<p>Just wanted to vent... S1 is a junior, taking four APs and also participates in an athletic activity which consumes three hours of time after school every day and also Saturday morning practice. he is physically tired every day and comes home grouchy, eats dinner and sullenly does homework before he goes to bed. he does go to bed at a decent time. however, his grades are suffering and time and again we have quite a few yelling matches going on. well, i think his lone athletic activity is his priority no 1 and he is not even division 3, which does not bode well for college admissions. S1 has a different perspective, he says eventually, in senior year, his athletic genius might kick in and he might be able to make varsity. Meanwhile, his grades are taking a free fall and he thinks that over time he will recover but that does not seem to happen. What do CC parents suggest: if he has bad grades, as of now, he has atleast one F so far since school started (eventhough he says he has plenty of time to recoup), a couple of As and a B. He is very smart academically, just does not seem to have time or the inclination to study but has big dreams for college. Last weekend he spent most of his time surfing the web for stats regarding the athletic activity and seems so very preoccupied with it all the time. DH thinks it is ok since afterall, isn't he supposed to live his dream? Ugh!</p>
<p>I do not find the amount of time your son is spending on his sport to be too much in and of itself. I had a kid who was in three varsity sports in high school and in many other ECs on top of that and so was spending more hours every afternoon, evening and weekend on ECs than your son. However, she maintained straight As. So, all kids are different in their ability to time manage. </p>
<p>Your son sounds like he is having difficulty with time management and his grades may be suffering. </p>
<p>One thing is at least at our school, in order to participate in a sport or EC, you have to have certain grades and so if a kid has an F or a D, for example, I think they have to sit out the sport until they bring their grades up. So, look into the policy at your school. If your school has no such policy, develop your own “policy” with your kid. Tell him the sport is fine if he can handle it and maintain whatever GPA you think is reasonable. If his grades are suffering, he may have to give up the sport. </p>
<p>I think the best solution is to stay in the sport and get help with study habits so that he can do this worthwhile activity and also succeed in school. </p>
<p>Study habits and time management are the issue here more than the sport. </p>
<p>To go to a “good college”…ideally you do well academically in high school, but you are ALSO active in activities outside the classroom. Both are important.</p>
<p>By the way, I don’t know your standards but if he is in four AP classes and has A’s and B’s and one F…the only issue to me is that one F as A’s and B’s are GREAT. It is only a month into the school year and so is the F due to one paper or one test? Look into what can be done in that class to bring up his grade. Otherwise, he sounds like he is doing pretty well.</p>
<p>I agree with soozievt. Check the academic eligibility rules for your school. If he has that F on the interim report, he may find himself ineligible to play.</p>
<p>I think you are confusing the issue a little. It is not unusual for a high school athletic activity to consume 3hrs / day, six days / week. In fact, in our experience (two D’s / two sports each throughout HS), that’s pretty much normal.</p>
<p>I think your real issue is your S’s lack of inclination to do his school work, perhaps combined with a dream to participate at the college level. Maybe it’s time for a reality check. Very few athletes who are not at the varsity level by their junior year in HS will be able to participate interscholastically in college. VERY FEW. (I would say NONE, but then I’m sure someone would be able to cite an exception). </p>
<p>We always had a house rule. If the grades suffer, the sports participation stops. My D’s were very good athletes at the varsity level, and we never had to pull them from a team. They learned to manage their time, and sometimes they were up very late to finish their work. Maybe you need to review your expectations with your S.</p>
<p>I think his athletic participation is worthy for its own sake and from the description, he won’t be playing varsity in college as he is not even on varsity as a junior in high school. That’s OK. It is an interest area and worth doing even though he won’t be on a college team (though maybe can play club sports in college). </p>
<p>The issue is that his grades should not suffer. That is what needs to be addressed. The sport is fine to do even if he never plays in college but he should have to maintain certain grades in order to do it. But you are saying he has A’s and B’s and just one F one month into the school year. So, I would be addressing that one class as the rest sounds OK. Again, most schools wouldn’t let a kid attend the sport activity if they have a progress report with a failing grade.</p>
