<p>I have been a lurker on this site for a long time and have appreciated all the great advice! I am afraid I now need something more specific. S2 has always been a great student/athlete/you name it, we like to say he has the "Midas Touch". Our other two children are more of what we would call "normal".</p>
<p>S2 is currently a hs senior and is ranked #1 in his class of 450 at a competitive public. He has worked extremely hard for this. This year he has 5 AP's (with physics C being on-line) and 3 college classes (2nd year calc--one per quarter). We have always been concerned with how hard he pushes himself and have continually expressed that he doesn't have to be the best at EVERYTHING!</p>
<p>Now that it is time to finally apply to his dream school--he is blowing it off. This sin't really out of character for him as he has always been a huge procrastinator. He is always grumpy and stressed because he always waits until the last minute. He says he is more efficient when he procrastinates and that this is a form of time management for him( OK but the grumpy stressed out guy is a real bummer to live with). This method is also starting to backfire as he has underestimated the amount of time something will take several times this year (and has had to pull all nighters), yet he still gets those darn A+'s.</p>
<p>But this is much worse--he hasn't asked for his letter's of recommendation (even though he will have no trouble getting great ones) nor has he put any effort into his essays. The application is due next weekend! He does seem to manage to get in some free time with his crazy class schedule and EC's but he uses it to play VIDEO GAMES! When we gently remind him that he might want to use this time to get a nap or get ahead he snips back,"geez, I get all A+'s, what more do you want?" We would like a happy kid who is enjoyable to be around! Trust me that we are not the one's pushing this kid-it is all from within! And the video games do not provide a rest--he is always all fired up when he is playing these as well, especially if he is not winning. We though about taking them away but he is 17 and will need to learn to self monitor.</p>
<p>Why is he doing this? We are literally counting down the days until he leaves for college! He is quite miserable to live with, yet everyone else thinks he is this charming, polite, put together kid. His coaches admire him for being a "competitor" yet always showing good sportsmanship and leadership. Well when he gets home we have to hear about it! His teachers love that he is always so helpful and nice to the struggling students. </p>
<p>Is this a teenage thing? I's this a personality quirk? Is he afraid to fail--his dream school is still a crap shoot. Does he need therapy? HELP!</p>
<p>Count your blessings. He’s a great kid (mostly!) and he’s not going to change his M.O. at this point in the game. Also, he hasn’t blown off the ED/EA application yet; he’s just in his typical procrastinator mode. Break down the app process for him, and it will go easier on all of you. Your job falls somewhere between executive secretary and parent.</p>
<p>Has he selected his teachers for letters of recommendation? Can you sit down with him for an hour today? Have talk to his teachers tomorrow, with a fallback in mind if one is too busy. He needs the forms in hand with the deadline highlighted, or a printout for the teacher of how to do them on the website. He would also benefit from having a brief resume to hand out. </p>
<p>Next weekend will be the crunch. Since he has done his resume, he has a working list of EC’s, and that will help. Typing the student info into the app is a no-brainer. That leaves the essays. Talk about topics today, and let him narrow them down and work on what he needs during his spare time this week. He can polish these next weekend. You may be proofreading at 11:55 PM, but don’t despair.</p>
<p>The time for the anti-procrastination lecture is after the app is done. It would also be a good time to discuss his behavior at home and maybe set a few limits, but I can tell you that this is one of the most difficult stretches you will have as a parent. It’s called “fouling the nest.” You lived through his terrible two’s, and you’ll live through this, with a happy kid emerging eventually.</p>
<p>You say he has a “dream” school. Does he? Has he said that lately. Do you know that he wants to go to college right away? Has he talked about where he wants to go? Does he know who he is asking for recommendations from and has he told you? Have you asked? You say the deadline is next week, is this for an EA school? Is it your deadline or his deadline? Is he planning on aplying EA. Have you asked? When does he turn 18? It’s entirely possible he has an essay churning around in his head. It also might be possible that he will again “pull an all nighter to push send.” I can’t tell if you need to be worried or not. Video games aren’t in and of themselves evil and sometimes it’s how kids blow off steam or procrastinate a decision which your son may very well be doing. Maybe take some time and have a back and forth conversation over dinner or when you are all hanging out and relaxed. Ask questions that provoke a thoughtful response and not a belligerent response and stop and listen to what he says. Be supportive and open to what he says, there is always that tiny possibility that your 4.0 academic superstar really wants to go to the college down the road with his friends and doesn’t have to worry about an application for a long time.</p>
<p>I am not a mom of boys but when D1 was a senior last year, she would come home telling tales of the male top students & how “they hadn’t done a thing yet” about applications. Hadn’t asked for recs, hadn’t asked for transcripts, hadn’t written an essay. Most of the girls were well on their way at that point. And the IB/AP kids were overwhelmed at this point with work for their classes plus trying to get their extended essays done. </p>
<p>Our GT counselors say “if you can smell the turkey, you’re too late” but I remember D telling me that some of the boys were running into the counselors office the week before winter break asking to have transcripts sent and also JUST ASKING THEM for teacher recs. I think I would have had an ulcer!</p>
