<p>I recently took the practice SAT online at CollegeBoard, and the computer software scored my writing section as 730 and said that I got a 12 on the essay. As it's a computer software, I don't think it's quite accurate, so if anyone would be willing to score my essay, it would be greatly appreciated! However, I know next to nothing about writing SAT essays. I'm not quite sure if I should format it a certain way, or if I should find more effective examples.</p>
<p>Also, I would like to know if it seems like I am veering off topic too much. Any other tips are appreciated!</p>
<p>Prompt: Should people make more of an effort to keep things private?</p>
<p>Self-expression of individual thought and emotion emerged with the rise of the Romantic era (late 1700s), though later movements, such as Realism and Neoclassism, opposed this and instead encouraged a realistic outlook as opposed to idealism, along with more privacy regarding the faculties of mind. However, keeping certain things private does not always result in good things, and it is far more healthy for an individual to allow oneself to be "confessional and self-expressive," as stated by J. David Velleman. Even despite the encouragement people receive from society to express emotion, most still choose to keep their innermost thoughts private. The great deal of expression of emotion is not the issue, but rather, it is the lack of it that is most damaging to people.
Classic examples in which too much privacy resulted in negative consequences include the works of Thomas Hardy. In "Tess of the d'Urbevilles," the main heroine is raped and has a child with a man that she does not marry, which, during that time period, is a taboo. After this particular incident, Tess falls in love and marries another man, but chooses to withhold that she was raped prior to their marriage. This results in her husband leaving her, Tess falling into a state of mental depression, and their estrangement. Eventually, her husband forgives her, but it is too late as Tess is executed for the murder of her rapist and dies. Arguably, if Tess had chosen to reveal of her rape early on, she may not have died. Moreover, if society had not been oppressive and discouraging of women and their expression of emotion, then Tess would not have undergone mental trauma depicted throughout the book. Tess's repression of thought and emotion was key throughout the novel.
The bread and circuses method of quieting the turmoil during the Pax Romana also points to the fact that perhaps lack of privacy is not the issue. During the Pax Romana, the era was marked with festivities and the famous gladiator games. The Roman Empire was in what was considered its "golden age," with advancements in math, science, and the arts. However, underlying this time period was political turmoil and social unrest. The bread and circuses program was created to silence the unhappy masses by bribing people with food and entertainment if they kept quiet about the unreasonable taxes and government corruption. Many people starved or remained in poverty during this time period due to the fact that they were not permitted the expression of thought. Nowadays, this suppression of masses around the world remains. In Russia, the government is proposing an anti-gay bill which will ban demonstrations led by LGBT organizations (akin to the "don't ask, don't tell" bill that had been repealed). Other types of demonstrations that are suppressed by oppressive government include rallies against dictatorships, such as that in Syria, Iran, and other totalitarian countries.
However, when people are granted the right to expression, it proves very effective. For example, when African Americans began the Civil Rights Movement, the United States became more open and promoted equality far more often. The same holds true for the Women's Rights Movements that have occurred around the world. When individuals express their otherwise private emotions, wants, and needs, it can rally a change and improve society.
On another topic, studies have shown that mental depression, which is predicted will be the second leading cause of death in the US by 2050, is linked to lack of self-expression. People who are mentally debilitated due to depression are usually victims of inability to express their inner anger, sadness, and feeling. This can be used as proof that society is conversely both encouraging and discouraging of self-expression. The people diagnosed with mental depression could be reduced in the future if more expression of thought and emotion were encouraged.
Conclusively it is not that society discourages privacy that is the issue - it is that society simultaneously condones to expression of emotion and oppression of thought. Though the Romantic era did and still does have considerable effect on society today, the concept of individual thought and emotion is remarkably warped among the mass. Individuals may only express their thought a certain way, or their emotions a certain way, and everything else must be kept hidden. However, individuals should be granted the right to express their emotions in any way they please so long as it is not harmful to themselves or others. Lack of privacy is not the issue here, and people need not make more of an effort to conceal their thoughts any further. Rather, it is important for people today to express their wants, their needs, and what is important to them in order to keep progressing as a culture.</p>