Transfer from CC, chances?

<p>Hey guys, currently I have a 3.5 GPA...one year at Housatonic CC in Bridgeport and I just finished my first semester at Jacksonville CC here in Florida. I just moved down here a few months ago, but we still have a house in CT so I am applying for in-state as I have lived in CT for 15 years. I will have 60 credits by Fall 2010. I am applying for BU - Accounting. I have A's in all accounting classes. I am worried about the transfer essay. Here is my first draft.</p>

<p>"Please include a thoughtful commentary on your academic goals and an explanation of reasons for leaving your present/most recently attended college, and for wanting to attend the University of Connecticut. If your educational attendance has not been continuous, your essay must include information about your activities during those times not spent in school."</p>

<pre><code> With the upcoming completion of my associates degree a few months away, I have taken the past two years to plan out the best accessible options to pursue my bachelors degree in the business field. I have worked extremely hard these past few semesters to obtain excellent grades, especially those in my accounting and degree pre-requisites courses to gain as much knowledge as possible and to prepare for the transfer to an institution such as the University of Connecticut.
Since high school, I have always excelled and had a passion for accounting. My father, a partner at Deloitte, has passed down his personal experiences in the field and has really enlightened my interest in the business world. Though, I would like to make it clear that I am not here to simply follow my father’s footsteps. I am here to prove a point and make a name for myself. My dreams are bigger than the average student. My bar is set higher than the average student. Alongside my pursuing knowledge of business, I have started several internet based websites over the past few years and hope to become a very successful player in the growing social network and web 2.0 applications markets. I am out to become an influential and highly successful young entrepreneur. There are no limits to personal success, and I am out to prove that anything in this world is possible with the proper education, dedication, and persistence.
My academic goals are clear through the knowledge available at UCONN. Keeping up with the fields ever advancing technology, UCONN can offer me the advanced real world training that I would need to succeed as an accountant. My main academic goal is to leave UCONN with a master’s degree and begin preparation for the CPA exam as early as possible. Alongside the leading current practices and advanced technology, I am very intrigued by the internship programs that are possible through this program. With the networking capabilities and doors UCONN has to open for me, there is nowhere for me to go but up and I will not rest until I have excelled my expectations.
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<p>Thanks for your time everyone,
Brandon</p>

<p>You need an English teacher to look over your essay as you have some grammatical errors. (You don’t “excel” expectations; you “exceed” them, if that’s what you meant to say. You also don’t say “excelled and had a passion for accounting”…you have to say “excelled in” and probably want to say, “had a passion for, and excelled in, accounting”…and is it “accounting” or your classes in accounting? You also don’t “enlighten interest.”) You will also want to have the teacher comment on overall content.</p>

<p>Thank you for the help man. Grade wise do you think I will be safe with a 3.5GPA?</p>

<p>First of all, you should never post your essay online, because:

  1. People can copy it.
  2. Admissions representatives who are on these boards may find out who you are by what you are writing, and you will no longer be anonymous on this forum. </p>

<p>That being said, have a few teachers or professionals read this over. And it is impossible to determine chances for a transfer without high school GPA and SAT scores.</p>

<p>Thank you for the advice, if a mod can delete this post then that would be great, thank you.</p>