So, I have delayed going to study abroad twice now, I’m on my third attempt, and I think I may delay it again. I’m just so lost and I don’t know what choice to make. I have wanted to study abroad for so long, but I seriously screwed up. I didn’t choose the right program, and now i’m stuck with a program that i’m really not excited about. Like I am genuinely not excited.
I know this may sound entitled or brattly, but i really just wanted this experience to be close to perfect and i fear that it’s not going to be that. Mainly, i feel this way because of the structure of the program. It’s very intensive and so much time is eaten up by class. Of course, i know i should expect to STUDY while being abroad, but I still wanted that balance of free time and class time and I don’t think I’m going to get it. Also, I’m going to be stuck with other Americans. I’ll have realy limited ability to interact with locals, which just defeats the purpose. The entire program isn’t even set at a university, it’s at an American institute, which completely minimizes the student experience. I could enroll in one class at a local university, but if i do, i would lose out on a $4000 scholarship. The scholarship is only disbursed if i complete an internship (which i really don’t want to do because of the big time commitment), and i can’t do both the internship and the university course. Lastly, it’s just a very expensive program. I still haven’t heard back from some scholarships, so, it may not be a big issue. But if I don’t hear back from scholarships, I’m going to have to scramble to afford it.
I knew these things, but I ignored them for whatever stupid reason. I seriously messed up. Now, I’m not even sure if I should go. I know I mainly listed the negatives above, but there are some positives. I think that any experience abroad would truly be amazing (there are obviously just some better than others). I may regret it if I turn this down. This location (London) is one that i’ve wanted to go to for so long. I’d feel dumb turning down the chance to live in London for a couple months (and maybe get scholarships to fund it). Also, like I said, I’ve already tried to plan this multiple times. I feel like with my tendency to overthink and never go with the flow, I’ll alway find issues with going and then I’ll just never go.
On the flip side, I could just not go. I could save my money, and plan ahead for a better, more preferable experience in the future. I feel like this would probably be the logical thing to do, I just don’t know if I want to put it off again. But, the point is, I can still delay it (of course this may mean delaying my graduation but i’m on track to graduate early anyways). I’m not sure if I should delay it or if I should just take the chance and go abroad and maybe end up loving it. I would appreciate any advice.
TL;DR: I’ve tried to study abroad in london for three consecutive semesters now. The first two times never worked, and now i’m on my third attempt. I messed up and chose the wrong program because i acted on impulse. The program I’m stuck with isn’t at an actual university (which i want) and has really crappy scheduling and class selection. The location is unbeatable though and if i get scholarships, it may even be affordable. If i don’t, finances will definitely be an issue. I’m not sure if I should delay it for a third time and try again in the future or if I should just go because i’ll probably always find issues no matter what and this isn’t something I should give up.