Does anyone have any tips to give to college freshmen coming home for Thanksgiving?
Don’t pack too much – it is a quick trip. Schedule time with family and just sit and talk with each person. I know we miss having my DS at home everyday. If you are going to spend time with friends, say so and at the same time say when you will have family time.
My advice is for the OP - it’s a weird feeling to come home from college the first few times. Your freshman may be grumpy, sleep all the time, and out with friends a lot. It’s OK! Our sophomore daughter just got home last night. DH and I have committed to spoiling her so that she will WANT to come home in the future! They DO have options as they get older, and you want to be at the top of their list. 
Eat and sleep ad lib. Visit with family and friends. Do your share of tasks- help with meals, cleanup… Be a thoughtful guest this trip.
Parents- this is a short break that helps your adult child get much needed R&R. It is not the time for them to fit back into household roles. They are used to different hours and much more freedom. When they come home between semesters you can expect them to renew family chores and some rules that make life easier for all. This short several days (not all schools give a whole week) is guest status. The old family rules have forever changed.
They don’t have to do chores but they do have to let you know if they stay out past whatever time you set.
Mine did have to fit back into household “roles,” but with awareness from us for this new chapter in their lives, how they’ve grown. So, by roles, I mean the mutual respect and affection, some time together, cooperation, good will.
I never liked the word, “chores.” But they were still expected to help either prep dinners or some aspect of clean up after. And that little LF family tradition called the Saturday 15 minute task. The rest was up to them. Easy. It worked.
Our guidance counselor told kids that when they went home from college, home would never be the same. While this made me feel incredibly sad at the time, it becomes okay. Some kids have more trouble with the transition and change than others.
Chores is a word connoting the no fun et al things needing to be done- of course it has negative connotations. People use euphemisms all of the time to describe the exact same thing. It is what it is regardless of whether you avoid the word. The work you describe is chores, even if you try to avoid the term.
Mine has realized that things are different. Most of his hs friends were tied to his ex gf. He realized he doesn’t have a lot in common with the other friends. It just doesn’t feel much like home to him. He wanted us to go a good bit so we did. The biggest problem is that he got sick. He thought it was strep but turns out to be mono. Now he just needs to stay well enough to get through the next three weeks then rest up before going back to school.
Lol am I the only one that came home and things are exactly the same? (Except for my mom getting a cat to replace me)
Just wrapping up our first home visit for a freshmen and it is going quite well. He has spent a lot of time with us during the day and visits with his old friends at night (even slept over one night). Thanksgiving day we had him for the whole day. Got to play golf with him the next day and watch college football on Saturday. But…when he was ready to go out, he was ready. We expected that so no one had hurt feelings or felt neglected. Also, we know he’ll be home for a much longer stay during winter break (4 weeks), so that will be interesting regarding the roles and THE RULES.
I don’t think it’s the kids who have problems with change. I think it’s the parents. Be patient with your parent’s desire to continue to treat you like a kid…it’s a rough patch for them. They’ll get it figured out, but it takes time.
Parents. Your kids aren’t kids anymore. Time to start working on an adult-adult relationship. If you don’t, your kids won’t come home anymore and it’ll strain your relationship. Take the leash off, they’ve outgrown it.
The kids are not completely independent adults either. They are in transition. Yes, they are used to the freedoms of college life but they also lack experience with many of the responsibilities of adulthood. Most are still financially dependent on parents for money, tuition, a place to live (or rent paying, health insurance and other ties that parents have control over.
Parents need to figure out a different role. Still have a lot of knowledge to share but the kid is rapidly figuring things out without them. Parental values, with rules attached, need to be reexamined. Some issues include church attendance- there is no way to control beliefs but what about needing to attend church, say prayers et al. Curfews should be obsolete- they do not have them in their regular life and know how to take care of themselves. But- they are used to no one caring about them and need to understand the courtesies of letting people (parents) know when to be expected, and to not disturb the family.
Perhaps this visit is a good time to discuss such things. Consider what you expect from other adult visitors, say your own parents or siblings and friends. Guest status for a weekend versus a month or more. Common courtesies they should be aware of when visiting others. By now they will have been exposed to many different ways families do things by talking with other students. They may fear loss of your love if they don’t comply with your demands/wishes. There is also the fear of loss of financial support- being kicked out of the house or no money for college…
Parents need to examine their own lives and why they do things. There are usually good reasons for things and the adult child may never have noticed why and hence may not understand or want to follow routines. My own home was full of iron clad rules that we couldn’t discuss.