<p>my daughter just got rejected at what should have been a sure thing - comparable stats, brother is a star at the school, very strong gpa, good ECs and decent sat I, outstanding sat 2's and aps. She is not upset so much at getting rejected, but that two people in her class who are lesser than her on paper, but who she feels had hooks, got in. I am trying to help her to move on (she has been accepted so far to 4 state schools, including our state honors college) and has 7 more private applications pending. My problem is calming down my son (and explaining that life isnt fair sometimes)who is a magna cum laude graduating senior from this institution ! Any advice on how to handle this and explain what may well be a "tough break" situation?</p>
<p>Wow, Plum. Don't envy you. I do hate this randomness in the admission circus.</p>
<p>But how nice that your S cares this much. Actually, my S would, too, in the same situation. I personally would let him handle it himself. Maybe he'll decide to visit the admissions office and ask what they were thinking? He might get better answers than an irate parent or non-admit would. This is yet again an example of colleges making decisions that may come back to haunt them financially in alumni donations.</p>
<p>Plum, did you see the article in yesterday's NYT regarding girls' admissions? There is also a very interesting blog by one of the MIT admissions officers. My D is waiting to hear from 10 schools so I have tucked these away as sources to help her (and me) through disappointment. It helped me to see the competitive nature of the process; how many excellent applicants there are out there; and how hard the schools are working to create a balanced class from an extremely well qualified pool. That said, sounds like she should have been an admit, without knowing any more. PM me if you have trouble finding the articles.</p>
<p>Agree about its possible impact on alumni relations. My D had said that at her LAC, they take sibling legacy very seriously, as they want to establish the new grads as alumni donors, and they might be less so if they felt their sib had been unfairly turned down.</p>
<p>Well, alumni relations have certainly taken a turn for the worse...my S is so upset he doesnt want to go to graduation (and he is graduating with honors).</p>
<p>Seriously, hard to know how this went wrong..especially since she comes from a small school and really did know well her in - school competition. </p>
<p>I did read those articles, and yes, I bet if my D was a boy she would for sure have gotten in, but the oddest thing is that one of the clearly lesser applicants was a girl, one was a legacy (boy). The other students (including the admitted girl) are in shock!!</p>
<p>My S may well end up at the admissions office asking, but he may turn into the irate parent there ! </p>
<p>Thanks for your input, last night was a rough one here.</p>
<p>I am sorry to hear about your D's disapointment, and I agree that it is nice hat your son feels strongly sbout it. I don't think schools take sibling legacy as seriously as they say they do--unless the family has a demonstrated history of substantial giving. A well-qualified sibling not gettintg in to a school happens more often than you might think, even when there have been financial contributions in the past. </p>
<p>All sorts of things could have happened--the hooks of the other candidates from your school may have been very strong, there may have been a lot of girls applying (as the Kenyon deam wrote yestserday), your D's SAT 1 might have been an issue, and/or the overall applicant pool might have strengethned in a couple of years. Anyway, it's great that there are already other options to choose from, and probably more to come. I would not make an issue of this; the best way to respond is not to donate to the college anymore; if your son feels he does want to donate as an alum, that is fine. But losing parent and alum donations is a choice that colleges make when they deny admission to family members.</p>
<p>Please don't enocurage your son to skip graduation--that is, discourage him from following his present impulse; graduation is a wonderful experience for all. Your D will have a fine college experience too, and this setback should not interfere with your son's great achievements.</p>
<p>Sibling situations like this one are hard. It's hard for one sibling to fully enjoy a wonderful college experience when he realizes his sister's disappointment.</p>
<p>In a previous post last fall, you were inquiring about when ED decisions should come out at Barnard, so I assume that Barnard was your daughter's first choice? </p>
<p>Hopefully, she still has the prospect of good news in the form of an acceptance there, in which case not getting into her brother's school is a moot point, and everyone can celebrate.</p>
<p>Admissions decisions can be weird and idiosyncratic (who knows, maybe the other candidates wrote essays that somehow struck a resonant chord with the person reading them, or whatever), but it sounds like your daughter already has some wonderful choices and will very likely have more.</p>
<p>Still, I understand the need to vent and share--it's good to have an anonymous and sympathetic board like this one for that purpose.</p>