<p>I agree with the other posters … the time commitment is pretty typical for HS varisty sports … and the the As and Bs in the AP classes are a job well done. I saw two issues … the class with thre F … and your differing opinion from your son of if he is spreading himself too thin (frankly, he may be but he needs to figure out for himself how much is too much for him and now is as good a time as any to figure that out)</p>
<p>It seems to me that if he really wants to do it, then continue to support him in it. Agreed that the bad grade needs some attention, though.</p>
<p>I have to say, my D2 (sophomore) dropped out of her team sport she has played since fifth grade this fall. Her dad and I told her we were fine with her dropping out if she wanted to, but she needed to pick up some other sport or physical activity. She picked fencing lessons, and is really enjoying them twice a week this fall. And I admit, we are all LOVING the freedom from the tyranny of the coach and the sports practice schedule.</p>
<p>Is this a year-round sport or is this a problem during just one season?</p>
<p>Your son might not be aware (as I wasn’t until this year) that, when choosing between two athletes of similar ability, a coach generally prefers the one with higher grades–because that student is more likely to be admitted, and might be able to get academic scholarships, reducing the amount of athletic money the coach has to spend to get the player. As a result, his grades can make the difference between getting the offer, or not. If the son wants to “live his dream,” as your H says, good grades can help him achieve the dream.</p>
<p>When my son was in 8th grade, he wasn’t recommended for the honors courses in 9th grade that we knew he could handle. We found out it was because he had Bs in two classes, and didn’t think his grades mattered. That is when we had The Talk, the basic message of which was: “We know you are capable of earning all As. If participating in sports is getting in the way of your doing so, you will have to cut back on sports until you make all As.” He knows we mean it. </p>
<p>Now my son has two hours of training a day except Sunday (when he sometimes trains on his own), and tournaments some weekends. He ended 8th and 9th grade with all As, and is now in 10th grade, taking 2 APs and the rest honors, with high As. We also made sure that he had a study hall in both 9th and 10th grade so that he has time to work on homework before practice.</p>
<p>Just a question . . . Why assume it’s the sports that need to give, especially if the kid is clearly passionate about one? Why not drop back from some of the APs? If he’s getting an F in one, why not reconsider that class?</p>
<p>As for the hours, I have to agree that they’re pretty typical. Many multiple actvities kids can add on a couple more before the school day too. And biting off more than they can chew and getting grouchy? Got one of those at home, too, so lots of sympathy. I’m just grateful the seasons fo hs sports are shorter and this too will pass in another month. Can S hang on until season’s end and recover on his low grade? Can you handle him for that much longer?</p>
<p>The amount of time your son is spending on athletics is not out of the ordinary. My son was a four year varsity letterman and spent more than that on his sport all four years of school. His was a year round sport so he spent this amount of time and more during the summer. He also took many AP classes (13 total). He worked his tail off, was tired most of the time and had no free time. This path is not for everyone. More often than not, something has to give. If he is passionate about his sport, I would recommend dropping one (or more) of his AP classes. There is more to high school than taking AP classes and getting good grades. Universities value well rounded applicants. Not to mention, high school should also be enjoyed. His sport gives him a high school identity and a place were he feels he belongs. This will only help him stay focused and involved in school. I would have him drop a class or two and see if this helps. Good luck.</p>
<p>well… he cant drop out of the F class because it is a math class and time to add/drop to a different math class is over - math is mandatory.<br>
yes, its a year round sport, with a three week break for winter and a couple of weeks before the spring session.
soozievt, yes, this is just one test and he flunked… but he really did not give this class any consideration or time since the beginning of the school year so I saw this coming and kind of foresee more of these coming. (had the same issue with last year’s math class and ended up with a not so stellar grade, but not so bad). Not because he’s bad at math, quite the opposite, he got quite a few math awards over the years, was on the math team for several years etc.