<p>All this to say that you’re not alone, this year or any year among moms of senior boys. And if he misses the EA/ED date he can always apply RD. It’s better for him to learn the consequences of procrastination now than later on in life. What’s the worst that can happen if he doesn’t apply this early? </p>
<p>Even though my D was pretty much on top of things, I still felt the need at times to natter at her. And it didn’t help our relationship. I decided that she was a competent girl and I needed to back off to preserve peace. It all works out.</p>
<p>midwestern–“fouling the nest” I love it! He is certainly doing that. And now that you mention it his terrible two’s were also quite intense! This helps me get a little more perspective. I like the idea of breaking everything down–he just doesn’t like to be told what to do. I know he sounds like a spoiled brat–but he is absolutely not allowed to talk back or have a snotty attitude–but he sure takes it to the line, and him and his father have gotten into it on a few occasions with privileges taken away. Our other two children wouldn’t dare to push it like this one does. Yes, he does have the teachers in mind for the letters–but got to get that resume together. Will I survive this week?</p>
<p>momofthree–I will pursue the idea of him not “really” wanting to apply ED. He did actually set up his interview, prepare (at the last minute) and attend. I did however have to nag about the thank you note. We keep telling him that we are very proud of all he has accomplished and that he will do well at ANY university he attends. Maybe we are sending out a vibe that is different form what we are saying (I must admit I am very proud of his accomplishments and would love to see him go to a top notch college–but certainly not at the expense of his happiness). He will not be 18 until next summer so maybe he is a little immature–and yes, you’re probably right that he has an essay churning around in his head. We’ll talk more about where his friends are going and if he has given those schools any thought. It just might be that he would rather stay near home.</p>
<p>It’s easy to say “don’t worry” – but really-- don’t worry.</p>
<p>Last year this time the same threads were written by several parents and I’m sure some could chime in and reassure that it does get done.</p>
<p>The procrastinators do get it all done over Thanksgiving and Winter breaks. The only concern are teacher recs-- where some teachers may reach a limit and decline-- so you can gently prod on this issue. If you’re really nervous he will not get it done- offer to print the Common Ap rec forms and address the enveloped for him. Short of that, the behavior is truly “normal” although clearly very frustratingfor parents to watch.If the school list is set in stone, you could also mail all the standardized test scores. Essays may in fact be brewing around in his head-- reality-I suspect the English teacher has probably required some form of a college ap assignment this semester anyways and he’s just sitting on unpolished versions. The application process itself is only going to take an hour to complete.</p>
<p>I would try to relax about the ED or EA or whatever it is. If he misses this deadline, he can apply regular decision. No big deal. Staying out of it as much as you can at this point will give him the message that it is his responsibility and choice to apply, and take you out of it, so you are not the object of resistance.</p>
<p>If he turns 18 in the summer, he is one of the youngest in his grade, right? Doing well academically often has little to do with emotional maturity. Maybe he will end up wanting a year off, who knows? Sometimes kids (esp. boys) seem to have a kind of passive resistance in senior year, because they can’t really deal up front with leaving home and leaving the life they know.</p>
<p>As another mom of 3 boys, I see those video games act like a sponge: it starts as a great stress reliever, but then they lose track of time and nothing gets done. FB is another sponge.</p>
<p>Seems like last year, i was right where you’re sitting now. My son was so involved in a jillion activities (and running them) that he couldn’t settle down long enough to feel relaxed to write. It didn’t help that his GF was already in college, so she wasn’t so concerned about college application deadlines anymore. But, he’s in the midst of midterms as a college freshman, alas! But me? I went bonkers with anxiety (while trying to stay calm on the outside). I ended up editing all sorts of college essays here because I didn’t have my son’s essays to edit.</p>
<p>What worked was this: I made a grid of the colleges on his list. Dates of ED, EA, and RD. Then checked off what he had done so far. Visited? Interviews? Thank you notes? Supplement written? etc. When you do this, be sure to save columns for ID numbers that colleges send you once they receive the application. Keep that as an on-going record throughout this process.</p>
<p>Also make up a list of what your son needs to do, and when. LOR requests, transcripts ordered, SAT/ACT scores sent, envelopes filled out for school, create a resume (for interviews and his application), and when those supplements need to be written. Of course, this also assumes his common app is already completed, which it probably needs to get going. Once it’s all on paper, you/he know what to do and when.</p>
<p>You can still help a lot since there’s tons of busy-work, like getting each address so the HS knows where to send the transcript, among other things. I think some kids feel overwhelmed with this process and don’t know where to start. Just like when they were assigned a 5-page paper, getting that first paragraph written is often the hardest, your help in this process to get it kick-started will mean a lot.</p>
<p>What your son may not realize is that when it comes to recommendations, he isn’t the only one affected. Sure, HE can job something up and get an A+. But it may be a burden to some poor teacher or GC who has a full time job, a family and probably other obligations besides to have to drop everything for HIM. His procrastination becomes someone else’s problem. That’s selfish and not right.</p>
