketball instead, and they let me quit and do basketball. I think for my parents it was important that I did SOMETHING, even at a young age, but what that something was was up to me.</p>

<ol>
<li>Did you ever talk to your child about highschool/college, even if you thought they were too young to learn about it?</li>
</ol>

<p>Nope. My parents consistently nagged me about hw but not for the purpose of college, etc. I was far more interested in my college education than them :P</p>

<ol>
<li>Do you think it’s the parents role to help their child find activities which interest them, and follow through and stick with those, so they may later excel in them?</li>
</ol>

<p>Well, my parents took on that role. I know that when/if I am a parent, I would help my child in any way I could to find out their passions and help them excel in them. My parents usually supported me financially in activities that I had a proven long-term interest in (as well as shuttled me back and forth to activities), but were realistically skeptical of passing phases! </p>

<ol>
<li>Did you physically and mentally stimulate your children from a young age?</li>
</ol>

<p>My parents did. They read to me all of the time and had me playing sports, too.</p>

<ol>
<li>When your child was of a certain age (15), did you make them to anything relating to school? Take part in an activity, SAT prep, college research, etc.</li>
</ol>

<p>I was pretty proactive when it came to these things, so my parents never had to force me into them.</p>

<ol>
<li>Did you ever travel with your kids? Was it for a stimulation purpose, or was stimulation accomplished? Was it to learn about anything? Do you think it was beneficial?</li>
</ol>

<p>We went on vacation and that’s about it. I don’t think it hurt me in any way, except that I have a lot of catching up to do and an itch to travel and explore :)</p>