What say CC parents to a meeting with those so called college admission consultants, maybe S1 will pay more attention to what they have to say rather than listen to a nagging mom. but I also do not feel like shelling out hundreds per hour to talk to them just so S1 will have a revelation…?!?</p>
<p>Not sure what the activity is, but if it isn’t going to get him anywhere (college scholarship, pro sports, etc.), I’d tell him to quit the sport now. A good academic record junior year is so much more important than JV sports. </p>
<p>Spending those 18 hrs a week doing homework or prepping for PSAT/SAT and APs would be an investment that would be much more likely to pay off in the future. Millions of kids have big dreams attached to sports, and most of those dreams are unrealistic. In your son’s case, “athletic genius MIGHT kick in and he MIGHT make varsity his senior year” doesn’t sound so great when he’s competing against 4-year varsity athletes. Much smarter to expect scholarships from good grades and high test scores. </p>
<p>Sad that kids’ dreams have to die, but if it were my kid, I wouldn’t feel too bad about killing off this particular dream that is wasting a lot of time. Move on to something more realistic.</p>
<p>I would tell him that if he wants to play the sport he has to earn it. He has to stop for the rest of the semester, bring his grades back up, and once they’re up, he can think about returning later. </p>
<p>My parents were always really clear with my brother, who loved his sport and me with my theater and other extra-curriculars. Grades come first. Period. If you want to play, you have to prove you can get good grades and do that. If you can’t do that, then you have to choose school</p>
<p>Again, I think playing sports (or other significant ECs) are valuable experiences. But not to the detriment of grades. Can you find out if his HS lets people participate who have an F in class? Here they cannot. But you can pull him from the sport until his grades go back up. Academics and sports are both valuable but academics always come first. </p>
<p>I agree with others that your son is not going to be eligible to play in college or get an athletic scholarship and that should be clear to him if he is unrealistic. Still, I think EC participation is valuable. Schoolwork is the top priority. </p>
<p>Look into how he can pull up his math grade…have a three way meeting with his math teacher. See if he needs a tutor or what other suggestions are made. That is an issue whether or not he does the sport or not. </p>
<p>He should be able to balance sports and academics. But again, if he can’t earn passing grades, then the sport must be put on hold until he can do so. That is how it works officially at our high school. I would think it was the case at your school? If not, make it the case in your family.</p>
<p>Lastly, getting into a selective college is first about meeting the academic qualifications to get in. AFTER you can meet that criteria, things like achievements and activities outside the classroom are also weighed. Good activities and bad grades won’t get you in, unless a recruited athlete (maybe) and your son is NOT going to be recruited if he is at the JV level in his sport as a junior in HS.</p>
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<p>Show your son this thread. You don’t need a college counselor just to advise your son on this issue. But if it helps any, I AM a college counselor and am offering you this advice for free on this message board and so feel free to copy and print it for your son. :D</p>
<p>I will admit that one advantage of a college counselor is that often students will listen to an unbiased third party, who may even have the same “message” that their parents are trying to impart, but the counselor has no “emotional baggage” with the student. Some really like this aspect of working with an independent college counselor.</p>
<p>PS…just a small request…please do not call college counselors/consultants: “so called,” thanks! :)</p>
<p>^I like that, soozievt!</p>
<p>I had one more thought: information is available on the internet and on other CC threads about what it takes to be recruited in various sports for each college division. For statistics-based sports such as track, the information is fairly straightforward. For others, you can find general information such as typical height, weight, ranking, etc. It might help you, your son and your H to have a realistic view of his chances of playing in college.</p>
<p>I will weigh in on the other side. My D was an international athlete for a sport that was not school sponsored and is not recruited at the college level. She spent 6 days a week training for her sport and all her other extra activities involved this sport (teaching, volunteering, etc.) </p>
<p>Because we knew that she was only going to be in high school one time in her life and that she would likely stop this sport once she left high school (and she did), we sat down as a family and looked at what was important to her. She probably would have done terribly in high school if she didn’t have the pleasure and “release” of being involved so heavily in her sport. As parents, we decided that some things were non-negotiable, but other things were. She took some honors/AP courses, but we let others go. She took more unweighted courses than weighted courses, and we knew that she would not be in the top ten of her graduating class. This took the academic pressure off her, and she probably enjoyed her school friends and activities more.</p>
<p>She did not apply to the tippy-top schools, but she did apply to many of the CTCL schools and got great merit based aid. She was happy, we were happy, and things worked out. Life is about so much more than AP grades.</p>
<p>If your S loves his sport, I think it would be terrible to pull him from it. Sports participation is valuable in itself, regardless of whether it leads to post-high school participation. I think 4 APs Junior year is too much and unnecessary, altho I know not every parent feels this way. Every kid needs balance in their lives and especially physical activity. Rather than punishing him for his F by depriving him of the physical activity he loves, perhaps you can set boundaries about weekend social activities and require him to go to the library for a couple of hours on Saturdays and Sundays until is grade improves.</p>