<p>My heart goes out to you. We were in the same boat last year, and it is devastating. The Amherst newspaper reported the stats on the apps for class of 2010. For the first time, 55% were female. They had always had about 50-50, and never had to look to trying to get an even mix, it just naturally seemed to happen. Perhaps my take on this is wrong, but it seems to me from reading the threads on legacies, that they seem to matter more in ED and the college might think that if it wasn't ED, that the kids may have applied only because of the parents, or sibling, etc. and probably won't go there after all. That said, why don't they accept anyway, and if the kids decide not to go, everyone is still happy and the donations won't dry up. They use a formula to determine yield at each school, and not all legacies accepted matriculate. There is a historic percentage. Another reason not to understand the process. Just as we think we get a handle on it a bit, another curve hits. Good luck to you and your D. Wherever she goes, I know she will be happy. D now can't ever see herself anyplace other than where she is, and no longer can see herself at her original first choice school where she was rejected. So we lived through the pain last year, as well. It was a very disappointing and then uplifting roller coaster ride.</p>
<p>My sympathies are with you because it has to be painful situation for your S to be graduating with honors from a college that rejected his sister. </p>
<p>My thoughts are that the best thing that you can do is to not give advice to your kids and not try to wipe away your kids' anger/hurt, which would be impossible for you to do anyway.</p>
<p>If each gets the chance to talk through their pain/anger, each probably will be able to figure out the best course for themselves. Often to get over something emotionally painful, what people need is the chance to vent, to hear themselves, and to then work out their best solution.</p>
<p>My guess is that if you just listen, your kids will come to the realization on their own that it's possible for your son to go to his graduation without feeling he's betraying his sister. It also is very possible that once your D gets some acceptances or more acceptances and once she thinks over the situation more, she'll find a way to be genuinely happy and pleased to go to whatever fortunate college is lucky enough to gain her acceptance of their acceptance.</p>
<p>If you don't do the thinking for her, your D may realize on her own that there are advantages to going to a college where she won't be following her brother. She also may come to on her own the realization that: it's easier for males to get into most colleges than it is females (exception: engineering schools); this is the toughest year in history for college admissions, so what may have been a sure bet for her brother, may not have been for her; college decisions are quirky and many colleges have such an overabundance of outstanding candidates that who is accepted/rejected can be very quirky.</p>
<p>My heart goes out to all of you. Your son sounds like a wonderful, caring brother. Right now, he is upset on behalf of his sister. In a few days, however, all her decisions will come in. Let us hope she will receive more great news. Nothing will assuage his feelings better than knowing his sister got in at some wonderful schools that she will be happy to attend.</p>
<p>I agree that he should not skip graduation. It is about him, not about his sister. It's one last time to celebrate (and how!) with his peers. </p>
<p>Let us know how things turn out. Meanwhile, hugs to all of you.</p>
<p>Your D obviously put herself in a position to apply to some great schools; if we've learned anything in our family, it is that after that, it's almost the luck of the draw... First, your son needs to go to his graduation, if for no other reason, for the sake of his sister... that could only add to her sadness... Second, far more qualified peeps were rejected than accepted, something we loose sight of in the moment! Third, it just may turn out to be a blessing, bcuz your D will have a college experience now, that is all her own! Your S may be so upset bcuz he really loved his time at this school & wanted this for his sister; he will help her more by helping her feel great & supported at her own school. You must feel so much happiness to know your children care about each other so much! Beyond the schooling, I want to congratulate you on a job well done!</p>
<p>College admissions make no sense. My S was either rejected or wait listed at every one of his match/safety schools (many with lesser credentials were accepted), but accepted at every reach (and his true safeties). Searching for the sense of it all is fruitless.</p>
<p>Quote: "My S was either rejected or wait listed at every one of his match/safety schools but accepted at every reach ..." </p>
<p>While I'm sure that outcome was completely unexpected, there may be a logical explanation in terms of those match/safety's perception of your son's real interest in attending. I have heard of schools that will reject highly qualified applicants if they do not feel the student is likely to attend (ie. Tuft's Syndrome). Sometimes, demonstrated interest may be even more vital with schools where the student, based on his stats, is viewed as likely to go elsewhere.</p>
<p>My S's college admissions outcome last year was exactly what we expected (though not all of what we had hoped). He was admitted with great merit money to his two safeties, admitted to his two matches and waitlisted at his two reach schools before being denied.</p>