Should I lie to get what I want?

Applying to College
1

So, to make a long story very short: I chose the wrong study abroad program. I’m pretty regretful of my choice, and I would much rather favor the alternative. The problem is that it’s past the application deadline, making it impossible to switch without coordinator approval.

I’ve already asked my coordinator twice, and she’s said no. I am confused because I know that study abroad programs are usually flexible at the home university level since abroad universities have later deadlines. In this case, my university abroad’s deadline to apply is June 1st. So, I believe there’s time but my coordinator isn’t budging. The first time I asked, I asked generally. The second time I asked, I said I’d like to switch for financial reasons (which is true). She still said no. I don’t know if I actually say a very serious reason, she would finally let me switch.

Of course, I would probably have to lie a little, which I know isn’t a great idea but I’m getting desperate. I want to say that I have medical concerns and that I have family living near my desired program, able to provide me with support. Or I can just say I have family there and I need their support while abroad. I could also play up the financial reason and say my family is going through a really tough financial time with only one working parent (which is true). I could say that the coursework wouldn’t meet all my requirements (which is true). I don’t know, I feel like I need a really good reason and my real reason, which is scheduling conflicts, isn’t that great. I want to switch because my desired program has a really intense, inflexible schedule. I’m not sure if I should just tell her the truth. Please do not judge me, I know it’s not right to lie, but I’m just not sure what to do.

Also, I am not sure how to even ask her again. Should I just swallow my pride and try one final time? I’m pretty embarrassed that I’m bothering her like this but I don’t want to always wonder what would’ve happened if I just asked. I am planning on meeting with her in person, so, should I just straight up ask her or should I just present my issues to her. I was planning on giving her all the reasons I wanted to initially make the switch but not directly asking her again. Should I just ask her again or go with my plan? Any advice is appreciated.

2

If those are true, then use them. IMO.

Do you have to cancel the entire thing if you can’t switch?

What does that mean? Doing the initial program you signed up for will mean you have to stay in school longer or what?

1 Like
3

Yeah, I think I’m just going to go with my true issues which are coursework, cost, and scheduling. I don’t have to cancel it, I can still go, it’s just not my desired program.

I meant that the class schedule is very intense (very long classes that meet frequently). So, I’m just worried I won’t have that balance of free time, especially with homework. I know it’s STUDY abroad, but I’d like to enjoy my experience as well.

4

No, I don’t think you should lie.

As far as free time to enjoy your overseas experience, I’m confident you’ll have enough of that to feel that you will enjoy. Where are you headed?

1 Like
5

No. Do not lie. Someone your age you should be learning to solve problems and communicate without lying. If you start with lie and feeling ok about it at college age what will you be lying about later and dismissing it as ok as it just is to get what you want? You will have fun no matter where you go

6

This is your problem. It’s basically a matter of social engineering. How did you get things you wanted from your parents as a kid? Maybe try something like “Oh please, please, please, please, PLEEEAASE let me switch!!!” She might think worse of you, but then again she might give in just to shut you up.

7

Either go over her head to someone else or don’t go on the trip. Just make sure you get a full refund back. If you go check and make sure you have a current passport. Study abroad programs are usually built in with traveling to some extent.

Try to create a system so your not late for deadlines again like using your phone schedulers with alerts and notifications. Learn from this!!

8

@damon30 lol not sure if you’re being fully serious. but i think i will ask her, you’re right i shouldn’t care if i aggravate her. do you recommend in person or is email okay? i have pretty bad nerves about in person

9

@Knowsstuff i’m not sure if i want to give up not going at all and i’ve already tried to get in contact with the director of study abroad but the office wouldn’t let me and told me i have to go through my coordinator. but good advice, i will learn from this

10

@OHMomof2 hi, post #2 was to answer you!

11

So, in real, real life the actual problem is that you think the schedule looks like too much work / not enough play. All the other stuff is just excuses:

→ your family is having a hard time financially, but it’s not related to -or even really affected by- the study abroad program;
→ it is a scheduling conflict only in the sense that you think it will conflict with your play time

After considering lying, you are now thinking of taking the terrible advice in post #5, which explicitly advises using the whining kid in the shop approach- and who cares what she thinks of you.

No, that’s wrong: you should care if you aggravate her. Not only is it a bad life plan to take a 'who cares how it affects the other person if it gets me what I want" approach, but when that person is still in a role that has some level of impact on your life it’s just plain short-sighted.

You seem to be implying that the coordinator has no good reason for saying no. The other university’s deadline may not have passed, but your university didn’t choose their deadline randomly. You don’t know how many moving parts there are (for example, how long each step of the approval process takes) and you don’t know what the numbers are. You can probably guess why there is an absolute deadline - because otherwise the office would have people coming in at the last minute with changes that take time to process, and may have implications for other people. You are not the only student they have to deal with.

YOU messed up: YOU didn’t do your homework about the program and YOU didn’t pay attention to deadlines, and now you are looking to lie or whine or aggravate somebody else to sort out your mistakes for you like a child. And you don’t even know for a fact that you won’t like the program that you signed up for (and which presumably you were initially excited about).

Time to own up to your own responsibility. If it matters that much to you, go back in. Eat crow (politely! genuinely!). Acknowledge that you are asking her to break policy for you, that you understand that breaking precedent for you is a big deal (are all your friends going to come in and say 'you did it for m73m73, so it’s only fair to do it for me?) and that it will certainly involve extra work for her, and that you appreciate that. Be reasonable, appreciative and like one adult asking a favor from another. And if she says no, be polite, and thank her anyway.