<p>Have mercy on them. If he won’t put together the recommendation packages, do it yourself and get that started.</p>
<p>luchteam - I can so relate! My guy was more together as a sophmore!! It is so good to hear we are not alone. Hang in there. They say it gets better.</p>
<p>It is also so good to hear from other parents who have experienced the “Senior Boy and College Apps. Pathology” - and survived. Keep the positive words and support coming!!</p>
<p>I doubt he’ll be able to get those recs in time for ED- in my school, people asked the teachers in spring of junior year for college recs, and the teachers worked on them over the summer. So, maybe he should just plan on RD.</p>
<p>If it’s really ED and not EA and he’s dragging his feet I sure wouldn’t go ED. If he’s accepted then it’s a for all practical purposes done deal. Try to get him to talk alittle bit and see what’s going on. My kids were the great procrastinators and pull out in the end type boys, also, but they were a whole year and then some older than your son and I noticed a big difference between seventeen going on 18 and 18 going on 19. By the time senior fall rolled along my two oldest were so ready to leave the nest and get as far away as possible they had all their apps, recommendations and stuff into the guidance office before the end of September, pretty much without me saying a word so there can be a big difference between where the minds of boys at 17 and where the minds of boys verging on 19 are at. Hang in there, have a conversation, listen and see what happens. next week.</p>
<p>I feel your pain - my ds is a procrastinator too and I am not sure if he will make all of these EA deadlines. What I did was draw up on a white board a spreadsheet of the 7 colleges on his list, EA and RD deadlines. For each, we looked at the essay prompts and saw which ones could use the same essay with maybe a minor tweek - and added that to the whiteboard. Ended up 6 out of the 7 could use the same one essay he wrote for english class. It seemed like he was really paralyzed by the thought that he had 15 essays to write. In the end he had just 4 essays/short response.</p>
<p>I also did the busywork of setting up the accts and entering the factual data. That made us both feel better. I don’t know if your ds would appreciate or rebuff you offering to do the busywork? I did feel like I had to swallow my anger and frustration and play executive secretary. I talked to him with a “how can I help you - is there anything I can do to make this easier for you?” It’s hard when you talk with parents of girls who always seem to be ontop of all this. Thankfully he is my only boy!</p>
<p>There is a selfish component to this on his part. He is just assuming that his teachers are willing and able to work on a last minute, procrastination schedule just like he does. He forget that they are adults with other job and family responsibilities. So you might remind him that (1) they might not even have time at the last minute (some teachers at our school would say no at this point given how many other students asked in a timely manner), and (2) they could be so annoyed that they will write a bit less of a glowing recommendation than he would like.</p>
<p>I also have one of those really talented boys who is also a procrastinator. He has his main applications done, but only started 2 weeks ago. There is a lot of money at the state universities that depends on the November 1 deadline. When I was really worried, I started a paint job on my deck that he had to help me with. When he’s with me for hours on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, painting, he opens up. I learned that his club volleyball coach thinks he can get a look for a scholarship in a volleyball program. I told him I thought that would be great and i think he should give it a shot if he really wanted it, assuming that he could find a school that is also a good academic fit…but that I wouldn’t put all my eggs in that basket for practical reasons. He agreed and finished his apps that required that he meet the early deadline. There might be something your son is thinking about. Another guy from our school was approached by military recruiters and was leaning that direction. There really could be something your son has going on in his head.</p>
<p>I didn’t fill in stuff for the boys, but I did write down all the info about their dad and I they would need, like where we went to college, what to put down for our occupations, those sorts of things. Breaking it down helps, also, for my kids it was to do the “easy” apps first which were also the least critical (publics) and on another day do the tougher apps. The common app also isn’t very intuitive so I stayed around the house when they were working in the common app especially with number 2 who had different essays for two of the common app schools (that took some googling to figure out). Finally unless the kids are very into it, attempting to put more than a handful of apps together is daunting so if you’ve got a procastinator and there’s a long list, now might be the time to trim the list.</p>
<p>With regard to merit scholarship deadlines I would just take a good look at the website for the colleges and make some mental notes. We had one slip by with 2 right around the holidays, but the college actually sent an e-mail to my son asking where his scolarship application disappeared. Yikes.</p>
<p>Just as an aside…one of the schools that has shown a lot of interest in my son has a pretty long Honors College application, and a lot more girls in the program than boys. My son can work calculus problems all day, but writing 4 essays is an ordeal. I’m thinking that this is the case with some more analytical guys. I told one of the Honors advisors this when he called to ask where his app was. You could tell it was like a lightbulb lit up over his head.</p>
<p>I do think that once he gets going, he be sailing. Start with those “easy” applications. And try, try, try to get some EA school apps done. For my kids, there was no better motivator than to know you’re going to college, and it’s just a question of where.</p>